Michelle Duggar has an anger problem

[bananacat]

I think both Michelle and Jim Bob have had anger issues, and I'm also not convinced that Michelle has dealt with hers as well as she insists. I can believe that she improved somewhat over time, simply due to maturity and easing the stress/workload as the oldest kids got old enough to take on more work. But it's really hard to permanently fix anger issues on your own without professional help, and especially if you're doing it for the wrong reason (to look good to others or to obey your religion better instead of actually caring about not hurting people as much). Basically, it wouldn't surprise me if she still gets angry frequently and takes it out on her kids in a destructive way, and that she has actually just become better at hiding it.

[walnut]

The J-slaves were at an ATI conference and Jana was giving a speech about when they were little Jessa was picking on her. Jana went to Boob and Mullett about it and they told her in order to get Jessa to leave her alone she should give her a prized possesion which was her jewelry box. Not sure if Jessa behaved after that.

What kind of parenting message is this supposed to be? Reward Jessa for picking on Jana or bribe her so she will stop? Or are they punishing Jana for 'tattling' on her sister? This is really dumb.

<<<<<---- to the bolded part: favoring the FITTEST FOR SURVIVAL. Which is the aggressor. People in general live their lives according to this.

Jessa is a witch with a capital B, and I can totally see her terrorize her siblings. Jana's parents didn't punish Jessa, they told the victim to bend over and accept her position as the slave.

That's why teachers punish the kids that stand up to bullies for instance. Jessa kind of makes my palm itch, almost to the point of breaking out actually. Both the duggar parents favor the aggressors in the family. I wonder why... gee...

[Melissa1977]

I understand anger issues with 19 children at home. That's why the most of people choose to have only few children.

Anyway, Michelle is not motherly. She's like Jessa or Jinger, who doesn't seem to like children. It's ok, but then don't have 19 of them!

I don't think Michelle had been a happy mother of one or two children, but it's obvious that having so much has make her un-attached to them. It's like she has became mentally (and physically) sick.

Bates or Munck mothers seem more healthy, happier. Sure they have anger issues too, but doesn't seem they have lost their minds.

[ILoveJellybeans]

How can Michelle justify the jewellery box incident when claiming to be raising her girls to be submissive and have a servants heart. Yes, she has broken Jana so much by it that she is totally submissive, but she has also raised Jessa, who is the furthest thing from submissive, to the point where I am really surprised that she puts up with Michelle and Jimbob and hasnt told them to fuck off and raise their own damn children.

I dont think she cares as much about raising her kids as she does about getting them to shut up and leave her alone. The Pearl method is a very lazy form of parenting, but I think Michelle also likes the opposite lazy way of parenting-teaching them to bribe eachother instead of asking for her help as she doesnt care.

I dont think Michelle purposely made life as her child to be a competition for survival where the most aggressive and tough kids win (as I am sure she would prefer the results of her parenting to be a quiet submissive broken girl like Jana, than Jessa's strong personality), but I think she is so lazy and apathetic to her children that she has indirectly taught them this.

The Duggar kids are pretty much feral, and I am now sure it was like that back when they had just an average sized large family of 6-10. I think they essensially live like they did in the Lord of the Flies, with packs of feral kids doing what they want unsupervised. The only way to live is to quietly scavenge for empty ice cream cones and hope nobody notices you and stay out of trouble, or become tougher than the other kids and get what you want first (or hope you have a buddy who will look after you and make sure you get at least one proper cooked meal a week).

[walnut]

I don't agree to a hundred percent with what ILYB said, although it's nicely put and I can see where she's coming from.

The part I disagree with is, well, the part where she says they don't favor the agressors. JB is a control freak, and Bitchelle comes off as a Jessa Sr. Submissive behavior, just like laws and rules, are for the submissive and obedient ones. And then there are these tough and aggressive fracks that get away with everything. They want their slave kids to be submissive but they favor their nastier kids, like josh or jessa.

I know that I have said something that sounds harsh but I stick by it. I have given it a lot of thought.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I wonder why they dont prefer the kids who are submissive slaves though, you would think Michelle and Jimbob would be pleased with a kid who is broken and submissive, the perfect child the Pearls talk of-and totally easy to control, and not want a child who is strong willed, tough and aggressive, who doesnt like kids and bullies their siblings.

Unless its because they see themselves in the aggressive ones.

