Lori Alexander 58: A Family Holiday on the Toilet

[Sarah92]

My mom messaged me about a week ago to tell me that my nieces' mom (ex sister in law so idk what to call her) was wondering if I'd make two pairs of dragon scale crocheted hand/arm warmers. As much as I'd love to be able to, the thought of crocheting each individual scale and doing it for free made me cringe. I'm assuming she wasnt planning to pay me the 60-70 I'd charge for two pairs.

People always want to pay less for homemade goods and I've had friends become shocked when I've said that I would charge them 60 + dollars for an embroidered canvas. Some expect free or heavily discounted work. Gah ongoing complaint as an artist. 

Anyways reference to dragon scale arm warmer things. Probably not too hard but time consuming and too difficult to make without them being here to measure.

[squiddysquid]

From the Queensland Government campaign about domestic violence:

IT'S ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL

https://campaigns.premiers.qld.gov.au/dosomething/when-to-do-something.aspx

The most important thing to remember is that domestic and family violence is not about conflict, it’s about POWER and CONTROL.

In a healthy relationship, both partners feel free to state their opinions, make their own decisions, to be themselves. There is an equal balance of power between partners.

In a relationship where there is domestic and family violence, there is an imbalance of power between the parties. The perpetrator of violence may exert that power through a range of controlling behaviours.

It could be aggressive, physically violent abuse heard through the neighbourhood.

It could be completely silent as the abusive partner isolates the victim from friends and family, and tightly controls their movements.

It could be a pattern of psychological and emotional abuse in the form of constant criticism and put downs that erodes the victim’s self-esteem to the point they lose all confidence.

It could be through controlling where the victim goes, who they can talk to, what they can wear and having access to money.

Quote

Perpetrators of violence are often very good at hiding their behaviour.

Outsiders may never witness an abusive interaction, but instead notice a change in the victim, or have an instinctual feeling that something isn’t right.

Here are some signs that might help identify if someone is experiencing domestic and family violence.

If you notice these signs, it’s a signal that you should do something. They may:

• seem afraid of their partner or always very anxious to please them
• stop seeing you, other friends or family and become isolated
• become anxious or depressed, unusually quiet or less confident
• be denied adequate care if they are an older person or a person with disability
• have a partner who is controlling, obsessive or jealous
• have a partner who has threatened to harm them, their children or pets
• have a partner who continually phones or texts to check on them.
• have physical injuries (bruises, sprains or cuts on the body) and may give unlikely explanations for these injuries
• finish phone calls when their partner comes into the room
• be reluctant to leave their children with their partner
• suspect that they are being stalked or followed
•  
• say their partner or carer gives them no access to money, makes them justify every cent that is spent or makes them hand over their money.

 

• If you notice these signs the next step is to find out what you can do to help.
• Don’t wait for the situation to get worse, or assume that someone else will help. You are the person who can make a difference.

 

[FullOfGravy]

8 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

People always want to pay less for homemade goods and I've had friends become shocked when I've said that I would charge them 60 + dollars for an embroidered canvas. Some expect free or heavily discounted work. Gah ongoing complaint as an artist. 

I've just started selling some little crocheted and cross-stitched ornaments, and while I can recoup the cost of materials easily (cotton crochet thread and embroidery floss, and one roll of aida cloth goes a long way because they're pretty small), it's still way below minimum wage when it comes to the time it takes to make them.  Which is fine - it's a hobby, and I'm not looking to make a living at it.  Hand-knit clothing with good yarn, though, or some of the things I sew?  Nope.  I may give them to close friends and family as gifts, but I've set hard boundaries about requests, and selling to strangers is never, ever going to happen.

Trey is an ass and a fool (and a prating coxcomb, for that matter), and if he weren't already sending up red flags the size of handmade bedsheets, the isolation and control over his wife's hobbies would be enough to scream abuser.

[Lisafer]

9 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

My mom messaged me about a week ago to tell me that my nieces' mom (ex sister in law so idk what to call her) was wondering if I'd make two pairs of dragon scale crocheted hand/arm warmers. As much as I'd love to be able to, the thought of crocheting each individual scale and doing it for free made me cringe. I'm assuming she wasnt planning to pay me the 60-70 I'd charge for two pairs.

