Josh Duggar, Admitted Child Molester - Part 8

[SassyPants]

Weren't both Holt and Duggar involved in political campaigns, running for office in 2006?

I find it such a coincidence that JB was interfacing with the law with regards to Josh's behaviors in 2002-03 and 2006...both years he was actively involved in political campaigns. Although, the 2006 interface would have been after the election.

I think JB's choices/decisions in terms of Josh were made to protect JB's political reputation- and then when you add Holt to the equation, yikes!

[halcionne]

I would bet that Jim holt wrote the letter. Mainly because I think he was unnamed source in one of the Arkansas papers saying he accompanied Josh to the police station and insists he told the officer everything.

Agreed. And now I'm awake enough to quote the bit from page 32:

Inv. Taylor stated that she had found out who had written the letter that started this investigation. She said she talked to [redacted] and found that [redacted] was the person who wrote the letter. [Redacted] was the person that [redacted] was supposed to have [redacted] with until the allegations started.

There's more about where the letter went and who emailed Oprah, but I can't be bothered to quote all of it.

[halcionne]

I wrote in the previous thread that I think the letter writer is the girl Josh was betrothed to. This is because of how I read page 32 of the report. I completely missed the "he" on the other page. Anyway, this is how I read the page:

"She said she talked to [parent name] and found that [girl’s first & last name] was the person who wrote the letter. [girl’s first name] was the person that [Joshua] was supposed to have [been in a betrothal with] until the allegations started."

This almost works. The "he" makes sense if you flip parent and child: "She said she talked to [girl's name] and found that [father's name] was the person who wrote the letter."

[bertnee]

The letter could very well have been to God. Maybe the information was "weighing on someone's heart" and this was their way of expressing it. Michelle talks about writing to God a lot after Jubilee; that appears to be an acceptable outlet for difficult emotions in the Duggar house. I imagine that with that many kids running around and so little privacy available, someone wound up hurrying to finish it and stuck it somewhere it wouldn't attract immediate notice.

This makes a lot of sense to me and I could definitely see it happening, whether it was a Duggar or a family friend.

[Snarkle Motion]

OK, some points about the letter. The reports on it are very vague, oblique even. So here are my thoughts:

*We don't know:

Who wrote the letter

Who the letter was to, if anybody at all

If the letter was purely an account of what happened, or if it was about something else entirely and the Josh incidents were mentioned tangentially

How much information was in the letter (it could have contained more incidents than was previously admitted or, or just one incident)

What book it was in

If that book was ever even in the Duggar house.

The history of this book. It was loaned to a church member. Who loaned it to them? the church? a family friend? If it was loaned from the church library, the letter could have been stuck in there by an elder, and forgotten. Or the book with letter in it could have been donated to the church by the letter writer. Or A duggar child could have written it, and slipped it in the book of a family friend, hoping for it to get found.

It could have been slipped into a hymnal in the church for all we know, and that book was loaned to someone.

There is a lot more we don't know about it then we do.

On who knew:

Josh (obviously knows every act, from the beginning)

His victims (some were his siblings, but we can't assume all siblings knew everything, younger children might have been sheltered)

Possibly the parents/family of the outside victim

His parents

After a length of time, when it was clear to JB that Josh wasn't going to stop after the first confession: the church elders.

Then the police officer (mr in jail)

After that the church seemed to make him confess, at least some extent, in front of the congregation. (i believe it was just a confessed sin, no specifics given)

I believe that is where Alice wrote her post.

Conjecture: the church elders may have had sermons on sexual sin etc or modesty or protecting children.

I'm guessing this was when things became an "open secret" and rumor abounded. People talk. Especially small town southern church people (no offense meant to them, just a stereotype that they are known for gossip)

In his treatment, we don't know that the people at the "treatment center" (lies and gag) didn't get first hand accounts and confessions from Josh

So within a year I'm guessing a lot of people knew something was up, and were suspicious.

Then a few years later they go to show up on Oprah, and are cancelled, as someone (who??) e-mails her

The letter is found

A police investigation launched (06, am I right about that?)

JB Josh Michelle and the victims were interrogated at that point.

Some of my timeline is fuzzy, so correct anything you find that is wrong please!

Thank you! This is helpful. I haven't been able to read the whole police report since its somewhat triggering for me.

