The Gwyneth Paltrow of Fundies: Better than you, here's how!

[Pretzel]

I just googled up some videos that would show me how to organize my kitchen properly and Erin came up on YouTube. OH.MY.GOD! Is she drunk? She's seriously using or smoking, I can't think of another explanation for this brand of insanity. Oh my, she's like the parody of herself. :lol: :D :mrgreen: :clap: :doh: :wtf: :shit-fan:

[salex]

I am going to say this-- when someone posted her "how to can potatoes" link last year, i commented and linked to an extension service canning warning that said never water bath potatoes always pressure can them, and so did a couple of other people and she actually changed her instructions to include this. I am happy to see she didn't just blow off the people who made these suggestions.

[clarinetpower]

Just watched her clean the bathroom. She spent a good amount of time "cleaning" a toilet with vinegar (and there were still brown stains under the rim, and she was scraping something off with plastic), and THEN she had the audacity to tell us that it was really important to clean the handle of the toilet to avoid spreading germs which she then wiped with the same nasty rag she'd used under the toilet seat. GROSS.

She also says rubbing alcohol is ph neutral (it's not, it's basic.)

Most of her "instructions" (with jazzy music underscoring) are just "scrub things! Scrub them more! Look at my fancy house!"

[salex]

Just watched her clean the bathroom. She spent a good amount of time "cleaning" a toilet with vinegar (and there were still brown stains under the rim, and she was scraping something off with plastic), and THEN she had the audacity to tell us that it was really important to clean the handle of the toilet to avoid spreading germs which she then wiped with the same nasty rag she'd used under the toilet seat. GROSS.

She also says rubbing alcohol is ph neutral (it's not, it's basic.)

Most of her "instructions" (with jazzy music underscoring) are just "scrub things! Scrub them more! Look at my fancy house!"

This is why I don't use vinegar as the main cleaning tool... I've tried it and it was "meh" to me. Plus, it is portrayed as a money saver and she used at least a buck and a half worth of white vinegar, even cheap vinegar and didn't direct it toward what she was wanting to clean. Plus, if she has hard water spots that require that much scrubbing with the brush, she needs a toilet pumice stone. And as other said, her Order of cleaning" is a bit off.

I will stick with toilet bowl cleaner, or comet, or bleach in my order of preference to cleaning the toilet, and paper towels. Though, if using cloth to clean, the secret is to have many so you don't use the same cloth all the time.

I hate her long skirt long apron outfit, too. I mean, I really hate it.

[Pretzel]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

A family member of mine is a trained maid and back in her old job supervised other maids. I don't know what that's called in English? Maybe a matron? Anyhow, she cringes at the thought that someone cleans their toilet with cloth. The very first cleaning advice I ever received and the most useful up to this day is that you always clean toilet bowls with toilet paper and flush it after cleaning. Never use cloth. I'm really far from being a good keeper of the home, I'm not a good helpmate or anything but I really insist on disposable rags or at least hygienic washable cloth.

[SunnyAndrsn]

I've run across her blog before, but it makes me cross eyed to read too much. She's nuts, and she can't string a sentence together if her hoard of canned potatoes depended on it. Just one snippet of weirdness:

I just sat there listening across a table in that old drug house in the shady neighborhood. He told me no one will hear him or believe him that he saw an angel. I told him I do believe him and I began to tell them many amazing stories of my life and how many miracle I have seen. I sat there for several hours just visiting with these people that I wanted so badly to move out because I did not like the smoke, and I did not like that they called the cops. And here, it was the most sweet fellowship I had in the longest time. They were delightful. And I thanked God for those few hours of smelling the smoke and ministering to some of his people. I have to remember the old old saying, "What you do to the least of these, you do unto me." These people were certainly what we Christians would look down at as trashy. Just taking the time to love people and learn about them, changes everything. Loving your neighbor as yourself is something that changes not only you but your neighbor. Love softens people.