People always want to pay less for homemade goods and I've had friends become shocked when I've said that I would charge them 60 + dollars for an embroidered canvas. Some expect free or heavily discounted work. Gah ongoing complaint as an artist. 

Anyways reference to dragon scale arm warmer things. Probably not too hard but time consuming and too difficult to make without them being here to measure.

I think 60 or 70 is totally fair...those are intricate! But as a fellow crafter, yeah, nobody wants to pay fair value! I tend to give handmade stuff as Christmas gifts because it's bang for the buck (timewise, no, but I like doing it).

[wallysmommy]

I cross stitch intricate patterns, particularly the ones by Nora Corbett.  I once had a friend who told me no one can appreciate the work and effort unless they also cross stitch.  To some, it's just a pretty picture.  For some, I have at least $200 in supplies (beads, specialty threads, handdyed fabric) invested, along with at least 500 hours of stitching time.  I would never sell them because I wouldn't want my work to end up in a yard sale like so many do.

[lilwriter85]

5 hours ago, Lisafer said:

I think 60 or 70 is totally fair...those are intricate! But as a fellow crafter, yeah, nobody wants to pay fair value! I tend to give handmade stuff as Christmas gifts because it's bang for the buck (timewise, no, but I like doing it).

My mom makes tons of crafts, but she rarely sells. She gifts most of what she makes. 

[SuperNova]

5 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I would never sell them because I wouldn't want my work to end up in a yard sale like so many do.

I rescue all the abandoned handmade things and love them. It's so sad to find a beautiful quilt at a thrift store. Some poor woman (or man) spent countless hours hand quilting only to have the damn thing end up at a junk shop. So heartbreaking! The saddest item in my collection is an elaborate hand embroidered tablecloth with an amazing amount of cutwork. It probably took years to complete and I bought it for 4 dollars. 

[lilwriter85]

16 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

I rescue all the abandoned handmade things and love them. It's so sad to find a beautiful quilt at a thrift store. Some poor woman (or man) spent countless hours hand quilting only to have the damn thing end up at a junk shop. So heartbreaking! The saddest item in my collection is an elaborate hand embroidered tablecloth with an amazing amount of cutwork. It probably took years to complete and I bought it for 4 dollars. 

My mom and a few relatives often do that. My mom has found a lot of plastic canvas yarn crafts at thrift stores. 

[Loveday]

58 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

I rescue all the abandoned handmade things and love them. It's so sad to find a beautiful quilt at a thrift store. Some poor woman (or man) spent countless hours hand quilting only to have the damn thing end up at a junk shop. So heartbreaking! The saddest item in my collection is an elaborate hand embroidered tablecloth with an amazing amount of cutwork. It probably took years to complete and I bought it for 4 dollars. 

I do that as well. Usually cross-stitch, occasionally a baby quilt or afghan. I've been cross-stitching for over 30 years, so I know how much work and love goes into a piece. Breaks my heart to see a beautifully worked and expensively framed sampler at the thrift store for $1.98. 

[danvillebelle]

6 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I cross stitch intricate patterns, particularly the ones by Nora Corbett.  I once had a friend who told me no one can appreciate the work and effort unless they also cross stitch.  To some, it's just a pretty picture.  For some, I have at least $200 in supplies (beads, specialty threads, handdyed fabric) invested, along with at least 500 hours of stitching time.  I would never sell them because I wouldn't want my work to end up in a yard sale like so many do.

Fellow stitcher here.  I bow to you for stitching Nora Corbett!  I tend to stick to patterns without a lot of backstitching (I love Little House Needleworks and Carriage House Samplings/Kathy Barrick).  I like to watch flosstube videos on YT of the people who do the really detailed things because I would never have the patience to do it myself.

When I find good needlework at a yard sale or my thrift I ALWAYS rescue it.  I have a beautiful Christmas piece that is about 18" long by 7" wide that I bought for $4 at my thrift.  I know exactly how much work went into it and nearly cried at it being sold for such a pittance.  Now I treasure getting it out every Christmas and hanging it up.

[cindyluvs24]

On 12/7/2018 at 8:40 PM, SongRed7 said:

And it looks like the “Rockefeller Foundation” post is gone. I wonder who tipped her off? I’d love to see the look in her face when she had to take it down

Its under January 30, 2017.  What a read!  I had no idea Gloria Steinem was an ex-CIA agent.  (eyeroll) Or that the secret goal of feminism is so the government can tax working women and increase revenue.  Of course, Lori sabotaging her diaphragm so she can sit on her ass at home with her nanny and housekeeper and conveniently timed parasites is totally different mmmmkay?

