Dillards 86: It's a Long Way to Tipperary

[Maggie Mae]

I'd want to know if she wants to have a wine lunch sometime, over zoom, not recorded. But for reaL: 

• Have you had any struggles in your marriage? 
• tell us more about your time in central america and the relationships you made with people? How do you feel about missions now? Do you think that people from that region should be allowed to immigrate to the United States? 
• What is Jessa like off camera? 
• Do you like your brothers-in law? 
• What are your hopes and dreams for the future? 

[BeccaGrim]

I'd say...What do you think about Justin courting already?  What was the final straw for you when you just had to pull back and do things differently? 

[BeccaGrim]

It's funny to look at her now and see her like this. Her husband has said terrible, hateful things and I do not think in any world they are okay. I disagree with him 100%. But if I just look at Jill now, she almost looks...normal.  Like she's a young mother with two young children who's husband is in school, wearing pretty clothes, having drinks when she's out with her husband.  In a million years, I'd never have thought it would be her to do this.  

Jessa still looks exactly like she ever did. Joy too.  Jana is still living at home.  And Jinger is practically a Stepford wife.  

[marshmallow]

I would ask her if she has hopes to rebuild a relationship with her parents and what she would want that relationship to look like. 

[becky_m2001]

15 minutes ago, marshmallow said:

I would ask her if she has hopes to rebuild a relationship with her parents and what she would want that relationship to look like. 

I actually asked her that question! ?

[freethemall]

I would ask: what kind of birth control have you been using?

On 9/21/2020 at 10:11 AM, Lemchop said:

Re: Derick was wanting to serve underrepresented populations and help provide equal access to justice. Maybe this is naive, but I would find that an extremely odd and insidious way to phrase being an anti-abortion lawyer, unless he is explicitly trying to manipulate people’s perception of him and gain favor with the liberal/pro choice crowd (weird decision if he wants to work with conservative lawmakers in the future).

Derick is in his final year of law school; he knows what public interest work is, he knows what saying “underrepresented” means. If he planned to use his career to advance conservative causes like restricting LGBTQ rights and abortion access, I think he would have said “I want to spread Christian values and God’s will” or some bullshit like that.

Derick has espoused absolutely horrid views and values in the past, and I fully expected him to use his law degree to be an actually-qualified version of J*sh. But the Q&A has potentially convinced me otherwise, and I am willing to consider that his higher education and exposure to intelligent and compassionate professors/classmates have at least somewhat impacted his beliefs (or at least his professional goals).

Similarly, they may see their religious group as the underrepresented, persecuted group who needs to be represented when they for instance are being sued for their hateful beliefs and actions.

[FleeJanaFree]

I’m morbid so I’d want an honest answer to how she feels about the Josh situation.

id never ask though. It’s really none of my business and it’s *so* personal! But it is what I’m most curious about. It took me YEARS to move on from one bad night of my life and I wasn’t Fundie...

I do hope counseling helped a lot for Jill in that regard. 

[mpheels]

2 hours ago, Kelsey said:

Maybe he wants to help (Christian) women and children immigrate to the USA?

Yep, this is what I’m thinking.  Especially with the refugee population in St. Louis, I could see them moving and Derick could provide legal representation and support to Christian refugees (or maybe there is a refugee population in Little Rock? I’m not really sure, I’m mostly familiar with St. Louis and Minneapolis). They would still live pretty close to home, and Derick would be doing work that aligns with their value structure, but is generally uncontroversial. It could even lead to their own book deals or TV show.

[RainbowSky]

A bit(lol) old but I'm kind of confused about why people were talking about her drinking and reproductive stuff the way they were. If she has a clue (and we know she for sure does) she'd know when she for sure isn't pregnant. Also, they basically said they have sex all the time so either someone had surgery or they prevent. It's very likely if they were having conception issues they wouldn't have worded the things they have the way they have so that's the two options left.

[JDuggs]

2 hours ago, mpheels said:

Yep, this is what I’m thinking.  Especially with the refugee population in St. Louis, I could see them moving and Derick could provide legal representation and support to Christian refugees (or maybe there is a refugee population in Little Rock? I’m not really sure, I’m mostly familiar with St. Louis and Minneapolis). They would still live pretty close to home, and Derick would be doing work that aligns with their value structure, but is generally uncontroversial. It could even lead to their own book deals or TV show.

There are 12,000 Marshallese people living in Springdale (according to some random website) so he wouldn’t have to go far to assist immigrants. I don’t know if they are Christians though.

[subsaharanafrica]

7 hours ago, OrchidBlossom said:

As a public interest attorney that isn't how I would define the area of law at all... it doesn't "just mean" you don't get paid (and I do, by the way) but rather that we focus on areas of law which disproportionately affect underrepresented communities and/or litigate on matters related to the public good.

