What To Say To Women Who Are Glad For Their Abortions

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joshbrahm.com/say-woman-happy-abortion/

Someone asks the writer how to respond to women who say that they are thankful for their abortions

I’m glad that you didn’t suffer any physical complications of your abortion, and that you aren’t suffering from the depression that some of my friends who are also post-abortive have experienced.

Let me ask you a question that’s a little more philosophical though. Do you think there any other factors that people should consider as they try to assess whether abortion is morally right or wrong? Do you think that if some women are not negatively affected by abortion, that proves that abortion is morally neutral?

The first part is pretty passive aggressive and he has me, I would have trouble responding.But I would also have trouble responding to someone saying."I'm glad that you didn't suffer any physical abuse in your marriage and that you aren't suffering from the fear and anxiety that some of my friends who are also married experienced."

The second part. Religious people have used the fact that some women are saddened that they had an abortion as propaganda for a long while. My hope is for women to have real choices over their bodies and their sexuality. That means that not only will there be many birth control choices available but that there will be help after she gives birth. That way a woman who decides she wants an abortion can have a real choice and isn't forced into a situation by finances or lack of birth control.

If some women are negatively affected by abortion it doesn't mean that abortion isn't morally neutral either. However, most abortions are performed in the first trimester. Until a mass of cells has a brain that can feel pain or experience emotions, I don't see it as a person. It is human only in the way that sperm or skin cells are human.

Perhaps some of you will have better answers.

[meda]

Why would anyone feel the need to give any response? If the topic came up, to me the answer would be "good, I'm so glad you had a successful outcome" which is the same response I would give to anyone discussing a medical procedure that went well.

[Georgiana]

joshbrahm.com/say-woman-happy-abortion/

Someone asks the writer how to respond to women who say that they are thankful for their abortions

The first part is pretty passive aggressive and he has me, I would have trouble responding.But I would also have trouble responding to someone saying."I'm glad that you didn't suffer any physical abuse in your marriage and that you aren't suffering from the fear and anxiety that some of my friends who are also married experienced."

The second part. Religious people have used the fact that some women are saddened that they had an abortion as propaganda for a long while. My hope is for women to have real choices over their bodies and their sexuality. That means that not only will there be many birth control choices available but that there will be help after she gives birth. That way a woman who decides she wants an abortion can have a real choice and isn't forced into a situation by finances or lack of birth control.

If some women are negatively affected by abortion it doesn't mean that abortion isn't morally neutral either. However, most abortions are performed in the first trimester. Until a mass of cells has a brain that can feel pain or experience emotions, I don't see it as a person. It is human only in the way that sperm or skin cells are human.

Perhaps some of you will have better answers.

Woman who is glad for her abortion here. Also, while there were some factors other than "Do I want a baby" that went into my decision, I would say that I definitely had a real choice and chose abortion. And I come from a Catholic very pro-life community. Here is how I deal.

I replace the word "abortion" with "miscarriage".

Miscarriages are, medically, spontaneous abortions. Physically and emotionally and hormonally, abortions and miscarriages do not have any marked differences in the way they impact the woman. The only difference is the choice. That being said, miscarriages where the woman is relieved are not terribly uncommon, and abortions where the woman really did want the baby but had to end the pregnancy for other reasons are also not terribly uncommon. The way I see it, the distinction is pretty small.

Some people get pregnant and hope they miscarry, some people make sure they do. It's not a new phenomenon.

So, if the statement becomes inappropriate when you replace "abortion" with "miscarriage", it's inappropriate. If it doesn't make sense when you do this, it doesn't make sense. And his argument makes no sense. Morality =/= guilt or depression. It does not follow that if you feel guilty or depressed about something that it is morally reprehensible. Many people make morally correct decisions that they later regret or feel depressed about. That doesn't mean you made a wrong choice, just that you made a tough one.

