Article on leaving a 6 yr old alone at home

[Conuly]

I totally agree lazy should not be a crime :lol:

What I do have an issue with is the fact we all have to do things we do not like in life. I'd rather teach my 6 yr old this lesson for 20 minutes once a week, rather than put them in ANY harmful situation no matter how short the time.

And I'm sure if she thought this situation was likely to be a harmful one, she would agree with you. She clearly doesn't.

[OkToBeTakei]

And I'm sure if she thought this situation was likely to be a harmful one, she would agree with you. She clearly doesn't.

EH? Well quite obviously. Horses for courses they are her kids.

She says her six year old proudly says. 'This house is not a choking house.' I like to claim the same, that does not mean it cannot happen. I like to claim that everybody who rings my doorbell is a benign adult who wishes my child no harm. That also does not mean it cannot happen. Or really a myriad of other unlikely dangers. Something as benign as a fuse blowing giving a young child a fright which makes them forget 'the rules' is the type of situation not always covered.

I imagine it is a glass full type of scenario. Some people focus on the minute things which can go wrong and others will point out how very rare and unlikely that is to happen. It IS unlikely to happen. I just prefer to err on the side of not finding out it can happen by using my child as a test subject. A choice I am lucky to have as evidenced by other's situation.

[anachronistic]

The thing that struck me about the post was that she talked about how her 10 year old now had to get himself to and from school by himself on public transportation. And he didn't want to. He said he wasn't ready. But they thought he was mature enough so they made him.

I don't like that. I think it's mean. When I was a young kid I had to walk the two houses home from the bus stop alone from the age of 7 or so and was left alone for extended periods starting at 9-10. I wasn't ready in any sense of the word. I was terrified beyond belief of being kidnapped or caught in a house fire (a few years before I was born, a girl was kidnapped and murdered by a stranger in my small suburb, and my parents house had burned down around the same time while they were in it, so both things were very real possibilities to me.) I remember putting the dog on the leash and sitting with him, terrified, for hours at a time, not wanting to go out in the cold but positive that at any moment I'd have to run for my life.

I don't think you should push kids before they are ready. I don't know about the 6 year old. It does seem that if they are in an apartment building and neighbors know she's home alone it is a different sort of situation than alone in a country house.

[Mama Mia]

I think it depends on the kid. My oldest I would leave alone for a few minutes at around six, and she was babysitting her siblings at 10 or 11 ( she would of made a great sister-mom, but I didn't subject her to that!) But she was a naturally extremely cautious and mature kid. One of my kids probably shouldn't have been left for more than 10 minutes until he was 18 . It really, really varies and depends mostly on how impulsive they are.

People now are so incredibly scared of everything, I worry about how kids will ever be able to navigate the world at 20 , if they aren't even left alone for 5 minutes at 12, how do you gradually go to independence in such a short time? Generally I would start by leaving a child alone for 5-15 minutes to go get milk at the. Store across the street when they were 6-8 years old. Then leave them for half an hour or so to run an errand, then home alone after school once or twice a week, and so on, gradually increasing the amount of time they were on their own. At the same time they would be increasing the things they did independently, from going down the block to a friends, to going to the store, taking the bus alone and so on. It just seems like it would be risky to have a child never do anything independently without supervision until they were practically a teen, then expect them to know how to get around independently.

[Arete]

Well, we had no choice. Single parent. By the time I was 11, he was gone when we woke up for school. Our clothes were laid out, breakfast was planned from the night before, and it was my job to get the troops to school. Straight home from school till dad got home. I was the only one with a key. Start homework, eat snack. No friends allowed in the house. No going over friends houses, no answering doorbells. No turning on the stove for any reason. Run out of the house in case of fire. Call 911 and hide in case of intruder. Dad got home around 5. After that we could submit requests for, TV, going over a friends or playing outside. The two days a week we had Greek school our ride picked us up at school, dad would pick us up to take us home. Ideal, hardly. But we made it work, and there were other latchkey kids on the block. Every other year my grandmother would stay with us a few months during the school year.

Once I was in highschool I had more leaway because of my after school activities, and the next 11 year old took charge of to and from school. We never got left overnight, but thank God that was a dilemma my dad never faced with us. No one went to jail, no one went on drugs, no one got hurt, and everyone finished college. Like I said, not ideal, but leaving your kid at home is not some automatic tell of bad parenting.

[Mama Mia]

EH? Well quite obviously. Horses for courses they are her kids.

She says her six year old proudly says. 'This house is not a choking house.' I like to claim the same, that does not mean it cannot happen. I like to claim that everybody who rings my doorbell is a benign adult who wishes my child no harm. That also does not mean it cannot happen. Or really a myriad of other unlikely dangers. Something as benign as a fuse blowing giving a young child a fright which makes them forget 'the rules' is the type of situation not always covered.

I imagine it is a glass full type of scenario. Some people focus on the minute things which can go wrong and others will point out how very rare and unlikely that is to happen. It IS unlikely to happen. I just prefer to err on the side of not finding out it can happen by using my child as a test subject. A choice I am lucky to have as evidenced by other's situation.

On the other hand, if it's a mild mannered, extra responsible child who isn't going to set the house on fire or jump in a van with strangers, there is probably a greater statistical possibility of being injured on a car ride to ballet, than staying home alone.

One of the things I always tried to take in to account when leaving my kids at home alone is not only what they would get up to in the projected time I'd be gone, but what would they do if I did get in an accident or otherwise detained. If I didn't come back in the time frame I said I'd be gone did they know who to call, if they could behave through one tv show, but get into mischief once they were bored, etc.