That’s fair.  Saying you don’t get paid was not my intention and I did not mean to offend you or downplay public interest law. 
 

I was speaking more to the general lack of funds for representation that underly traditionally underrepresented communities which is often a root cause of whatever the underlying issue is. The system is set up so that those with cash can pretty easily enforce their rights while those without them can’t. What I was trying to get at is that public interest law sits at the nexus trying to correct the situation. 
 

ETA: What I do now is public interest law.  I don’t want to get into details because between that and my location it’d be identifying.  I make a fraction of what I did at a firm in the US but it’s worth it. That’s kind of where I was coming from with all of that. 

Edited September 23, 2020 by subsaharanafrica
.

[HeartsAFundie]

2 hours ago, JDuggs said:

There are 12,000 Marshallese people living in Springdale (according to some random website) so he wouldn’t have to go far to assist immigrants. I don’t know if they are Christians though.

Per Wikipedia, the Marshall Islands is primarily Christian/Protestant.  As of 2009,  51.5% belonged to the United Church of Christ; 24.2% to Assemblies of God; 8.4% Roman Catholic;  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) (9.5%), Bukot Nan Jesus (also known as Assembly of God Part Two) (2.2%), Baptist (1.0%), Seventh-day Adventists (0.9%), Full Gospel (0.7%), Baha'i Faith (0.6%).  

So based on those statistics combined with the large Marshallese population in NWA, Derick would have a built-in clientele if immigration law is what he chooses to practice.  

[theotherelise]

The second Q&A video is up. Jill is clearly walking a line here not wanting to just put her family on blast and the result is that she seems a bit uncomfortable answering the questions. She doesn't seem uncomfortable with her answers, but she's trying really hard to word things in a way that doesn't hurt the family relationships.

She talks about

• boundaries boundaries boundaries
• not doing things/changes in a reactionary way but because they/she decides to
• being more comfortable in their relationship and leave and cleave and making decisions independently
• being okay with other people not being okay
• not being on the show making it easier to make different decisions without worrying about backlash
• therapy has been really helpful in making decisions different from how she was raised
• some of their changes have been feeling freer to do things without the scrutiny of the show, some have been based on research and changing some of her views after reading scripture
• her family is not always supportive of the changes - some of her siblings aren't happy with her choices "not all of them are cool with it, some are more cool with it than others"
• don't want to be controlled by what someone else is going to think
• no church is perfect or represents what you believe exactly, but they don't want to be legalistic about it and instead focus on the bigger parts of the faith

Third Q&A coming out "soon" and they're taking questions on their blog for a potential fourth video.

In other news, I think their couch is the same as the one I have in my basement. It's from big lots and it's a fantastic couch for napping!

[Sullie06]

Just watched the Q&A. I think Jill has come such a long way from when she was basically the prodigal daughter in her parents creepy cult. I really really think therapy is helping her find herself outside of the cult she was raised in and who she wants to be in the future. Yes, I'm sure they still have the same awful beliefs, but maybe those are changing a bit to. Hard to know without really getting to know them behind the lens of social media. But for her own autonomy, to be able to say I made these changes to my life because I wanted to. Despite what my parents, siblings, the world thinks is huge for her. I'm curious to see how their beliefs and such continue to change over the course of the rest of their lives as they continue to distance from the Duggar brand. 

One quick question though, Derek said she converted to be a Southern Baptist. Aren't the Duggar's technically Baptist already? I guess they would be more independent baptists, since they do practice in home churches. 

[theotherelise]

@Sullie06 - The prodigal son was the one who left and went out into the world and lost all his money and returned home with nothing but his father forgave him and welcomed him. You might mean "golden daughter?"

The Duggars are Independent Fundamental Baptists (IFB). The Southern Baptists (SBC) are a huge denomination with a defined leadership structure. IFB is pretty much whatever each local church believes. There are a bunch of different kinds of baptist.

[OrchidBlossom]

11 hours ago, subsaharanafrica said:

That’s fair.  Saying you don’t get paid was not my intention and I did not mean to offend you or downplay public interest law. 
 

I was speaking more to the general lack of funds for representation that underly traditionally underrepresented communities which is often a root cause of whatever the underlying issue is. The system is set up so that those with cash can pretty easily enforce their rights while those without them can’t. What I was trying to get at is that public interest law sits at the nexus trying to correct the situation. 
 

ETA: What I do now is public interest law.  I don’t want to get into details because between that and my location it’d be identifying.  I make a fraction of what I did at a firm in the US but it’s worth it. That’s kind of where I was coming from with all of that. 

Fair enough (and glad to hear from another public interest attorney). I am just a bit touchy about it. I had offers from decent firms, etc, and turned them down to work my dream job in public interest and I get a lot of flak for it. 

Your statement here is definitely more clear as to the part money plays in the legal system, for sure. 

