Bergey Family - 8 kids and living in an RV

[chaotic life]

Well, special needs kids are less likely to find homes with smaller families. And their increased needs make them more susceptible to institutional neglect and abuse and just general inability to access vital medical care.

I don't argue that it sounds counter intuitive to allow larger families to adopt them. I don't even argue the burden of multiple special needs kids becomes harder to meet when you have a larger family.

I will say that a great many of us are NOT evangelical Christian child collectors, and most of us know our limits and stop when necessary.

As for whether nuclear families are better than institutions or not, the research and history is very clear on that issue. That is precisely why the US doesn't have orphanages anymore. But family units do not always look like an adoptive family. UNICEF is working to build family structures environments for AIDS orphans, for instance, that keep children in their homes and communities but out of institutions.

[older than allosaurs]

Our adoption support group had a couple of families with what I thought of as "professional parents." I mean that in both senses: the stipends given for special needs kids adopted from the state probably was a significant source of income, and parenting kids in need was their skill and their vocation. Both famiies had upwards of a dozen kids, bio and adopted, and both were Christian.

I thought then and still do that they were likely the best resources available for the kids they had. There is no way their children got the focused individual attention they might have in smaller families, but it's also true that having an array of siblings--in a warm family environment--can be kind of a gateway for neglected and abused kids to learn about human connection when they have little experience with responsible adults. And as Chaotic Life points out, there is generally not an alternative universe of great, small families lined up to adopt special needs kids, especially in sibling groups. These parents were practical, realistic, and loving,as far as I could see. They did not expect their children to be perfect, or grateful, or to be promotional ads for their beliefs.

I could not imagine either of those families writing the kind of pukey pious, humble-bragging, disrespectful blog posts we see from folks likes the Bergeys and the Schumms, which seem all about exaggerating their children's issues--no doubt serious enough without exaggeration-- so the parents can sound more like Jesus. On the contrary, what I remember best about them was the sense of relaxation and humor amidst the challenges. The husband in one of the couples had a minor heart attack during this period. His wife said she marched into the hospital and said, "Just so you know, if you go and die and leave me with all these kids, I'll kill you."

[FundieFarmer]

@older than allosaurs, I love your name and avatar

[older than allosaurs]

5 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

@older than allosaurs, I love your name and avatar

Why thank you. This young-earth dino is my personal tribute to the glory days of Doug Phillips (who is a tool). How he must miss projects like "Raising the Allosaur."

[blessalessi]

On 12/12/2015 at 4:05 PM, accountingstar said:

Well Selina if we were friends I would tell you the truth. You are not prepared to become a missionary in South Africa. You do not have a business plan on how to succeed in running an orphanage in South Africa. What are your annual expenses going to be? How many children are you going to care for? Have you looked into the local regulations into setting up a new orphanage in SA? How long does it take to get Visas? Have you found a home in SA? How much is the land going to cost? Can foreigners buy land in SA? Are you going to hire staff? Are you going to take all orphans or only certain ones? What happens if your sending church drops you?

Here is the "business plan".  It's all proper back-of-an-envelope stuff.

Quote

Below you will find our detailed three-step plan for Little Fish Ministries:

Stage One 
Learn local Xhosa language
Train under veteran missionaries for cultural and relational needs of the people
Work with government officials
Acquire appropriate facilities
Train national Christians for staffing needs
Provide food, clothing, medical care, family integration, and Biblical teaching to orphans

Stage Two
Soul-winning, one-on-one nurture and discipleship for orphans
School for orphans
Local church sponsorship of individual orphans
Become a training ground for other like-minded orphan ministries to be created
Short and long term mission trips for those interested in serving
Grow staff and facilities as needed

Stage Three
Integrate orphans into local Christian foster homes when possible
Train orphans to be involved in local church ministries
Maintain an internship program for Christian college students to minister with the orphans
Bible college for orphans
Become a training ground for future orphan ministries
Please pray for LFM and the Bergey family and consider donating to their financial needs.

They could usefully be learning the Xhosa language right now, if they had another plan to raise capital other than traipsing around the USA asking a million churches to give a few dollars a month in return for a family song and dance routine each furlough.

