Duggars by the Dozen 37: Your new thread

[Sullie06]

16 hours ago, Longhairedheathen said:

 I am in the same boat.  I just got a raise at work so thankfully I can get off our states woman's medicaid but my doctor and I were talking about getting my tubes ties. 

In 10 years I'll have a 10 and 8 year old so I am not looking forward possibly having a huge gap in between the kids.  To me it feels like it should be a very logical choice but I just feel like I am not ready to make it so permanent. 

I'm the same way about the gap, my kids are already 6 and soon to be 4 so at this point I wouldn't want to start all over with a newborn but it was a struggle to make that decision. Plus I'm in my late 30s. 

[Angelface]

I had a seven year old and an almost five year old and then had another baby. Baby number three was a doddle, so easy and happy it was a dream come true! It was a wonderful “gap” and the children are still fairly close even though the youngest is about to leave school. 

[Charliemae]

1 hour ago, Sullie06 said:

I'm the same way about the gap, my kids are already 6 and soon to be 4 so at this point I wouldn't want to start all over with a newborn but it was a struggle to make that decision. Plus I'm in my late 30s. 

 

35 minutes ago, Angelface said:

I had a seven year old and an almost five year old and then had another baby. Baby number three was a doddle, so easy and happy it was a dream come true! It was a wonderful “gap” and the children are still fairly close even though the youngest is about to leave school. 

  I'm about to do just this-7&5 with a new one due next year.  

[Longhairedheathen]

1 hour ago, Sullie06 said:

I'm the same way about the gap, my kids are already 6 and soon to be 4 so at this point I wouldn't want to start all over with a newborn but it was a struggle to make that decision. Plus I'm in my late 30s. 

Mine are 5 and 2. I am in my early 30s and I feel like the pressure to make a choice has intensified.  Everyone keeps spouting out stats of healthy eggs and congenital issues.  

[Sullie06]

23 minutes ago, Charliemae said:

 

  I'm about to do just this-7&5 with a new one due next year.  

My sister and I were 7 and 5.5 when my brother was born, I turned 8 a week later, and we all get along great, both when we were young and now as adults. I just couldn't imagine, for myself, going back to diapers, bottles, sleepless nights and all the anxiety I had when I had a newborn at this point. I feel like I finally got myself back. But I still have low key desire to have a third kid. 

9 minutes ago, Longhairedheathen said:

Mine are 5 and 2. I am in my early 30s and I feel like the pressure to make a choice has intensified.  Everyone keeps spouting out stats of healthy eggs and congenital issues.  

That's the worst. People always have an opinion on something. I get it on both sides. People ask me when were having more and other people question my age if I mention wanting more. 

[medimus]

45 minutes ago, Sullie06 said:

My sister and I were 7 and 5.5 when my brother was born, I turned 8 a week later, and we all get along great, both when we were young and now as adults. I just couldn't imagine, for myself, going back to diapers, bottles, sleepless nights and all the anxiety I had when I had a newborn at this point. I feel like I finally got myself back. But I still have low key desire to have a third kid. 

That's the worst. People always have an opinion on something. I get it on both sides. People ask me when were having more and other people question my age if I mention wanting more. 

There is a lot of judgement, isn't there? 

Lots of my friends are having children at the moment, as we are at that age, and I would really like some too. It is compounded because I am a doctor and I have all the stats in my head, so I do worry about it a bit. 

[VelociRapture]

Meanwhile, you have me over here whispering in my husband’s ear, “I’m not doing this again,” while hugging him immediately following the very first ultrasound with our second child. ?

But seriously. If I need a c-section this time then I might just tell the Doctor to tie my tubes while she’s in there. I can’t go through the whole TTC, early pregnancy anxiety, and dealing with weekly injections of Progesterone (and dealing with insurance and the pharmacy as a result) again. 

Edited June 27, 2019 by VelociRapture

[Sullie06]

42 minutes ago, medimus said:

There is a lot of judgement, isn't there? 

Lots of my friends are having children at the moment, as we are at that age, and I would really like some too. It is compounded because I am a doctor and I have all the stats in my head, so I do worry about it a bit. 

There is so much judgement and it shouldn't shock me but it does. Everyone is obviously allowed an opinion but you should know when not to share it. One of my closest friends is 10 years older than me and had her first the same time I had mine so she was in her early 40s. I was shocked at the things people said to her regarding her age and her pregnancy. Everything from "Why did you wait so long?" to "Hope your baby doesn't have Down Syndrome". Like come one people... she lost twins when she was 38 and got pregnant with her son at 40, shes' been through enough, just let her be!

38 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Meanwhile, you have me over here whispering in her husband’s ear, “I’m not doing this again,” while hugging him immediately following the very first ultrasound with our second child. ?

