Dillards 66: Appropriate Spaces for Inappropriate People

[Carm_88]

I feel like I said this the last time, but I will say it again. I don't care what Jill eats, I'm not shaming her from using cans, and ultimately the main thing is that her family likes it. That being said, it's not internet worthy and it's kinda gross looking. I eat gross pasta too, smothered in cheese, but I'm not going to post it on the internet and expect praise!

[Hashtag Blessed]

16 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I feel like I said this the last time, but I will say it again. I don't care what Jill eats, I'm not shaming her from using cans, and ultimately the main thing is that her family likes it. That being said, it's not internet worthy and it's kinda gross looking. I eat gross pasta too, smothered in cheese, but I'm not going to post it on the internet and expect praise!

I truly could not care less if they ate dog vomit for dinner every day. I only care if she posts her recipe for dog vomit to her blog, multiple times, and with close-up photos that really show off the glistening yellow bile. 

Everyone eats meals that would look or sound unappetizing to someone else! But most of us aren’t blogging those meals in a desperate attempt to hang on to the fame of being a child reality star. 

She can feed OfJill salt flavored salt for every meal if she wants to. If he gets hypertension maybe his doctor will advise him to stop tweeting and getting himself all riled up.

Editing to add: And if she stops posting recipes, I’m sure she’ll still post horrible parenting “hacks” that we can snark on endlessly.

[fluffernutter]

Last night I was going to sleep, thinking about FJ and canned soups. ? I remembered a meal my mom used to make when I was a kid. We were poor, and she was when she was growing up too. She would make this meal, "chicken and waffles."  It was eggo waffles toasted, buttered, and sprinkled with sugar, with cream of chicken soup poured on top. I swear I never even questioned it. I know it sounds repulsive,  but when you are six and thats what's served you just eat it. Then years later, out to dinner with my in laws, I was floored by true chicken and waffles. How's that for a scary cream of soup recipe? ?The scariest part to me, is why the hell the sprinkled sugar. She passed away, but I wish I would've thought to ask her where that meal came from. 

[melon]

14 hours ago, TuringMachine said:

I bought pizza rolls this weekend because I'm an adult and I can.

Also my roommate and I do Hello Fresh because I can not come up with dinner ideas on my own, plus I don't have to go shopping. 

Mr Melon bought chicken patties this week.

We do Dinnerly,Home Chef or Blue Apron,sometimes.

 

[SapphireSlytherin]

10 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

We were poor, and she was when she was growing up too.

My granddaddy used to have bacon grease sandwiches in his school lunch pail.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

My granddaddy used to have bacon grease sandwiches in his school lunch pail.

My husbands grandfather talked about those depression era sandwiches where you were basically eating meat flavored bread, he called them jam sandwiches, because you'd just jam two pieces of bread together without much else. It put something in your belly but didn't really fill you up for long.

[libgirl2]

2 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

My granddaddy used to have bacon grease sandwiches in his school lunch pail.

My great grandmother at bacon fat on bread. 

29 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

My husbands grandfather talked about those depression era sandwiches where you were basically eating meat flavored bread, he called them jam sandwiches, because you'd just jam two pieces of bread together without much else. It put something in your belly but didn't really fill you up for long.

My ex had a friend growing up who was very poor. He would eat mayo sandwiches. 

[Dandruff]

3 hours ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

I truly could not care less if they ate dog vomit for dinner every day. I only care if she posts her recipe for dog vomit to her blog, multiple times, and with close-up photos that really show off the glistening yellow bile. 

Everyone eats meals that would look or sound unappetizing to someone else! But most of us aren’t blogging those meals in a desperate attempt to hang on to the fame of being a child reality star. 

She can feed OfJill salt flavored salt for every meal if she wants to. If he gets hypertension maybe his doctor will advise him to stop tweeting and getting himself all riled up.

Editing to add: And if she stops posting recipes, I’m sure she’ll still post horrible parenting “hacks” that we can snark on endlessly.

