Courtney Women Living Well Divorced

[desertvixen]

I have sympathy for her, because I have been the (non-submitting) wife who got blindsided by her husband's desire for divorce.  However, it's tempered by the hope that she gets this is why one size doesn't fit all.  And that blaming people is not cool.

[FlamingFundie]

I seem to recall some sort of connection between Courtney and Audrey/Jeremy Roloff recently... But I can't find any evidence of that now that I am searching.

ETA never mind. They have a connection to Unveiled Wife. Can't keep all these submissive wives straight...

[luv2laugh]

On 12/1/2016 at 6:16 PM, FlamingFundie said:

I seem to recall some sort of connection between Courtney and Audrey/Jeremy Roloff recently... But I can't find any evidence of that now that I am searching.

ETA never mind. They have a connection to Unveiled Wife. Can't keep all these submissive wives straight...

They also have a connection to Lisa Jacobson from Club 31 women blog.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I know this isn't a bumpin' thread or anything but I had a thought inspired by this woman's story. 

Do you think there is a connection between extreme gender roles in a marriage and custody agreements after the divorce? Because she seems to have primary custody of her kids. I can't imagine a fundie family that homeschooled having 50/50 custody. It really wouldn't work well since the mother's job is to homeschool, take care of the kids, and do housework. She said in a post a few years back that her husband just comes home and relaxes. So I imagine he doesn't help much with the kids. So if he had them half the time, he probably wouldn't know what to do. And she might have a hard time finding a job since she's been homeschooling for years. I'm just wondering if others have noticed a trend among fundies who divorce.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

This is anecdotal, but the fundie/fundie-lite couples I've seen who divorce have had 3 things in common 1) the husband announced he wanted a divorce and left for another woman, 2) the other woman was not fundie, was younger, child free, and had a career, and 3) the ex hubby didn't want shared custody just visitation and left primary custody to the wife.

The couples I've known did fancy private Christian schools but not home schooling,  I've seen ex hubs refuse to continue paying the private Christian school fees in addition to the alimony/child support, so the children ended up in public school. I've seen ex hubs pay pitiful alimony, alimony for only 2 years or none at all,  just child support.  None of the ones I know about agreed to pay for the children's college (and they more than had the money).

I've seen ex wives go back to careers they gave up when they got pregnant and stayed home -- usually returning to teaching elementary school. I've also seen one wife end up working at the dept store make-up counter because she dropped out of college after 2 years to get married and never worked.

In every instance the wives were doing exactly what the hubby wanted -- SAHM and wife who took care of the husband's every need -- that is until the hubby decided he didn't want that anymore.

 

[snarkysally]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I know this isn't a bumpin' thread or anything but I had a thought inspired by this woman's story. 

Do you think there is a connection between extreme gender roles in a marriage and custody agreements after the divorce? Because she seems to have primary custody of her kids. I can't imagine a fundie family that homeschooled having 50/50 custody. It really wouldn't work well since the mother's job is to homeschool, take care of the kids, and do housework. She said in a post a few years back that her husband just comes home and relaxes. So I imagine he doesn't help much with the kids. So if he had them half the time, he probably wouldn't know what to do. And she might have a hard time finding a job since she's been homeschooling for years. I'm just wondering if others have noticed a trend among fundies who divorce.

I definitely think it's probably likely to be that the mother has primary custody in these families. She has said before that he basically doesn't do anything with the children. She is solely in charge of discipline, and everything else involving the children so that he won't be bothered with them. She is one of those proponents of allowing your husband time to relax before the children greet him, etc.  From comments she makes, he's very hands off, though she always presented her family as a model family. 

She posted this fall about sending her children to school (maybe a private Christian school). She had posted on her blog before that her husband was not in favor of homeschooling but she submitted and prayed about it (read: pouted at him) until he came around to her way of thinking and gave in. That seems to be another interesting theme with these wives. They preach submission, but there are so many of these blogs that talk about manipulation tactics they use to quietly change the minds of their husbands, pouting, etc. 

Anyway, all that to say that I wonder if her husband was the reasoning behind putting them in school, maybe that was in their agreement somehow. Or it could have just got to be too much for her. Though with her blog income (she has a huge blog following so lots of advertising and affiliate earnings), and book royalties, along with child support I don't think she will need to find a traditional out-of-the-home job anytime soon so I don't think that will be an issue for her. I'm guessing she will also get alimony in addition to child support as well. She was quite vocal about how well off they were. 

I think that men just *think* they want a robotic doormat as a wife and a lot of them realize later that they would rather have a true partnership and actually share the load. i know we talk a lot about the women in these situations, but I think it's a lot of pressure on the men to make every decision and have all the load of the family on his shoulders at all times. I just don't think it's a sustainable system for anybody. 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

38 minutes ago, snarkysally said:

I definitely think it's probably likely to be that the mother has primary custody in these families. She has said before that he basically doesn't do anything with the children. She is solely in charge of discipline, and everything else involving the children so that he won't be bothered with them. She is one of those proponents of allowing your husband time to relax before the children greet him, etc.  From comments she makes, he's very hands off, though she always presented her family as a model family. 