But seriously. If I need a c-section this time then I might just tell the Doctor to tie my tubes while she’s in there. I can’t do through the whole TTC, early pregnancy anxiety, and dealing with weekly injections of Progesterone (and dealing with insurance and the pharmacy as a result) again. 

Sometimes I think we are the same person. Our pregnancy journey's sound very similar and when I found out I was having a section, I was like tie them up!! I might want another child in theory but in practice I do not want to struggle through another anxiety filled pregnancy 

[Charliemae]

54 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Meanwhile, you have me over here whispering in my husband’s ear, “I’m not doing this again,” while hugging him immediately following the very first ultrasound with our second child. ?

But seriously. If I need a c-section this time then I might just tell the Doctor to tie my tubes while she’s in there. I can’t do through the whole TTC, early pregnancy anxiety, and dealing with weekly injections of Progesterone (and dealing with insurance and the pharmacy as a result) again. 

I'm trying for a 2nd vbac.  My Dr. told me if I know that done I should sign the papers for the tubal before I go into labor.  That way if I need a c-section she can do it than.  She also said it's a lot easier to deal with insurance if that paper work is done beforehand.  (ymmv).  We might want a fourth so I'm on the fence. 

[Screamapillar]

We decided that our second would be our last about 6 months into that pregnancy. Little stinker was breach until about 37 weeks, and my doctor thought I was a good candidate for a version procedure to try to turn him. Knowing that I wanted to have my tubes removed and that the version procedure carries a slight risk of an emergency C-section, my doctor arranged for the hospital to provide me the papers for the tube removal.

But in between my OB/GYN appointment the day before and the ultrasound that they performed before the attempted version, little stinker had finally decided to flip head down! I had an uneventful delivery two and a half weeks later, so I had my tube removal surgery done when my son was about 10 weeks old. (With a two year old and a newborn at home, the time I was under for the procedure was the most relaxation I'd had in years!)

PSA to anyone considering a ligation, if you are absolutely 100% sure you're done having kids, tube removal is the way to go (IMO). Studies have shown removal of the fallopian tubes reduces the risk of ovarian cancer. As everything (especially with those of us in the US) check with your insurance company first. Many/most will cover a ligation because it falls under the umbrella of birth control, but many consider a tube removal (salpingectomy) general surgery.

[kachuu]

1 hour ago, Sullie06 said:

There is so much judgement and it shouldn't shock me but it does. Everyone is obviously allowed an opinion but you should know when not to share it. One of my closest friends is 10 years older than me and had her first the same time I had mine so she was in her early 40s. I was shocked at the things people said to her regarding her age and her pregnancy. Everything from "Why did you wait so long?" to "Hope your baby doesn't have Down Syndrome". Like come one people... she lost twins when she was 38 and got pregnant with her son at 40, shes' been through enough, just let her be!

Sometimes I think we are the same person. Our pregnancy journey's sound very similar and when I found out I was having a section, I was like tie them up!! I might want another child in theory but in practice I do not want to struggle through another anxiety filled pregnancy 

Just reading that statement made me physically angry. What a horrible thing to say to an expectant mom no matter what! Bless your friend's heart!!! 

[Giraffe]

My personal experience (personally & friends/family) of health insurance in the US is  that it can be really great or it can be a pitiful “better than nothing*.”

Insurance for chronic mental health needs is abysmal, even with excellent insurance otherwise. 

 

Eta: *this means a person or family must meet their deductible of $6200-10,000 prior to insurance covering anything and even after the deductible is met, insurance still won’t pay 100%. 

Edited June 27, 2019 by Giraffe

[Sullie06]

1 hour ago, kachuu said:

Just reading that statement made me physically angry. What a horrible thing to say to an expectant mom no matter what! Bless your friend's heart!!! 

I probably wound have punched the lady but she's much calmer than me. She's a doctor and she said patients love to give her unsolicited advice about her life all the time

[Longhairedheathen]

5 minutes ago, Sullie06 said:

I probably wound have punched the lady but she's much calmer than me. She's a doctor and she said patients love to give her unsolicited advice about her life all the time

I am so sorry about your friend. I work for a doctor who was younger and from the middle east and I've hear so many back handed "compliments". People can just be cruel. 

 

On a side note 

WHERE ARE ALL THESE PIANOS COMING FROM. We are looking for one and I can't find any for less then $300 without need of major tuning or just broken. 

[nolongerIFBx]

On 6/26/2019 at 9:41 PM, HurricaneBells said:

I think its people like me that sometimes wish we had their lifestyle. I love my life and have done many wonderful things i would never trade but im also tired. Tired of being the breadwinner, tired of not being able to rely on others, tired of the demands of my employer, tired of being too tired to play with my son. Tired is something they never seem to be. So yes sometimes, i wish i could be young, pretty instead of stressed and grey and be able to stay home without being responsible for our lives,  just hand it all over (although i know i would get bored after a bit) I know the bad shit that goes with but i see whats appealing too and for me, that is the danger.