I'm still dubious of the whole "we found a letter" because it seems that JB was extremely prepared for the police investigation and had considerable time to coach his family on what to say. I would think someone turning in the letter would have blindsided them.

To me, I suspect that Josh had publicly confessed his acts at church. This is entirely conjecture but what I suspect happened: Someone who heard these confessions was outraged that the family was going on Oprah and getting more publicity for their "family values" and wrote or called in the anonymous tip. JB was confronted by Oprah's people about the incident to see if there was any validity and Oprah obviously found that there was something going on and cancelled their appearance as well as reporting to cps. She likely informed them that she was reporting them when she cancelled their appearance. JB knowing that an investigation was imminent circled the wagons and contacted people in their faith familiar with legal issues and law enforcement. They then devised a strategy to report past abuse (that had occurred more than three years earlier and no longer under SOL as of 2002/2003?) so as to present it very clearly as having happened in the past and not recently by providing documentation. They did this through a "letter" that was supposedly written down at the time of confession and put in a book but only recently turned into the police. The police do an interview and file a report so this is deemed an active investigation and CPS or other agency is not allowed to get involved? They are prepared to sue DHS or CPS to prevent their further involvement and do so in 2007. Thus they were able to head off the investigation and any further legal action that might have been triggered by presenting this letter.

[ColeMarie86]

For all we know, it could have been a letter from the Duggars to a family friend/elder/other informed party who then put it in a book as a bookmark and forgot it when he lent it out years later. My grandparents were bookworms/bibliophiles and would always grab whatever was nearby as a bookmark, including photos and letters, so it's not unheard of to forget a letter in a book. It is a curious detail though.

[LongDogMom]

Since this really isn't just about the molestation per se, but about various tales of people who had an experience with the Duggars, including an alleged crew member from TLC, I wasn't sure where to put this. While I know these may be unfounded rumours, they certainly sound very plausible. Gawker has posted some stories from people who either encountered the Duggars somewhere (ie: a waitress at a restaurant serving them), worked with them, know someone who did, or in one case a girl who says she belonged to the same church as the Duggars around the time that Josh was sent away and what the people at the Church were saying. I don't know if these are true or not, but I found them interesting, especially the one that is from the girl who belonged to the same church. But again... I have no proof so take with a grain of salt:

From http://defamer.gawker.com/jim-bobs-puni ... 1707675683

Here's a couple I found interesting though...

"here’s a note from someone who says they attended church with the Duggars when Josh was a teenager.

...When I spoke with Josh as a teen, I was struck by the person I saw beneath the obnoxiously outspoken persona that he parades around with. He was fiercely intelligent, weak, hurt, ambitious, and sincere. He also had tight control over his image for a teen—likely a result of living in the limelight for years. ...Nobody told me that he was guilty of sexual molestation. I do remember that he was caught for pornography and being sent away for rehabilitation when he was 17 or so. If people look back to when Josh was bald on the show, it was because he was being “rehabilitatedâ€. The head-shaving was part of the shaming process. I remember thinking that everyone was overreacting. When Josh returned from his “porn rehabâ€, he was brought before the church. After Josh gave his “testimonyâ€, his sisters came up and hugged him and I remember seeing huge, confused tears streaming down their faces. I remember being confused about why they seemed to take it so personally.Now it makes more sense.

When the confession letter was found in the book and the Oprah incident happened, I remember there being a lot of panic in the camp. Being a teen, I wasn’t told the details. A friend of mine told me that he thought he overheard Josh had touched a girl inappropriately. We thought that maybe it was a weird consensual teen fling at a family camp event or something. When there were rumors of lawyers and police, I started thinking that something more serious was going on. I began to feel weird about the whole family and started drifting away from that circle as I got older. Years later I found the postings in the online forums about Josh and his sisters and heard that he was heading up the FRC. And I also learned how much money and power the Duggars were accumulating from the show. The whole thing made me sick. It was out of control. ..."

And this kind of ties in with the above and was supposedly told to someone whose cousin's husband (yeah I know) worked on the TLC production crew... "My cousins husband used to work at the Duggar production as well. He has many, many, stories about this family, but one that particularly strikes me as terrible is when one of the older Duggar Boys was caught playing with himself. He said that one of his brothers had told on him for being in the bathroom for a few hours one night, worried that he was sick. Well to see if he really was, Jim Bob walked in. He caught him doing it, and on one of the day’s the cameras were filming. Jim bobs screams made the crew run to where they were filming. Immediately they asked him what was wrong. All Jim Could reply was “idle hands are the devils playthings.†Apparently, the whole next day he was supposed to do chores around the house. But, Jim Bob had tied his hands together so that doing anything was nearly impossible. ..."

