Chaviva's husband can't return to the US for months

[LucySnowe]

And I can't help but wonder if that, combined with her penchant for public sharing and her job history, are working against her in the social media field. I think the social media ship has sailed without her and she hasn't realized it yet. Retail sucks, but at least it will hopefully offer some stability and a steady income and maybe lead to better things.

She's not doing herself any favors to hashtag herself "desperate." How many employers want to hire someone with that attitude, especially in a buyers' market? "Oh, I'll take anything, I just want a job." Obviously people feel that all the time, but you can't SAY it and expect to get hired. Experienced interviewers can smell that kind of desperation; why tip them off in advance?

She responded to someone on Twitter that "I've applied to upwards of 100 jobs in the past two months. Heard back from a few. Had amazing interviews and nothing." Could be that she gets through on the basis of her resume, gets an interview, and is then scrutinized online - where the public sharing/job history comes out. She talks about getting fired, she talks about places she's interviewed but never got hired by...

Again, I hope she gets a job. But I think she's doing herself damage by the way she's publicly discussing it.

[DGayle]

Oh, that touches a nerve. Yeah, if a vegetarian "meal" (on United, that would be the the fruit and cheese plate) is actually available and if there are any left by the time the flight attendant gets to your seat. I once ordered a vegetarian meal from Qantas with my tickets one month before departure. I called the day before the plane left to check as they recommened, and was told they didn't have a record of it and I was SOL. Then, on the way back they ran out of vegetarian meals (I tried to ask a flight attendant to save one for me but that didn't work), so I got to pick chicken out of a salad and eat the non-perishable snacks I'd brought with me. Fuck you, Qantas!

And that's why I buy myself food in airport terminals for domestic flights. At the very least, Mr. Chaviva cuold have cobbled together a meal from prepackaged foods like us veg*ns have to. Sucks, but less than being hungry. Learning to be prepared and take care of yourself, rather than depending on others, is a necessary life skill.

I feel like Chaviva would be better off if she stopped posting to social media all the time and concentrated on living her life instead of putting on a show to promote herself.

The last flight I was on that had food only sold it. Sandwiches for $7. Since the flight attendants didn't cap it at one per person until everyone had a chance, the sandwiches sold out a row from me. Try being a few hours into a cross-country flight wit a couple hungry toddlers and an empty promise of there being food available. Because of that promise, I didn't bother packing meals, just some snacks. When those ran out, my girls started crying. A few other passengers, who also didn't get the chance for sandwiches, took pity on me and offered up some of their snacks, complaining with me that it was wrong for the attendants to not make sure everyone had a chance to buy instead of letting some drunk frat guys buy a bunch of sandwiches each. Next time I fly, I'm taking a meal of my own. Screw trusting the airlines.

[browncoatslytherin]

The last flight I was on that had food only sold it. Sandwiches for $7. Since the flight attendants didn't cap it at one per person until everyone had a chance, the sandwiches sold out a row from me. Try being a few hours into a cross-country flight wit a couple hungry toddlers and an empty promise of there being food available. Because of that promise, I didn't bother packing meals, just some snacks. When those ran out, my girls started crying. A few other passengers, who also didn't get the chance for sandwiches, took pity on me and offered up some of their snacks, complaining with me that it was wrong for the attendants to not make sure everyone had a chance to buy instead of letting some drunk frat guys buy a bunch of sandwiches each. Next time I fly, I'm taking a meal of my own. Screw trusting the airlines.

that is horrible, dg, i would have complained sooooooo much to the airlines after that (and still packed food myself afterwards lol).

[2xx1xy1JD]

The last flight I was on that had food only sold it. Sandwiches for $7. Since the flight attendants didn't cap it at one per person until everyone had a chance, the sandwiches sold out a row from me. Try being a few hours into a cross-country flight wit a couple hungry toddlers and an empty promise of there being food available. Because of that promise, I didn't bother packing meals, just some snacks. When those ran out, my girls started crying. A few other passengers, who also didn't get the chance for sandwiches, took pity on me and offered up some of their snacks, complaining with me that it was wrong for the attendants to not make sure everyone had a chance to buy instead of letting some drunk frat guys buy a bunch of sandwiches each. Next time I fly, I'm taking a meal of my own. Screw trusting the airlines.

