Lori Alexander 51: Looking for the Transformed Husband

[wild little fox]

On 7/13/2018 at 8:10 AM, Imrlgoddess said:

JMHO:  This all sounds like clever gaslighting from what I call a gentle misogynist.  I use the word "gentle" because it's not the typical, blatant disregard.  He may have an appreciation for women but still deep down believe something loathsome.  As to the bolded...it feels like bait.  "If she meets the 7-10 on the physical beauty scale she gets X response, anything lower and she gets my  joy of my company and maybe friend zoned if she's interesting enough."

I sincerely hope I'm being unnecessarily negative.   I think it was the whole "who hurt you" bit that just sent me.  My brain goes immediately toward:  mf'er, even IF someone did leave some hurt, it's my damn prerogative to be as cautious as I want to be!

  Good luck, I'm sorry if I'm coming across grouchy and bitchy this morning.

 

@Sarah92He already doesn't hear you or make a place for your wants, needs, feelings, ... But he tries to fit who you are into what he believes is wrong with women who won't submit. He devalued what you said and clings to his belief that you are damaged. 

Maybe your alarms are going off and that's why you posted? 

I don't mean to be a bossy old woman lol but you are showing concerns that are valid! 

[Sarah92]

So let me beak down Cora's bullshit because I refuse to call it an argument. So a husband shouldn't put his hands on his wife but even if he does it's not rape because they're married. If it's not considered rape then her bullshit takes away the point of not putting his hands on his wife because there are no consequences and no reason for him not to because it's not considered rape by her. So either way no consequences and no room for the woman the say no. I rebuke that thinking in the name of Jesus because that goes against all that is pure and loving. 

[CancerBomb]

Reading what Lori has to say in picture journal posts breaks my heart. What she describes is women being nothing more than breeding stock. I wish I could sit down with her and talk about how men and women are so much more than biology. I'm more than two X chromosomes, I'm a carer, listener, student, and scholar. 

[polecat]

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"Men prefer debt-free virgins without tattoos ... "

says Lori. That sounds awfully specific. I mean, I'm not terribly into tattooed men myself, but at the same time, it definitely would not be a deal-breaker if I loved him. 

One of her readers says, 

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They would also prefer a woman who still lives at her parent’s house that has not had other relationships. 

Well, unfortunately, Millenials are having a tough time finding jobs that pay well and affordable housing. So living at home won't be a biggy.

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“They will start having babies later in life. That is if they can still conceive naturally.”

And? Look, I didn't have my oldest son until I was in my 30s. Naturally conceived, as if that matters. And I'm so glad I didn't have babies younger. I. Was. Not. Ready. Not emotionally, not physically. I have zero regrets about waiting and am having the time of my life with my kids.

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“They lost a handful of years of experience learning to cook large meals and learning how to work in the garden. College kids don’t cook. If they do, it’s typically for themselves.”

That's a weird thing to believe. I did a lot of cooking throughout my 20s, yes, even while in college, and for friends, too. It was fun! As for gardening ... Lori doesn't even know how to garden, and she's a "wise older woman," but that's neither here nor there. My son had a (high school) class last year where he spent at least one period a week in the school's greenhouse. Heck, I learned to garden from my mom. 

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“It’s very rare to find an 18 year old woman that continue to work and live at her parent’s house until she meets her husband. "

It's also a rare thing to meet/marry one's spouse at 18, so I'm not sure what the point of this is.

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"they seek out books or movies on how to interpret the Bible which leads them down the wrong path.”

Like Lori does? Like that? 

 

[Lgirlrocks]

11 minutes ago, polecat said:

says Lori. That sounds awfully specific. I mean, I'm not terribly into tattooed men myself, but at the same time, it definitely would not be a deal-breaker if I loved him. 

One of her readers says, 

Well, unfortunately, Millenials are having a tough time finding jobs that pay well and affordable housing. So living at home won't be a biggy.