And the other one that I found interesting doesn't have to do with Josh, but rather it made me think of how celebrities bring their nannies along to take care of their kids, except with the Duggars it would be an older daughter...that struck me the most about this story even though the main gist of it was JimBob didn't like ordering from a female server ???

"I worked at a pseudo fancy Italian chain that the Duggar family likes to frequent and waited on them many times. Sometimes the whole family, sometimes Cousin Amy and her mother were along, sometimes just the boys came in.

One time it was just the parents, the eldest girl and the youngest (at the time) baby. They were with another man and he and Jim Bob were talking about taking another run for office. Michelle was sitting quietly, while the older daughter took complete care of the infant as if it was her own.

Each time I waited on them, the children were all, including Josh, very polite and caused no problems. However Jim Bob never once talked to me. He would give me a nasty look, then tell Michelle what he would like to eat. She would then relay his order, which I had just heard, to me. I checked with other servers, and the females all were treated the same way by Jim Bob. He would give his order to male servers himself. He is also a horrendous tipper, averaging around 5 percent after asking to have the gratuity removed from his bill."

[quiverofdoubt]

For all we know, it could have been a letter from the Duggars to a family friend/elder/other informed party who then put it in a book as a bookmark and forgot it when he lent it out years later. My grandparents were bibliophiles and would always grab whatever was nearby as a bookmark, including photos and letters, so it's not unheard of to forget a letter in a book. It is a curious detail though.

I used to enjoy going through my parents bookshelf- their books were full of old postcards, notes, photos etc that were used as bookmarks years, even decades before, then forgotten about. My guess is that is why the letter was in a book to begin with. I keep envisioning some loose papers with writing on them, folded in half. But it's possible it was put in an addressed envelope.

It could have been someone journalling their heart to god, or really just a lot of things. Letter might just have been a convenient term for the writing.

or the letter was fabricated later as a prop or even a red herring.

What is clear is that a lot of people knew about this, even before the oprah stuff. These things don't stay secret for long, especially once the congregation is involved. The rumors were around at least, even online. If JB and M had done the right thing from the very first outcrier report, a lot of that could have been avoided. Headed straight to an objective police officer instead of waiting, then bringing it to the church.

[LongDogMom]

I have been trying to screen shot, cut/paste/ the portion of the police report found on page 15, second paragraph from the end, but I have been unsuccessful.

This is where it mentions about the book and the letter. It appears to be a male that wrote the letter and a family friend. I am thinking it's possibly an elder, not sure. Might be the father of the girl who was the 5th victim? Might be a different one...anyone else have ideas?

Oh yeah, I forgot about the 5th victim! That's a good possibility for the letter writer...someone related to her.

[nike!fashion]

This is my first post but have been reading here for a long time. Sorry to derail the conversation, but on HLN right now, Dr. Drew is doing a whole thing on this scandal/the Duggars. He just had a woman named Erin Merryn on who said the Duggars asked her to come to their home to talk to the kids about sexual abuse last year. She apparently got a law passed (Erin's law, I believe) about something to do with sexual abuse in schools I think. Apparently, 8-9 kids were there, all younger ones. The older girls were away at "camp" at the time.

I didn't see this posted anywhere in part 8 yet or any of the previous threads, although I have missed some of the pages. I have kept up for the most part. The airdate for this show isn't listed in the guide but I haven't seen this mentioned here (and I admit, I haven't read all the posts but have read most of them) or heard it anywhere else. Sorry if this has been covered already.

I wonder how far the family will go to do damage control, as far as getting people to exaggerate or even lie for them. It seems strange that this info would come out almost 2 weeks after the story broke, but fairly quickly after the damage control started happening. Also, it seems too coincidental that the story broke hours after the season finale. I think TLC knew it was coming & somehow got it put on hold (pressure from advertisers maybe?) until the finale aired. Perhaps they knew for awhile and that's why there was so little new material filmed or aired. It seems like there was a lot more clips than usual during the final few episodes. I hope it is ok to speculate about things like this. Finally, before the kissing couple/robocall connection came out, I was sure it was Jamie Slocum (Amy's producer) who leaked the story.