The more she rehashed her posts - because she hasn't come up with an original concept in years - the more I'm convinced Ken has something on the side.  My money is on a 26 year old named Natasha or Irina.

[Lisafer]

25 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

Fellow stitcher here.  I bow to you for stitching Nora Corbett!  I tend to stick to patterns without a lot of backstitching (I love Little House Needleworks and Carriage House Samplings/Kathy Barrick).  I like to watch flosstube videos on YT of the people who do the really detailed things because I would never have the patience to do it myself.

When I find good needlework at a yard sale or my thrift I ALWAYS rescue it.  I have a beautiful Christmas piece that is about 18" long by 7" wide that I bought for $4 at my thrift.  I know exactly how much work went into it and nearly cried at it being sold for such a pittance.  Now I treasure getting it out every Christmas and hanging it up.

I have a grandmother who has quilted and cross-stitched for YEARS. She has made a cross-stitch wallhanging for each grandchild that marries, each great-grandchild that is born...quilts for all the family...so much lovely handmade stuff. She's 85 and still stitching!

[danvillebelle]

I have two quilts that my great-grandmother made, an Ohio Star and a butterfly applique.  I love snuggling under them

My most prized family stitched possession is a crazy quilt that, best I can figure out, was made for my great-great grandmother as an engagement gift by all her friends.  This thing is almost 130 years old and it is in FANTASTIC condition because it sat untouched in a chest at my grandmother's house for 50+ years.  All the pieces are silks and velvets, there's a couple of advertising ribbons, and everyone's initials are done in the most amazing embroidery, with flowers, butterflies, there's even a little spider hanging in a web.  The only damage is one or two small pieces of silk have shattered and some threads are missing - other than that it's perfect.  

[Katzchen24]

20 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I'm amazed at the number of people, not just Trey the douchenozzle, who seem to think making things is always cheaper than buying them.

Nowadays, making something yourself from scratch is so expensive it's only a good option if you're a) incredibly wealthy in time and money, or b) into making unique garments that no-one else has.  

Fast fashion makes it difficult for small businesses to make a living manufacturing and selling good quality clothing. Don't get me started on the horrendous damage the fashion industry does to the environment, as well how we accept that our clothing is made under conditions that are the functional equivalent of slavery.

Fun fact for Trey - back in the day, Anglo-Saxon women had to spin and weave the fabric for all their household textiles. They had to spend 10 hours spinning to have enough fibre for one hour of weaving.

 Trey has a point, but not the one he's trying make (because of his ongoing douchenozzlery). It would be great if making clothes yourself was still affordable, but it really isn't. 

[Loveday]

33 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

I have two quilts that my great-grandmother made, an Ohio Star and a butterfly applique.  I love snuggling under them

My most prized family stitched possession is a crazy quilt that, best I can figure out, was made for my great-great grandmother as an engagement gift by all her friends.  This thing is almost 130 years old and it is in FANTASTIC condition because it sat untouched in a chest at my grandmother's house for 50+ years.  All the pieces are silks and velvets, there's a couple of advertising ribbons, and everyone's initials are done in the most amazing embroidery, with flowers, butterflies, there's even a little spider hanging in a web.  The only damage is one or two small pieces of silk have shattered and some threads are missing - other than that it's perfect.  

Your crazy quilt sounds very much like one that is in my dad's family. I've never seen it in person, only a photo taken for the association that does research for that particular family name. I don't even know who has it now, probably some distant cousin X times removed. But it's got the names of my 5th great grandparents in that line, plus all of their children and their children's spouses, embroidered around it. It's like that little bit of extra proof that all my research for that line, to that point in time, is right. I just wish I knew who had it so I could write to them and ask if they  can provide some more recent photos; the one I've seen was taken years ago and isn't the best quality.

[SuperNova]

Can I share a piece I made? The blouse is machine sewn from a 60's pattern. The embroidery is self drafted from an antique drawing and hand embroidered.

Spoiler

I'd love to see everyone's needlework if anyone else feels like sharing. 

[wallysmommy]

Here's one of mine.  She's a Jezebel for sure.  

