Real Life Fundie Encounters - Part 4

[Swamptribe]

On 3/19/2018 at 10:40 PM, EowynW said:

No one is being a maidzilla but thanks for the assumption. The bride is a fundie who is freaking out about any of us showing any hint of chest skin for fear of defrauding any men. I agree with doing what the Bride wants, and I'm going along with it all because I love my brother.  But I can totally bitch here about how silly some of this stuff is, since after all this is a forum for fundie snarking. 

I never said you WERE a maidezilla, just advised you not to become one.  Much of the advice posted in response was pushing in that direction. 

[Aine]

On 3/30/2018 at 3:21 PM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

In my admittedly limited experience I've seen a lot of fundie couples where the hubby is the walrus.  The wife is working like crazy to maintain her HS/ wedding day weight, and to lose all her baby weight within 2 months. This is almost always at the hub's insistence and the women think he has every right to demand this. (Women will confide the darndest things in other women.)

Hub on the other hand has put on 25-50 lbs in what can only be described as a beer gut (whether he drinks or not).  The wife is usually concerned that some young, hot, thin cutie is going to take her man, and the hub is convinced he's still the hot trim athlete he was in HS/college and women are still checking him out.

The irony that these men are fundie and demanding a level of purity/ submission/ godly thinness from their wives while surreptitiously checking out other women is not lost on me -- but seems to be ignored by those involved.

It makes me chuckle (and be a little sad all at once) that fundie's apparent "avoidance" of the mainstream media and beauty standards seems to do absolutely nothing to inoculate them from exactly the same attitudes that mainstream men and women often hold because of that influence- a "dad bod" on a man can be totally attractive according to magazines/movies/tv shows but the wife should still totally have or be striving towards the 'perfect' body, especially one that looks like she has never birthed a child.

[EowynW]

My mom gave my brother a stern talking to about making sure he worked hard and well enough to allow his soon to be wife to stay home if she wants to. I had forgotten she gave that talk to my husband too. 

[AmericanRose]

I'm not sure if this counts as fundie, but:

I work at a convenience store/gas station, and a group of teen girls came in with longish (below the knee) skirts and long hair. They were waiting to use the bathroom and began talking. We have a huge stack of Monster energy drinks near the bathroom, so one of them asked the others if they knew the Monster logo was another symbol of 666, and that's why she never drinks Monster.

I moseyed over to the window and sure enough, there was a van with [city] apostolic church on it. Never thought I'd see that in the city!

[EowynW]

While visiting with my fundie cousins over the weekend (I have cousins in a soft cult,) one of my cousins joked about how her husband was dragging his feet about feeling like he was ready for a baby, so she threatened him saying "if he didn't hurry up she'd poke a hole in something." 

It was probably a joke but OH MY GOSH. STILL! 

[EowynW]

Wedding update: finally found a dress that is tolerable and shouldn't defraud anyone. 

The bride told us all we could pick our own jewelry. Now she's going to handpicked our jewelry herself. Ladies, this girl is in her mid twenties and wears jewelry that looks like it came from Claire's and is for a 16 year old. (Even in her engagement pictures!) I'm going to wear it but I'm going to need some wine 

[anniebgood]

18 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Wedding update: finally found a dress that is tolerable and shouldn't defraud anyone. 

The bride told us all we could pick our own jewelry. Now she's going to handpicked our jewelry herself. Ladies, this girl is in her mid twenties and wears jewelry that looks like it came from Claire's and is for a 16 year old. (Even in her engagement pictures!) I'm going to wear it but I'm going to need some wine 

Get a dark water carrier and fill it with wine. Just say you need your water because you're worried about becoming dehydrated. Problem solved!

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

And if you drink white wine no one will suspect. 

Myself, I'd go for chilled straight vodka.  People can't really smell it and more bang for medicinal purposes.

[What the Fundie]

Good evening, I am not a Fundie but have lived among them in a very Fundie town for the last thirty years. I have had a multitude of experiences around them and even acted as a judge for one of their homeschool debate teams. What has moved me to join this forum/site is the recent relocation of one of the Uber Fundie Pastors to be an adjacent neighbor and a whacked out kool aid couple who have become another adjacent neighbor.