We found out the doorknob was busted into and the other neighbors said why, they were so glad this older couple was moving in to the trailer park with them. They told us stories of how the old renter was a drug dealer and they were all so scared and here, this couple could help keep the violence down by living there. My original suspicions were correct about the man who was a drug dealer. It is a miracle how God works things out. What seems bad, God makes for good in the end.

[SunnyAndrsn]

Just my thoughts on what I read.

In her yesteryear post, she references the neighbor making pudding with new milk because they just had a calf. I wonder how old that calf would be, because, per my gramma, who milked cows and lived on a farm without electricity, that first milk is disgusting. They never used it, and called it bloody milk, they just let the calves have that.

I don't agree with making your young children pay for clothes. That is kind of in the mom contract. I can see doing it for special occasions, but not thrift store stuff.

It's also colostrum rich and should go to the calf. We always made sure the first few milkings after a calf was born were separate from the herd, so that nutrient rich milk went right to the calf. It looks pinkish, and once it was white the milk went in with the rest of the herd, to the bulk tank. I don't think it's actually blood, but I've heard the term bloody milk before too.

[Burris]

What a surprise, another control freak who turned to hyper legalistic fundiedom and ultra controlling SAHMdom.

This right here? Not how good parents treat their seriously ill child. "I took my child to the clinic the day after I thought they were dying!" Completely insane.

And well she should have prayed for mercy - and she should have prayed for brains, too. Her idiocy - and it was shear idiocy, nothing more or less - nearly cost her daughter's life.

[Geechee Girl]

Reading this blog has absorbed the better portion of my day. Rabbit hole, indeed. :cray-cray:

[ViolaSebastian]

Oh geez, she has a Hamburger Helper knock-off that she calls 'Hamburger Help Meat.'

And, predictably, her post about abuse would make Lori and Cabinetman proud:

keeperofthehomestead.com/blog/how-to-handle-abuse

ETA: Aw, yeah, FJ shoutout: keeperofthehomestead.com/blog/believe-hope-and-endure

[16strong]

Hamburger Help Meat? :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

[DGayle]

Didn't she also say that regular moms have it easier than celeb moms? :cray-cray:

She's so full of herself. I can't even get over the name Apple that she named her daughter :wtf:

Yes! Because we can't possibly have the same hardships. See, she might be gone for three months out of a year to film a movie, and that's HARD! I'll trade her any day of the week. I'll leave my kids for 90 days to have the kind of income she has, to give my kids the world, to, oh, I don't know, maybe FLY them to the set. Give me the nannies so I can sleep, the massages, the money to buy all organic perfection instead of getting to the end of pay period and having to figure out what crap to feed the kids for a couple days until new payday. She is so out of touch with reality.

Celebrity baby names are what make me think we need laws mandating normal names for first names. Yes, non-US names are normal. Cultures that create new names are normal. Apple and Tallulah Does the Hula From Hawaii and Pandora Astraea Radagast Annextiomarus Dalía Ondine Xeziriq Amethyst L. are not normal names! (Pandora's sister's name is Cleopatra something something something just as insanely stupid.) Good way to make sure your kid has a tough time later in life.

[DGayle]

Just watched her clean the bathroom. She spent a good amount of time "cleaning" a toilet with vinegar (and there were still brown stains under the rim, and she was scraping something off with plastic), and THEN she had the audacity to tell us that it was really important to clean the handle of the toilet to avoid spreading germs which she then wiped with the same nasty rag she'd used under the toilet seat. GROSS.

She also says rubbing alcohol is ph neutral (it's not, it's basic.)

Most of her "instructions" (with jazzy music underscoring) are just "scrub things! Scrub them more! Look at my fancy house!"

How often does she skip cleaning the toilet if she has to scrape? I don't even regularly use cleaning agents because I keep a scrubber by the toilet and give a quick swish every couple days. I wouldn't make fun videos because they'd be too short. Sometimes I'll spray Pinesol (put it in a spray bottle) on stuff, but no scraping shit (literally!) needed.

[DGayle]

keeperofthehomestead.com/blog/mom-bucks-inflation

This is one of the most fucking horrifying things I've read on this site.