[sawasdee]

1 minute ago, blessalessi said:

Here is the "business plan".  It's all proper back-of-an-envelope stuff.

 

Inadequate, but still better than anything David Schrader came up with!

[JillyO]

Learning Xhosa as an adult is fucking HARD. The tongue has to do tricks that it's just. not. used. to. But I'd sure get a kick of seeing this family try (the kids might actually have a chance, IF they got to emerse, which is highly doubtful). I wonder if they already have a specific location in mind, if they're set on learning Xhosa. It's not like Xhosa is just spokan throughout South Africa.

[blessalessi]

Port Elizabeth townships, I think.

[Peas n carrots]

So really the Bergey MO is to convert under the guise of an orphan mission. The orphans needs clearly are second priority at best.

Ugh I really can't stand this type of Evangelical missionary. Just leave the people of Port Elizabeth alone!

[JillyO]

3 minutes ago, Peas n carrots said:

So really the Bergey MO is to convert under the guise of an orphan mission. The orphans needs clearly are second priority at best.

Ugh I really can't stand this type of Evangelical missionary. Just leave the people of Port Elizabeth alone!

Excuse me. Surely the orphan's greatest need is to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior!

[blessalessi]

http://www.projectsouthafrica.com/may-2014-update/

These people seem to be the church-planters that the Bergeys will be joining up with.

I'm really struck by the way fundie missionaries share online and in newsletters the full names and personal information of the people they evangelise in the street.  I have seen this among the missionaries to England too.  It is appalling that they effectively sell their target's personal lives, in order to shill for their continued funding.

Remind me NEVER to disclose my name to any random who approaches me in the street to talk about Jesus.

[OnceUponATime]

11 minutes ago, blessalessi said:

Remind me NEVER to disclose my name to any random who approaches me in the street to talk about Jesus.

No, you need to use a semi-famous person's name! imagine the newsletter when they claim they converted the mayor of town xx or the b-rate actor that they have been ministering too.
I've seen newsletters with false names (because it may be dangerous to the person to use their real name) but a fully identifying photo... Missionary 101 should include a course in privacy

[DaisyD]

2 hours ago, Peas n carrots said:

So really the Bergey MO is to convert under the guise of an orphan mission. The orphans needs clearly are second priority at best.

Ugh I really can't stand this type of Evangelical missionary. Just leave the people of Port Elizabeth alone!

That's what I saw too. Keep orphans in orphanage long enough to convert them, then send them out to foster homes to convert others. They only feed and clothe them as long as absolutely necessary. 

[sawasdee]

It's religious colonialism.

[FundieFarmer]

6 hours ago, OnceUponATime said:

No, you need to use a semi-famous person's name! imagine the newsletter when they claim they converted the mayor of town xx or the b-rate actor that they have been ministering too.
I've seen newsletters with false names (because it may be dangerous to the person to use their real name) but a fully identifying photo... Missionary 101 should include a course in privacy

Perhaps the name of an actor in an adult film? The hilarity of reading that when you're in-the-know.

[klynn]

These people are horrible.  Horrible!  In the youtube video posted a few pages back,  all the kids looked...just devoid of joy.  Probably because it's been beaten out of them.  How these nasty, self serving, fake Christians get all this support is just beyond me.  Yes, Bergey's.  You are fake. Fake Christians, fake sweet folks, FAKE. 

[Toothfairy]

18 hours ago, OnceUponATime said:

No, you need to use a semi-famous person's name! imagine the newsletter when they claim they converted the mayor of town xx or the b-rate actor that they have been ministering too.
I've seen newsletters with false names (because it may be dangerous to the person to use their real name) but a fully identifying photo... Missionary 101 should include a course in privacy

Sick. 

 

17 hours ago, daisyd681 said:

That's what I saw too. Keep orphans in orphanage long enough to convert them, then send them out to foster homes to convert others. They only feed and clothe them as long as absolutely necessary. 

Sick. This is sick.

[BackseatMom]

On 12/15/2015 at 7:46 AM, sawasdee said:

It's religious colonialism.

This is exactly what it is. And just like any other kind of colonialism, it is exploitative, reprehensible, and gives a bad name to aid workers everywhere.