But I also always lived in apartment complexes when my kids were young, which I think makes it feel a little safer as there are neighbors right on the next wall.

[OkToBeTakei]

On the other hand, if it's a mild mannered, extra responsible child who isn't going to set the house on fire or jump in a van with strangers, there is probably a greater statistical possibility of being injured on a car ride to ballet, than staying home alone.

One of the things I always tried to take in to account when leaving my kids at home alone is not only what they would get up to in the projected time I'd be gone, but what would they do if I did get in an accident or otherwise detained. If I didn't come back in the time frame I said I'd be gone did they know who to call, if they could behave through one tv show, but get into mischief once they were bored, etc.

But I also always lived in apartment complexes when my kids were young, which I think makes it feel a little safer as there are neighbors right on the next wall.

That's a good point Mrs2004. I mean I think it's obvious I'm a worse case scenario type for sure. I think parts of my career progression has highlighted and probably influenced my opinion. (Many moons ago I worked on a sex offenders unit who predominately preyed on children.)

The other interesting point would be demographic, I probably would consider leaving my child in an apartment with secure entry and known neighbours. Fact of the matter is I live although in an incredibly safe area, it is semi-rural my house is detached and whilst I have friendly neighbours they are not within say shouting distance and would necessitate kiddo leaving the house and walking to any other houses. (It's a small estate with about 20 houses spread out. So that would be another factor. The other issue is my house is predominately on the lower level quite open with large glass windows and the doors are also glass.

Now we are preparing her for coming home and letting herself in next year when she goes to academy. She will be 12. We have started a few times by going out for short trips etc. She is gaining in confidence just fine.

ALL that being said I still would never have contemplated this at 6. The other issue is and again this is local to me, I just do not know of anybody who has done this at age 6. It seems quite a common theme to do this when they move from Primary school. Again though that is just from my small perspective via my family and friends and the larger local community. I'm fairly sure it happens differently everywhere.

[Trynn]

At one point my dad checked. He said that legally in Michigan, it's 12. I was only expected to watch my brother if my mom had to step out for some reason and dad was always downstairs if something went wrong (he works from home.)

[laura oz]

I was always told that legally a child had to be 12 to be left alone. When I was 12, I started babysitting kids around the age of 3 but I didn't watch infants until I was older.

Babysitting is part of the reason that I used birth control when I started having sex.

My then 16 year old step-nephew had a pregnancy scare with his 15 year old girlfriend when my son was about a month old. DH & I were getting married that weekend, and SIL called me and was crying/praying/screaming on the phone & all I got out of that conversation was scream, then a shrill "OH DEAR GOD!!", followed by some kind of prayer, tying the whole clusterfuck of a phone call up in a nice bow with "PREGNANT" screamed so loudly it hurt my eardrum. When she and I sat down and talked later that day and I finally understood what she'd been trying to tell me, we decided that he would get to see first hand how much fun it was to take care of an infant. He stayed over at my MIL's house with us so that someone was always there to supervise, and he got up for every feeding, diaper change, whimper, and lost passie for 3 days. I was actually rested for my wedding & he asked SIL to get him some condoms. It was a win win for all involved :D

On Topic: I was a latchkey kid from the time I was about 8. There were no cell phones way back then, and somehow my klutzy and accident prone self is still here - even after a wrestling match between me, a huge box, and a box cutter that almost took my finger clean off. I wouldn't do it with my children even if they were 12, mainly because they're little terrorists, and I would be worried to death the whole time. My kids are amazing, but I get a sick feeling of dread when the house is too quiet. Nothing even remotely good usually results when a just turned 3 year old and a soon to be 4 year old get quiet. Except once when Oz 1 changed Oz 2's diaper for me when he could tell I wasn't feeling good. Did I mention my kids are amazing? ;)

[Conuly]

You know, there is light at the end of that tunnel, Laura. 3 and 4 are some of the worst years, behaviorally. They do get better, and a lot of the annoying traits they have now are bound to mellow into something you really are proud of them for having by the time they're 12 and 13.

[constantgardener]

I'm a little late to this thread but I have recently started leaving my eldest (nine year old) son alone for five minutes if I need to pop out for milk (shop at the end of the road). He is completely happy for me to do that and I feel that he is as safe as he can be. I leave my phone number stuck to our home phone and I lock the door but leave him a key so that he can get out of the house in an emergency. My son also recently started walking to school on his own, as many of his friends do. He only has to cross one road and it has a zebra crossing which he knows he must use. He has always been very independent and really thrives on this responsibility. We built him up to it bit by bit - a couple of years ago he was thrilled to be allowed to walk down the road to post a letter for me, and I have allowed him to visit neighbours' kids alone for a few years. His younger brother is not in the slightest bit interested in doing things on his own so I think it must depend to a certain extent on the personality of the child.

We live in a quiet village where we know all our neighbours. Maybe I would feel differently if I lived in a city, but I still live in the same rural area where I grew up, and I guess I am just allowing my kids to do what I did.

[laura oz]

You know, there is light at the end of that tunnel, Laura. 3 and 4 are some of the worst years, behaviorally. They do get better, and a lot of the annoying traits they have now are bound to mellow into something you really are proud of them for having by the time they're 12 and 13.

I'm going to hold onto this thought when I feel like running away from home, bless you.

[Feberin]

In my state the age is eight. I was left alone from around none but I was also raised by a single parent starting, which created more times when I needed to be home alone for a short period. I'm not sure when I'll allow my kids to stay home alone at three and a half and 18 months we have awhile.