Bates Family Part 10

[actuallyjessica]

Let's say hypothetically a fundie is using some sort of birth control, knowing it is against their teachings. Do they come out and say "oh, no babies for us! We're preventing" ? or do they say what they've been always told to say, to give a certain impression - that they will have whatever the Lord gives them?

[season of life]

Fundies do a lot of mental gymnastics to explain away actions that suit their purposes. I think that whatever fundie woman is using birth control may feel guilty or self-conscious, so she'd lie about it.

[actuallyjessica]

Fundies do a lot of mental gymnastics to explain away actions that suit their purposes. I think that whatever fundie woman is using birth control may feel guilty or self-conscious, so she'd lie about it.

Exactly.

[anjulibai]

9 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Again, I don't see what's so weird, shocking, or disturbing about calling a child by a name that is not his or her legal first name. Maybe I'm just used to French Canadian Catholics who would usually give their kids at least 3 names and almost never call them by the first one. I also had two classmates in grade school who went by their middle names rather than their first names. I just don't get what the big deal is.

ITA, I don't see the issue either. I come from a family where nicknames or going by the middle name is common, so I really can't see a big deal. 

[HRM1216]

Regarding Chad's name I just don't see the issue. I think "Chad" is a perfectly acceptably leap from Chas/Chaz, which also hardly remind me of "Charles". Carson I can see the issue with, but that to me was the biggest sign that they are pretty certain they won't have many children.

[habert]

Carson seems like a perfectly reasonable nickname for Charles. It even has more letters/sounds than Chuck. All nicknames are basically made up so even though Carson isn't commonly associated with Charles, I don't see a reason why not???

[singsingsing]

Even if names had to make logical sense (which they don't), he's the son of someone also named Charles. Charles > Carl > Carson. Not a huge leap!

 

[jcanglin991]

On ‎2‎/‎23‎/‎2016 at 0:02 PM, Kira said:

 

On ‎2‎/‎23‎/‎2016 at 11:41 PM, Imagine20 said:

15 hours ago, colors_outside15 said:

@jcanglin991 - why the fuck would you down vote this? if you have a differing opinion, i'm all ears, but i'm not open to random down voting and negativity especially when they are posts i write that contain information about really important psychological steps i have taken in life to get out of a cult and be healthy. it's not easy to be open anywhere, but typing something like that is terrifying for me, so perhaps you could think about the fact that many people on this forum come from really difficult backgrounds (which is pretty damn clear on my post) and band together, getting support and acceptance. i don't expect you to know my life story nor do i want you to, but you don't get to cut me down without an explanation.

 

I haven't downvoted anyone. For some reason I can't give reputation at all. In fact, I have communicated with the mods several times and the only answer we can come up with is that edge has problems with this site. I have tried other browsers and have the same problem. I can give reputation on my tablet but it died about a week ago and I haven't bought another one and I very seldom use it for this site anyway. I'm sorry if you got a downvote that seemed to come from me. There have been several posts I would have liked to give a million upvotes to but, again, I am unable to. If you had private messaged me with this we could have cleared it up. If you were to read my previous posts, you would have seen that I do not attack other people, nor do I belittle their life experiences. I have certainly never taken the tone you did with anyone on this board. I try to  honor others' pasts, but you  don't know anything about my struggles either, so perhaps you should take your own advice and think before you type.

 

 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

Carson's name doesn't really bother me, but I live somewhere with a massive Greek diaspora where naming after family members is a big part of their culture.  I know plenty of people named after family who go by a different name or nickname in their daily lives and only use their birth certificate name on paperwork and no one really thinks it's odd. Maybe I'm just used to it. 

Anyway. If nothing else, at least Cherin didn't name the poor kid "Spurgeon". 

[jcanglin991]

 

To my fellow posters, you may or may not have noticed a scolding I received by colors_outside 15 for a downvote attributed to me. As I explained, I can't give reputation on this laptop and my tablet died last week. Apparently there was a glitch somewhere. I gave up trying to give reputation a long time ago since the only way to fix the problem is to  use a new search engine. After two, I gave up. There have been so many wonderful, moving posts I would have liked to upvote a million times. In fact, apparently due to the glitch, I  gave upvotes last night as well. I wasn't on the internet at the time, but I'm sure whatever posts received the upvotes were warm, enlightening, and worthy of a Pulitzer. I have  read this forum since UKU and registered in October, I believe, so I could participate more fully. I try always to be respectful, and keep my snark to the fundie subjects of the board. I have several physical challenges of my own and would not belittle what others go through. With that said, if you don't like my post, feel free to downvote it. I won't look to see who did it. We are all free to express our  opinions here, and we are free to use the ignore button  if someone bothers us. I have reported the glitch to the mods,  it's probably not something they can figure out.  With that said, it's a beautiful Sunday, I intend to have a nice one and I hope everybody else does too.