I hate dealing with food issues while traveling.

Someone mentioned Qantas. My pet peeve when I flew home with a baby and 3 yr old from Australia was that we had to change planes in Auckland, and New Zealand has the strictest bio-security policies you've ever seen. ALL FOOD needs to be disposed, even if it is packaged and even if you are not leaving the airport, or it needs to go through special screening and approval (no time to deal with that during a short stopover). We had to ditch the snacks I had packed for the long flight.

I also remember a 15 hour, 3-part journey with the kids another time that involved lots of soft drinks and potato chips, and not much else. Due to a medical emergency on the first flight, they never served breakfast and we had only 1 min to make the connecting flight.

[SpeshulTaterTot]

My grandfather died when I went to school in the States. My family decided not to tell me until after the funeral because they knew that once I was back home they would've had a hard time convincing me to go back (my first couple of months in the States were a nightmare), BUT my student visa allowed me re-enter the country. I asked about that when I applied for it, and I was a teenager then. I don't know how an adult can just forget about something like this, no matter how bad the situation is at the moment.

As for food on flights... I don't travel without trailmix or something like it in my carryon. A friend of mine who's a competitive bodybuilder travels with tupperware full of food. Yeah, it's a bit of work, but at least you don't get hangry on a long flight.

[keen23]

My grandfather died when I went to school in the States. My family decided not to tell me until after the funeral because they knew that once I was back home they would've had a hard time convincing me to go back (my first couple of months in the States were a nightmare), BUT my student visa allowed me re-enter the country. I asked about that when I applied for it, and I was a teenager then. I don't know how an adult can just forget about something like this, no matter how bad the situation is at the moment.

As for food on flights... I don't travel without trailmix or something like it in my carryon. A friend of mine who's a competitive bodybuilder travels with tupperware full of food. Yeah, it's a bit of work, but at least you don't get hangry on a long flight.

I fly with across the US 3-4 times a year, with my kids. I always have snacks. Each of the kids gets their own gallon ziplock bag with snacks- some bribe snacks like candy and cookies, fruit snacks, granola bars and beef jerky. In fact, I usually have beef jerky in my purse, because my youngest is a bear when she gets hangry.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I fly with across the US 3-4 times a year, with my kids. I always have snacks. Each of the kids gets their own gallon ziplock bag with snacks- some bribe snacks like candy and cookies, fruit snacks, granola bars and beef jerky. In fact, I usually have beef jerky in my purse, because my youngest is a bear when she gets hangry.

Another reason for those of us in Toronto to drive to Buffalo to fly anywhere. http://www.thestar.com/business/2014/10 ... elers.html

Flying out of Toronto means having to go through US customs and immigration at the Toronto airport, and bringing meat and fruit across the border is problematic.

[Plus, Buffalo is pretty awesome. Yes, people make fun of it, but the customer service is amazingly friendly and helpful.]

[lagenialester]

I hate dealing with food issues while traveling.

Someone mentioned Qantas. My pet peeve when I flew home with a baby and 3 yr old from Australia was that we had to change planes in Auckland, and New Zealand has the strictest bio-security policies you've ever seen. ALL FOOD needs to be disposed, even if it is packaged and even if you are not leaving the airport, or it needs to go through special screening and approval (no time to deal with that during a short stopover). We had to ditch the snacks I had packed for the long flight.

I also remember a 15 hour, 3-part journey with the kids another time that involved lots of soft drinks and potato chips, and not much else. Due to a medical emergency on the first flight, they never served breakfast and we had only 1 min to make the connecting flight.

