This adoption blow-up just frustrates me

[Feberin]

I really hope it was more serious then hand washing. And that was a very messed up thing to say to a child especially one in foster care.

That said I can see situations that you would not want to take a foster child into a family with other especially younger children. I did a educational course and volunteered in a group home for kids who were unable to placed in foster care and some 90% of them had been sexually abused and would act out including taking advantage of smaller children. I know that even if I really wanted to help a child I would not want to take that risk with my young son. Of course I'm not signing up to foster or adopt children. But I suppose she might not have realized that the child could hurt one of the others.

[Hane]

I think anyone who posts pictures of his/her crying children, either as humiliation or as a dispassionate "case study," is a thoroughgoing twunt.

[Kelya]

Heck, I think one of my sons was allergic to soap/water between the ages of 12-14 or so. There was lots of times we would tousle his hair and say, "Try again, dude!" Fibbing about taking a shower or the effectiveness of said shower is a pretty common boy-phase. It hardly means that there is some fatal flaw in the child's character, or that you're raising a serial killer.

Making a big deal with such disproportionate punishment for this "crime" makes me believe all the more that she wanted him out and just couldn't think of a way to do it without losing face - because fundies CANNOT lose face, ever - so she blew some little thing up into a big, mysterious, creepy deed on the part of a 5-year-old.

I don't know why these fundies (and some SUCKY parents) need to punish, not teach. TEACH your child that if they are dirty and stay dirty they will have to go get clean. Punishing them for being dirty is just ridiculous.

I've worked with young adults who have been abused and they usually have poor hygiene. Keeping them accountable and redirecting them is what's important, because it will result in a clean person. What's the end result? What needs to be achieved? How do we get there? Dirty child needs to be cleaned, let's reiterate the expectations and assist them in meeting them.

[GenerationCedarchip]

And now it's officially becoming like a trainwreck for me. She's updated the blog to add that she wrote a big long letter to the kid that they sent away telling him about how much higher God's purposes are then her purposes. Somehow I get the idea that this isn't what the poor little boy needs right now. *headdesk*

[Guest Anonymous]

And now it's officially becoming like a trainwreck for me. She's updated the blog to add that she wrote a big long letter to the kid that they sent away telling him about how much higher God's purposes are then her purposes. Somehow I get the idea that this isn't what the poor little boy needs right now. *headdesk*

I would hope the letter will never see the light of day, but I am still suspicious of the quality of the social services department that made this placement in the first place.

I was prepared to give this woman the benefit of the doubt until more of the story came out, but she is stepping way, way over the bitch line now.

If the kid really had to be removed because of a crisis (of an implied sexual nature) between the foster kid and her bio kid, then I'd expect this Mama Bear/Horse/Pig/Dog or whatever else she calls herself to be asking for healing for her CHILD at the very least, and shut the fuck up about herself and her own feelings.

I despair for the little boy. I just hope that a kind and sensible social worker will go through his bags with a fine tooth comb and remove every trace of that woman's religious mania from his belongings.

[Feberin]

And now it's officially becoming like a trainwreck for me. She's updated the blog to add that she wrote a big long letter to the kid that they sent away telling him about how much higher God's purposes are then her purposes. Somehow I get the idea that this isn't what the poor little boy needs right now. *headdesk*

What?! I can't imagine they would give the kid that messed up letter. I tried being sympathetic that she might not have realized what she was getting herself into and such but I think she's just a crazy bitch.

[Austin]

Tonight I had to pack all our foster son's things up for the social worker to pick up. I wrote him a long letter reminding him how God's plans for him are good and how even though we all made plans, God determines our steps and His ways are higher than our ways. I can only hope and pray that God's word has been hidden in his heart that he might know Him.

Okay, Shannon, great. I'm sure that letter will be of great comfort to a five-year-old. And when he gets older, all he is going to remember about you is that you didn't want him. Hopefully, he will not take your rejection and your perception of him as damaged upon himself and realize that you were the problem, not him.

Please just raise your own kids. You are clearly not cut out to raise non-bio kids. That's not a terrible thing, btw. I don't consider myself foster-mother material for a variety of reasons. The difference is that I know that and would have never put a child (actually, more than one child in your case) through what you put this child through. Raising a child's hopes and then dashing them when you find out he is "damaged goods" is inexcusable.

[lilah]

I would hope the letter will never see the light of day, but I am still suspicious of the quality of the social services department that made this placement in the first place.

given that many social workers are juggling gigantic caseloads with a shortage of foster parents, it's not too suprising they'd give the kid to this family despite their misgivings. It's kind of an any port in the storm mentality.

And she was such a bitch to her kid during the handwashing thing. I don't think it occurs to her that lying is a major self preservation technique for traumatized kids.

[GenerationCedarchip]

given that many social workers are juggling gigantic caseloads with a shortage of foster parents, it's not too suprising they'd give the kid to this family despite their misgivings. It's kind of an any port in the storm mentality.

And she was such a bitch to her kid during the handwashing thing. I don't think it occurs to her that lying is a major self preservation technique for traumatized kids.

No kidding. Maybe she should come read here.

[ppmath]

"This is what I see when our 6 year old foster son cries. It just happened. I sent him into the bathroom with the same instructions he hears every night. "Pee, flush, wash hands, brush teeth."

He goes in. He comes out. WAY TOO FAST! So, I question: "Did you wash your hands?"

"Yes" He replies to the floor. I take his hand. You can see his eyes spinning as he tries to quickly come up with a reason for the perfectly dry hands. Without missing a beat he says, "I only used soap, no water." Well, that was a new one for me, but easily proven wrong! So..we had a little chat about how good Mommies who love their children want hands washed-Mommies who don't care, well-they just don't care. Since I love him, he must wash his hands. He nodded in understanding-with an expression of almost "yeah, you love me, that's nice". Until the bomb dropped. I say, "Ok, so we both understand. Now, go back into the bathroom and wash your hands for real, and then go to your bed. Your punishment for lying to me is that you have to go to bed now instead of playing."

Then, I get the picture above. The tears start to flow. Interesting. There were no tears of remorse when he knew he was wrong. Only once he realized he would be punished."

Wow....this woman has no clue how to really love and enjoy children. Who explains handwashing this way? Who puts up a picture of a child they're supposed to love and mocks them this way on the internet (or anywhere else)? Not someone who truly loves a child, that's for sure.

[Trynn]

Interesting. There were no tears of remorse when he knew he was wrong. Only once he realized he would be punished."

.

Even if they truly are remorseful, most children do not cry about it. This woman sounds like she wants a male version of Elsie Dinsmore.

[lilah]

Even if they truly are remorseful, most children do not cry about it. This woman sounds like she wants a male version of Elsie Dinsmore.

Yeah that's annother part that bugs me. Most kids at 6 are still learning cause and effect, how their actions result in consequences. Remorse is a very abstract concept for a 6 year old.