And? Look, I didn't have my oldest son until I was in my 30s. Naturally conceived, as if that matters. And I'm so glad I didn't have babies younger. I. Was. Not. Ready. Not emotionally, not physically. I have zero regrets about waiting and am having the time of my life with my kids.

That's a weird thing to believe. I did a lot of cooking throughout my 20s, yes, even while in college, and for friends, too. It was fun! As for gardening ... Lori doesn't even know how to garden, and she's a "wise older woman," but that's neither here nor there. My son had a (high school) class last year where he spent at least one period a week in the school's greenhouse. Heck, I learned to garden from my mom. 

It's also a rare thing to meet/marry one's spouse at 18, so I'm not sure what the point of this is.

Like Lori does? Like that? 

 

My mom didn’t marry until she was 29. She was thirty when she had my older brother. She did have some trouble having kids but it wasn’t her age. She birthed 3 babies and had five miscarriages. She couldn’t carry past the first trimester. This was back in the late 90’s early 2000’s. Marrying young doesn’t garentee kids. 

At 18 I was in my final year of high school/first semester of college. I did live at home and work part time. Started working full time when I was 19. I wasn’t ready to marry. Yes I could cook, clean, sew, write a check, and balance a check book. I also had my own checking and savings account. I was not ready for that kind of commitment. Heck I didn’t even know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

sure some men want a virgin but most wont really care. If you love that person tattoos and virginity won’t really matter.

[Hisey]

Who the hell cares what men prefer? Why should I re-arrange myself to try to please "men"? Even if I were single, I'd want to be loved for who I am. I'm certainly not going to *forego a college education* because some hypothetical man might not like it. And if I ever felt the need for a tattoo, I'd get one. And I"d explain to my true love why it was meaningful to me. And if he didn't like it, he could go.

And what's with all this talk about debt? My daughter just graduated from high school and received multiple offers of merit aid. She could have attended college scot-free, if she had chosen our local university. Good grades can take you far. Many of her friends are attending the local university--which is very highly rated--at a pretty low cost. I think Lori is thinking of private universities, where you can accumulate substantial debt if you don't have parents who can pay. It would make sense that, in the circles she moves in, that this would be her idea of college.

[klein_roeschen]

46 minutes ago, polecat said:

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“They lost a handful of years of experience learning to cook large meals and learning how to work in the garden. College kids don’t cook. If they do, it’s typically for themselves.”

That's a weird thing to believe. I did a lot of cooking throughout my 20s, yes, even while in college, and for friends, too. It was fun! As for gardening ... Lori doesn't even know how to garden, and she's a "wise older woman," but that's neither here nor there. My son had a (high school) class last year where he spent at least one period a week in the school's greenhouse. Heck, I learned to garden from my mom. 

Really, learning to cook and care for a household is nothing you need years of fulltime work for. Thanks to modern advantages like washers, dryers, fridges and electric/ gas stoves, that saves a lot of time. And what's so different and time consuming with cooking large meals? I mostly cook more of my weekend dishes and put the rest in the freezer, it wouldn't spare me much time to cook less. And evil public elementary school has the subject of school gardening in 3th grade, where the pupils not only learn to garden, but also the theoretics of gardening and raising crops.

 

1 hour ago, polecat said:

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“It’s very rare to find an 18 year old woman that continue to work and live at her parent’s house until she meets her husband. " 

It's also a rare thing to meet/marry one's spouse at 18, so I'm not sure what the point of this is.

That sounds strongly like an unpaid maid 24/7 with social contacts limited by her parents.  Hadn't had Lori one of her daugthers wait on her hand and foot and than guild trip her when she married and left her parents home?

[AlwaysDiscerning]

What a freaky post title today. Debt free virgins without tattoos? LOL!! Somehow this has to be worked into the next thread title. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

I wonder who the woman is in her photo? Permission to use that? Probably not.  

[Hane]

Some of the best cooks I met were college guys who used to whip up mass quantities of Mexican food for the crowds at their parties.  