[SuperNova]

@wallysmommy so beautiful! The jewel tones are awesome.

[TeddyBonkers]

I made this for my brother as a housewarming gift. Simple, but really 'him'.

[FullOfGravy]

Embroidery isn't my strong suit, but I liked how this came out:

Spoiler

And some of what what became known as the Blizzard of Sick Leave, because I was stuck on the couch after surgery and had nothing better to do:

Spoiler

 

[Lisafer]

Rufus does not smile upon me tonight, because I cannot upload pictures of my stitchery. I have never had any trouble uploading, so I don't know what is going on! I am sad.

[Briefly]

21 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

My mom messaged me about a week ago to tell me that my nieces' mom (ex sister in law so idk what to call her) was wondering if I'd make two pairs of dragon scale crocheted hand/arm warmers. As much as I'd love to be able to, the thought of crocheting each individual scale and doing it for free made me cringe. I'm assuming she wasnt planning to pay me the 60-70 I'd charge for two pairs.

People always want to pay less for homemade goods and I've had friends become shocked when I've said that I would charge them 60 + dollars for an embroidered canvas. Some expect free or heavily discounted work. Gah ongoing complaint as an artist. 

Anyways reference to dragon scale arm warmer things. Probably not too hard but time consuming and too difficult to make without them being here to measure.

As someone who also crochets, I want to tell you that those are lovely!  And possibly at $60-70, maybe even underpriced.  But I do know what you mean, it must be cheap because after all you just made it.  I mean, it's not like you actually put any time, effort or expense into it!  Or so I have heard, from people who don't have a clue!  That is why I almost never sell anything or make anything as a commission.  Even if my daughter wants me to make something that she wants to gift someone, she will buy the yarn but she doesn't abuse it so I don't mind her occasional request for a gift for someone.

12 hours ago, FullOfGravy said:

I've just started selling some little crocheted and cross-stitched ornaments, and while I can recoup the cost of materials easily (cotton crochet thread and embroidery floss, and one roll of aida cloth goes a long way because they're pretty small), it's still way below minimum wage when it comes to the time it takes to make them.  Which is fine - it's a hobby, and I'm not looking to make a living at it.  Hand-knit clothing with good yarn, though, or some of the things I sew?  Nope.  I may give them to close friends and family as gifts, but I've set hard boundaries about requests, and selling to strangers is never, ever going to happen.

Trey is an ass and a fool (and a prating coxcomb, for that matter), and if he weren't already sending up red flags the size of handmade bedsheets, the isolation and control over his wife's hobbies would be enough to scream abuser.

A good general idea is to charge 3 times the cost of supplies plus an amount for your labor, such as a specific amount per hour that it took you to make the item.

I agree, he sends up huge red flags and I hope that she realizes it and gets out.  Soon.

[Briefly]

This is a slant-stitch poncho I made for the Briefly daughter a few years ago.  I was going to make one for myself and got the first half done before I realized that I would never wear it because I can't stand anything near my neck so I pulled it all out, rewound the yarn and went on to something else.  I was asked about making one for a relative and quoted a price of $50 but they never officially said yes or no so I assumed that they didn't want it after all.  But I probably under-priced myself anyway so it's fine with me that they never decided.  My daughter wanted lavender for one side and light blue for the other but she switches the color she wants to be in front often.

[yeetedonem]

Hi everyone, I've been lurking around for a month or two and finally made an account. All your crafts are lovely!

I just read the "pursue a spouse, not a career" post and, setting aside the content, the writing is pretty horrendous. It almost reads like something put through google translate. 

I think I'm drawn to snark on Lori because she seems like an exaggerated version of the pastor's wife at a fundie-lite church I went to briefly. She also recommended a John MacArthur study bible for me. I know he's pretty conservative but even conservative Christians usually recommend premarital counseling and emphasize that marriage isn't something to jump into, which seems contrary to Lori's "GET MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW!!!1!" spiel. I'll do some Googling and see what I find though. 

Edit: good God, I didn't realize she linked to it right from her blog. Just from the first few paragraphs - yep, he's pretty bad. 

[Free Jana Duggar]

4 hours ago, cindyluvs24 said:

 

The more she rehashed her posts - because she hasn't come up with an original concept in years - the more I'm convinced Ken has something on the side.  My money is on a 26 year old named Natasha or Irina.

And she has a tattoo and wears leggings