The kool aid couple are in their 60’s and their children come to visit regularly. The oldest son comes everyday for lunch with mama, they all come after church on Sunday blocking traffic on the street. Their particular Fundie Sect does not believe in music at church, does not believe in charity except for those within their church and uses only the KJ bible. So at least they are not hypocritical about their church mission work since they have none.  One of the more amusing things about these folks is that the husband enforces all the church rules and last Halloween we were treated to the sight of him tearing down the autumn flag his wife had put out  whilst he yelled at her that she was a pagan. Their home was of course dark for trick or treating. 

The Uber Fundie Pastor is another story all together. He makes my blood boil and I am sure, well, I know I make his boil since I am now prominently displaying a rather large stone Buddha.  The UFP has the perfect blonde wife with long waist length blonde hair and four little kiddies.  His church is a break off of a mainstream Protestant denomination that hates in no particular order; blacks, abortion, inter racial dating, all bibles except KJV, homosexuals, Hillary Clinton, all politicians that aren’t republicans, homosexuals (not a mistake), anybody that doesn’t believe what they believe.  The man’s expression is truly terrifying. I have watched him rearrange his facial expression from pure hatred to his good “Christian” face with frightening speed. He also affects a facade of humble endurance when forced to deal with those outside his belief system.  UFP had our landscaper in tears after damning his artistic son, telling him it was his fault his son was autistic.... that old anti-vaxxer routine.  He also bluntly told another neighbor that their children could not play with his since they were not in his church.  The children are the usual mix of emotionally stunted and immature behaviors.

I look forward to venting here about all the craziness I see on a daily basis.

[December]

I was heading to catch my bus yesterday near where some fundies (not sure what type) were aggressively trying to hand out fire-and-brimstone pamphlets. One started yelling at me to come back and followed me halfway down the block until a nice gentleman intervened and told them to get the hell away from me. Nothing super shocking, but I've never felt uneasy like that on my commute before (what an ironic reason, too!).

[EowynW]

My dress got approved. Only if I promise to pin up the v neck. But if I pin it up to perfect fundie approval standards I can't fit the dress over my head. 

My brother told me the weekend before the wedding he gets "the sex talk" from my dad. My brother is almost 27. Dear God. 

[Briefly]

7 hours ago, EowynW said:

My dress got approved. Only if I promise to pin up the v neck. But if I pin it up to perfect fundie approval standards I can't fit the dress over my head. 

My brother told me the weekend before the wedding he gets "the sex talk" from my dad. My brother is almost 27. Dear God. 

I think you said you've already talked to your brother, but if not - better encourage him to come talk to you after he talks to your dad!

[EowynW]

On 4/16/2018 at 6:14 PM, Briefly said:

I think you said you've already talked to your brother, but if not - better encourage him to come talk to you after he talks to your dad!

I want to talk with him. It's going to be so awkward tho. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

@EowynW Do you mean that your brother doesn't know anything about sex and the facts of life???!!!

[EowynW]

13 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

@EowynW Do you mean that your brother doesn't know anything about sex and the facts of life???!!!

Well I would HOPE he knows the basics. But my fundie mom told me he told her he needed my dad to talk to him because "he didn't know where to put it" after he got married. So, hell no I guess he doesn't.  and she's a very very very very verrry good girl so I am doubtful there too.  

[EowynW]

So a calvanista fundie acquaintance (who finally got married in her mid 30s and pregnant with her first child) used Barbara Bush's death to start preaching about "mothers in the home" shit and saying the culture didn't value motherhood. When I casually mentioned that I thought the culture still valued moms pretty highly, especially church circles, and that I believed women should be valued equally for their work inside or outside the home, she got super pissy and it dissolved into "the feminists" and "oh I value women but only in the correct biblicak framework" and "you are just toooooooo sensitive." Such a bitch. 

[EowynW]

I hate it when Christian women feel so insecure about their choice to stay at home and have kids, that they constantly post about "the highest calling is in the HOME! KIDS! HUSBAND!" and anyone who believes otherwise is a "misguided feminist."

[anniebgood]

4 hours ago, EowynW said:

Well I would HOPE he knows the basics. But my fundie mom told me he told her he needed my dad to talk to him because "he didn't know where to put it" after he got married. So, hell no I guess he doesn't.  and she's a very very very very verrry good girl so I am doubtful there too.  