Let me tell you about Plexus. . . .

(totally snarking here. SO tired of hearing about Plexus from my fundier friends. Now my SIL has been sucked in. . .)

[medimus]

On 6/27/2019 at 5:55 PM, Screamapillar said:

We decided that our second would be our last about 6 months into that pregnancy. Little stinker was breach until about 37 weeks, and my doctor thought I was a good candidate for a version procedure to try to turn him. Knowing that I wanted to have my tubes removed and that the version procedure carries a slight risk of an emergency C-section, my doctor arranged for the hospital to provide me the papers for the tube removal.

But in between my OB/GYN appointment the day before and the ultrasound that they performed before the attempted version, little stinker had finally decided to flip head down! I had an uneventful delivery two and a half weeks later, so I had my tube removal surgery done when my son was about 10 weeks old. (With a two year old and a newborn at home, the time I was under for the procedure was the most relaxation I'd had in years!)

PSA to anyone considering a ligation, if you are absolutely 100% sure you're done having kids, tube removal is the way to go (IMO). Studies have shown removal of the fallopian tubes reduces the risk of ovarian cancer. As everything (especially with those of us in the US) check with your insurance company first. Many/most will cover a ligation because it falls under the umbrella of birth control, but many consider a tube removal (salpingectomy) general surgery.

THey are starting to remove fallopian tubes when they do hysterectomies now (if they are leaving the ovaries, which they tend to do if they can if you are pre-menopausal). They are discovering that quite a percentage of what we have been calling ovarian cancer is fallopian tube cancer.

About tubal ligation, we (doctors who do contraception etc) are encouraging it less and less as it is permanent (yes I know that's the point), major surgery (unlike a vasectomy) and not the best at preventing pregnancy. Yes I know this sounds mad, but things like coils and implants have lower failure rates than tubal ligation: less than 1 in 1000 compared to 1 in 200 for tubal ligation. Lots of my patients find this hard to get their head around and it is counterintuitive somehow that the permanent thing might work less well than the thing we can just take out.

 

Sorry, just a short PSA for anyone considering their options.

On 6/27/2019 at 7:13 PM, Sullie06 said:

I probably wound have punched the lady but she's much calmer than me. She's a doctor and she said patients love to give her unsolicited advice about her life all the time

God, what horrible things to say.

Yes patients do say all sorts of random things.

Edited June 29, 2019 by medimus
For not reading properly

[WiseGirl]

So mark your calendars people. There is still a chance to go to a family camp. From Duggarfam - they also have pictures from Big Sandy. I think I spied Jordyn looking happy and having fun. 

Someone let me know how this camp goes, because I'm sure any camp I go to has to have alcohol at it. Especially me newfound summer fun called Punch Pops.

Anyhow dates to note:

"Three Family Conferences are still coming up this summer! The Sacramento Family Conference is taking place next week, July 2–5. A second Big Sandy, Texas conference is scheduled for July 29–August 3. The final conference of the year will take place at the Northwoods Conference Center in Michigan" in August sometime.

[OyToTheVey]

Backtracking to the last page. I was eaten the last time I said this. But the thing that I really really envy of the fundy lifestyle is the social circle. I'm an only child with no cousins my age. Right now the friends situation is extremely sparse. I'm not even sure I'll have a few people show up at my birthday. I'd love to have an automatically built in social system. I know people will say that just because they show up doesn't mean they're friends. But it would be nice to have people that make the effort just to show up. Meanwhile I can't even get my closest cousin to actually answer texts. 

[JordynDarby5]

On 6/26/2019 at 6:24 AM, Sullie06 said:

I'm not a former fundie but I sometimes am jealous of their ability to just have kids with no concern. I wanted 4 kids but after having 2 and being a responsible adult and having to support those kids plus coupled with some medical issues during my last pregnancy I made the hard decision, with my husband, to stop after 2. I still wish at times we could have thrown caution to the wind and just had all the babies (up to 4) but that wasn't logical for our lifestyle. 

Some times I wish I had done that. Through caution to the wind and have a baby rather then waiting until I had money and job to support a baby and through two health problems. Then I still have had a chance to be a mom. I've had to realize its not going to happen even if I do get better. Even though logically I know it makes sense had I done so my dad or my brother and his wife would have ended up raising my child which isn't fair to them or any kid I had. But it can be hard to watch not just Fundies but others just having tons of babies despite no job, no college, and it somehow works out for them. Or others finding a good job, marrying and having kids all around you or able to the single parent route making it look so easy or any problem they have gets easily cleared up. I could have thrown caution to the wind in my early twenties or the small window of one year between my two medical problems and had a kid. But nope I waited only to get sick again and have it not work out.   

