Jill, Derick, and Israel Part 12

[paulypepper]

58 minutes ago, OyToTheVey said:

I'm not surprised that Jill hasn't picked up Spanish. This is the girl that can barely express herself in English. All she knows is 'walk through life', 'purpose to', 'totally' and 'umm'.

Don't forget 'like'...

[Denim Jumper]

I wonder though, being how the Duggars have always had a plethora of available babysitters under one roof (thus no need to hire outside help), the idea of having a "stranger" watch her baby is just too unsettling for her. And certain parenting philosophies frown on ever leaving a very young child with a sitter, close family or not. I remember when our oldest baby was about 6 weeks old, my husband and I asked my in-laws if they minded watching him for a couple of hours so we could go out to dinner for our anniversary... my fil was all excited to babysit, but the shocked response from my mil still perplexes me to this day. She informed me, rather disapprovingly, "I never left my babies with anyone." I tried to contain my sarcasm when I responded "Is there any reason we shouldn't trust you?" But that's her beliefs: it's the parents job to watch their own kids, not a babysitter. Or their own grandparents, evidently.

[OyToTheVey]

6 minutes ago, Denim Jumper said:

I wonder though, being how the Duggars have always had a plethora of available babysitters under one roof (thus no need to hire outside help), the idea of having a "stranger" watch her baby is just too unsettling for her. And certain parenting philosophies frown on ever leaving a very young child with a sitter, close family or not. I remember when our oldest baby was about 6 weeks old, my husband and I asked my in-laws if they minded watching him for a couple of hours so we could go out to dinner for our anniversary... my fil was all excited to babysit, but the shocked response from my mil still perplexes me to this day. She informed me, rather disapprovingly, "I never left my babies with anyone." I tried to contain my sarcasm when I responded "Is there any reason we shouldn't trust you?" But that's her beliefs: it's the parents job to watch their own kids, not a babysitter. Or their own grandparents, evidently.

This mentality I don't understand. I guess it's cultural. Almost everyone I know was half raised by grandparents. Leaving a kid with baba and deda wasn't and still isn't a big deal. I've met so many people that say my child is 3 and they never get left with a sitter. All I'm thinking to myself is wow for 3 years, you haven't given yourself an hour break. I'm surprised more parents don't have meltdowns. Those few hours for anniversary dinners or even a coffee run without a kid is good for parents mental health.

[Denim Jumper]

^^I don't understand it either. In my world, grandparents usually beat down the door to get a chance to babysit and spoil the shit out of their grandchildren. My fil has come over and watched them a few times over the years, but usually we end up asking friends or paying a sitter so we can go out once in a while. That's just the way they are, and at this point I just shrug and remind myself that they are the ones missing out on being worshiped by 3 little kids who adore them. They're the only family we have, so it does suck that they are so emotionally distant.

[FundiesInParis]

3 minutes ago, OyToTheVey said:

This mentality I don't understand. I guess it's cultural. Almost everyone I know was half raised by grandparents. Leaving a kid with baba and deda wasn't and still isn't a big deal. I've met so many people that say my child is 3 and they never get left with a sitter. All I'm thinking to myself is wow for 3 years, you haven't given yourself an hour break. I'm surprised more parents don't have meltdowns. Those few hours for anniversary dinners or even a coffee run without a kid is good for parents mental health.

I think it's definitely cultural, I'm in the American south and most people I know view leaving your kid with a sitter as being a neglectful/uncommitted/inattentive parent.

Which is completely stupid, imo.    

[OyToTheVey]

@FundiesInParis For me it's more like hey these people raised me, they can watch the kid for a bit.

 

@Denim Jumper I'm sorry you have to go through that! I just remember growing up and it was my grampa that took me to the park. He would stay as long as I wanted. He picked me up from school everyday also. I still miss him. 

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, FundiesInParis said:

I think it's definitely cultural, I'm in the American south and most people I know view leaving your kid with a sitter as being a neglectful/uncommitted/inattentive parent.

Which is completely stupid, imo.    

Parents in the south don't have to work?

 

[socalrules]

I grew up in a big family where the extended family was the babysitter, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. For the first five years my grandpa's sisters and brothers babysat me while my mom worked. Because of that, I started school as a California girl with a thick southern accent. 

