Alyssa & John 2: Getting By on Their Looks and Fashion Sense

[AliceInFundyland]

My mom told me the following:

Bras and shaving your legs are a pain in the butt. (Middle school era)

When I wear makeup and do my hair I get much better tips (A moment in life when she was doing some waitressing)

I find both messages to be true.

....She was also bummed she missed out on crazy hair colors and currently has blue and orange to support her elementary school gig. (But, the orange is in the back as it is less flattering  ) 

 

[lumpentheologie]

I think women who are really into hair and makeup (and maybe clothes) are in a similar situation to Erin Bates in a way. 

Erin seems really into playing and teaching piano.  That is a nice thing.  Erin is lucky she happens to actually find fulfillment in the narrow range of interests acceptable for her gender in a patriarchal society. We also live in a patriarchal society that dictates what women should and shouldn't do, just not as narrowly as Erin's. And women who have interests that are encouraged for women are rewarded for that with positive attention and praise. 

However, because patriarchal societies also systematically undervalue anything that's considered a women's thing, women who conform to these gender norms are simultaneously undermined because women's interests are considered less serious or valuable than men's interests.

For Erin, this means that playing and teaching the piano isn't considered a serious career by her community, and she was never allowed the education that could make the most of her interest and talent in that area.  In wider society, it means that "female" careers aren't taken as seriously as traditional male careers, people say that a woman is "just a stay at home mom," and women who are interested in make up, etc, are sometimes considered superficial and/or ditzy. So while gender-conforming women are primarily affirmed, they're also more subtly devalued.  

Non gender-conforming women are, I believe, treated more harshly. Not shaving your legs, or not wearing makeup or caring about fashion, will get you called ugly, gross, unnatural, a lesbian, lazy, a slob, a freak, etc. You will be considered "not conventionally attractive" by most people, and for tons of people this will be a dealbreaker for dating you. You will be considered unprofessional in a lot of jobs. People will say you shouldn't post pictures of yourself looking like that on social media. If these consequences are unacceptable to you, you'll spend your life doing things to your body that you'd rather not do, and spending time and money and effort on making yourself acceptable, all ofnwhich takes time and money and effort away from doing things you're actually interested in. It can even hurt your health if you go without sleep or exercise because you feel forced to get up early to make yourself look right. 

I think as long as we all acknowledge this and stop criticizing women for their appearances or interests, everyone can fight against the patriarchal norms that hurt all of us.  But that means no more "Ugh, pink" and no more "Couldn't Jill have tried to look a bit nicer?" Both of these reinforce patriarchal norms. Patriarchy WANTS to divide women against each other. It's a great strategy for keeping us from working together to dismantle it.  

[Iamtheway]

17 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I haven't worn make up in years. I brush my hair and teeth, put on some semi-decent clothes and that's it. Today's wardrobe consists of bra (the comfy one), a baggy sweater and my "winter" hoodie from American Muscle (car stuff). My footwear consists of a comfortable pair of running shoes (not that I run but they support my feet). No make up, I hate the way it feels on my face. ONCE in a blue moon I'll do my face but not on a regular basis. 

Then again, I've often been told I look "intimidating"...haven't figured that out though. 

I think it might be that you’re naked from the waist down. You do you but the Donald Duck way of fashion scares some people. 

[bal maiden]

15 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I think women who are really into hair and makeup (and maybe clothes) are in a similar situation to Erin Bates in a way. 

Erin seems really into playing and teaching piano.  That is a nice thing.  Erin is lucky she happens to actually find fulfillment in the narrow range of interests acceptable for her gender in a patriarchal society. We also live in a patriarchal society that dictates what women should and shouldn't do, just not as narrowly as Erin's. And women who have interests that are encouraged for women are rewarded for that with positive attention and praise. 

However, because patriarchal societies also systematically undervalue anything that's considered a women's thing, women who conform to these gender norms are simultaneously undermined because women's interests are considered less serious or valuable than men's interests.

For Erin, this means that playing and teaching the piano isn't considered a serious career by her community, and she was never allowed the education that could make the most of her interest and talent in that area.  In wider society, it means that "female" careers aren't taken as seriously as traditional male careers, people say that a woman is "just a stay at home mom," and women who are interested in make up, etc, are sometimes considered superficial and/or ditzy. So while gender-conforming women are primarily affirmed, they're also more subtly devalued.  

