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Coconut Flan

Dillards 82: Derick Spills the Tea

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Tired
HerNameIsBuffy
6 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

honestly i think JB treated Anna the way he'd treat his own daughters in the situation, and I think he did it out of love and concern. 

Anna's husband wasn't there for her, he was at this psuedo-rehabilitation at Jesus camp. So, JB took her in as a daughter and had her live as his own child, basically. If one of his daughters had scummy/abusive husband, I think he'd welcome them back with open arms while it was sorted out.

Do I think the Josh thing was sorted out? No, but in JB's mind, he took in Anna and helped her out until her marriage could resume. 

The only difference with his own girls is that he might help them leave the marriage eventually, which I don't think he would want Anna to leave Josh (his son). 

What else could he have done?  After Joshgates had he kicked her and the kids out to fend for themselves back into poverty at the Keller's he'd have damaged his brand permanently.  Also, keeping her close and financially covered kept her securely in the fold helping to assure she'd take the scumbag back.

Regardless of his feelings he had to act exactly the way he did - obviously there is no way to know from here, but I don't think they consider Anna anything but a means to an end.  Someone steeped in Kool-Aid and dopey enough to put up with anything.

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SassyPants
35 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

honestly i think JB treated Anna the way he'd treat his own daughters in the situation, and I think he did it out of love and concern. 

Anna's husband wasn't there for her, he was at this psuedo-rehabilitation at Jesus camp. So, JB took her in as a daughter and had her live as his own child, basically. If one of his daughters had scummy/abusive husband, I think he'd welcome them back with open arms while it was sorted out.

Do I think the Josh thing was sorted out? No, but in JB's mind, he took in Anna and helped her out until her marriage could resume. 

The only difference with his own girls is that he might help them leave the marriage eventually, which I don't think he would want Anna to leave Josh (his son). 

How is isolating away a married woman with a bunch of minor kids , helping that woman in any meaningful way?  Did Anna have any say, and if she didn’t, do JB’s “intentions” really mean much? Anna doesn’t need a second useless daddy  any more than she needs a second useless husband or another kid. Anna and the kids wouldn’t have ever been living on the streets. JB intentions do not extend beyond control, IMO. His approach and the help Provided is not healthy!

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Idlewild

His treatment of Anna is the same as his treatment of his abused daughters- self interested damage limitation for the Duggar brand which coincides with his patriarchal sexual politics. 

Don’t be misled by his gushing sentimentality. Before TV he was a politician- he tells his audience what he thinks they want to hear. 

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kmachete14

Yeah, I don't think it's healthy or was in Anna's best interest. But if it was his OWN naive daughter, I think he would equally financially support her, take her family in, keep her away from a media circus, and allow her to "recover" at home with family support. 

My only point was that I think he does care about his daughters and love them and would help them out. Do I think it might have to do with patriarchal control? Yes. Do I think it was best for Anna? No. But I do think he was mirroring what he'd do for his own daughters, and I don't think the general gist was that bad in the context of what family/fathers are for. The problem is just that JB's lifestyle and beliefs poison his otherwise normal intentions. 

 

 

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Not that josh's mom

The only positive thing I can think of about having Anna with the Duggars is that she was with people she knew and presumably cared about, had help with the kids and was away from prying public eyes. Not much, but something.

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Tired
HerNameIsBuffy
2 minutes ago, Not that josh's mom said:

The only positive thing I can think of about having Anna with the Duggars is that she was with people she knew and presumably cared about, had help with the kids and was away from prying public eyes. Not much, but something.

If her parents weren't useless and completely stupid assholes she would have had somewhere to go.  Better yet, if they were better people she wouldn't be in this mess to begin with.

(I know her escaped brother offered help, but I actually understand her not wanting to add uncertainty to how long he could support them into the mix...and her faith blah blah blah.)

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nausicaa
8 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

He's the father who hide one of the most damaging kinds of abuse and made his beloved daughters forgive the abuser with no therapy but praying. We know Josh was beaten and shaved and humilliated, but that in no way heals the victims. 

I'm not saying he's father of the year. And yes, I think he can be very self-absorbed and immature, and he puts Michelle above his children. 

The way he handled the Josh situation was terrible, but I think that was also because Josh was his son. I think he would handle an outsider much differently. 

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crancraz

A few years ago, the catholic hospital here in phoenix performed a d&c on a woman who had pulmonary hypertension and would have died if the pregnancy had continued. The nun who approved the procedure was excommunicated and the hospital lost their catholic designation. In this case the woman’s life was saved but if the powers that be had their way, the fetus would come first. 