No one went to day care or hired a babysitter because it was understood there was a relative that would do it. Plus older relatives were old school where you took care of each other. It was fun because sometimes there would be a cousin to play with or something amazing cooking on the stove. I begged my mom to let me go to day care because all my friends were going. I quit after two days because it was just so boring and it as too much time for me away from family.  I luckily had relatives to go back to. Sadly, that isn't this case for a lot of people who have family so spread out. Even if I had a child, I would now have to hire someone to babysit because those that would normally help have either moved too far, passed on, are too old or just can't physically do it. I would kill for my mother to be healthy enough to take care of any child I had. She would love it. 

I will give Jill the benefit of the doubt in that I would be uncomfortable leaving my baby with a stranger in a foreign country where I do not speak the language. Further, I am not sure how you could check their credentials or references if you can't speak the language.  I doubt Jill would use a professional service where background checks are run on the the sitters anyway. 

[FundiesInParis]

4 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Parents in the south don't have to work?

 

I guess I should specify a little better, parents do work so kids usually end up being left with a grandparent or some other relative that isn't working, which doesn't really catch any flack. But if you were to want to leave your kid with a sitter so that you could go on a date or something, that would be looked down on. (Which I think is a really unhealthy mindset)

[SportsgalAnnie]

My family has been pretty good about babysitting. I spent a lot of time with both sets of grandparents. 

Also being the 4th oldest out of 12 I got to help babysit/watch the 7th on down. I think part of it is a cultural thing and another part is having resources available.

[OnceUponATime]

29 minutes ago, socalrules said:

I will give Jill the benefit of the doubt in that I would be uncomfortable leaving my baby with a stranger in a foreign country where I do not speak the language. Further, I am not sure how you could check their credentials or references if you can't speak the language.  I doubt Jill would use a professional service where background checks are run on the the sitters anyway. 

They consider where they are dangerous (or used to) so I think Jill might be a bit scared when going out. She probably also feels a lot more comfortable with her guy beside her (plus she has always had a buddy with her before so going out much alone isn't something she is that used to).

I'm sure people on here have mentioned the risk of Izzy being kidnapped before. That might also make her less likely to want Izzy out of her sight.

But that's all just speculation

[gustava]

1 hour ago, FundiesInParis said:

I think it's definitely cultural, I'm in the American south and most people I know view leaving your kid with a sitter as being a neglectful/uncommitted/inattentive parent.

Which is completely stupid, imo.    

I grew up in the south and started babysitting when I was about 10.  25 cents/hour. 

[MissBitters]

59 minutes ago, FundiesInParis said:

I guess I should specify a little better, parents do work so kids usually end up being left with a grandparent or some other relative that isn't working, which doesn't really catch any flack. But if you were to want to leave your kid with a sitter so that you could go on a date or something, that would be looked down on. (Which I think is a really unhealthy mindset)

I grew up in the South, and I don't recall this being a thing. My parents had no problem hiring babysitters or having a neighbor watch us on date night, and I know other parents did the same. Of course they all made sure to hire someone they knew, but I don't think it's a regional thing to not let a complete stranger watch your children.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I hate to bring this up but I was raped by my babysitter when I was 5 so I never left my daughter with anyone other than my husband or my mom.  All of my other near relations lived in other states and other countries.  I agree that Jill might not want to leave Izzy with strangers in a foreign country were she doesn't speak the language, furthermore she might not even think it right to have anyone except close family members act as baby sitters-- after all that is how she was raised. Do you think Michelle and Jim Bob hired babysitters to watch the kids before the girls were old enough to baby sit?  I doubt it.

[FundiesInParis]

I guess it may just be a thing in the group of people I'm around and not so much regional. 

Apologies for what now looks like a gross and inaccurate generalization. 

[OnceUponATime]

2 minutes ago, Handmaiden of Dog said:

. Do you think Michelle and Jim Bob hired babysitters to watch the kids before the girls were old enough to baby sit?  I doubt it.

Well there has been at least one babysitter right? (I don't know at what age the girls were considered old enough to solo parent so I don't know relevance

And now they have a live in Mary Poppins.

But yes it has probably not crossed Jill's mind how other people deal with childcare arrangements.

And what happened to you really sucks!

[DuggarWatch]

11 minutes ago, Handmaiden of Dog said:

 Do you think Michelle and Jim Bob hired babysitters to watch the kids before the girls were old enough to baby sit?  I doubt it.

Actually, they did hire at least one babysitter.  She was the non-family member who was sexually molested by Josh, according to the police reports.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I forgot about her.  But didn't we figure that she was about the same age as Jana?  There was some speculation that she wasn't a "baby sitter" as such but rather a family friend that was staying over.