[elliha]

3 hours ago, anjulibai said:

ITA, I don't see the issue either. I come from a family where nicknames or going by the middle name is common, so I really can't see a big deal. 

In my country it is not given that the first name is the official name. When you have a baby you underline the name you want to be the official first name. If you don't do this the authorities will use all your names in all communication. There is no problem having the third or fourth name as the official name though. For example in my family me, my sister and middle brother have our first name as our official name, my oldest and youngest brother have their second name as their official name. My husband has both his names as official names so he gets two names on his envelopes but only goes by the second one privately. Some people who have several official names also go by all names. My mom was I-L officially but also had another name which was the first name in order but it was never used and she hated it.

[SassyPants]

I guess I hang with and am related to people who name their children the name they intend on calling them (of course nick names as the shortened form of a name Christopher to Chris or Nicholas to Nick, do exist). 

Maybe all those Nevaeh are actually called Nicole in real life...they both do start with N.

:shrugs:

Seems even odder for those who do not use BC and come from families with a billion kids that all require names.

[twinmama]

On 2/27/2016 at 9:26 PM, punkiepie said:

Omg, I wonder if our moms are related?!  My mom said the exact same thing before I was born, circa the 80's.  She said that she would imagine the bailiff saying "All rise, Judge Lizzy Lastname presiding."  

Kaci Lynn to me sounds like a girl from the 80s. If she was to become a judge (which LMAO will never happen in their family), she could always be K. L. Bates or Lynn Bates. There's always a way around whatever stupid name your parents give you.

[happy atheist]

Users are allowed to downvote anyone they want for any reason they want.

This "how dare someone downvote me?!?!?" attitude that surfaces among various users from time to time is ridiculous. It's the internet: people will not always agree.

While you can certainly request an explanation, DEMANDING one makes you look childish.

[SpoonfulOSugar]

6 minutes ago, happy atheist said:

Users are allowed to downvote anyone they want for any reason they want.

This "how dare someone downvote me?!?!?" attitude that surfaces among various users from time to time is ridiculous. It's the internet: people will not always agree.

While you can certainly request an explanation, DEMANDING one makes you look childish.

I feel as if it's time for a TWOP "Imma locking this thread until you can behave yourselves" smackdown.

(Not literally, of course, because this is a different site - but holy moley, people need to check themselves.)

[HerNameIsBuffy]

20 hours ago, colors_outside15 said:

@jcanglin991 - why the fuck would you down vote this? if you have a differing opinion, i'm all ears, but i'm not open to random down voting and negativity especially when they are posts i write that contain information about really important psychological steps i have taken in life to get out of a cult and be healthy. it's not easy to be open anywhere, but typing something like that is terrifying for me, so perhaps you could think about the fact that many people on this forum come from really difficult backgrounds (which is pretty damn clear on my post) and band together, getting support and acceptance. i don't expect you to know my life story nor do i want you to, but you don't get to cut me down without an explanation.

That was a powerful reaction.  Just want to mention that its possible to downvote inadvertently, we've had threads about it...so if anyone is downvoted for an inoffensive post it's a good idea to check it out before getting upset over it.  

I have no idea if it was intentional or not, in this instance, just throwing that out there that you might want to see if it was even intentional before coming out loaded for bear.

And please keep in mind people can downvote for whatever reasons they like - and no one owes anyone an explanation.  I get that you're upset, but each of us can only control our own actions and unless someone is breaking the rules people can post and vote how they like.

i agree with you that FJ is often really great and supportive, but it's never going to be a support group or place that's free from negativity.  It's a snark board.  It's more than that, but first and foremost it's a snark board and negativity is kinda built into that concept.

 

 

[actuallyjessica]

5 minutes ago, happy atheist said:

Users are allowed to downvote anyone they want for any reason they want.

This "how dare someone downvote me?!?!?" attitude that surfaces among various users from time to time is ridiculous. It's the internet: people will not always agree.

While you can certainly request an explanation, DEMANDING one makes you look childish.

I wish I could UPVOTE this more than once!

Some posters clearly think a downvote is ammunition or something crazy. It's the internet. I come to realise this after the small spat I had a few pages back, a certain user went through my predating posts and downvoted many, even though they had nothing to do with the issue.