What you discuss in New Zealand is the ONLY situation I could see as a legitimate reason not have food on a flight. She said he had an 8-hour layover. At least for me, I've found that even just around town I always have a snack in my purse for me and the little one because I'm never sure what the "kosher situation" is going to be. (Plus I think that's just smart planning in general). When I moved to other countries I ALWAYS had food in my bag. Boxes of granola bars are a lifesaver. But had I forgotten...I would just buy more at the airport. I do like the flights provide kosher meals, it makes me feel glad that I've been thought of, but keeping kosher is MY decision and I can't trust that others will have kosher food available for me. It's my responsibility to make sure I have a Plan B. I guess it's hard for me to sympathize when I lived in a developing country where I was the only Jew for MILES (like, probably 4 countries...I was living in Central Africa, there wasn't even a Chabad) and I still managed to eat.

I also hope she finds a job, but maybe don't post about wanting the iPhone 6 and needing to apply for retail jobs on the same twitter feed?

[stonefruit]

I'm sure we only get a tiny fraction of her life, but reading Chaviva's blog and (open! completely open!) FB page mostly just makes me frustrated. Immigration laws, terrible though they may be, apply to everyone! They just do.

And she's really not a good writer. I don't have any insight into what makes someone a good social media person, but her writing is riddled with cliches and repetitive phrasing. She just seems so profoundly lazy in her approach to it.

[LucySnowe]

What you discuss in New Zealand is the ONLY situation I could see as a legitimate reason not have food on a flight. She said he had an 8-hour layover. At least for me, I've found that even just around town I always have a snack in my purse for me and the little one because I'm never sure what the "kosher situation" is going to be. (Plus I think that's just smart planning in general). When I moved to other countries I ALWAYS had food in my bag. Boxes of granola bars are a lifesaver. But had I forgotten...I would just buy more at the airport. I do like the flights provide kosher meals, it makes me feel glad that I've been thought of, but keeping kosher is MY decision and I can't trust that others will have kosher food available for me. It's my responsibility to make sure I have a Plan B. I guess it's hard for me to sympathize when I lived in a developing country where I was the only Jew for MILES (like, probably 4 countries...I was living in Central Africa, there wasn't even a Chabad) and I still managed to eat.

I also hope she finds a job, but maybe don't post about wanting the iPhone 6 and needing to apply for retail jobs on the same twitter feed?

See, she complained not even three months ago about how bad Denver is for kosher food when you're out and about: "You have to constantly have snacks with you and plan meals out like a drill sergeant because if you get caught starving and it's dinnertime, Denver gives you few options for a quick bite to eat." And mentioned how many times they'd had to cobble together a meal of tomatoes and and lettuce and smoked salmon. So she already knows about this problem.

I wasn't as bothered about the iPhone 6 (apart from the general "who the hell actually NEEDS an iPhone 6" side-eye, but I give that to everyone) as that she apparently had only $10 left and went to a cafe to buy coffee with it. Okay, maybe she was exaggerating the money situation, but really? Buying overpriced coffee when your finances are that much of a mess?

[yupitsme]

A) Yes, kosher meals are sitting around. They are frozen and taste like shit. I'm sorry that my husband wanted to eat and not have to rent a car because we are broke because he hasn't been working because of immigration.

B) We found out his grandmother was sick on Monday. She was dead on Wednesday. Sorry that wasn't enough time for you all to think we handled it appropriately.

C) Get a life.

[yupitsme]

And no, I'm not exaggerating our money situation. Asking Sprint about an iPhone 6 and their upgrade policies and having $10 in my pocket are both realities. It's life. Why must you look at mine with a fine-tooth comb?