"Where did you get all those MOM BUCKS?"

Mikey said in a very business-like manner, in a manner I had never heard...so grown up, so together.

"Well, I sold Junior some of my old legos for $100MOM BUCKS. I earned money for chores. I sold Megan my pony for $100 MOM BUCKS plus $25 real dollars. Miles bought $200 MOM BUCKS from me with $40 real dollars and now I have just enough to buy the neighbors high quality automatic air soft gun."

Did that just happen? Did he just figure out a way to buy himself a gun he had been wanting? That little genius! He just made some great business moves on some pretty big spenders.

"Wait a minute here...Why is Miles buying MOM BUCKS from you?"

Mikey quickly adds, "You know how Miles barely has enough money to eat?"

Okay, FLASHBACK...Ah yes, I see it now. Miles was alway just scraping by, like many adults do. They just work enough to pay the bills and are always broke. Miles would come into the kitchen many times with no money to buy food. He is my little talker. He will start a job and before you know it, he will grab the phone and call someone to tell them about some great idea that he already told all of us 150 times. Yes, 150 times! He obsesses over certain ideas. BUT, he makes it happen! If he wants a gun or a horse or a bike, he will work for pay on weekends with a concrete company and earn what he needs in order to pay for it. The in-between part where he is dreaming and planning the purchase is the hard part for everyone to endure!

Back to meal times...I would give him a task and he would haul fire wood in so he could earn a few MOM BUCKS, just enough to pay for lunch. And so it goes with Miles. Lately, he has had enough MOM BUCKS for everything he needs and I kinda wondered what was up with that. I would not let him pay real money to buy food, so he is actually a business man as well...

She'll actually force her kids to go hungry if they don't have the currency she demands, and if they have cash, too bad, that won't work, and if she thinks the kids have enough, she jacks up the prices ON NECESSITIES. When Kid #1 is waking up early to do all the chores to get all the money so that Kid #2 has to find ways to earn money from the neighbors to buy Mom Bucks from Kid #1 so that he can eat a meal, something is profoundly fucked. That family has enough, yet her kids have to compete with each other so they don't go hungry.

[clarinetpower]

This one's my favorite. It's kind of like a history of teh crazeh.

keeperofthehomestead.com/blog/the-american-dream-the-desires-of-our-hearts

Yep, her hubby knows she's nuts. They don't stay in the same house for very long, and they move around a lot, but she's going to tell us all how we're doing it wrong!

And she almost got Amish. But not. PHEW YOU GUYS.

:angry-banghead:

[Odd1Out]

Why oh why did I open this thread?

Wow.

" It all started with a knock at the door. I was folding the laundry and asked Molly to see who it was. I was not expecting any visitors, so there was a curiosity that plagued our minds. ". Dramatic much?

She tells us there are four kinds of workers. A, B, C & D. And then says she'll describe the THIRD kind- D? Wouldn't that be the fourth kind, dear?

[DGayle]

This one's my favorite. It's kind of like a history of teh crazeh.

keeperofthehomestead.com/blog/the-american-dream-the-desires-of-our-hearts

Yep, her hubby knows she's nuts. They don't stay in the same house for very long, and they move around a lot, but she's going to tell us all how we're doing it wrong!

And she almost got Amish. But not. PHEW YOU GUYS.

:angry-banghead:

When we could no longer keep up with the payments, we decided to go debt free and rent again.

When you rent, you're not really debt-free. You still owe a housing payment.

That post is a whole lot of "waaaaaaahhh, we have too much, so pity us, waaaaaaaahhh."

[Vex]

Did anyone else think that southern hospitality post was kind of... off?

This made me cringe so badly:

Steve wanted us to be blessed and well fed. And then he asked us if he could have Miss Ann come and fix us some breakfast. I could tell it would thrill his heart to bless us like that so I said, "Yes, Thank you so much!" My husband felt so guilty with all he did to make us feel welcome. I told him that this man probably enjoys blessing us so much more than we understand.