People feel sad, depressed, guilty about miscarriages. Does that make miscarriages morally reprehensible? No. That doesn't make sense at all. So you can see people feel bad feelings about things that can't be morally incorrect because they aren't event choices. Guilt/depression are completely independent of moral action.

All that being OK with an abortion proves is that you cannot ban abortions on the basis that they are harmful to women. That is the ONLY thing being OK with your abortion proves.

[louisa05]

Why would anyone feel the need to give any response? If the topic came up, to me the answer would be "good, I'm so glad you had a successful outcome" which is the same response I would give to anyone discussing a medical procedure that went well.

Some of the pro-life people I know insist that a woman who says she is glad about it or feels neutral about it is lying and that all women who have aborted are depressed and grieving for the rest of their lives.

I asked one why she thinks she can tell other people how they feel and got no answer. But this woman, and all the people I knew in the movement, swallows the rhetoric they are given by the people at the top without ever questioning it. Of course, she (and many like her) never really questions anything. Had they been able to find me, the women at a certain blog would have come to my house and lynched me this week for pointing out that so many people in right and left wing movements alike are not deeply thinking through their positions.

I totally agree with you. It is not anyone's business to comment.

[polecat]

I can't even imagine why it's anyone's place to say ANYthing. Now, I did have a friend once who regretted an abortion -- she was a young teen at the time, and her mother essentially forced her into it. But that was quite a different circumstance from a woman who actually HAS a choice and makes the choice she feels best for her. I can even see how women might regret a choice even if they knew it was for the best for them. By which I mean: I have made choices that were certainly in my best interests, but that doesn't mean I was happy about having to make the choice, so I can understand how a woman would choose to have an abortion while still feeling regretful that she had to make that choice.

ETA: I really rambled there. But in the end, how a woman feels about her choice is HER business. Not mine.

[Chowder Head]

I also can not imagine why it's anyone's place to say anything . However, if it was brought up, my comment would be I am glad your procedure went well. why pro life people think its their right to comment on someone elses medical procedure is beyond me.

[twinmama]

"Post-abortive" makes it seem like if you have an abortion, that is the only way to define yourself. They need some of that person first language that other communities you. A person with Down syndrome, a person on the spectrum versus an Autistic person.

IMO, everything is morally neutral as morality is in the eye of the beholder. We have freaking legal death penalty in this country, if murder (as in the death penalty, I in no way see abortion as murder, just clarifying!!) is sometimes okay, anything goes.

[BravaAmica]

joshbrahm.com/say-woman-happy-abortion/

Someone asks the writer how to respond to women who say that they are thankful for their abortions

The first part is pretty passive aggressive and he has me, I would have trouble responding.But I would also have trouble responding to someone saying."I'm glad that you didn't suffer any physical abuse in your marriage and that you aren't suffering from the fear and anxiety that some of my friends who are also married experienced."

The second part. Religious people have used the fact that some women are saddened that they had an abortion as propaganda for a long while. My hope is for women to have real choices over their bodies and their sexuality. That means that not only will there be many birth control choices available but that there will be help after she gives birth. That way a woman who decides she wants an abortion can have a real choice and isn't forced into a situation by finances or lack of birth control.

If some women are negatively affected by abortion it doesn't mean that abortion isn't morally neutral either. However, most abortions are performed in the first trimester. Until a mass of cells has a brain that can feel pain or experience emotions, I don't see it as a person. It is human only in the way that sperm or skin cells are human.

Perhaps some of you will have better answers.

Another woman who is glad, relieved and yes, delighted, to have had an abortion. I fell pregnant as a result of rape. Finding out I was pregnant was like being raped all over again. And I felt like I was being raped, 24/7, until I had the abortion. The abortion gave me my power back. Being able to get an abortion showed me that I had agency and authority to determine the course of my life, even though some fuckwit raped me.

Regarding the "being sad to had an abortion" argument. I'm sad about lots of decisions in my life. But I made those decisions. Some I regret, some I don't. It's called being an adult and owning your choices, instead of directing your regret at trying to control everyone else.