I make $2,344/month. Some of that comes from a social media job, and some of that comes from writing for About.com. Let's see, would you like to see my monthly expenses? Would that make you all feel good about yourselves? Well, I just applied for food stamps, so I have that budget for you, super handy:

Progressive Car Insurance $135.41

Health Insurance $425.00

Rent $1,080.00

Xfinity (Internet) $44.59

Xcel $100.00

Renter's Insurance $36.75

Sprint $70.00

Car Payment $525.00

Daycare $341.00

Groceries $300.00

Gas $50.00

Total Expenses: $3,107.75

So let's see, what can you pick apart here. Daycare? Okay, so daycare is at a deeply discounted rate and only two days a week part time so I can interview for jobs and look for work. I'm sure you'll find a reason to obsess and harass me over that. Then there's Internet, well, if I don't have internet then there goes my ability to work. What else? Oh, the car payment? Yeah, that's pretty ridiculous. I've thought about getting rid of that and just stopping the payments so they'll repossess it, but unfortunately I have a 10 month old and if I did that y'all would find a reason to judge me for not taking car of my baby.

Okay, any other questions out there? Any other clarity I can provide for you so that you can better understand my situation so you can properly judge me?

Let's go ladies!

[happy atheist]

And no, I'm not exaggerating our money situation. Asking Sprint about an iPhone 6 and their upgrade policies and having $10 in my pocket are both realities. It's life. Why must you look at mine with a fine-tooth comb?

I make $2,344/month. Some of that comes from a social media job, and some of that comes from writing for About.com. Let's see, would you like to see my monthly expenses? Would that make you all feel good about yourselves? Well, I just applied for food stamps, so I have that budget for you, super handy:

Progressive Car Insurance $135.41

Health Insurance $425.00

Rent $1,080.00

Xfinity (Internet) $44.59

Xcel $100.00

Renter's Insurance $36.75

Sprint $70.00

Car Payment $525.00

Daycare $341.00

Groceries $300.00

Gas $50.00

Total Expenses: $3,107.75

So let's see, what can you pick apart here. Daycare? Okay, so daycare is at a deeply discounted rate and only two days a week part time so I can interview for jobs and look for work. I'm sure you'll find a reason to obsess and harass me over that. Then there's Internet, well, if I don't have internet then there goes my ability to work. What else? Oh, the car payment? Yeah, that's pretty ridiculous. I've thought about getting rid of that and just stopping the payments so they'll repossess it, but unfortunately I have a 10 month old and if I did that y'all would find a reason to judge me for not taking car of my baby.

Okay, any other questions out there? Any other clarity I can provide for you so that you can better understand my situation so you can properly judge me?

Let's go ladies!

Well, first of all, if you don't want people to pick your life apart you should probably not post shit like this on the internet. :violin:

Second of all $525/month for a car? Sell it and get a cheaper car.

[browncoatslytherin]

Second of all $525/month for a car? Sell it and get a cheaper car.

i'm not sure how everything works with trading in/selling a car that one is still paying on, but that would probably help quite a bit. my car payment is $350/month for a used ford taurus (though my payment comes out twice a month in increments of $175), but it's dependable. needs a repair right now that i can't afford, but it still plugs right along. it's a beast. it's not the flashiest car around, but i don't care about stuff like that. as long as it works and gets me from point a to point b, i couldn't care less how it looks.

eta: also, progressive is pretty pricey for my state. i had them for ohio but the minnesota policies were so much higher! like twice the rate! i shopped around and switched to esurance and pay about $40 less than i would with progressive.

[Mango]

Why was there a daycare expense if your husband wasn't working because of immigration? I'm confused. Or is that the new budget?

I don't think that's unreasonable (although ouch, that rent! That seems kind of high for Denver to me, but everyone I know there is grad students who are probably more flexible on where they will live, although my brother rented the COOLEST rennovated old church when he still lived up there) but I guess my main thing is just.... I'm sorry your life is so rough and that you feel so negative about it. I get that that the internet is an outlet for a lot of people, but well... yeah. And it seems sort of unprofessional to be so constantly negative on your public spaces, especially as someone who works in social media. It's not that you CAN'T have strong opinions and be in SM or journalism, it's that well, you should have things you are FOR- not just things you are against, and it doesn't seem like you really do?