Is she, like her parents, claiming that she's presenting this nonsense crap stuff as a ministry?  I can't even remember what her game is anymore.

[SassyPants]

1 minute ago, Dandruff said:

Is she, like her parents, claiming that she's presenting this nonsense crap stuff as a ministry?  I can't even remember what her game is anymore.

Game?

Those 2 have 2 game. They keep swinging and missing.

[CoveredInBees]

3 hours ago, fluffernutter said:

Last night I was going to sleep, thinking about FJ and canned soups. ? I remembered a meal my mom used to make when I was a kid. We were poor, and she was when she was growing up too. She would make this meal, "chicken and waffles."  It was eggo waffles toasted, buttered, and sprinkled with sugar, with cream of chicken soup poured on top. I swear I never even questioned it. I know it sounds repulsive,  but when you are six and thats what's served you just eat it. Then years later, out to dinner with my in laws, I was floored by true chicken and waffles. How's that for a scary cream of soup recipe? ?The scariest part to me, is why the hell the sprinkled sugar. She passed away, but I wish I would've thought to ask her where that meal came from. 

Growing up we would have Heinz cream of tomato soup watered down with milk (milked down? lol) to make the can go further.  I swear I didn't realise until I was at least 35 that that wasn't actually how you were supposed to eat it (which my family found hilarious!)....... Even now I find full strength tomato soup a little strong for my taste  

 

Re: bacon grease sarnies........ that's incredibly similar to bread and dripping (AKA Northern England's staple food  )

[SapphireSlytherin]

9 minutes ago, CoveredInBees said:

Growing up we would have Heinz cream of tomato soup watered down with milk (milked down? lol) to make the can go further.  I swear I didn't realise until I was at least 35 that that wasn't actually how you were supposed to eat it (which my family found hilarious!)....... Even now I find full strength tomato soup a little strong for my taste

All the tomato soup I ever had, growing up, was condensed - and designed to be diluted 1:1 with water or milk.

Edit:  I see that the Heinz brand, indeed, is ready-to-heat, no dilution (per the instructions).  

[HarryPotterFan]

17 hours ago, Georgiana said:

And y'all got to realize, my actual favorite dish uses BOTH Cheez Whiz AND Velveeta, I think Cream of Chicken soup, Minute rice, and frozen broccoli. 

That sounds good...

15 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

Sit down and let me tell you the story of Victor the Viscous Substance Whipper, who traveled around the world with a whisk whipping up every gloppy-looking fluid he found, just to see what would happen.

Are you sure it wasn’t Victoria? Running around with a whisk seems like women’s work. Were men of yesteryear even allowsed to hold a whisk? 

[Georgiana]

I think the thing that really rankles about Jill is the Duggar sense of superiority that she carries.  Like her parents, she's setting herself up as someone who has a lifestyle that not only people SHOULD emulate, but that she (quietly, lately) believes all people should be REQUIRED to emulate.  And like her parents, the problem is...she's just not that good.

Jessa gets this.  She often makes posts that admit that she has struggles.  Like her crock-pot roast recipe was nothing special, but the way she shared it was 'Everyone knows I'm NOT a good cook and I have two young kids, so my cooking time is limited...so when I find a recipe that even I can't screw up, that's quick and easy to prepare, and that my family will eat; I have to share it.'  And that changes the way it's read, because no longer am I evaluating the recipe on whether it is stellar or unique.  Instead, I see it as something that would be hard to fork up.  And there's a lot of space for people (moms especially) sharing recipes that are impossible to ruin, because we ALL have those days. "I'm flawed, you're flawed...and if we're flawed in the same way, here's something you can use to make it through" is a great social media strategy, and it removes the divide between the poster and the audience.  By admitting she's NOT better, Jessa creates a sense of camaraderie that makes her posts appealing.  