I kinda presumed that Michelle would see an aggressive, tough girl who is way prettier than her as competition and hate her or something, and prefer the weak submissive ones who she can push around. Maybe she sees someone who is obedient and submissive, like Jill, as a threat instead, because they are better at being fundie than she is. Or she is a sick person who likes seeing her stronger kids pick on the weaker ones.

I really hope Jessa leaves fundamentalism before she gets married and has loads of kids. She doesnt seem to like kids that much, and with her personality, if she is forced to have a child every year, I can totally see her getting stressed out and then take it out on the kids.

[sarahjames3]

This isn't new. This whole story is in the Love That Multiplies book.

As to why? These new 'video blog' q&a sessions are supposedly from viewer questions. (I have no idea where they got the viewer questions.) Lots and Lots of conservative christian women are impressed with Michelle's ability to 'be calm and patient' and 'never yell' etc. So I'm guessing that some woman asked how she 'stays calm and patient, doesn't yell' etc. and that's why she shared the exact same story she shares in the book.

Thanks for this post - I've been reading this thread and all the time thinking "but, wasn't all this in their book?" I'm certain she discussed all this in their book. I agree - I think this is frequently one of her talking points on the lecture rounds.

[walnut]

Jessa already doesn't seem like a mom material. She once had to make Johanna go have a nap in the afternoon. Instead of reading her a story or rocking her away or making her a chamomile tea or anything, there was no sign of affection, they kept arguing the whole time, and Jo was miserable. I don't think that she should have kids, which is okay.

[flyawaystray]

I am not against kids. I don't hate them. I love my niece very much and if something happened to her parents, I would probably do a decent job of being a parent. When it comes to babies though, I absolutely can't stand them and I know I would be a horrible mother to one. At least I can admit it. I also have no desire to get pregnant or have a baby of my own. But I like older kids, like 5-6 and up.

Some women have a strong maternal instinct, and some don't. Nothing wrong with that. Jessa might be one of those people who may make a bad mom.

[walnut]

Like I said, it's fine not to want any children.

Nevertheless, she's still a bully.

[flyawaystray]

Well she probably has to compete with her siblings for attention. Surely there's some kind of constant competition going on between the kids.

[ljohnson2006]

J'Chelle's real problem is that she has 19 kids that she didn't really want.

[Mela99]

J'Chelle's real problem is that she has 19 kids that she didn't really want.

I think she wanted 19 babies. But didn't want kids.

[Sweetpea1]

I think she wanted 19 babies. But didn't want kids.

Bingo, we have a winner. One, or ten, or twenty reborn dolls would have been ideal.

[walnut]

Well she probably has to compete with her siblings for attention. Surely there's some kind of constant competition going on between the kids.

You... aren't using attention seeking as a reason for bullying... are you? Seeking attention equals crushing her timid siblings emotionally, knowing they have nowhere to turn to?

You yourself aren't a bully, are you, just asking, you sound very apologetic towards bullies to say the least.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I dont think she was excusing Jessa from bullying her siblings, but more saying that growing up in such a crappy situation is likely why she acts the way she does (or at least contributed to it), as Michelle is probably likely to notice the louder and brattier kids than the ones that keep quiet and submissive, and the jewellery box incident likely taught her that she will be rewarded for bad behaviour because mom finds it easier than to get off her ass and parent her kids.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

and the jewellery box incident likely taught her that she will be rewarded for bad behaviour because mom finds it easier than to get off her ass and parent her kids.

Good point. I wonder if the squeaky wheel gets the grease in that house? I have also wondered if the tattletales get extra attention and love. Furthermore if they have been using corporal punishment (or the threat of) all along then J.D. is too big to be afraid. He is also too big to threaten him with being sent away to brain washing camp. I would love to know what his relationship is like with his folks at this point. I know there has been speculation that he no longer lives in the TTH. My guess is he does what he wants most of the time and fortunately for JimBob most of the time JD plays along for the cameras. Money is probably involved.

[flyawaystray]

I dont think she was excusing Jessa from bullying her siblings, but more saying that growing up in such a crappy situation is likely why she acts the way she does (or at least contributed to it), as Michelle is probably likely to notice the louder and brattier kids than the ones that keep quiet and submissive, and the jewellery box incident likely taught her that she will be rewarded for bad behaviour because mom finds it easier than to get off her ass and parent her kids.