[lizzybee]

On 6/27/2019 at 6:21 AM, VelociRapture said:

Just keep in mind that social media is not reality and the members of these families clearly use their accounts to promote certain images. I personally find Erin Paine’s account a bit jarring because it’s simply so overwhelmingly positive with rainbows and sunshine all the time. It strikes me as extremely unrealistic in some ways, but that’s her “brand” at this point and that’s what people expect from her.

That was one of the things that shocked me so much when I immersed myself into fundy life. I started meeting all these people who were very poor and miserable. They were in abusive relationships, unstable living situations, giving and giving to the church in spite of it all, and most importantly, unwilling to help themselves. It jarred me out of my fantasy that this was somehow the rainbow bubble where everything was better - because that was what I was attracted to, that Duggar happiness veneer. It startled me to my core that these people were not only as susceptible to the same problems as everyone else, but that they were crippled by their beliefs from helping themselves. 

I do find that their SM is triggering for me. This fundamentalism stuff is really deeply stuck to my irrational subconscious and looking at their pretty photos makes that voice so much louder. I'm a college educated, rational, thinking person, but when you let that stuff in, man, it's taken a very long time to get out of it mentally. Never think you aren't susceptible to something. It may not be this something, but it could be something else. Cults are populous for a reason. 

[WiseGirl]

18 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

I really really envy of the fundy lifestyle is the social circle.

That's how they suck you in.  Stay strong.  I'm an introvert so I get the small circle.  Better a small circle than a big circle of crazy.  It's how I almost got sucked into SDA...

1 hour ago, JordynDarby5 said:

Some times I wish I had done that. Through caution to the wind and have a baby rather then waiting until I had money and job to support a baby

I could have written this, but damn I'm too responsible. I now tell friends I'm available for adoption as an aunt and I make a damn good aunt if I say so myself.

[Sullie06]

2 hours ago, JordynDarby5 said:

Some times I wish I had done that. Through caution to the wind and have a baby rather then waiting until I had money and job to support a baby and through two health problems. Then I still have had a chance to be a mom. I've had to realize its not going to happen even if I do get better. Even though logically I know it makes sense had I done so my dad or my brother and his wife would have ended up raising my child which isn't fair to them or any kid I had. But it can be hard to watch not just Fundies but others just having tons of babies despite no job, no college, and it somehow works out for them. Or others finding a good job, marrying and having kids all around you or able to the single parent route making it look so easy or any problem they have gets easily cleared up. I could have thrown caution to the wind in my early twenties or the small window of one year between my two medical problems and had a kid. But nope I waited only to get sick again and have it not work out.   

I'm so sorry, I hope you are doing better medically.I have to commend you for for not bringing a child into a situation you knew was not fair to them as well your loved ones. It's hard to want something badly and know you have to make a choice that might not align with what you want deep down. That's the thing with these fundies, they don't look at the world for the most responsible of lenses. To them having kids is the ultimate goal, paying for and supporting them is not something they consider. They also don't look at the long term impact on their kids either.... 

[OyToTheVey]

4 hours ago, WiseGirl said:

That's how they suck you in.  Stay strong.  I'm an introvert so I get the small circle.  Better a small circle than a big circle of crazy.  It's how I almost got sucked into SDA...

 

Can't suck me in I'm Jewish LOL But having no social circle is such a mindfuck tbh.

[AtlanticTug]

On 6/27/2019 at 12:55 PM, Screamapillar said:

We decided that our second would be our last about 6 months into that pregnancy. Little stinker was breach until about 37 weeks, and my doctor thought I was a good candidate for a version procedure to try to turn him. Knowing that I wanted to have my tubes removed and that the version procedure carries a slight risk of an emergency C-section, my doctor arranged for the hospital to provide me the papers for the tube removal.

PSA to anyone considering a ligation, if you are absolutely 100% sure you're done having kids, tube removal is the way to go (IMO). Studies have shown removal of the fallopian tubes reduces the risk of ovarian cancer. As everything (especially with those of us in the US) check with your insurance company first. Many/most will cover a ligation because it falls under the umbrella of birth control, but many consider a tube removal (salpingectomy) general surgery.

I had mine removed for the cancer risks. My OB said she hasn’t ligated tubes in years - straight removal for everyone now so I didn’t even think of insurance being an issue.

[Smee]

7 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

Can't suck me in I'm Jewish LOL But having no social circle is such a mindfuck tbh.

That’s so interesting because when I think of Judaism I think of a big social circle! I guess no one on the outside truly knows. 

Also, when their happy social media makes you jealous, just remember their social circle has to include Josh. (And potentially soon JRod).