But Jill, she's not into admitting her faults in a relatable way.  She's into having the #besthubbyever and the #bestmarriageever and the #bestparentsever.  Everything about her life is the BEST according to her hashtags, and that bleeds over into her posts, even when they aren't overtly bragging.  And therein lies the rub: because you CAN'T take the position that you're better than others, live the most correct way, and are worth emulating when your life is AT BEST average.  Like many people said, we eat garbage food on occasion...but we aren't posting about it on the internet like it's the #bestrecipeever.  

It's not that Jill's house is messy for photos.  It's that she claims that all women need to be SAHMs because taking care of the home is VITAL...and yet her house looks like she doesn't keep it up as much as many working moms are able to.  It's not that the Dillards eat the way they do.  It's that because of how they claim their life to be so superior to others, we expect more from the recipes they choose to share and promote on their blog.  It's not that Jill's parenting is THE WORST; it's that she sort of sets herself up as someone to follow for proper Christian parenting but then what she shares is decidedly meh.  It's not that the "treats" Derick gets for Jill are like a used tissue; it's that if you're going to act like the man is the BEST HUSBAND EVER, it needs to be more than just chocolate milk and overcooked steak.  

It's fine to be average.  It's fine to be mediocre.  It's fine to not be good at everything.  But what Jill lacks, and I say this all the dang time, is HUMILITY.  She's not humble enough to admit that she's just regular, maybe struggling a bit and not as together as some, and that everything in her life isn't THE BEST EVAR.  She creates a narrative that is disingenuous because of that, and her posts often fall flat because they fail to measure up to the expectations created by her narrative.  

[AtlanticTug]

I also feel badly for Jill because she is seemingly so isolated when it comes to food. A lot has been written about how difficult it is to get fresh food in the inner cities where people may have to walk for miles or take a couple of different buses just to get to a market that has fresh food and veg, which in turn promotes eating high-calorie, high-carb, high-fat foods that are all very processed. It's another manifestation of a pretty clear class system that many Americans aren't even aware exists. Jill, on the other hand lives surrounded by agricultural lands and lots of access to fresh food that isn't very expensive. But she's an island in the sense that she appears to cook the recipes that were passed on to her or the elder Duggars by other fundies who appear to be like-minded.

All of this is related to having too many children - as a result everything else in their life takes a back seat.

[Hashtag Blessed]

11 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

It's fine to be average.  It's fine to be mediocre.  It's fine to not be good at everything.  But what Jill lacks, and I say this all the dang time, is HUMILITY.  She's not humble enough to admit that she's just regular, maybe struggling a bit and not as together as some, and that everything in her life isn't THE BEST EVAR.  She creates a narrative that is disingenuous because of that, and her posts often fall flat because they fail to measure up to the expectations created by her narrative.  

This right here is exactly it. This is what makes her posts so laughably pathetic. The consistent insistence that her live is so beautiful and blessed and we should all be so LUCKY to be married to the likes of Derick Dillard and eating sodium slop. It is incredibly grating because her effusive captions are always at odds with the reality presented in her photos. No one likes a bragger, even if their life does appear beautiful and blessed (See: Braggie over at M is for Mama) because total lack of humility is not relatable. But when you have no humility AND you’re boasting about unremarkable averageness people are gonna make fun of you. 

3 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

I also feel badly for Jill because she is seemingly so isolated when it comes to food. A lot has been written about how difficult it is to get fresh food in the inner cities where people may have to walk for miles or take a couple of different buses just to get to a market that has fresh food and veg, which in turn promotes eating high-calorie, high-carb, high-fat foods that are all very processed. It's another manifestation of a pretty clear class system that many Americans aren't even aware exists. Jill, on the other hand lives surrounded by agricultural lands and lots of access to fresh food that isn't very expensive. But she's an island in the sense that she appears to cook the recipes that were passed on to her or the elder Duggars by other fundies who appear to be like-minded.

All of this is related to having too many children - as a result everything else in their life takes a back seat.

