Boys with mommy issues?

[EllieCee]

Can boys have mommy issues? Similar to girls having daddy issues?

I was thinking of it one day, while I read a snark on how J'Chelle Duggar couldn't possibly give all her children adequate attention. I wonder if any of her younger boys would develop mommy issues due to the lack of attention from their mother. Will their older siblings acting as their caretakers fill in the hole?

Just something I was curious about.

[tinuviel]

Wel,l the littles are pretty sure to have issues with thinking their sisters are their mommies in any case.

[Brainsample]

Oh the possibilities!

Love addicted or love avoidant with women or men or both?

http://botkinsyndrome.blogspot.com/2008 ... -love.html

[bananacat]

I have known plenty of marriages where the husband is essentially another kid, and he expects his wife to play mommy and take care of everything. Hell, my own dad freaked out when my mom went on vacation because he didn't know where to buy toilet paper. It's common for even mainstream wives to end up in a mother-like role to their husbands. I don't really know if that counts as "mommy issues" though.

[Brainsample]

I have known plenty of marriages where the husband is essentially another kid, and he expects his wife to play mommy and take care of everything. Hell, my own dad freaked out when my mom went on vacation because he didn't know where to buy toilet paper. It's common for even mainstream wives to end up in a mother-like role to their husbands. I don't really know if that counts as "mommy issues" though.

That desperation for Mommy stuff is love addiction and is the result of neglect.

From Pia Mellody's writings and lectures, and my professional training with "The Meadows" treatment facility.

Pattern 1: Love Addiction

All about making up a fantasy about another person and falling in love with the fantasy

The fantasy involves

seeing the other person as god-like

capable of saving the love addict from his/her fear of not being able to make it on his/her own

and loving him/her forever.

They are someone who will “love you into loving yourself.â€

The fantasy objectifies the partner or the counter part in the unhealthy relationship (reducing them to an object of fantasy).

This actually means that the partner is not acceptable to the love addict, therefore the love addict objectifies them by seeing them in terms of their own fantasy and not as the partner really is.

From Pia's book:

Love Addiction and Avoidance are not about love at all. It is all about trauma reactions inside a relationship. Love starts with thought which requires an awareness of self or others that allows you to hold both in warm regard. Those who are “hard to love†require “heaving lifting†for the other party because the respect and love are not reciprocated or done so evenly. Respect is a willingness to tolerate others violations, even when you really don't have to do so. All this requires self esteem.

Note that we have three basic human needs that are God given and easily compared: love, sex and food. Just as with any need, we can manage any one of these inappropriately or to extreme. In terms of extremes, we can seek out fulfillment compulsively (like an addiction) or we can avoid and deny our needs compulsively. Both of these unbalanced extremes are self-destructive.

We all face disappointment and shame which Mellody calls “experiencing our humanity.†For the Christian, this would be experiencing our sin nature and the shame and disappointment in our failure to overcome our natural desires that have not yet been transformed to be like Christ. Until our degree and process of becoming like Jesus and our level of sanctification grows, we tend to fall into the same human trappings as everyone else. We tend to confuse love with caretaking. We tend to go about this in predictable pattern.