Is there time to order The Joy of Sex from Amazon before the wedding? I bet he'd appreciate it. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I hope your brother's fiancee isn't so very, very, very, very, verrry good that she refuses to have sex on her wedding night.

My sister had a friend who refused to have sex for the first 3-4 months of her marriage because she just wasn't going to do that disgusting thing with anyone, which obviously included her husband.  She also never undressed in front of him and never allowed him to see her naked or even partially clothed.  Needless to say their very seldom sex life was done in complete total darkness.

They divorced after about 2 years or so. and she moved back home to live with her parents. X had been raised a very strict Southern Baptist and saved everything, including holding hands, until after the wedding. I think she was about 25 when she married.

I remember my sis told me X 's mother had the sex talk with her right before the wedding. In which the mom explained that women have to put up with sex in order to get all the bay-beeez so just close your eyes, lie there and let him do that and hope it's over soon.

[EowynW]

7 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I hope your brother's fiancee isn't so very, very, very, very, verrry good that she refuses to have sex on her wedding night.

My sister had a friend who refused to have sex for the first 3-4 months of her marriage because she just wasn't going to do that disgusting thing with anyone, which obviously included her husband.  She also never undressed in front of him and never allowed him to see her naked or even partially clothed.  Needless to say their very seldom sex life was done in complete total darkness.

They divorced after about 2 years or so. and she moved back home to live with her parents. X had been raised a very strict Southern Baptist and saved everything, including holding hands, until after the wedding. I think she was about 25 when she married.

I remember my sis told me X 's mother had the sex talk with her right before the wedding. In which the mom explained that women have to put up with sex in order to get all the bay-beeez so just close your eyes, lie there and let him do that and hope it's over soon.

I'm afraid of that too. I think she will go through with it though, because fundie women are taught to never ever deny their husbands and to give them sex. It's so unhealthy tho.

[EowynW]

My fucking dress is too damn MODEST now, according to the fundie bride and her mother. We have barely 3 weeks left and now this prissy very young size 2 is going to hand select all of us fat bridesmaids "better dresses." 

 

 

[hollyandivy]

1 hour ago, EowynW said:

My fucking dress is too damn MODEST now, according to the fundie bride and her mother. We have barely 3 weeks left and now this prissy very young size 2 is going to hand select all of us fat bridesmaids "better dresses." 

 

 

Too modest????? I am confused.... And she is going to select the dresses now??????? Hallelujah, I bet you will be very happy when that event is over (I just hope the new dress does not break your bank. Could you at least return the "too modest" number?)

[EowynW]

3 minutes ago, hollyandivy said:

Too modest????? I am confused.... And she is going to select the dresses now??????? Hallelujah, I bet you will be very happy when that event is over (I just hope the new dress does not break your bank. Could you at least return the "too modest" number?)

Yep too modest. "Too much dress." "It needs to match the other girls." (Who are all twigs.) 

Can't return the too modest dress. 

[hollyandivy]

I think I would throw the towel..... my patience does not last very long. And did she not approve the picture of the too modest thing? 

If she is so picky why did she not decide on a certain dress instead of giving you guidelines and then vetoing every single dress you choose?

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Tell her you cannot afford another dress.  Your budget only stretches to the dress you bought -- which cannot be returned.  So she has 2 choices.  You wear the one you have or she pays for a new one. 

You went with the more modest dress because she vetoed the dress you selected because it Oh Noes showed a hint of upper upper chest under the lace.

I know she's the bride and about to be part of your family, but she doesn't get to make you spend additional money on yet another new dress.  Especially when she approved the dress that she now says is too modest.

I'm just going to throw this out as a fellow curvy girl.  If the rest of the bridesmaids are twigs, a larger (plus?) size dress may not be readily available or able to be ordered/arrive in 3 weeks.  So if she won't let you wear the dress you have and the new dress won't arrive in time......... Please tell me this isn't her passive aggressive way of excluding you from the wedding party. 

Unfortunately I've known brides who excluded people who were over a certain size, whether they were family or not -- because the picture wouldn't look good if all the bridesmaids weren't the same (tiny) size.

Hugs to you for having to deal with all this so, so unnecessary drama.