What To Say To Women Who Are Glad For Their Abortions

[Confused_by_religion]

I know that these people consider it more important to point out to others the error of their ways than to show some politeness and respect. But it's still baffling. I would never, ever comment on somebody's decision to have an abortion unless this person asked me to voice an opinion. And even then I would never try to get them on a guilt trip.

The other thing that's baffling is the argument that the morality of something can be determined by finding out if people feel sorry for doing this. I mean...what the...? Hurting somebody and not feeling sorry makes it sort of "morally neutral"? Hurting somebody and then regretting it makes it "morally bad"? Surely whether something is moral or not should not depend on the way individuals feel after having done it?

Now I have never had an abortion but had an unplanned pregnancy. Let me tell you that raising the child under less then favourable cirumstances has felt like a nightmare for long stretches and has had negative impact on the child (who certainly never asked for this) and on me and my partner as well. If I had had an abortion, I suppose I would have had a chance to start a family under more favourable circumstances and happier children might have been born as a result.

This is not to say that I do not love my child, I dearly love him and would sacrifice - and have sacrificed - almost everything to support him. But abortion does not automatically have to result in drama or heartbreak, as the prolifers say. It can also give people a chance for a better, happier, more fulfilled life - mothers and the children born as wanted children alike. (And unless a prolifer has given birth to an unwanted child and raised him or her to adulthood, they can just shut. up. and keep their opinion to themselves instead of harrassing a woman.)

[Mama Mia]

I suspect that they are arming their street preachers to deal with the women who, to counter anti abortion protesters signs proclaiming "I regret my abortion" have been carrying signs that say "I do not regret my abortion."

Oh, that makes a lot more sense.

Still don't think they should be going and confronting people, but that's a much different context than badgering random friends /relatives/co-workers.

[DGayle]

Slightly off topic but Josie was born at 25 weeks. It is considered a miscarriage up through 19 weeks and a stillbirth at 20+ weeks.

I meant to say abortable. In almost all states, you can abort up to 24 weeks, and there's an adamant denial by so many people that there's no fetal pain as an argument against using anesthesia to make sure there's no hurting going on. Josie was just barely past that, yet clearly had the full ability to feel pain. I think she's a good case for why abortion itself needs to be done differently. I feel sick thinking about how many babies are aborted who are able to feel, and how many people insist there's no way the baby can feel pain, yet I can't back banning all abortions.

So I'm not sure where debrand stands on this. Abortion okay through 24 weeks? Through full term? Earlier than 24 weeks? I was just pointing out that the ability to feel pain starts months before birth.

[twinmama]

I don't really want to get into an abortion debate, but who really is to say which is more painful... the baby who is aborted at 23 weeks (which really only happens when there are severe fetal abnormalities that are incompatible with life, the great, great majority at least), or the preemie born at 24 weeks who spends months on an oscillating ventilator, having blood draws every single day, surgeries on their eyes and hearts, etc, etc, etc.

I just wanted to point out that being a micropreemie is a painful, horrible experience for a newborn baby. As can be an entire life lived with the reprecussions of saving a life born way too soon. Of course, there are 23 weekers who thrive and have wonderful lives, but there are many who don't or who pass away after short painful lives.

I should probably add that all this is to say that I don't think pain is a good determining factor in whether abortion should be allowed.

[miffy]

The only person I know who has had an abortion was deeply affected by it & started drinking heavily afterwards which ultimately resulted in nearly dying due to an accident. I'm sure other people I know have had them but haven't told anybody.

Two other friends became single mothers in their early 20s have had hard times, but are ultimately happy & pleased about the choice they made. However one of them has a trust fund & the other was given the old family home to share with her sister rent free. Also they had both finished bachelors degrees before they got pregnant. However if they hadn't been so lucky financially, i'm not so sure they would have made the same choice.

I wish that there was more counselling & follow-ups with women post abortion. My friend was never really told how severe the psychological impact could be afterwards. It hard to say to somebody who is denying that they have any problems 'hey, i think you really need to go see somebody'.

[BravaAmica]

The only person I know who has had an abortion was deeply affected by it & started drinking heavily afterwards which ultimately resulted in nearly dying due to an accident. I'm sure other people I know have had them but haven't told anybody.

Two other friends became single mothers in their early 20s have had hard times, but are ultimately happy & pleased about the choice they made. However one of them has a trust fund & the other was given the old family home to share with her sister rent free. Also they had both finished bachelors degrees before they got pregnant. However if they hadn't been so lucky financially, i'm not so sure they would have made the same choice.

I wish that there was more counselling & follow-ups with women post abortion. My friend was never really told how severe the psychological impact could be afterwards. It hard to say to somebody who is denying that they have any problems 'hey, i think you really need to go see somebody'.

Your friend sounds like she has other issues, like an alcohol problem. I seriously doubt everything in her life was perfect until that fateful day. If you're truly concerned, you can say, "Hey, I've noticed these behaviors. I'm concerned. Have you considered talking to a therapist?"

Also, abortion clinics ARE aware of the psychological impact, which is why they offer free follow up counseling. Or they can refer their patients to other counselors. I had two physical follow ups and three counseling sessions with a therapist after.

[Mama Mia]

Your friend sounds like she has other issues, like an alcohol problem. I seriously doubt everything in her life was perfect until that fateful day. If you're truly concerned, you can say, "Hey, I've noticed these behaviors. I'm concerned. Have you considered talking to a therapist?"

Also, abortion clinics ARE aware of the psychological impact, which is why they offer free follow up counseling. Or they can refer their patients to other counselors. I had two physical follow ups and three counseling sessions with a therapist after.

That depends on the clinic. I certainly wasn't offered any kind of follow up or counseling. Loooonggg time ago though.

[Childless]

I wasn't offered counseling services either, but mine wasn't done at a clinic. It was done at my OB-GYN's office. That could be the difference. I also recognized my situation and knew it was in my best interest to have the procedure done. I'm sure if I were struggling with the after math of the decision and told my doctor that I needed to see a therapist, she would have been glad to recommend someone to me.

[anjulibai]

I've known many woman who have had abortions. Only one of them regretted it, and she was a fundie. Her boyfriend pressured her into it, so no one would know they were having sex.

All of the other woman (5) have no regrets and are glad they got their abortions.

I don't think the fact that some women regret it is any reason to outlaw abortion. People regret doing a lot of legal things.

[uber frau]

Of course there are women who regret their abortions. There are women who feel it was a bad decision and who would do differently if they had to make the same decision again. But when you compare women who have had an elective abortion to women who choose to carry their unplanned pregnancies to term, there is no increased risk of medium to long term mental health implications. The risk for mental health issues comes from the unplanned pregnancy, not the choice to terminate.

Unfortunately, there's no way to magically wind back time to a point where the pregnancy didn't happen and the best way to prevent those issues is to make it easier to prevent unplanned pregnancy in the first place: Education, access to contraceptives and fostering a culture where women can make real and empowered choices. (Fancy that-All those pesky things the fundies dislike).

[scc12]

You could always apologize for folks like the Duggars.