She’s a stay at home mom, surely she has some time on her hands to watch the food network and get a little inspiration to step outside her comfort zone? That’s how I found the desire to learn to cook when I was younger. But maybe that has too much booze and gays for her delicate sensibilities. Or maybe just too many career women actually enjoying their lives. 

[patsymae]

I still can't help remembering when Michelle had a "dinner party" for the lady whose child was in the NICU with Josie, and when the woman showed up Michelle sent her to the kitchen to make her own (and everybody's) tater tot casserole because every woman should have that in her repertoire. So if that's your role model for a dinner party, coupled with the belief that your mere presence among the less fortunate is a blessing, I'm not sure Jill is ever going to catch on.

Jeeze, even Martha Stewart has developed a sense of humor about herself. Anybody else see her show with Snoop Dog? Martha Stewart in a beer hat, Snoop making chicken cordon bleu ("you're the rolling expert") and showing her that some people actually use stuffing from a box ("No, it's not a base...) Priceless.

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, Georgiana said:

I think the thing that really rankles about Jill is the Duggar sense of superiority that she carries.  Like her parents, she's setting herself up as someone who has a lifestyle that not only people SHOULD emulate, but that she (quietly, lately) believes all people should be REQUIRED to emulate.  And like her parents, the problem is...she's just not that good.

Jessa gets this.  She often makes posts that admit that she has struggles.  Like her crock-pot roast recipe was nothing special, but the way she shared it was 'Everyone knows I'm NOT a good cook and I have two young kids, so my cooking time is limited...so when I find a recipe that even I can't screw up, that's quick and easy to prepare, and that my family will eat; I have to share it.'  And that changes the way it's read, because no longer am I evaluating the recipe on whether it is stellar or unique.  Instead, I see it as something that would be hard to fork up.  And there's a lot of space for people (moms especially) sharing recipes that are impossible to ruin, because we ALL have those days. "I'm flawed, you're flawed...and if we're flawed in the same way, here's something you can use to make it through" is a great social media strategy, and it removes the divide between the poster and the audience.  By admitting she's NOT better, Jessa creates a sense of camaraderie that makes her posts appealing.  

But Jill, she's not into admitting her faults in a relatable way.  She's into having the #besthubbyever and the #bestmarriageever and the #bestparentsever.  Everything about her life is the BEST according to her hashtags, and that bleeds over into her posts, even when they aren't overtly bragging.  And therein lies the rub: because you CAN'T take the position that you're better than others, live the most correct way, and are worth emulating when your life is AT BEST average.  Like many people said, we eat garbage food on occasion...but we aren't posting about it on the internet like it's the #bestrecipeever.  

It's not that Jill's house is messy for photos.  It's that she claims that all women need to be SAHMs because taking care of the home is VITAL...and yet her house looks like it doesn't care for it as much as many working moms are able to.  It's not that the Dillards eat the way they do.  It's that because of how they claim their life to be so superior to others, we expect more from the recipes they choose to share and promote on their blog.  It's not that Jill's parenting is THE WORST; it's that she sort of sets herself up as someone to follow for proper Christian parenting but then what she shares is decidedly meh.  It's not that the "treats" Derick gets for Jill are like a used tissue; it's that if you're going to act like the man is the BEST HUSBAND EVER, it needs to be more than just chocolate milk and overcooked steak.  

It's fine to be average.  It's fine to be mediocre.  It's fine to not be good at everything.  But what Jill lacks, and I say this all the dang time, is HUMILITY.  She's not humble enough to admit that she's just regular, maybe struggling a bit and not as together as some, and that everything in her life isn't THE BEST EVAR.  She creates a narrative that is disingenuous because of that, and her posts often fall flat because they fail to measure up to the expectations created by her narrative.  