She posted this fall about sending her children to school (maybe a private Christian school). She had posted on her blog before that her husband was not in favor of homeschooling but she submitted and prayed about it (read: pouted at him) until he came around to her way of thinking and gave in. That seems to be another interesting theme with these wives. They preach submission, but there are so many of these blogs that talk about manipulation tactics they use to quietly change the minds of their husbands, pouting, etc. 

Anyway, all that to say that I wonder if her husband was the reasoning behind putting them in school, maybe that was in their agreement somehow. Or it could have just got to be too much for her. Though with her blog income (she has a huge blog following so lots of advertising and affiliate earnings), and book royalties, along with child support I don't think she will need to find a traditional out-of-the-home job anytime soon so I don't think that will be an issue for her. I'm guessing she will also get alimony in addition to child support as well. She was quite vocal about how well off they were. 

I think that men just *think* they want a robotic doormat as a wife and a lot of them realize later that they would rather have a true partnership and actually share the load. i know we talk a lot about the women in these situations, but I think it's a lot of pressure on the men to make every decision and have all the load of the family on his shoulders at all times. I just don't think it's a sustainable system for anybody. 

 

Yes I completely agree with everything you said. My husband would HATE a submissive Jermajesty. He loves how decisive I am because he can be a bit of a waffler at times. He would do terribly in a relationship like that because I would get mad waiting around for a decision for everything. And my husband is very hands on with our kids. I think it's so sad that these men live in the same home as their family but have little relationship with their children. 

Her marriage just sounds like a recipe for unhappiness. No wonder he wanted a divorce. 

[Lurky]

On 09/12/2016 at 9:18 PM, snarkysally said:

I think that men just *think* they want a robotic doormat as a wife and a lot of them realize later that they would rather have a true partnership and actually share the load. i know we talk a lot about the women in these situations, but I think it's a lot of pressure on the men to make every decision and have all the load of the family on his shoulders at all times. I just don't think it's a sustainable system for anybody. 

Yeah, my heart hurts for the 2nd gen. fundies brought up being told they only can have the submissive wife - it's a LOT of pressure on them - especially when they end up with the above-mentioned pouting/ostentatiously-praying-they'll-change-their-mind type.  Imagine being a SotDRT 2nd Gen boy-adult, getting married to a SotDRT kidult who has been brought up to believe the likes of Lori and Courtney?  No one wins, there, except their parents, who inflicted their experimental lifestyles on their poor kids.

[Bazinga]

She has an update: http://womenlivingwell.org/2017/09/heart-heart-chat-close-personal/

I'm really surprised by the divorce in the first place. I followed Courtney a looooong time ago when she was actually blogging about homeschooling, etc. I lost interest when she moved more strictly to devotional guides. I saw a new release for her book on Amazon so it piked my interest to check out her website again, and I was surprised to see all that went down.

With that being said, I really wish ladies would get off the internet with these "look at me and my perfect life" blogs. So far almost every blog/ instagram I have followed the marriage has ended in divorce, husband cheated, wife cheated, etc. (and this isn't just fundie blogs, mommy blogs, and fashion blogs too). I used to think blogging would be a great way to make money (back when blogging was SUPER popular), but now I'm glad I never touched it.

I feel for her, but boy, did she eat a lot of crow.

*note- for those who don't want to watch the video. Basically she talked about the divorce being hard. And for about a year she had prayed for a resolution between her and her ex, but it is now officially snuffed out (maybe he remarried???). So she has now come to peace with being single and is trying to figure out what a single Courtney is really all about...she then goes on to talk about her new bible study, yada yada.

[EmainMacha]

Isn't this a different Courtney than Sweet Tea and Buttermilk/Thankgiving Bib Courtney? Have their sections been merged?

[Coconut Flan]

@EmainMacha I may have thought they were the same Courtney when filing in the archives.  I don't read either of them.  In the future if you have an archive question, you can simply send me a PM.  Thanks. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

It makes me feel really sorry for her that she spent all that time hoping for a reconciliation. I don't even want to imagine how awful that must've been. It's too bad she held on that long. Hopefully now she can move on and actually enjoy her new life.

[Bugeyedmonster2]

On ‎12‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 7:25 AM, snarkysally said:

Honestly, I think she was a bit of a hypocrit with all the submission stuff. She preaches it, as well as women staying home, etc. But in some things she definitely seems to wear the pants in the family in ways that almost made me feel badly for her husband at times. The same with women being called to stay home. She condemns working women yet she has admitted to sometimes spending 60+ hours a week on her blog and she travels a lot for her blog and book, etc. I don't really know how much she actually lives out what she says, though she sure is harsh toward others who dont.

Why does that remind me of Serena Joy?