This is correct.

I am not a bully. Growing up, I was the target for bullies and it sucked. I would never make excuses for bullying.

[hapamama]

Exactly. What mother of a THREE-year-old goes around saying her mommy years are almost over?

My youngest is the same age as Josie (born on the exact same day even)... My mommy years are far from over with him. Hell, my oldest is 16 and he still needs his mommy. I'm 37 and I still need MY mommy at times, and she's there for me.

[louisa05]

I've always assumed that deep down hidden somewhere inside herself, Michelle resents what her life turned into. We know that she had normal active high school years. Back then, she probably also dreamed of doing more than becoming a baby factory and submissive wife. Instead, she got Jim Bob and convinced herself that subsuming her dreams to him and popping out babies was the only right and godly path. Never even having a chance at a single dream can fester bitterness and resentment and when it is buried that deeply, anger is the result.

[JenniferJuniper]

You... aren't using attention seeking as a reason for bullying... are you? Seeking attention equals crushing her timid siblings emotionally, knowing they have nowhere to turn to?

You yourself aren't a bully, are you, just asking, you sound very apologetic towards bullies to say the least.

Wait, how was it determined Jessa was/is an actual bully?

The only incident I know about is the one with Jana and the jewelry box. Jessa would have been very young and it sounded to me like she was just being a bratty little kid. Her parents were 100% responsible for not dealing with her bad behavior and forcing Jana to reward her; that wasn't little Jessa's doing. Are their other instances in which Jessa has demonstrated bullying behavior?

I agree Jessa doesn't appear to be into kids and little Jordyn seems to get the short end of the empty ice cream cone because of it. But, again, that is 100% the fault of their parents. Jessa didn't birth any of those babies and she shouldn't have to devote her youth to raising Michelle and Boob's kids.

Finally, we really have no way of knowing what sort of mother Jessa would/will actually be someday. We've all heard the phrase "it's different when they're your own" and it's usually true. Maybe she'll marry a great guy in her late 20's be a great mom to the 2.5 kids she has in her 30's.

[treehugger]

Finally, we really have no way of knowing what sort of mother Jessa would/will actually be someday. We've all heard the phrase "it's different when they're your own" and it's usually true. Maybe she'll marry a great guy in her late 20's be a great mom to the 2.5 kids she has in her 30's.

That is so, SO true! I couldn't stand being around kids or babies when I was a teen. I hated taking care of them and I had zero patience with them. Then I had my daughter, and BAM! I love my little girl with the strength of a thousand suns and nothing is too good for her. I still can't stand taking care of other people's kids, but I miss my baby terribly when I don't see her for an hour. My sister-in-law on the other hand was crazy about babies as a teen, but she neglects her own daughter something awful. Unfortunately, it isn't anything serious enough to report - but she pisses me off with her detached parenting style.

[walnut]

This is correct.

I am not a bully. Growing up, I was the target for bullies and it sucked. I would never make excuses for bullying.

Thanks for taking no offense. I really dislike bullying, whether it's within the family or outside the family, whether it's just constant bombardment of snide remarks that leave the victim hurt and feeling inferior or actual physical attacks, bullying sucks.

It really shows early who's going to be a bully and who isn't they normally show their bullying tendencies pretty early and they'll never stop. They usually target nice people because nice people tend to (want to...) see the best in everyone and they are less likely to defend themselves, out of kindness or writing off the bully's bullying habits as a "bad day" or worse, that it is their fault that they are being bullied. Without involving the parents, an arm twist after months of bullying, and a quiet and friendly question: can you please stop kicking my bed? would have sufficed. "Never throw the first punch, but always throw the last one".

Sorry to hear you used to be bullied. Please stop making excuses for them, if for nothing else, then out of respect for yourself!

[flyawaystray]

I already said that I am not making an excuse. Think about it. There's no way Michelle and Jim Bob can pay attention to all of their children. There's bound to be problems and competition. I myself am a competitive person, I would probably act out too if I live in that family.

My sister was the bad seed of the family and it was hell to deal with.

[Walking Cat Bed]

I am not at all surprised that Ma and Pa Duggar are angry jerks. JimBoob's "pranks" are evidence of his real personality, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if JChelle has physically backed a terrified (and outwardly repentant and sweet) kid into a corner. And they cover it up with dopey-kidding-Dad and sweet-as-pie-whispery-Mom.