Beautiful and spot on post. Jill, the golden Duggar child (recognized and acknowledged as such both by her parents and sibs) is struggling to represent her life and decisions as anything other than the best, even when what she presents to the outside world is anything but that, versus Jessa (and Jana to some extent) who have been labeled more active (Jana) and challenging (Jessa) by both their parents and sibs, have more readily and seamlessly integrated into the world around them. 

With my own kids I have noticed that the one who breezed through life and education is the least outwardly successful one vs the other. Having a bit of challenge in the formative years can toughen you up and  require you to acquire more skills and coping mechanisms for your toolbox for life.

Jill's toolbox is basically empty. Her parents really did such a poor job.

AND...above all else, Jill 100% lacks self awareness- until she remedies that deficiency, her problems will only continue.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

20 minutes ago, patsymae said:

So if that's your role model for a dinner party, coupled with the belief that your mere presence among the less fortunate is a blessing, I'm not sure Jill is ever going to catch on.

Good point.  But it's my understanding that Derek had a more mainstream upbringing.  I would think she would be exposed to more normal meals, at the very least, just learning to prepare what he liked.

 

[Georgiana]

The thing is though, JILL is the one who actually should have the widest culinary exposure.   After all, she's the only Duggar to have lived in a foreign country, and she has learned to cook Nepali food for Derek.  Many of the canned ingredients she uses in large quantities would likely have been hard for her to come by when they were on their "mission", so Jill MUST know how to cook without them on some level.  

I would actually enjoy it if she shared some of the recipes she used in El Salvador or how she cooks Nepali inspired food using ingredients you can find at any US Supermarket, but she doesn't.  She CHOOSES to share this nonsense. 

And I honestly think that on some level it's because she idolizes her childhood to such a degree that she honestly does think this is AMAZING and worth sharing.  It's really a commentary on how their adjustment into adult life has been that Jessa, Jana, and Jinger all have branched out in some way, while Jill seems "stuck" trying to re-create her parents' marriage and her perfect childhood.  

3 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Beautiful and spot on post. Jill, the golden Duggar child (recognized and acknowledged as such both by her parents and sibs) is struggling to represent her life and decisions as anything other than the best, even when what she presents to the outside world is anything but that, versus Jessa (and Jana to some extent) who have been labeled more active (Jana) and challenging (Jessa) by both their parents and sibs, have more readily and seamlessly integrated into the world around them. 

With my own kids I have noticed that the one who breezed through life and education is the least outwardly successful one vs the other. Having a bit of challenge in the formative years can toughen you up and  require you to acquire more skills and coping mechanisms for your toolbox for life.

Jill's toolbox is basically empty. Her parents really did such a poor job.

Why thank you!  And I agree with your assessment on Jill.  I was one of those kids who had a lot of things kids are generally judged on come naturally to me as a child...and I definitely think it contributed to my mental breakdown as an adult.  Recovering from mistakes is a SKILL.  It was a skill I didn't have robustly when I entered adulthood, and that made the adjustment very difficult because I was already adjusting, so I was making a lot of mistakes, and then I didn't know how to handle all those mistakes, which made the adjustment harder, which made me make more mistakes...

My therapist had to walk me through essentially "How to respond to making mistake in a productive manner".  I think Jill, who like me may like rules and stress out about mistakes due to anxiety, would really benefit from the same.  Whereas Jessa, Jinger, and Jana all made enough mistakes regularly in childhood that they already had a framework they could use to ease into making mistakes as adults.  

[QuiverDance]

I finally found myself bothered to look at Jill's blog, and man was it BORING.  