[DuggarWatch]

1 minute ago, Handmaiden of Dog said:

I forgot about her.  But didn't we figure that she was about the same age as Jana?  There was some speculation that she wasn't a "baby sitter" as such but rather a family friend that was staying over.

Josh was almost 16-years-old when that happened.  He was a sexual predator early in life!  Because Jim Bob and Michelle didn't deal with the molestations properly when they first happened, Josh became a threat to the community and the public at large.  That's why there are laws about reporting sexual molestations.  Josh has exhibited sexually deviant behavior for 14 years!  (Since he reached puberty.)  

[socalrules]

I figure the Duggar grandparents and Deanna helped and babysat when needed. I highly doubt Jim Bob would spend money on a babysitter and the lean years were when there were fewer kids.

[EmmieJ]

2 hours ago, Denim Jumper said:

I wonder though, being how the Duggars have always had a plethora of available babysitters under one roof (thus no need to hire outside help), the idea of having a "stranger" watch her baby is just too unsettling for her. And certain parenting philosophies frown on ever leaving a very young child with a sitter, close family or not

I thought of that, which is why I wondered if she couldn't have a babysitter watch Izzy in a different room while she was in the next room taking a Spanish lesson.  That way, she could hear if Izzy started wailing and keep an eye on things.  But I guess this idea either didn't occur to her, or she didn't think it was workable.

Handmaiden of Dog:  I am so sorry about what happened to you.  Although I did not have a similar experience, I was still very leery of leaving my toddler with anyone besides a close family member or his daycare provider.  As he got older and he/we made friends through preschool and grade school, several of us moms would trade off.  So one Saturday, a preschool friend might come over for a playdate and I'd watch both kids all day and give that mom a break, and in return I'd get the following Saturday. 

[SassyPants]

I always used my folks (non local) or my daycare provider when I needed someone for an evening.

However, we rarely needed someone in the evening as we were too tired from working all day.

My hubs and I figured out early on that our "away time" was when we went to work. In those days an evening out= business commitment. We never left the kids overnight until they were much older and even then, they had to go stay at the GPs home- several hours away. It just wasn't worth it.

If the Dillards are going to make this mission thing work, they are going to have to start mixing with the locals and building relationships. 

We have seen photos of Izzy hanging out with other folks.

28 minutes ago, EmmieJ said:

I thought of that, which is why I wondered if she couldn't have a babysitter watch Izzy in a different room while she was in the next room taking a Spanish lesson.  That way, she could hear if Izzy started wailing and keep an eye on things.  But I guess this idea either didn't occur to her, or she didn't think it was workable.

Handmaiden of Dog:  I am so sorry about what happened to you.  Although I did not have a similar experience, I was still very leery of leaving my toddler with anyone besides a close family member or his daycare provider.  As he got older and he/we made friends through preschool and grade school, several of us moms would trade off.  So one Saturday, a preschool friend might come over for a playdate and I'd watch both kids all day and give that mom a break, and in return I'd get the following Saturday. 

JB could man up and send Joy or the twin boys down to help out.

They seem to have plenty of free time.

[ksgranola1]

We Don't know if any of this speculation is true. 

"She isn't connected to the baby."

"She's quit trying to learn Spanish."

"She isn't doing any missionary work."

"She's not mingling w/the locals."

Bullshit. There is not a scrap of evidence that any of that is true. Just b/c Derrick does her toes doesn't mean she's neglecting her baby. She was taking Spanish at home before she even met Derrick. For all we know, she might be quite fluent by now. We don't know either if Izzy is an easy baby of if he's very difficult. I just think we should reign in some of the unsubstantiated criticism. 

 

[twinmama]

4 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Parents in the south don't have to work?

Right? Pretty much everyone I know that has kids puts them in daycare or has a nanny. Those are no different than babysitters. Heck, a babysitter is only there for a few hours so you can go out for dinner or whatever, daycare or nanny is all day! 

And I say that as someone who has been away from her two 4 year olds for maybe 4 hours max since they came home from the NICU.

Also gotta add, while I grew up in the northeast my family now lives in the south and I've never heard anyone put down a parent using a babysitter there. The only people I have heard that are against that are those who take attachment parenting to extreme levels, and even then most of what I have heard is that the first year or so is when they don't ever leave the baby.

[lascuba]

Umm, isn't it understood that no one here knows the damn family so everything is speculation? Chill.