Anyway, I love this site and hope I did alright for a 1st post. I was nervous about breaking rules!

[ILoveJellybeans]

Putting a letter in a book sounds like a child thing to do. I don't really think that a grown man would be writing a letter, putting it inside a book and lending it to someone. If they wanted to tell someone about abuse, they could write a letter and mail it, or tell someone in person or over the phone. I think that the family friend was a child who is friends with the Duggar kids, who knew about it, or the fifth victim. It sounds a lot like a thing a child would do because they were too afraid to tell an adult face to face (and I knew someone who reported abuse in this way as a child). Or they wanted it to look like an accident because they were told not to tell about it, either by an adult in a threatening way "don't tell or you will be in trouble" or because they were begged by the kid they found it out from to please not tell anyone.

[Flyinthesoup]

As I mentioned earlier, I was under the impression it might have been the wife of an elder that wrote the letter, based on my reading of "Alice's" and "Concernedmom's" words. They have, what appeared to me, a relationship of some kind with the author. I am going to go back and re-read their words, again, later today.

Now that I see the 'he' in the police report, I am of a belief this is an elder. I don't think this was just 'anyone' who herd the confession as I don't believe the public confession was that detailed.

I can believe if this was an elder, he wrote the information down for possibly a number of reasons. I do believe it was 'forgotten' in a book, as was stated in one of the articles...will have to look that up as it wasn't the police report....and the book loaned out.

I do not think the letter or book were in the Duggar's house....but I could be wrong.

[Idolatry]

These people are old school, and letters are how ye olde people communicated. It could easily be a letter TO a Duggar with counsel, prayers, demands, anger, whatever about the situation. Somebody carelessly leaves an incriminating letter in a book, oopsies.

[LongDogMom]

I wrote in the previous thread that I think the letter writer is the girl Josh was betrothed to. This is because of how I read page 32 of the report. I completely missed the "he" on the other page. Anyway, this is how I read the page:

"She said she talked to [parent name] and found that [girl’s first & last name] was the person who wrote the letter. [girl’s first name] was the person that [Joshua] was supposed to have [been in a betrothal with] until the allegations started."

That's exactly how I read it too dawn! And then I saw the HE about the letter writer and that threw me. Maybe the girl's father? But that doesn't seem to fit, so I don't know. It's weird, because I got the exact same impression as you, that it was a girl he was courting before Anna.

[Flyinthesoup]

One more thing.....

Those of you who know the Duggar family and the churches or home church time line, could someone find a list of the 'elders'? I thought I remember reading.....way back in one of the postings, at the time of the abuse '02-03 they may have been part of a home church. I am guessing they would have a 'non-profit' status and records from the government on elders? I am wondering if our "61 year old female" (at the time of confession) might be related to one of the elders......trying to connect the dots.

This gets back to, if it was an elder, would there not be a mandated need to report?

Thanks to all who are helping shedding light on this...

[church_of_dog]

Putting a letter in a book sounds like a child thing to do. I don't really think that a grown man would be writing a letter, putting it inside a book and lending it to someone. If they wanted to tell someone about abuse, they could write a letter and mail it, or tell someone in person or over the phone. I think that the family friend was a child who is friends with the Duggar kids, who knew about it, or the fifth victim. It sounds a lot like a thing a child would do because they were too afraid to tell an adult face to face (and I knew someone who reported abuse in this way as a child). Or they wanted it to look like an accident because they were told not to tell about it, either by an adult in a threatening way "don't tell or you will be in trouble" or because they were begged by the kid they found it out from to please not tell anyone.

I agree that an adult would be unlikely to use that method for getting the information out. But as has been mentioned, there are lots of other possibilities, including (and I think this is most likely) the letter being someone's ongoing journal or note-taking, and they were perhaps hiding it as they added to it over time, not wanting it in their nightstand or schoolbooks or other papers, where others might see it.

My dad had all kinds of postcards, half-written letters, etc stashed in his books -- but again, he was a bibliophile with many books that he spent time with -- he would grab a handy lying-around piece of paper as a bookmark and then forget about it. So adults can and do stash things in books in that way.