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neuroticcat

I wonder if Anna hadn’t had the Duggars to fall back on if she would have left or at the very least been exposed to education or skills training. There was an article in Seattle’s Sunday paper about a social services run apartment complex for pregnant women and women with young children to help them get on their feet. I wish she could have been at the end of her rope, ended up somewhere like that out of desperation, and then gotten some real help...

 

https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/young-mothers-with-nowhere-to-go-find-a-home-at-kents-watson-manor/

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Virago

Wait, are we really debating that Catholic hospitals in the US deny life saving and/or standard of medical care treatments to pregnant women with a preference to save fetus/embryo over the life of the mother? Because a google search quickly turns up those news stories, for those asking for sources. On page one alone I found: outright inability to perform a D/C at the hospital (infection risk), not stocking abortion pills (prolonging miscarriage), requiring certain thresholds be met before ending an ectopic or other unsuitable for life pregnancy (when the time it takes for a woman’s body to meet those thresholds is harming the woman’s health). Deaths are rare, but a single death of a woman due to religious exemptions allowing for standard care to be delayed is too many.  

How many women don’t die when denied care for their still technically alive pregnancy, but incur health risks, additional cost, and mental health trauma from having to get to another hospital that will perform an abortion when the woman asks, not when the destined-to-die embryo meets guidelines?

And for those tempted to say that thousands of women’s lived experiences (and the horrific cases that make it to a google search via the news cycles and court systems) aren’t enough and we need Official Research, here’s a great starter on why there’s very little research data on reproductive health care outcomes at Catholic hospitals:


https://rewire.news/article/2018/12/06/theres-almost-no-data-about-what-happens-when-catholic-hospitals-deny-reproductive-care/

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Melissa1977
1 hour ago, neuroticcat said:

I wonder if Anna hadn’t had the Duggars to fall back on if she would have left or at the very least been exposed to education or skills training. There was an article in Seattle’s Sunday paper about a social services run apartment complex for pregnant women and women with young children to help them get on their feet. I wish she could have been at the end of her rope, ended up somewhere like that out of desperation, and then gotten some real help...

 

https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/young-mothers-with-nowhere-to-go-find-a-home-at-kents-watson-manor/

Anna thinks that a working mother is awful for the children. And believes that homeschooling must be done by mom. Living with in-laws, and being with her kids 24 hours a day was her one and only option when Josh was in rehab, and I highly doubt she would have taken an alternative. Because in her mind, having a job and putting them in a school is being a bad mother! Anna is a real fundamentalist and I'm sure she thinks that God's way means staying with her cheating disgusting husband as a SAHM.

Maybe she would divorce if Josh put her children in danger. She's a caring mother and I suspect than she's strong, too. But as long as the kids are (relatively) well treated by Josh, she will remain with him.

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bella8050

New way to send free shit to  contact the Dillards!
 

 

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OhNoNike

Guess they aren’t expecting to get too much. 

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Melissa1977
3 hours ago, nausicaa said:

The way he handled the Josh situation was terrible, but I think that was also because Josh was his son. I think he would handle an outsider much differently

For centuries, the religious advice for wifes with cheating husbands was to shut up and pray. I can see JB acting against a son-in-law in extreme situations (for example domestic violence with bruises) but I think that in case of cheating, JB would just send the couple to an evangelic counselor.

In fact, they send Josh to rehab because of his past. But if Josh wouldn't have been a molester, I'm pretty sure that the Ashley Madison issue would have been adressed as an ordinary sin. In fact, wasn't Anna somehow blamed because she wasn't joyful available enough?

When a man is so profoundly sexist as JB is, he would put other men first and will identify with them, while women (daughters included) will always be blamed. Patriarchy is not about protecting the family (daughters), it's about protecting men power.

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Peaches-n-Beans
8 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

honestly i think JB treated Anna the way he'd treat his own daughters in the situation, and I think he did it out of love and concern. 

Anna's husband wasn't there for her, he was at this psuedo-rehabilitation at Jesus camp. So, JB took her in as a daughter and had her live as his own child, basically. If one of his daughters had scummy/abusive husband, I think he'd welcome them back with open arms while it was sorted out.

Do I think the Josh thing was sorted out? No, but in JB's mind, he took in Anna and helped her out until her marriage could resume. 

The only difference with his own girls is that he might help them leave the marriage eventually, which I don't think he would want Anna to leave Josh (his son). 

No he did it out of control. Not love. Not concern. Control. 

The fact is, Anna had a brother willing to help her (if I recall correctly that is), and if she left the cult she had a ton of dirt on Josh, JB, and the cult as a whole. This was not about love or Concern. Anna posed a threat if she left. Therefore, he prevented her from leaving, masking it as concern.