[patsymae]

In the beating a dead horse department: last night I "made" frozen chicken/spinach lasagna rolls with pesto from a jar. No way I'm going to make one portion of this from scratch.
Like I and others who live alone have said, packaged food is not just more convenient but also less wasteful. For me, it also helps with portion control--an issue for me--and helps me have a more varied diet, because really, how many effing chicken thighs can you eat?
When I lived in the Caribbean I had a Rasta friend who made her own tofu. So as far as I'm concerned, unless that's your purity standard, don't sneer at me for my frozen veggies and pastas, commercial yogurt whips, bread that was baked in some factory somewhere, beans in the can, nut butters from a jar, tuna from a can, and even, if I'm in the mood, pre-made Mexican chocolate pudding cups.
Plus I have to admit that I use canned/jarred artichoke hearts and for some reason I don't understand while I don't like most other canned vegetables I really, really like canned beats. Also a couple of times a year I buy the jellied cranberry "sauce" in a can. The real cranberries just won't do.

[Pecansforeveryone]

Rufus bless you 1,000 times @Georgiana for saying exactly what bothered me about Jill and the Duggars. It's their superiority and pride that really grates. There's no honest self-examination, no spirit of humility and compassion in their delivery. It's why I felt a little stabby about Jill wearing pants and a nose ring with no honest acknowledgment of evolving beliefs. The Duggar girls had made judgemental comments about "people with blue hair and piercings in their stupid book." Then Jill gets to do something similar, no apologies and dam that burns me. Hell I wouldn't care if she wore a bikini as long as she was honest and humble about it. 

[VelociRapture]

9 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

The thing is though, JILL is the one who actually should have the widest culinary exposure.   After all, she's the only Duggar to have lived in a foreign country, and she has learned to cook Nepali food for Derek.  Many of the canned ingredients she uses in large quantities would likely have been hard for her to come by when they were on their "mission", so Jill MUST know how to cook without them on some level.  

I would actually enjoy it if she shared some of the recipes she used in El Salvador or how she cooks Nepali inspired food using ingredients you can find at any US Supermarket, but she doesn't.  She CHOOSES to share this nonsense. 

And I honestly think that on some level it's because she idolizes her childhood to such a degree that she honestly does think this is AMAZING and worth sharing.  It's really a commentary on how their adjustment into adult life has been that Jessa, Jana, and Jinger all have branched out in some way, while Jill seems "stuck" trying to re-create her parents' marriage and her perfect childhood.  

Why thank you!  And I agree with your assessment on Jill.  I was one of those kids who had a lot of things kids are generally judged on come naturally to me as a child...and I definitely think it contributed to my mental breakdown as an adult.  Recovering from mistakes is a SKILL.  It was a skill I didn't have robustly when I entered adulthood, and that made the adjustment very difficult because I was already adjusting, so I was making a lot of mistakes, and then I didn't know how to handle all those mistakes, which made the adjustment harder, which made me make more mistakes...

My therapist had to walk me through essentially "How to respond to making mistake in a productive manner".  I think Jill, who like me may like rules and stress out about mistakes due to anxiety, would really benefit from the same.  Whereas Jessa, Jinger, and Jana all made enough mistakes regularly in childhood that they already had a framework they could use to ease into making mistakes as adults.  

If you look further back on their blog (page 5 of recipes) you’ll see she has shared some of those international and healthier recipes. She’s been sharing more of the “Duggar” style recipes lately, but that’s not the only type she’s shared by any means. And “Duggar” style recipes definitely aren’t the only food they eat on a regular basis either - we’ve seen plenty of photos showing them eating what appears to be healthier options. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

17 minutes ago, patsymae said:

while I don't like most other canned vegetables I really, really like canned beats. Also a couple of times a year I buy the jellied cranberry "sauce" in a can. The real cranberries just won't do.

I'm with you on both counts!  (Try the jarred beets - just as good and don't need tupperware to store left overs)

[Georgiana]

11 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

If you look further back on their blog (page 5 of recipes) you’ll see she has shared some of those international and healthier recipes. She’s been sharing more of the “Duggar” style recipes lately, but that’s not the only type she’s shared by any means. And “Duggar” style recipes definitely aren’t the only food they eat on a regular basis either - we’ve seen plenty of photos showing them eating what appears to be healthier options. 

Thank you!  I have never waded through her post history, but I guess i should have before running my mouth!