[ViolaSebastian]

I just have one question: Why do you feel that the United States' immigration laws should be ignored for you and your husband?

[BrownieMomma]

And no, I'm not exaggerating our money situation. Asking Sprint about an iPhone 6 and their upgrade policies and having $10 in my pocket are both realities. It's life. Why must you look at mine with a fine-tooth comb?

Because you put it out there.

I hope you really understand what you are doing when you post things on the Internet.

For example, you just posted your family's budget. That is public to anyone who reads this forum, whether they are a member or not.

When you put it out there for public consumption, you are also out there for criticism. Seeing as how no person is going to please all people, every single public person gets criticized by somebody else, somewhere else.

My suggestion to you is to read this forum as a learning opportunity. Take a step back, look at the information objectively, and see if there truly are areas in your life that can improved.

Better planning doesn't hurt. What's that cliche - he who fails to plan, plans to fail. Think about it.

[lagenialester]

Because you put it out there.

I hope you really understand what you are doing when you post things on the Internet.

For example, you just posted your family's budget. That is public to anyone who reads this forum, whether they are a member or not.

When you put it out there for public consumption, you are also out there for criticism. Seeing as how no person is going to please all people, every single public person gets criticized by somebody else, somewhere else.

My suggestion to you is to read this forum as a learning opportunity. Take a step back, look at the information objectively, and see if there truly are areas in your life that can improved.

Better planning doesn't hurt. What's that cliche - he who fails to plan, plans to fail. Think about it.

This^. In what universe does one consider themselves a "social media maven" and not understand that the internet is a public place? :roll: The fact that you have everything SO PUBLIC (someone mentioned your entire fb feed is open?) really speaks volumes.

[LucySnowe]

C) Get a life.

I have a life in which my husband and I followed immigration rules, as crappy as they were (see my opening post), and successfully achieved our permanent status so we did not have to be apart.

I have a life in which I sometimes feel despair, including more job searches than I like, and I keep details off the internet so that potential employers do not judge me because of them.

I have a life where I do snark on other people, and I don't always feel great about that, but I try to temper that with sympathy, and I never go into their own sandbox to do it.

So yeah, I'm good.

No one has said anything about you giving up your internet or your car, and no one demanded to see your monthly expenses. What we've been discussing is primarily immigration laws, and kosher food while traveling, and sharing job searches on social media. You don't have to respond to any of that (and to be honest it would be a good sign if you didn't) but it's disturbing that you start picking a fight over completely different things, which you come here and deliberately share.

What I'm saying about the $10 for coffee (and maybe I didn't say it well) is that only having $10 in your pocket is neither a crime nor a sin, but claiming to have only $10 in your pocket, and spending that $10 on overpriced coffee, makes no logical sense. Your life, your choice, but not a good one.

[yupitsme]

So here's a question: Why did you start this thread? What were you hoping to achieve? What was the point, if not to complain about me, my life, my existence, my choices? Who does that?

As for answers to your other questions:

A) Do I look like a moron? I started journaling online in the late 1990s on LiveJournal in a private space for just my friends. When I started my blog in 2006 I did it because I wanted to share my journey in the hopes that it would HELP OTHERS. I keep my life very public because I've seen how storytelling provides those struggling with conversion or divorce or Judaism to see a light or seek help with whatever it is they need. So yes, I make my life very public, but I do it to help others. I've never made a penny on my blog because I don't do it to make money, I don't do it for some sick self satisfaction, I do it because I believe in the power of storytelling, just as much as someone who writes down their story about abuse or neglect does. It empowers me to empower others. So now that you know that I'm not an idiot and that I don't care who hears/reads my public story that I willingly and knowingly and happily put out there, my question to you guys is: Why do you spend all your time tearing others down, judging them and their choices, and obsessing over their lives on this forum? What is so wrong/bad/sad/unfulfilling in your lives? To say that just because someone puts it out there they're asking for the judgement/hate is like saying the girl at the party wearing a skirt was asking to be raped. Or maybe the kids who put their stories and troubles out on Facebook, get bullied and commit suicide were asking for it, too, eh?