[Pseudoname]

Selina's needs to read this article.  It is written by a Christian woman, and has bible verses spread throughout to help with arguments, so it should appeal to Selina's as it is a not a heathen's  opinion of Christian adoption ministries.

http://unitingforchildren.org/2014/06/advice/

Quote

I have noticed in the past decade or so that God is doing an amazing work in the hearts of His people in regards to orphan care. The Church is finally starting to rise up and carry out the mandate in Scripture to rescue and care for the fatherless, widows, and the poor around the world. Social media, the Internet, photography and video, and the ease of travel in this day and age have only increased our awareness of the orphan crisis and extreme levels of poverty in the majority world.

I am excited that we are finally starting to respond; however, I feel a huge burden to speak into a particular issue that I have come across time and again while working with individuals along the way.

I won’t beat around the bush: I fear that we’re doing it all wrong.

My concern is that our hearts are leading the way and we are not doing what is in the best interest of the children that we are trying to help. Let me explain….

Quote

First, God did not intend for ANY person to be institutionalized. He created us to be in families. If that is the case, then why are we so passionate about orphanages? Why do we glamorize “orphanages” and “orphan homes” and applaud those who go over to invest and work in them? Yes, it’s great that people have a heart for the orphan….but again, my fear is that we’re doing it all wrong. There HAS to be a better way to care for orphans than by putting them in an institution.

“God sets the lonely in families;
he leads forth the prisoners with singing…”

Psalm 68:6

If we build an orphanage, it WILL be filled with children…but that’s not necessarily a good thing. In the movie, A Field of Dreams, there’s a voice that says, “If you build it, they will come.” That rings so true with orphanages, as well. You see, what many of us don’t realize is that many children who are living in orphanages aren’t even orphans! I was astonished to see the statistics on this. In Liberia, for example, 98% of the children living in orphanages have at least one surviving parent. In Sri Lanka the number is 92%; in Zimbabwe it’s 40%.

Quote

 

If we build an orphanage, it WILL be filled with children…but that’s not necessarily a good thing. In the movie, A Field of Dreams, there’s a voice that says, “If you build it, they will come.” That rings so true with orphanages, as well. You see, what many of us don’t realize is that many children who are living in orphanages aren’t even orphans! I was astonished to see the statistics on this. In Liberia, for example, 98% of the children living in orphanages have at least one surviving parent. In Sri Lanka the number is 92%; in Zimbabwe it’s 40%.

A mother with her children in Haiti

I saw this first-hand when I was serving in Haiti. We were working one day at a small orphanage and there was a knock at the front gate. One of the workers answered the door and found a mother with her two children. The mother pleaded with the orphanage for them to take her children because she didn’t have the means to care for them anymore. What we discovered is that this is a COMMON thing that orphanage directors face around the globe. Orphan Care Networksays it like this: “These statistics reflect a very common dynamic: In communities under severe economic stress, increasing the number of places in residential care results in children being pushed out of poor households to fill those places.”

It’s a sad reality, but we have to put ourselves in the shoes of parents living in poverty or who are faced with other dire circumstances. Think about it, if you had children and had no way of providing adequate food, medicine, or education for them, would you not consider taking them to a nearby orphanage to see if they could take them in so that your children wouldn’t starve? I know I would.

Those parents aren’t bad parents – they are just hopeless and in survival mode. So we have to ask ourselves the question: if most of the children that are institutionalized actually have family, but have been brought to that facility because their parents or other family members didn’t have the adequate means to care for them in the first place, wouldn’t it make more sense for us to assist those FAMILIES so that they can stay together? That, to me, seems to be the best solution and one worth figuring out.

 

Oh, and guess what else?  The South African government has a piece of legislation called The Children's Act.  It stipulates, in chapter 13 what is required for child or youth care centres, (orphanages) http://www.centreforchildlaw.co.za/images/files/childlaw/consolidated_childrens_act.pdf, Have you read this fully Selina?  Are you fully prepared for all that is required to be registered?  Or will you try to fly under the radar as an unregistered orphanage?  