[J'ean Skirt]

A friend of mine was really hurt and depressed over her abortion at the time. But she was in what she now describes as an abusive relationship, and she had a chronic disease that made pregnancy extremely dangerous. She felt she had no choice but to get an abortion.

Honestly, I think the depression was more about being in a place where all her choices were unpalatable than actually having the abortion. She felt trapped on all sides and had to do something to get out of it. (She's much better now, in a healthier relationship with a different guy, after a year of chemo the disease is undetectable, and is living in a place that makes her happy).

[salex]

My imaginary conversation.

I’m glad that you didn’t suffer any physical complications of your abortion, and that you aren’t suffering from the depression that some of my friends who are also post-abortive have experienced.

SOunds like your friends needed a better support group. I'd say there are fewer cases of depression and regret in women who are not in social circles who call abortion "murder" and act like it is some horrible crime against god and man.

Let me ask you a question that’s a little more philosophical though.

Must you?

Do you think there any other factors that people should consider as they try to assess whether abortion is morally right or wrong?

Other than if some people regret or don't regret something. What has ever happened to people in the history of the world that some people didn't regret and others not regret. Why would regret or lack of it define morality?

Do you think that if some women are not negatively affected by abortion, that proves that abortion is morally neutral?

No, I'd say the "moral neutrality" depends on the person and the circumstance. There are instances where I believe it would be immoral for me to carry a pregnancy to term if abortion were an option. This is true of so many things. For instance, for me to offer my husband a glass of wine when he gets home from a grueling day is morally neutral, or even beneficial if it is recommended by his doctor for heart health. It would be immoral if he was a recovering alcoholic and I was trying to drag him back into addiction. T

Isn't it wonderful that it isn't up to you to make blanket decisions on morality for everyone in the world in every situation, but only for yourself!

:cry: How old is this wormy little conversationalist... I guess I'll have to go look at the site.

[cindyluvs24]

A little like asking someone "How do you feel post colostomy?" Well, not as fun as a day at Disney, but under the circumstances, daily life is better with it than without it.

[Trynn]

If someone told me they were happy with their abortion, here is my response:

"Ok."

[Mama Mia]

joshbrahm.com/say-woman-happy-abortion/

Someone asks the writer how to respond to women who say that they are thankful for their abortions

I had an abortion that I deeply regret and that caused a huge amount of mental turmoil and depression. I'm also in favor of a moderate legal approach to abortion - more conservative on the issue than the vast majority of posters here. But there is no way in hell I can see how someone could justify trying to engage someone who has had an abortion in a conversation designed to be antagonistic and guilt producing. Incredibly rude and invasive.

[Aggie2145]

While I do not think it is my place to comment, I would only respond if this was an in person conversation and it appeared the person expected a response. Only then would I say "I support your choice and am happy to hear that you have recovered from the procedure." Otherwise, it is absolutely none of my business.

[RosyDaisy]

I would never ask the question to begin with. It's rude and a violation of a woman's privacy

[Marianne]

Okay. i'm glad for the abortion I had. Oh, I'm not glad, I just don't care. I didn't considered myself with a children, more with a bunch of cell or with a tumor.

But, dear blogger, I will respond to you :

I’m glad that you didn’t suffer any physical complications of your abortion, and that you aren’t suffering from the depression that some of my friends who are also post-abortive have experienced.

Let me ask you a question that’s a little more philosophical though. Do you think there any other factors that people should consider as they try to assess whether abortion is morally right or wrong? Do you think that if some women are not negatively affected by abortion, that proves that abortion is morally neutral?

1) I don't know if it's morally right or wrong. I know that the fact that you preferer that I sink a hanger or a needle into my uterus, rather than having a healthy, secure and free operation, is morally wrong.

2) I think that you coufound "morally" and "psychologically".

3) Go fuck yourself.