Non gender-conforming women are, I believe, treated more harshly. Not shaving your legs, or not wearing makeup or caring about fashion, will get you called ugly, gross, unnatural, a lesbian, lazy, a slob, a freak, etc. You will be considered "not conventionally attractive" by most people, and for tons of people this will be a dealbreaker for dating you. You will be considered unprofessional in a lot of jobs. People will say you shouldn't post pictures of yourself looking like that on social media. If these consequences are unacceptable to you, you'll spend your life doing things to your body that you'd rather not do, and spending time and money and effort on making yourself acceptable, all ofnwhich takes time and money and effort away from doing things you're actually interested in. It can even hurt your health if you go without sleep or exercise because you feel forced to get up early to make yourself look right. 

I think as long as we all acknowledge this and stop criticizing women for their appearances or interests, everyone can fight against the patriarchal norms that hurt all of us.  But that means no more "Ugh, pink" and no more "Couldn't Jill have tried to look a bit nicer?" Both of these reinforce patriarchal norms. Patriarchy WANTS to divide women against each other. It's a great strategy for keeping us from working together to dismantle it.  

I wish I could upvote this more than once! 

[miss_batson]

 

[feministxtian]

6 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

I think it might be that you’re naked from the waist down. You do you but the Donald Duck way of fashion scares some people. 

Ummm...I do have a pair of jeans on...

[BeccaGrim]

Allie looks like John but I can't figure out Lexxie or Zoey

[VineHeart137]

4 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

Allie looks like John but I can't figure out Lexxie or Zoey

I think Lexi looks more like Alyssa. Not sure about Zoey yet!

[melon]

5 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

I think Lexi looks more like Alyssa. Not sure about Zoey yet!

I think so ,too.I'm not sure about Lexi or Zoey.

[TeaELSee]

Never mind, I just realized I pretty much parroted what someone else said.

[Carm_88]

Zoey has a very expressive face. That's a WTF expession, if I ever did see one! 

[CaptainFunderpants]

On 12/22/2018 at 7:53 AM, Carm_88 said:

Zoey has a very expressive face. That's a WTF expession, if I ever did see one! 

Oddly enough I feel like her facial structure (at least in this photo) looks similar to Chad Paine. I know, no relation, but still curious.

[Syriana]

Zoey's chin shape seems to be more like Alyssa's at the moment, but she's still so young it could change as she grows.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Just coming to say based on her instagram photos with loose clothes and babies/blankets hiding her mid section she must be pregnant. The thing is she doesn’t show for ages so maybe she’s quite far along...

I wonder at what baby # she’s going to realise simply not wanting a mega family isn’t going to cut it and she’s clearly very fertile and needs to actually do something to prevent pregnancies?

i actually think it will be number 4. 

[miss_batson]

Spoiler

 

 

[VineHeart137]

Ha. Our family also bought the whole set of pajamas that match the Papa Bear one John is wearing. Mine and my older daughter's look exactly the same but say Mama Bear and Little Bear, respectively, and my younger daughter has the sleeper that Lexi and Zoey appear to be wearing. The hooded one that Allie has on is really cute, I didn't see that one in the store. Matching pajamas is one of my favorite Christmas traditions too.

[AussieKrissy]

I think Zoey is a Bates she and Everly are so similar to me.

[melon]

Lexi has a different look,but she is cute as she can be.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

such a cute little family ?

[CaptainFunderpants]

On 12/26/2018 at 3:59 PM, melon said:

Lexi has a different look,but she is cute as she can be.

Lexi is Brooklyn without RBF ?

 

[Melissa1977]

On 12/25/2018 at 1:56 PM, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

Just coming to say based on her instagram photos with loose clothes and babies/blankets hiding her mid section she must be pregnant. The thing is she doesn’t show for ages so maybe she’s quite far along...

I wonder at what baby # she’s going to realise simply not wanting a mega family isn’t going to cut it and she’s clearly very fertile and needs to actually do something to prevent pregnancies?

i actually think it will be number 4. 

John posted a Christmas picture where she's wearing a tight skirt and a green blouse. She holds a kid but her belly looks flat.

[miss_batson]

Little Zoey walks at 9 month! I think all Alyssa and John's girls started walking early.

 

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

12 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

John posted a Christmas picture where she's wearing a tight skirt and a green blouse. She holds a kid but her belly looks flat.

You are right! She was foolin’ me ?

[VelociRapture]

Ok, I actually laughed at this a bit. Well played John:

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

On 12/29/2018 at 10:50 AM, miss_batson said:

Little Zoey walks at 9 month! I think all Alyssa and John's girls started walking early.

 

She’s so damn cute. I love those cheeks and ears. I think Alyssa looked very much like this when she was a baby.