Wasted Potential

[Lady Grass Lake]

I have a son who is a musician, and over the years DH and I nurtured his talent with a whole lot of parent participation, money for lessons and instruments, travel, sleep away music camps, college auditions, competitions. I have another son who is a math whiz, and very mechanically inclined so we got him into a college with the best automotive training, and he has become a master mechanic. We helped him in college by purchasing his required tools. I was able to take a couple of years off work while they were babies, but have worked the majority of their lives. DH and I worked together, sometimes working alternate shifts, nights and weekends and when necessary used trusted sitters.

I wonder about all of the possible wasted potential in a lot of the large fundie families. We see Erin Bates was allowed to pursue her music and the Wissmann Family are quite successful as musicians, but what about the poor kid who is gifted at math, science, writing, art and more. Are there kids with real potential and intelligence and gifts that are not allowed to develop their interest because it just wouldn't be allowed, or worse yet, beaten out of them. The Maxwell kids weren't allowed to participate in sports, Chris couldn't be an EMT, I can't imagine any of them asking to go to summer music camp for 2 weeks living in a cabin with 11 other strangers and participating in activities with both sexes. Can you imagine any of the boys showing an interest in fashion and clothing design. I just can't imagine being held back and made to conform to the cookie cutter lifestyle when inside you is a burning passion for an unacceptable pursuit, how do they not just go completely insane?

[docmom]

I've often wondered how fundies interpret the parable of the talents. I was always taught that we should use the talents god gave us and not to do so was to dishonor the gift. Clearly they don't follow this interpretation for women (unless their talents actually lie wholly in home-making) and their rejection of education means that even the academically inclined men can't reach their full potential.

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

I've often wondered how fundies interpret the parable of the talents. I was always taught that we should use the talents god gave us and not to do so was to dishonor the gift. Clearly they don't follow this interpretation for women (unless their talents actually lie wholly in home-making) and their rejection of education means that even the academically inclined men can't reach their full potential.

This.

From the little bit of "churching" I've had in my life, I've always heard the parable of the talents interpreted like that. Of course, the fundies seem to pick and choose what parts of the Bible (and the things Jesus taught) they adhere to.

[Four is Enough]

In many versions, the talents are measures of money and nothing more. Even so, you'd think a fundy could extrapolate a little....

[mastercleaner]

Well, the Maxwell's don't let their kids play any instruments that Steve doesn't like. Jesse has said at many of the conferences, that he used to play the guitar. He was really really good at it, but because it was taking away time that should have been used for god, so Stevie put a stop to that. It was becoming an idol.

And we all know what happened to Erin Bates and her music scholarship..

At least Erin was trained by an actual piano teacher, and not more homeschooled kids like the duggars are..

The duggars have the potential to be great musicians.. but of course they only get lessons from a Query girl... and its not like they dont have enough money to hire a private violin teacher.

[Coco]

I've often wondered how fundies interpret the parable of the talents. I was always taught that we should use the talents god gave us and not to do so was to dishonor the gift. Clearly they don't follow this interpretation for women (unless their talents actually lie wholly in home-making) and their rejection of education means that even the academically inclined men can't reach their full potential.

Some fundie parents keep the control on their kids by focusing their gifted children on tangents that are easy to oversee, with people that they already know and trust. A fundie girl interested in chemistry and physics could be directed to study the Science of Baking. My mom often calls homemaking a profession that can be as detailed as any other actual job. She would get us books about even the details of common home textiles, or learning how to make really fantastic homemade bread, lol And --early childhood development is an actual study. The Botkins wrote an article about what girls should study visionarydaughters.com/2013/08/the-top-10-things-girls-should-study-but-rarely-do Some girls get WAY into the Calvinist/Armenian debate. Yeah, don't have the time. :shrug:

Homeschoolers are very talented at getting trapped in minutia. :lol: For instance, the living history hobby. Researching, designing and sewing elaborate costumes takes up an enormous amount of time. Some boys became fixated on the Civil War. Some girls go to Jane Austen-era Regency ball recreations, including learning all the dances. It's sad though, because these things aren't easily monetized or useful on a resume as experience. It's like hobbies of wealthy kids. Really kind of pointless. Some girls i knew self-published professional-looking girls' newsletters (like HopeChest Magazine) using computer programs and graphic design. It was good experience for them to juggle the incoming mail and produce a magazine all on their own on a deadline. But it can't count for much on a resume, because there is no standard for things done at home. It's not like a university newspaper, that people instantly recognize as having criteria for excellence. I tried to put some accomplishments like that on one of my first resumes, and my boss (thankfully a friend's dad) just laughed at me. These kids aren't doing themselves any favors with all the time-consuming hobbies. Shrewd homeschool parents make sure the kids are in talent activities that are recognized as worthwhile by the rest of society.

[nokidsmom]

This is what really infuriates me about fundie parents. If they try to channel a talent at all, it's always in an "approved" direction that often isn't that substantive in the real world. The parents want control and at the same time justify via magical thinking that it's really going to amount to something. The really unfortunate part is that the child is led down a path thinking the latter only to find out that isn't the case. I do wonder how many grown children stifle their disappointment.

ETA: re Erin Bates being allowed to go to Crown was a good thing but it's still a shame that she couldn't attend the real university which could have put her on a path towards graduate work and a professional music career. At this point all she's going to do is teach piano and bang out the wedding march at fundie weddings. Not that there's anything wrong with that but seriously gotta wonder if she was hoping to do more and her "allowed" path prevented it. I still don't believe for a moment that it was truly her own decision free of any influence or manipulation to not attend the U of Tenn. And these were parents that "allowed" things. Can't imagine what it's like for more restrictive parents.