[Childless]

I'm another person that is glad for my abortion. I was sad that the situation called for it, but glad I was able to get one. It saved my life. Not only would I not be here, my son would not be here if I had not aborted. My husband would have lost a wife and never been a dad. So, I look back with thankfulness that I had the choice to abort and it has not affected my life at all since. I choose to concentrate on the present and the future rather than looking to the past.

[bea]

I do not regret having had an abortion.

I am sorry that I had to make that choice, that the fetus had Trisomy 13 and that I would have a late-term miscarriage, stillbirth, or a baby with a life measured in agonized seconds.

I am sorry I had to end my first and much-wanted pregnancy.

I am GLAD AS HELL that my husband and I could make that choice, that my OB performed the procedure (at 15 weeks) in my hospital, and that my Catholic family supported my decision.

[SamuraiKatz]

How about "It's none of your business and I am not discussing this matter with you." These are decisions made by women with their trained medical professional. Not some self proclaimed street preacher hassling women on the street.

[Rebelwife]

I favor the Miss Manners approach. "Whatever would make you ask such a question?" said with wide eyes :pink-shock: and a very apparent air of disbelief.

[salex]

I suspect that they are arming their street preachers to deal with the women who, to counter anti abortion protesters signs proclaiming "I regret my abortion" have been carrying signs that say "I do not regret my abortion."

I hope these jackanapes are not just going up and starting conversations with women and asking them these questions cold... but who knows.

[fundiefan]

joshbrahm.com/say-woman-happy-abortion/

Someone asks the writer how to respond to women who say that they are thankful for their abortions

The first part is pretty passive aggressive and he has me, I would have trouble responding.But I would also have trouble responding to someone saying."I'm glad that you didn't suffer any physical abuse in your marriage and that you aren't suffering from the fear and anxiety that some of my friends who are also married experienced."

The second part. Religious people have used the fact that some women are saddened that they had an abortion as propaganda for a long while. My hope is for women to have real choices over their bodies and their sexuality. That means that not only will there be many birth control choices available but that there will be help after she gives birth. That way a woman who decides she wants an abortion can have a real choice and isn't forced into a situation by finances or lack of birth control.

If some women are negatively affected by abortion it doesn't mean that abortion isn't morally neutral either. However, most abortions are performed in the first trimester. Until a mass of cells has a brain that can feel pain or experience emotions, I don't see it as a person. It is human only in the way that sperm or skin cells are human.

Perhaps some of you will have better answers.

I'd say it proves absolutely nothing. But, try to get the concept of nothing through the head of a fundie with an agenda. It's better to keep moving and not waste energy.

[DGayle]

Until a mass of cells has a brain that can feel pain or experience emotions, I don't see it as a person. It is human only in the way that sperm or skin cells are human.

You do know this happens before birth, right? Another few days sooner and Josie, had she died, would have been a miscarriage, yet it's clear she was born with the ability to feel pain and comfort, and both of those affect emotional and mental states. She would have had the ability to feel pain sooner than that.

I have friends glad for their abortions, and I just smile and nod. Regardless of stance on the issue, being in a position to want an abortion isn't a happy thing, so I don't think there is anything appropriate to put into words.

[Dysfundamental]

I am sorry that anyone ever has to terminate a wanted pregnancy. That must be sad. E-hugs to those of you who have shared those experiences.

I was as glad to be able to get safe, legal abortions as I was to be able to get safe, legal root canals. The root canals were slightly more painful, though.

[Mama Mia]

You do know this happens before birth, right? Another few days sooner and Josie, had she died, would have been a miscarriage, yet it's clear she was born with the ability to feel pain and comfort, and both of those affect emotional and mental states. She would have had the ability to feel pain sooner than that.

I have friends glad for their abortions, and I just smile and nod. Regardless of stance on the issue, being in a position to want an abortion isn't a happy thing, so I don't think there is anything appropriate to put into words.

Slightly off topic but Josie was born at 25 weeks. It is considered a miscarriage up through 19 weeks and a stillbirth at 20+ weeks.