Shades of Gone With The Wind, anyone? I mean, it wasn't Miss Ann saying 'I would be honoured to cook for you'. It wasn't Steve making the breakfast himself. The fact he was volunteering Ann's services as if they were his own made me feel very uncomfortable.

[FoxyMoxie]

Yes! Because we can't possibly have the same hardships. See, she might be gone for three months out of a year to film a movie, and that's HARD! I'll trade her any day of the week. I'll leave my kids for 90 days to have the kind of income she has, to give my kids the world, to, oh, I don't know, maybe FLY them to the set. Give me the nannies so I can sleep, the massages, the money to buy all organic perfection instead of getting to the end of pay period and having to figure out what crap to feed the kids for a couple days until new payday. She is so out of touch with reality.

Celebrity baby names are what make me think we need laws mandating normal names for first names. Yes, non-US names are normal. Cultures that create new names are normal. Apple and Tallulah Does the Hula From Hawaii and Pandora Astraea Radagast Annextiomarus Dalía Ondine Xeziriq Amethyst L. are not normal names! (Pandora's sister's name is Cleopatra something something something just as insanely stupid.) Good way to make sure your kid has a tough time later in life.

Except who gets to decide 'normal'? Who defines 'normal'? 'Normal' is a subjective term. Also I don't see the issue with Apple, myself - Cherry is a perfectly normal name, and I can't see how Apple is especially different. It's a fruit, not like a horrible thing.

If other cultures can create new names and that be OK with you, why can't the US? That seems awfully narrow-minded. Names evolve over time, linguistically that is the norm.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Thing about the fruit-based names is that they're more common in some countries compared to others. I've heard of girls in Britain being named things like Peach, Pear, Plum, and as FoxyMoxie said, Cherry. Never before heard of an Apple, but maybe Gwyneth Paltrow's husband at the time, who is British, encouraged it because he knew plenty of people who had fruit names. Maybe the choice of Apple was just their way of choosing a more original fruit name.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Blanket's a pretty awful name. Chastity sounds pretty, but I'd feel embarrassed to have the name in fundie circles, especially after my wedding night. Makes the parents look likes they're obsessed with virginity, and after marriage, people would be looking at me like, "Well, we need to call her something else now." :lol:

I bet Jim Bob would have wanted to call a daughter Chastity if they had gone with C instead of the letter J...and then he would have gone on to make all kinds of inappropriate sexual jokes at poor Chastity's expense. :(

[JMarie]

keeperofthehomestead.com/blog/our-story

Her "prestigious university" sure didn't teach her how to construct a proper paragraph.

[Grimalkin]

It's also colostrum rich and should go to the calf. We always made sure the first few milkings after a calf was born were separate from the herd, so that nutrient rich milk went right to the calf. It looks pinkish, and once it was white the milk went in with the rest of the herd, to the bulk tank. I don't think it's actually blood, but I've heard the term bloody milk before too.

Reading this causes my stomach to feel sick. I am at the hospital sitting next to my sleeping sister and waiting for her to get a room, jumping in the rabbit hole!

[Burris]

keeperofthehomestead.com/blog/mom-bucks-inflation

This is one of the most fucking horrifying things I've read on this site.

She'll actually force her kids to go hungry if they don't have the currency she demands, and if they have cash, too bad, that won't work, and if she thinks the kids have enough, she jacks up the prices ON NECESSITIES. When Kid #1 is waking up early to do all the chores to get all the money so that Kid #2 has to find ways to earn money from the neighbors to buy Mom Bucks from Kid #1 so that he can eat a meal, something is profoundly fucked. That family has enough, yet her kids have to compete with each other so they don't go hungry.

It is probably too much to hope this will backfire on her one day when she's older and may need additional home care services, only to have her children offer to help in exchange for real bucks.

[Grimalkin]

It is probably too much to hope this will backfire on her one day when she's older and may need additional home care services, only to have her children offer to help in exchange for real bucks.

Yes, because you would be sending the wrong message to care for a family member out of overwhelming love for them.