[fun2beme]

I agree about wasted talents but I think it's common in non-fundie familes too. How many people do we hear about who wanted to be artists, musicians, etc, but their parents pushed them to more "practical" careers?

[Hane]

I agree about wasted talents but I think it's common in non-fundie familes too. How many people do we hear about who wanted to be artists, musicians, etc, but their parents pushed them to more "practical" careers?

Yep. My youngest sister is a brilliant musician. She taught herself to play piano by ear at age 3. By kindergarten, she could hear a song on the radio ONCE and play it note-perfect, including harmony and counterpoint. She had perfect pitch from a young age--could tell you what chord the train whistle was playing and which tuning fork the piano tuner was hitting. She was the choral accompanist at school, and could transpose on a dime to accommodate a singer's desired key. But my folks wouldn't let her major in music--they thought it would be too hard for her to find a job as a public school music teacher. They pushed her into majoring in business, which she hated, so she begged them to let her change her major to elementary ed. She's now doing well as the math coordinator of our local school system, and plays for weddings, funerals, and church services. From what I know now, having friends in the music field, she could have written her own paycheck long ago.

I would have given my right arm to go to a college that had a journalism major, but "girls who live away from home before marriage might as well hang a red light in their window." My mother was thrifty, but she made us all terrified of going into any debt--even manageable debt. I got married the summer between my junior and senior years, largely to get the hell out of the house. I've been doing well financially for a long time, but still wish I'd had the guts to attend a college away from home and then go to law school.

TL;DR: Controlling parents are all over the map, not just among fundies.

[SPHASH]

What pisses me off the most is parents like Steve and Teri Maxwell and Gil Bates had normal lives growing up...Steve served in the Air Force, met Teri in a college class, got a degree and worked in the corporate world. Gil was a champion wrestler in high school and went to college too. Yet they deny their kids the same opportunities. Fuck 'em all.

[usmcmom]

Is Mary Maxwell the one who has such talent with sewing? I've always felt bad that she isn't allowed to pursue that. Steve is being very short sighted in not letting his daughters work to their potential, especially since he apparently has no plans in letting them marry. Sarah, with a few classes, could probably have a small photography business. She would work wonderfully with children. Anna could pursue something in the food industry; cupcakes are big right now. These girls need a creative outlet as much as they need to earn some money for themselves.

It's a shame that we have more faith in the Maxwell kids and their ability to succeed than their parents do.

[Feberin]

I agree about wasted talents but I think it's common in non-fundie familes too. How many people do we hear about who wanted to be artists, musicians, etc, but their parents pushed them to more "practical" careers?

And families who don't have the financial resources to help their children pursue their talents even if both the parents really wanted to help them. I'm amazed at how expensive extracurricular activities are even for young children. I honestly don't know if we had a child who was exceptionally talented if we could afford it. I mean we can afford for them to participate in sports, dance or music lessons and save for their college educations. But I doubt we could afford it if we had a child that wanted to go to the Olympics or something and needed a private coach. Or a child that needed private music lessons multiple times a week starting at three years old and us to purchase several instruments for as they grew and developed their skills.

I do think it's sad that Fundies deprive their children from a lot of really wonderful experiences of doing any sports or playing an instrument period. But honestly I think very few parents have the resources to help a young prodigy reach their full potential. I also think with multiple kids it would be wrong if all the money when towards one talented child including depriving the other child of experiences like vacations or summer camp so that the talented one could have their private lessons.

[19 cats and counting]

I don't follow that many fundie families (Duggars, Bates, Erika Shupe the bitch) like many of you, but I see wasted potential in every family (the Bates not as much because their kids can actually pursue approved talents).

Duggars--- I see the most lost potential in the middle children (Josiah-Jackson). The boys (and Joy, the only girl in that group) are at an age where they should be exploring their natural talents and figuring out how to use them to support themselves. One of the twins wanted to be an artist (on an early special) and I wonder if he still has that talent or ambition. And all the energy those boys have could have been used in a productive way (sports, hobbies, etc) but instead it's all bundled up and as a result they're feral.

The potential in the older ones (except perhaps John David) is already lost. Imagine a world where Josh could have gone to law school and become a lawyer, Jinger could have studied photography, Jill could have become a licensed midwife, Jessa could have used her organizational skills in her sorority, Jana could have started her own seamstress business, etc.

Jury's still out on the Lost Girls. HOpefully by the time they're grown, JB and M will be so checked out that sending them off to college will be a break.

Shupe kids--- Let's just hope that they're counting the days till their 18th birthday. I don't see ANY of them doing anything beyond being props in Erika's picture perfect home. We don't know if they have the potential to excel at sports, music, art, cooking, etc. Everything is so structured and by the book that anything they attempt will be looked at as a failure and taught in a future lesson (God punishes you when you pursue your hobbies).

Bates kids--- Some have hit the jackpot with their talents (Erin) and have it well. She was able to get a degree (ok from a Bible college but better than nothing) in music, and uses it by teaching piano lessons and playing at churches/fundy weddings. For someone who's about to become a mom, it's a perfect part-time gig for her that she can continue after the kid's born. (Yes she could have gone to a better school, but I think for what she's doing, the education she has is fine).

Michael is a warm, nurturing person and works as a nanny (for a church family) and is apparently in college (early childhood education?). Yes she'll be pregnant by the end of the year, but that's what she wants. Perhaps early on in their marriage, she'll take in other children so the parents can work. Lawson's recorded an album and has sang at college sporting events.

Not sure about the others.

One other fundy I forgot to mention who has a talent/gift-- Priscilla Waller. She's a warm, fuzzy, patient person. IMO she would have been a very good nurse (or nurse's aid) and would be great working with the elderly. I've been dealing with my grandmother in a nursing home, and Priscilla would be a good addition to their staff.