[Sullie06]

54 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

@Sullie06 - The prodigal son was the one who left and went out into the world and lost all his money and returned home with nothing but his father forgave him and welcomed him. You might mean "golden daughter?"

The Duggars are Independent Fundamental Baptists (IFB). The Southern Baptists (SBC) are a huge denomination with a defined leadership structure. IFB is pretty much whatever each local church believes. There are a bunch of different kinds of baptist.

OMG yes... that's what I meant. Golden Child. Sorry! I'm Free Jingering and working at the same time lol

[OrchidBlossom]

1 hour ago, theotherelise said:

The second Q&A video is up. Jill is clearly walking a line here not wanting to just put her family on blast and the result is that she seems a bit uncomfortable answering the questions. She doesn't seem uncomfortable with her answers, but she's trying really hard to word things in a way that doesn't hurt the family relationships.

She talks about

• boundaries boundaries boundaries
• not doing things/changes in a reactionary way but because they/she decides to
• being more comfortable in their relationship and leave and cleave and making decisions independently
• being okay with other people not being okay
• not being on the show making it easier to make different decisions without worrying about backlash
• therapy has been really helpful in making decisions different from how she was raised
• some of their changes have been feeling freer to do things without the scrutiny of the show, some have been based on research and changing some of her views after reading scripture
• her family is not always supportive of the changes - some of her siblings aren't happy with her choices "not all of them are cool with it, some are more cool with it than others"
• don't want to be controlled by what someone else is going to think
• no church is perfect or represents what you believe exactly, but they don't want to be legalistic about it and instead focus on the bigger parts of the faith

Third Q&A coming out "soon" and they're taking questions on their blog for a potential fourth video.

In other news, I think their couch is the same as the one I have in my basement. It's from big lots and it's a fantastic couch for napping!

I just watched it, I would give a lot to know the details on which siblings are judgmental and which aren't! I thought it was interesting how she basically dodged that kids question by being like oh who knows maybe we will run an orphanage. 

[hand holder]

Im listening to the Q&A while working and a few things that surprised me:

- tattoos are okay as long as they are meaningful to you and you make a wise decision

- actually leaving and cleaving was repeated a few times

- both said they are people pleasers and that they didn't want to be guided by fear...interesting wording and shows they were afraid of making decisions that were "different" from the family due to backlash or criticism on the show

- her interpretation of the scripture has actively changed (this is really important for people who are fundamentalist)

- getting outside counsel from people who they admire (NOT family members)

- they go to a brick and mortar southern baptist church instead of home church (also important in stepping away IMO)

- i was most interested when she talked about her hair, nose ring, and pants. she very clearly indicated that she was afraid of making decisions on her own ("I was surprised when he [Derick] said he was cool with it") and getting backlash. they mentioned that being away from the show has helped them a lot because they don't have to worry about getting interrogated about making a decision thats different from what's featured on the show as the norm. overall they have already made really big steps and for them to say that Jill converted and that she always wanted a nose ring but didnt think it was okay until they talked about it... it's a big deal for her. I hope they keep moving away form the toxicity!

2 minutes ago, OrchidBlossom said:

I just watched it, I would give a lot to know the details on which siblings are judgmental and which aren't! I thought it was interesting how she basically dodged that kids question by being like oh who knows maybe we will run an orphanage. 

I think she likely doesn't want to talk about her own medical issues but I could also see them wanting to run some kind of group home or orphanage. It seems like they are preventing in some way and trying to find out if God is telling them to have another instead of just getting pregnant. 

[ophelia]

1 minute ago, OrchidBlossom said:

I just watched it, I would give a lot to know the details on which siblings are judgmental and which aren't! I thought it was interesting how she basically dodged that kids question by being like oh who knows maybe we will run an orphanage. 

I'd love to know the details as well, but I appreciate and respect that Jill keeps these kind of information private. IMHO it shows that she is genuinely interested in keeping a relationship with her siblings and not wants to throw anybody under the bus.

[OrchidBlossom]

5 minutes ago, ophelia said:

I'd love to know the details as well, but I appreciate and respect that Jill keeps these kind of information private. IMHO it shows that she is genuinely interested in keeping a relationship with her siblings and not wants to throw anybody under the bus.

Yeah I wouldn't ever push her for that information, I wouldn't share it publicly if I were here either. I am 100% sure she hopes some of her siblings eventually accept her choices or even make some daring ones of their own, so it makes sense not to call them out. 

 

9 minutes ago, hand holder said:

I think she likely doesn't want to talk about her own medical issues but I could also see them wanting to run some kind of group home or orphanage. It seems like they are preventing in some way and trying to find out if God is telling them to have another instead of just getting pregnant. 