 

Selina, please, for the love of God, help the children of South Africa to remain in their kinship circles/homes.  Keep the best interests of the child in mind, and not your own selfish desires to something that will make you feel good and holy. 

Please do not institutionalise the children and brainwash them to be good little fundamentalist Christians.

[blessalessi]

Selena has started blogging again and is shilling Trim Healthy Mama as a fertility aid.

Quote

After about two months completely on plan, I very joyfully found out I was pregnant with number eight!

I believe my hormones had shifted and settled into place due to the change in my eating. To say we were delighted at this little blessing would be an understatement. 

Good god, after going to all that trouble to delete the worst of her parenting methods from her blog, she thinks it is wise to promote a diet book that is written by a Pearl.  I'm not entirely sure it is beneficial to the Pearls to have this vapid woman celebrating the fact that she overate for the first 20 weeks of her pregnancy but then promptly dieted her way through the last 20 weeks, just so she could feel good about herself in the photos. Even the Pearls usually wait until a baby is 6 months before they start "punishing" them for being alive.  Selina's baby got his food allowance trimmed right down halfway through the second semester!  

But yeah, Trim Healthy Mama helped  Selina to conceive and also to overcome her "mental struggles" with her weight.  Because she has always had body issues and can hardly bear to look at herself.... except for in the gazillion full-length, full-beam smile photos plastered on nearly every page of her blog. 

Possibly the saddest part of her post though, is where she implies that the entire time she was in the adoption process she was still trying to conceive naturally every month.  Those poor adoptive babies could never really have been the focus of her heart.

 

 

[Iamhispurity]

1 hour ago, blessalessi said:

Selena has started blogging again and is shilling Trim Healthy Mama as a fertility aid.

Good god, after going to all that trouble to delete the worst of her parenting methods from her blog, she thinks it is wise to promote a diet book that is written by a Pearl.  

 

I think the authors of Trim Healthy Mama are the daughters of Nancy Cambell of Above Rubies (in)fame. They have had some pretty bad scandals surrounding adoption as well. So they all might get along real well.

[blessalessi]

22 minutes ago, Iamhispurity said:

I think the authors of Trim Healthy Mama are the daughters of Nancy Cambell of Above Rubies (in)fame. They have had some pretty bad scandals surrounding adoption as well. So they all might get along real well.

You are right, thanks, I mixed the names up and couldn't edit in time! Serene Alison is the adoptomom who used Pearl child abuse practices on her adopted children from Liberia. http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/04/christian-evangelical-adoption-liberia?page=2

There is already a thread here on THM, but I thought this fitted best in the Bergey thread, because Selina is trying her best to whitewash her own very shady behaviour towards her adoptive children, whilst clearly still maintaining strong links with the infamous abusers in the fundie community.

The resulting blog is all very glossy since she was found by FJ, and removed all the most noxious stuff.  But I find her quite sinister in the way that she puts a kind of "attachment parenting" polish on top of a barrel load of very fundie practices.  My skin crawls when she will start off an article talking about "positive reinforcement", but will end it with a discussion on "outlasting" a child's unwanted behaviour.  

This woman and her husband put her adoptive daughter in a mental health facility while the family went off to Africa on a missionary scoping trip. All of the soft focus "Trim mama" photos in the world cannot cover up a deeply troubling family's approach to international adoption.

[Gimme a Free RV]

On 12/15/2015 at 5:29 AM, JillyO said:

Learning Xhosa as an adult is fucking HARD. The tongue has to do tricks that it's just. not. used. to. But I'd sure get a kick of seeing this family try (the kids might actually have a chance, IF they got to emerse, which is highly doubtful). I wonder if they already have a specific location in mind, if they're set on learning Xhosa. It's not like Xhosa is just spokan throughout South Africa.

Don't be so hard on this family.  They can suscribe to the Shrader School of Pseudo-Linguistics where they'll learn to imitate the South African accent in English.  Or, they can watch that Mel Gibson/Danny Glover movie (the name fails me) where they deal with dirty South African ambassadors involved in diamond smuggling.

[DaisyD]

Lethal Weapon.

[Gimme a Free RV]

That's the one.  I think it was Lethal Weapon 2 or 3, right?