B) I don't care who sees/knows my budget. Why should I care? If it helps someone else see it and say, "Okay, clearly I'm not alone, it can be done," then good. The entire experience of applying for assistance is humbling, because I grew up with times of food stamps and went through it all then. I own my choices, I own my reality. I suppose you'd probably say Mara over at Kosher on a Budget is a terrible person for sharing her family's "get out of debt" story, too and their struggles, right? Some people don't mind letting the world in because the ultimate goal is to HELP others.

C) The daycare is because Tuvia is no longer here. I didn't have a choice. The Tuesday after he left I had a job interview and that Monday I went in and begged them to take Asher a few days a week. So I've been doing phone and in-person interviews every Tuesday/Wednesday for the past month and no one has hired me yet. Either everyone will call at once to hire me or everyone will call at once to say "Sorry, not interested."

D) I'm on Progressive because that's the only insurance company that allows you to have a non-U.S. citizen spouse on your policy. No choice there, either, unless I remove my husband, which I might have to to cut costs.

E) I didn't spend $10 on a cup of coffee. I spent around $2.50 on a latte to drink while interviewing with a Jewish nonprofit for a job because I needed to get out of the house.

F) Oh, and do I think my husband is above the law? No, but what I do think is that the law is ridiculous, and most people I talk to agree with me. To not be able to get advance parole because an office is closed ... that doesn't seem fair. My husband's family is very small and very close, and he felt he needed to be there so I'm supporting him in that decision. Yes, we have to live with that decision, but I have every right to be outraged at a system that is restrictive, slow, and creates a situation where a father will miss his son's first birthday after having missed his first tooth, first crawl, and so many other firsts. And if you think I'm stupid or ridiculous or not allowed to have that outrage, then so be it.

[ViolaSebastian]

and creates a situation where a father will miss his son's first birthday after having missed his first tooth, first crawl, and so many other firsts

You and your husband knew the law. If he left, there was a good chance he would not be permitted reentry into the United States. YOUR HUSBAND created that situation, not immigration.

[yupitsme]

You and your husband knew the law. If he left, there was a good chance he would not be permitted reentry into the United States. YOUR HUSBAND created that situation, not immigration.

Big. Deal. I am outraged. What is your problem with me being allowed to be outraged exactly? Please tell me where a person's emotions are not considered valid or reasonable when they are owned by that individual?

[shedemei]

Your blog exists is a bit of a weird space. I think it's moved off of its original purpose of focusing on Jewish issues like conversion, community, and aliyah. It seems like it's moved into more of a personal blog, which makes it an odd space for readers to react to.

[ViolaSebastian]

It is a big deal. You're blaming others for you and your husband's screw up, because you felt you were above the law. If you don't agree with the law, I think that's perfectly reasonable, and I encourage you to try to change that law, but don't blame others for the natural consequence of ignoring legislation that's currently in place.

[yupitsme]

Your blog exists is a bit of a weird space. I think it's moved off of its original purpose of focusing on Jewish issues like conversion, community, and aliyah. It seems like it's moved into more of a personal blog, which makes it an odd space for readers.

It's true that the blog has evolved and changed -- but that's what a blog naturally does. The blog was originally about me and my conversion journey into Judaism. Then it became one about married life and the issues of being married. Then it became a personal one. Then it became one about aliyah and Jewish life in Israel. Now it's about being married, being a first-time mother, and still about Jewish issues.

My three most recent posts are all about Jewish topics and issues -- the weekly Torah portion and book reviews about Jewish books. Before that, it was a post about awkward parent interactions.

But the reality is, people don't read my Jewish posts anymore. They have the lowest numbers out of any of them. People read the juicy stuff, the stuff that's personal and storytelling. So I continue to put out the Jewish stuff, even though it doesn't get read, because that's where my heart is.