In the spirit of things, my tombstone will read "here lies actuallyjessica, and her neutral reputation on FreeJinger of 772"

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, SpoonfulOSugar said:

I feel as if it's time for a TWOP "Imma locking this thread until you can behave yourselves" smackdown.

(Not literally, of course, because this is a different site - but holy moley, people need to check themselves.)

I wonder what Howard is up to these days...

[librarychick]

Regarding names: my first name is Lacey. No one EVER spells it correctly. Every high school yearbook has my name misspelled. Because I was lucky enough to actually love my name, it is a bone of contention for me when it is misspelled. ( Most commonly Lacy though occasionally with an i or ie.).  I immediately spell it for new people such as Drs or employers.  

No one ever calls my by the correct name name either. It ends up Stacey, Tracey, Casey or Lisa of all things! I finally got to the point that I say I answer to anything that ends in acey, Lisa, Lucy, and Hey, you.  (I seriously had a boss back in college that called me that for the first six months I worked for him).

My mom swears she got my name from a "trashy romance novel."  Lol my mom was convinced she was having another girl before my brother was born so she did not have a boy named picked out. She planned to name him after her grandmother.  So when he came out a boy (this was the late 70's so pre ultrasounds) she and my dad scrambled to pick out a name. They pulled his name out of thin air and he detests it.  His middle name is the same as our dad's as is his son's middle name.  

Both my parents go by their middle names.  Mom was actually named after her father's former girlfriend, it is spelled weird, and she hates her first name.  My uncle (mom's BIL)  is a III and has an extremely odd middle name.  Both my first cousins (I only have 2 as my dad is an only child) and my aunt are named after our late maternal grandmother.  My middle name is a variation of her first name.  Had I ever had a child, I was going to name her after my nana as well.  (To me, she had a beautiful full name.). I just thank god that my mom dislikes my paternal grandmother otherwise I might have ended up as Minerva!!!!!

[happy atheist]

24 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I wonder what Howard is up to these days...

Aren't I supposed to be Howard?

In addition to being @Curious, too, of course.

[colors_outside15]

@jcanglin991 - I apologize for lashing out at you without at least private messaging you first. My gut instinct is to protect myself, and my thoughts, as it's still something that is relatively new for me to be able/allowed to do. I see now that it came out in a very harsh way, and I am sorry. I have a lot of learning and therapy ahead of me, and while I do not offer that as an excuse, I do want you to know that I'm working on finding a balance between being safe and overreacting. Again, my sincere apologies.   

[MissBitters]

18 hours ago, imokit said:

They may not have expected an easy pregnancy, but the idea that they weren't expecting a pregnancy astounds me.  Erin is hyper fertile.   She had Carson 18 months into marriage.  When you remember that she had two miscarriages before that, then take away the nine months she was pregnant with Carson...

 

3 pregnancies in 9 months

 

Erin has absolutely no problem getting pregnant.  She has problems staying pregnant.  Had she not had the clotting disorder, she could potentially outstrip her mother, with the clotting issue, every pregnancy will be high risk and she may be forced to stop before she otherwise would have.  Just because they show no sign of stopping now, doesn't mean they won't in the future, if Erin struggles with a high risk pregnancy and a baby or 3, or complications get worse, but there is absolutely no questioning the fact that that couple are super fertile.

I'm not questioning Erin's fertility. As you pointed out, she has had no problems conceiving. Carrying the child to term is the issue. Dr. Vick explained there was a risk of stillbirth even with daily heparin shots. Which is why I think it's plausible Chad and Erin did not expect a sibling so soon, if at all, for Carson. As with a lot of discussion here, though, it's all speculation.

[TuringMachine]

Maybe it's because my brother is a fourth and I also know a number of people who go by a different name than their legal first name, the idea that you would want to legally name your child in your family's tradition but then call them by a different similar name doesn't seem particularly odd to me.  Honestly the fact that people are getting so worked up about that decisions seems much more strange to me. 

[Pianokeeper]

4 hours ago, librarychick said:

 I just thank god that my mom dislikes my paternal grandmother otherwise I might have ended up as Minerva!!!!!

I would totally name a daughter Minerva.

[FundieFarmer]

Hell, it's real normal in parts of the South to call somebody anything BUT their actual front name. Tripp, Junior, Bitsy, Dottie, Jack...a rundown of our wedding invitation list is half nicknames or straight up other names people were given in childhood hat they still use into adulthood. It's not that weird around here.

Granted the invitations will go to their full proper names (made up example: Mr. & Mrs. William Alexander Helmuth III), but we'll call him Tripp or Billy if he's not a 3 til the day we put him under. Just the way it goes in my neck of the woods.