Everyday cooking isn’t hard, Lori. You just need to know how to read a recipe and pay attention to what you’re doing. I baked my first cake (from a mix) when I was eight.

[Loveday]

16 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

What a freaky post title today. Debt free virgins without tattoos? LOL!! Somehow this has to be worked into the next thread title. 

It's like she threw a bunch of different things up against a wall and went with the three things that stuck, even though they had absolutely nothing to do with one another. 

[AuntKrazy]

I was a debt free virgin with a tattoo when I met my husband.  I know my husband did not think of me as primarily any of those things, though.  He saw me as a person first.  Those were just things I had done/had not done; and not who I am.  

In fact, he loves my tattoo.  It is a Celtic  looking Carolingian Cross - a cross made up of symbols of the Trinity - and is shaded in purple - the color of passion and suffering/ and blue - the color of rebirth/hope.  I got it when I finished grad school; because what I had gone through had marked me, and I always wanted to remember. 

I had lost 5 close friends unexpectedly, including the man I thought I would marry, in less than 6 months.  He was the 4th death.  On the day of his memorial service, I came home and ignored the messages on my phone, including one from a woman I knew from church.  She had to a pneuthetic counselor who convinced her that she did not need to take her bipolar meds.  She called me before committing suicide.  Needless to say, this plunged me into a dark season where it took all my faith to get out of bed and go to class and finish what I had begun.  I would not have made it without my faith.  And I wanted a marker to always remember.  I believe my tattoo is beautiful because of what it means to me.

Every person's story and journey is different.  Every one gets to make different choices.  If I believe in redemption (and I do), then I believe that it is not our jobs to make people feel badly about their choices and their journey, but to hold forth compassion and love no matter where each of us may be.  I believe that God in his infinite grace and perfect wisdom has left things in each of us that has yet to be refined/perfected.  Who am I to question this?  I want to give the same grace I hope I receive.  Most people are trying their hardest to do the best/be the best they can be.  Kindness ignites more change than condemnation.

So once again, Lori's message undermines the gospel by judging women for actions; and giving no room for either salvation or the process of sanctification/spiritual growth.  Lori is a modern day Pharisee.

 

[Hane]

In the early ‘70s, my (Italian Catholic but not crazy religious) mother once said of guys, “But they all want virgins.” I hastened to inform her that the average guy my age found virginity an inconvenience.

[brainwashed working mom]

I really shouldn't be surprised, but I was completely blown away by the post this morning. It's as if she rolls out of bed every morning and says, "How can I come off as a truly heinous bitch today?"

[Loveday]

11 minutes ago, brainwashed working mom said:

I really shouldn't be surprised, but I was completely blown away by the post this morning. It's as if she rolls out of bed every morning and says, "How can I come off as a truly heinous bitch today?"

And isn't it amazing how well she succeeds each and every time? 

 

Just noticed this was your first post. Welcome to FJ! 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Yay for Lori!! She gets to live in a climate where she can open her windows all the time. I guess everyone else gets to die. I don't believe what she posted, but look at the absolute snobbery again.

 

[EowynW]

Off gassing is a real thing but sadly not all of us can keep our windows open all the time. 

 

I thought today's post was a joke at first lol 

[Meeka]

Thanks Lori. I'll remember to open my window at night in January when it's -40 C to air out the house. You're always so helpful.

[BullyJBG]

48 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Yay for Lori!! She gets to live in a climate where she can open her windows all the time. I guess everyone else gets to die. I don't believe what she posted, but look at the absolute snobbery again.

 

Aw darn, and I thought Lori might come to the cold land of Canada(oh wait, Alaska can work, no need to worry about immigration. But, when it comes to immigration, Lori can learn a LOT about that here in Canada.) where it's too cold to wear the immodest clothes she talks about. Quite frankly, I'm surprised there aren't more winter deaths in nursing homes. I did work in some, and I love to take the residents outside when possible. But, there's about 6 months of the year when they stay indoors 24-7 and opening windows isn't an option.