However, as I mentioned earlier, I have to keep reminding myself that these folks didn't have a wall-o-books where something could hide. So who knows -- maybe the few books they do have still get little enough use that someone thought it would be safe there. I just don't find realistic the idea that someone put it there intending for the book to be lent and for the information to get out. I think it was intended to hide the letter either forever, or until such time as the writer decided to pass it along intentionally.

[LongDogMom]

After that the church seemed to make him confess, at least some extent, in front of the congregation. (i believe it was just a confessed sin, no specifics given)

I believe that is where Alice wrote her post.

Conjecture: the church elders may have had sermons on sexual sin etc or modesty or protecting children.

I'm guessing this was when things became an "open secret" and rumor abounded. People talk. Especially small town southern church people (no offense meant to them, just a stereotype that they are known for gossip)

In his treatment, we don't know that the people at the "treatment center" (lies and gag) didn't get first hand accounts and confessions from Josh

So within a year I'm guessing a lot of people knew something was up, and were suspicious.

Based on a story Gawker posted recently that was supposedly from a teenager who knew Josh Duggar and went to the same church and who saw his confession to the congregation, most of the church members thought it related to masturbation to pornography. This person said:

"Nobody told me that he was guilty of sexual molestation. I do remember that he was caught for pornography and being sent away for rehabilitation when he was 17 or so. If people look back to when Josh was bald on the show, it was because he was being “rehabilitatedâ€. The head-shaving was part of the shaming process. I remember thinking that everyone was overreacting. When Josh returned from his “porn rehabâ€, he was brought before the church. After Josh gave his “testimonyâ€, his sisters came up and hugged him and I remember seeing huge, confused tears streaming down their faces. I remember being confused about why they seemed to take it so personally. Now it makes more sense."

From: http://defamer.gawker.com/jim-bobs-puni ... 1707675683

[justbecause]

Agreed. And now I'm awake enough to quote the bit from page 32:

There's more about where the letter went and who emailed Oprah, but I can't be bothered to quote all of it.

How does this make sense though.

In the above part you think it is Jim Holt who wrote the letter and you think that it fits in with the Inv. Taylor thing?

[quiverofdoubt]

On a slightly different note:

the place Josh was sent to from march to july. Is the consensus he was just hanging out with a family friend doing construction? Is it possible he was sent for "retraining/reprogramming" at a gothard style center? If you read some of the posts from recovering grace, those places could be really awful. Like the accounts of the LIT program and being locked in prayer rooms for days on end. Is it possible he actually spent a few months in heavy labor/intensive "regothardizing" camp? The abuses at those places are atrocious.

I in no way defend Josh or his actions. But it's clear to me he was raised in an abusive home/cult and that horrible things happened to them growing up. I'm just curious if his headshaving/public shaming at church was the end of it, or if when he was sent away further abuses occurred.

[FlamingFundie]

All I have to add right now is that the damned FBI ain't got nothing on FJ.

If it's out there, FJers will find it and analyze the crap out of it. I feel like such an 'insider' being a part of this site, lol. My husband is all like, "I saw online that such-and-such happened!" And I'm rolling my eyes like, "Duh. That was discussed and debunked by FJ like a week ago." lolz

[dawn]

One more thing.....

Those of you who know the Duggar family and the churches or home church time line, could someone find a list of the 'elders'? I thought I remember reading.....way back in one of the postings, at the time of the abuse '02-03 they may have been part of a home church. I am guessing they would have a 'non-profit' status and records from the government on elders? I am wondering if our "61 year old female" (at the time of confession) might be related to one of the elders......trying to connect the dots.

This gets back to, if it was an elder, would there not be a mandated need to report?

Thanks to all who are helping shedding light on this...

I doubt there are any records, this wasn't an official church, just a group of people meeting in one another's houses and calling themselves a church. I got the impression that after the letter was found, gossip just spread - the report makes it look like the email sender didn't actually know the family very well.

[lostfemme]

Nic posted this link in the last thread -

patheos.com/blogs/danthropology/2015/05/jim-bob-duggar-may-have-covered-up-his-sons-crimes-to-continue-homeschooling/?ref_widget=related&ref_blog=danthropology&ref_post=a-response-to-salons-plea-to-stop-writing-god-with-a-lower-case-g

This is mighty interesting. The core of the article -

Homeschooling laws in Arkansas, the state the Duggar family resides, would have forbidden the Duggars from homeschooling their children if Jim Bob or Michelle Duggar had reported their son Josh Duggar’s crimes of sexual assault.