Yeah I agree, I actually kind of appreciated the dodge in a way. She isn't obligated to make every decision public just because we want to know. But I would be surprised if they weren't preventing in some way given their kids' ages. Unless she is suffering from secondary infertility or some other issue which is creating difficulty conceiving, which I suppose could also fit into the way she answered the question. 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

I wonder if Jill and Josiah are closer than publicly portrayed. I can see him and Lauren being completely over the extreme fundie BS...and reaching out to Jill for advice.

I believe Bella’s crib was a loan from Jill, they’ve been to the Dillards’ for a couple game nights, and Lauren asked Jill to be with her during her labor.  I think it would be great if they are forging a relationship independent of the family collective.

[freethemall]

2 hours ago, theotherelise said:

The second Q&A video is up. Jill is clearly walking a line here not wanting to just put her family on blast and the result is that she seems a bit uncomfortable answering the questions. She doesn't seem uncomfortable with her answers, but she's trying really hard to word things in a way that doesn't hurt the family relationships.

She talks about

• boundaries boundaries boundaries
• not doing things/changes in a reactionary way but because they/she decides to
• being more comfortable in their relationship and leave and cleave and making decisions independently
• being okay with other people not being okay
• not being on the show making it easier to make different decisions without worrying about backlash
• therapy has been really helpful in making decisions different from how she was raised
• some of their changes have been feeling freer to do things without the scrutiny of the show, some have been based on research and changing some of her views after reading scripture
• her family is not always supportive of the changes - some of her siblings aren't happy with her choices "not all of them are cool with it, some are more cool with it than others"
• don't want to be controlled by what someone else is going to think
• no church is perfect or represents what you believe exactly, but they don't want to be legalistic about it and instead focus on the bigger parts of the faith

Third Q&A coming out "soon" and they're taking questions on their blog for a potential fourth video.

In other news, I think their couch is the same as the one I have in my basement. It's from big lots and it's a fantastic couch for napping!

I noticed the discomfort too. She gets nervous with each sentence and ends up being really vague, stumbling over her words a lot, and saying "like " a lot. Granted, none of the kids developed good speaking skills at the SDRT and got used to being able to cut and repeat in their TLC talking heads, so I think it's a mix of all of that.

The answers about kids were interesting, it was the same Quiverful line of "however many god grants us" and while Derrick cringed at the possibility of 20 kids they also said something to the tune of "if God wants us to run an orphanage...". Makes me wonder if they've struggled with infertility after Sam. I wish she'd come out and say whether or not they've taken on any family planning methods.

Derrick still comes off as a smug dick every time he speaks, breathes, or even looks at the camera.

[luv2laugh]

I believe Jill and Derick are using birth control. 
 

Jill seemed VERY nervous and uncomfortable about explaining her changes regarding the pants and nose ring. 
 

I’m assuming that Jessa, Jana, Josh/Anna, John David, and Joseph are the siblings that aren’t ok with Jill’s lifestyle, I’m still mixed on Joy but she married into a fundie family. 
 

Jessa seems very happy to be the spokesperson of Counting On and Bin seems content being owned by JB.

Anna is smug. However, I think Anna has beef with Michelle based on her recent Instagram posts. I think she wants to be more included on Counting On. I think she’s jealous.

John David seems content being a typical fundamentalist independent Baptist and Abbie came from that type of family as well.

Joe and Kendra seem like they’re trying to be JB and Michelle 2.0.

I don’t think Derick likes Jeremy. I always believed they were feuding with Jeremy & Jinger. I think they were referring to Jerem & Jinger when they mentioned being transparent and not hiding the alcoholic drink. I think Jinger is ok with Jill’s lifestyle but I don’t think they are close.

In all, I believe that most of the Duggar siblings are competing with each other for money or are sick of it and quit the show. 
 

Jeremy/Jinger- After $$$

Jessa/Bin- After $$$ & happy cult followers

JD/Abbie- Happy cult followers 

Joe/Kendra- Happy cult followers

Josh/Anna- feuding with JB/Jchelle over $$$ but cult followers 

Jana- Happy cult follower

Josiah/Lauren- Happy cult followers that seem OK with Jill’s lifestyle. 

Joy/Austin- happy cult followers that quit the show because they’re sick of the family feuding 

 

 

 

Edited September 23, 2020 by luv2laugh

[purple_summer]

She basically apologized on her Instagram stories for saying “like” so much during the video. I think she’s comfortable with her answers/choices but struggles to articulate them- either in general or a way that wouldn’t be interpreted as confrontational. I got a kick out of Derrick saying she converted to southern baptist when the married. I can see how it wouldn’t hold much meaning for secular folks but your average IFB follower would be appalled at some of the “backsliding” views of the SBC. They use drums for Pete’s sake!

I can imagine Anna being one who’s really not ok with the changes Jill made. She basically represents everything she gave up when deciding to stay with Josh. She has to lean into the legalism because hope of eternal reward is all she really has.