[Meeka]

Do men really want virgins? (Note: I'm not trying to imply however, that they think it's a negative things but just not something that they are specifically looking for.) It has certainly not been my experience. Maybe  if they are in the very socially conservation circles but I don't think that's the case in the general population. 

 

[usedtobenice]

1 hour ago, brainwashed working mom said:

I really shouldn't be surprised, but I was completely blown away by the post this morning. It's as if she rolls out of bed every morning and says, "How can I come off as a truly heinous bitch today?"

I don't think she ever asks herself that. I think she just has an innate talent for it 

[brainwashed working mom]

1 hour ago, Loveday said:

And isn't it amazing how well she succeeds each and every time? 

 

Just noticed this was your first post. Welcome to FJ! 

Thanks! Good to be here! 

[delphinium65]

Debt free virgins without tattoos...yeah, some men prefer that.  It's a good thing I don't give a flying fsck what those men think.  

And I used 'fsck' on purpose...Lori's mind desperately needs a file system check, and every other kind of check there is. 

[Koala]

Ken married a debt free virgin, with no tattoos. 

The result? 

24 years of (admitted) "misery".

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 I was a bit bossy and controlling. When we were deciding where to go out to eat, I would push and push for my way.  I also didn't like to serve others at all. I much preferred to be served!

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I really loved being served.  I wanted Ken to serve me and make me happy.  I was VERY selfish. 

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 I was continually preaching the Bible to him and trying to control him through my emotions, withholding sex, and getting angry with him. I argued with him constantly. He felt like he continually walked on egg shells around me, never knowing when he was going to displease me, sometimes with the littlest of things.

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Ken didn't eat healthy enough in my opinion. He wasn't "spiritual" enough for me, watched and played too many sports, etc. In other words, he wasn't living up to my standards. I treated him as my child, someone I needed to control

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How was your honeymoon?  Was it all you dreamed about?  Mine sure was not.  We went to Palm Springs and I was basically upset with Ken the whole time.  He wasn't living according to my plan...

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 Ken felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me; sneak his junk food and live like a stranger in his own home. 

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The first 23 years of our marriage, I was mad at Ken while he worked so hard to provide for our family. 

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Ken loves junk food.  When I married him, he lived on pizza and donuts.  That is what we argued about for many years. 

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 I wish he was more disciplined but he's not.  

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 Were you madly in love with your soon-to-be spouse? I sure wasn't certain.

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we argued a lot. The thing we argued about the most was food 

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 I was very critical. I expected a lot from Ken, instead of loving, serving, and pleasing him. I didn't accept him as he was at all.

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Ken and I went to Palm Desert for our honeymoon. We were staying in a condo, so shortly after we got there we went to a store to buy food. He bought Ritz Crackers and that junky cheese to put on them. 

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I was appalled that he would eat that and I let him know. Usually, I would give him the silent treatment and be upset for a while.

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When we went to a nice restaurant and he ordered a steak, we wouldn't even be able to enjoy the meal because I was too upset. 

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I wanted to change the way Ken ate and I was SO bad.  I would pout, stew, and try to manipulate him to eat better. I ruined so many "fun" times because I was mad that he had eaten a steak or french fries. 

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He actually had to sneak junk food and eat it when I wasn't around...I treated him like a child!  I

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 we argued quite a bit after we got engaged and then a lot after we were married. 

I guess marrying a debt free virgin, with no tattoos isn't a cure-all, is it?

[Imrlgoddess]

RE: Windows.....I ain't opening shit right now!  It's only a billion degrees in the shade, my house is like a cave until at least late September.  

Virgins with no debt and no tattoos that can cook huh...well, that just sounds to me like the perfect anti-jackass recipe!  Come'on baby girl, mama's buying your tramp stamp this afternoon after college orientation lets out!! And here's some money for take out for dinner. 

 

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