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patsymae

JB and Michelle don't think the molestation was a big deal.

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nausicaa
Just now, Melissa1977 said:

When a man is so profoundly sexist as JB is, he would put other men first and will identify with them, while women (daughters included) will always be blamed. Patriarchy is not about protecting the family (daughters), it's about protecting men power.

Yes, but I think JB sees his daughters as an extension of his power. 

I can see him possibly blaming them for their husbands' cheating. However, I do think he would protect them from physical or possibly even verbal abuse. But the original point I was addressing was that I don't think he would have pushed them into any marriages they didn't want to be in, even after the molestation. 

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Exposedknees
33 minutes ago, bella8050 said:

New way to send free shit to  contact the Dillards!
 

 

Breaking news!

Dillards go to the USPS.🙄Chicken Gakfredo for dinner. 

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Duggarite
On 1/2/2020 at 12:10 PM, SisNancy said:

Except this value you speak of isn’t even practiced in catholic hospitals in the US.  A fetuses life is valued above a mother and women have died needing life saving procedures.   

That I don't understand. With most maternal conditions it is highly likely both die.

 

I am Spanish and had my baby with a very very very consetvative Catholic doctor. I got preeclampsia at 26 weeks. I (atheist) was willing to die to save my baby, but it was never a question for my providers (hard Catholics). Basically, had I died the baby would have died too without any other option. If I made it the baby might survive or not but letting me die to help the baby was not possible. here we both are, made it Safe and sound.

 

My very very Catholic doctor refused then to provide me with an intra ut unoserine device, I needed to finde another provider to sort that out.

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Melissa1977
1 minute ago, Duggarite said:

That I don't understand. With most maternal conditions it is highly likely both die.

 

I am Spanish and had my baby with a very very very consetvative Catholic doctor. I got preeclampsia at 26 weeks. I (atheist) was willing to die to save my baby, but it was never a question for my providers (hard Catholics). Basically, had I died the baby would have died too without any other option. If I made it the baby might survive or not but letting me die to help the baby was not possible. here we both are, made it Safe and sound.

 

My very very Catholic doctor refused then to provide me with an intra ut unoserine device, I needed to finde another provider to sort that out.

In Spain it is illegal to put the fetus before the mother (the rights of the born are upon the rights of the unborn). So even ultracatholic doctors must act to save mother's life. They may be fundies, but are not exactly willing to lost their license.

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coexist
54 minutes ago, OhNoNike said:

Guess they aren’t expecting to get too much. 

Right! No room for care packages but plenty of space for "support our family ministry" checks.

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Idlewild
1 hour ago, bella8050 said:

New way to send free shit to  contact the Dillards!
 

 

I’m confused about this- do they want all the crazies writing to them or are they expecting cheques & free stuff? I suppose if it’s the latter it cuts out paying an agent like JinJer. 
So Derick rants about the hardships of being exposed on reality tv- but hey- we still want free stuff. 🙄

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SisNancy
19 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

In Spain it is illegal to put the fetus before the mother (the rights of the born are upon the rights of the unborn). So even ultracatholic doctors must act to save mother's life. They may be fundies, but are not exactly willing to lost their license.

Here there are laws that protect the catholic providers.  Again sorry I can share the link but the article isn’t viewable without signing in only the abstracts.  At least this one is recent.   
 

for pre-eclampsia past viability treatment would be delivery.  It would treat both parties reasonably and allow both to potentially survive.   Most would see that as a reasonable option.   The situations are when a mother’s needs care and the only absolute outcome is death of a fetus.  It’s denied or delayed until mothers life is in danger from bleeding or sepsis.  Then the care is provided or care is transferred to other facilities instead of providing at a hospital that is capable.  Hospital transfers that are not to a higher level of care are often not covered by insurance, are often away from a families resources and delay patient care.  

The problem with my initial comment was I was too generalized and simplified with my comment but it happens a lot.  

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/2755604?guestAccessKey=58f15a95-b9f5-482c-82d5-0faa969c1ceb&utm_source=For_The_Media&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=ftm_links&utm_content=tfl&utm_term=111919

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bella8050
1 hour ago, coexist said:

Right! No room for care packages but plenty of space for "support our family ministry" checks.

And gift cards to the Olive Garden so they can have date nights! 

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Sad
AliceInFundyland

https://rewire.news/article/2019/09/25/miscarriage-catholic-hospital/

This is a good article. Blue states. Catholic hospital chain. Rural access means they are stuck attending the hospital. Problems come up for women and end up in front of ethical committees.

Note how many beds Peace Health has in Oregon and Washington.

In emergencies hospitals cannot refuse to admit people.

Potential for problems abound.

 

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