The homeschool law, No. 1787 of 2001, passed just one year before Josh’s crimes began reads as such:

6-15-508. Home schooling prohibited if a sex offender resides in the home.

(a) No child may be home schooled if any person residing in the home with the child is required to register under the Sex and Child Offender Registration Act of 1997, § 12-12-901 et seq.

(b) Upon petition to the sentencing court from the child’s parent or guardian, the sentencing court may enter a written order specifically waiving the restriction in subsection (a) of this section.

© This section shall not apply if the child to be home schooled is the person registered under the Sex and Child Offender Registration Act of 1997, § 12-12-901 et seq.

HISTORY: Acts 2001, No. 1787, § 1

This means had Jim Bob actually reported the assaults instead of only telling a friend –an Arkansas State Trooper who failed to report the crimes– then Josh would have either have needed to have been kicked out of the house or the family would have to stop homeschooling and send their children to either a public or private school.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I agree that an adult would be unlikely to use that method for getting the information out. But as has been mentioned, there are lots of other possibilities, including (and I think this is most likely) the letter being someone's ongoing journal or note-taking, and they were perhaps hiding it as they added to it over time, not wanting it in their nightstand or schoolbooks or other papers, where others might see it.

My dad had all kinds of postcards, half-written letters, etc stashed in his books -- but again, he was a bibliophile with many books that he spent time with -- he would grab a handy lying-around piece of paper as a bookmark and then forget about it. So adults can and do stash things in books in that way.

However, as I mentioned earlier, I have to keep reminding myself that these folks didn't have a wall-o-books where something could hide. So who knows -- maybe the few books they do have still get little enough use that someone thought it would be safe there. I just don't find realistic the idea that someone put it there intending for the book to be lent and for the information to get out. I think it was intended to hide the letter either forever, or until such time as the writer decided to pass it along intentionally.

I think it may have been a book they used as reference during a family meeting about the letter, and it was just forgotten about.

[dawn]

That's exactly how I read it too dawn! And then I saw the HE about the letter writer and that threw me. Maybe the girl's father? But that doesn't seem to fit, so I don't know. It's weird, because I got the exact same impression as you, that it was a girl he was courting before Anna.

I know! It makes perfect sense except for 2 inconvenient letters. :angry-banghead:

Maybe Jim Bob didn't know which of the family members wrote the letter and assumed it was the father (desperately clinging to my theory). Or maybe there was never a letter and the 2 families couldn't get their stories straight :shhh:

[LongDogMom]

This gets back to, if it was an elder, would there not be a mandated need to report?

From cnn.com:

"According to Jim Bob Duggar's account, made to police, he learned of the alleged abuse in 2002. He did not report it to police or anyone else. When new allegations surfaced in 2003, he told church elders ("mandated reporters" in Arkansas), who also did not report the abuse. The family and the church decided to send the perpetrator to what they called a Christian work camp for a few months as his punishment and repentance, and he reportedly apologized to his victims.

After the perpetrator of the sexual abuse returned home, Jim Bob told police he spoke with a state trooper about the issue. The trooper purportedly gave the perpetrator a stern talking to...What should have happened is simple. The Duggar parents should have taken immediate and effective steps to ensure everyone was safe -- that victim and perpetrator had counseling from people trained and licensed to provide such services. The state trooper, upon hearing about the issue from Jim Bob Duggar, should have immediately called the case in to the child abuse hotline. The church elders should have done the same.

Failing to report known abuse, especially when the perpetrator admits to the abuse, has legal consequences. Law in Arkansas states that mandated reporters who knowingly, recklessly, and purposely fail to make a report have committed a Class A or C felony. Additionally, they can and should be held civilly liable. The statute of limitations should have never been so modest for a crime committed against children. Furthermore, the current statute states that prosecution can proceed even if the limitations have expired only if the offense was never reported to a law enforcement officer. So if a police officer does not fulfill his or her duty to respond appropriately within the allotted time, there is no justice for the victims. This has to change.

The message to the victims, and to girls everywhere, is clear: You are not protected. Telling authorities what happened to you will neither protect you from its happening again nor bring your assailant to justice; men and boys are more valued and you should defer to what is best for them; blame yourself and do it silently"