Closet Racist, Adoptive Mom, Annoying Narcissist ...

[Emme]

I'm positive that a REAL doctorate requires way more work than 10 pages.

Yeah dude! I'm positive that most real dissertations have more than 10 pages of references!

[samithemage]

Yeah dude! I'm positive that most real dissertations have more than 10 pages of references!

My undergrad degree required 20 pages and an oral presentation that we had to provide redreshments for, and that was in a foreign language. 10 pages was pretty standard for all my BA undergrad classes.

[colliemae]

My undergrad degree required 20 pages and an oral presentation that we had to provide redreshments for, and that was in a foreign language. 10 pages was pretty standard for all my BA undergrad classes.

Um, my English class term paper for my junior year in HIGH SCHOOL had to be between 15-18 pages!

[unholy_moses]

So, looks like Laurel also took down her Musings of a Mentor Mom blog as well.

[Alfred_Wayne]

My father's theology degree is one of his Master's degrees....back before the D.Div even existed. Several years ago, the seminary (now a university) offered to upgrade his degree from an M.Div. to a D.Div. because the coursework he did for it was what is now required for the D.Div. He told them no thank you. He earned the M.Div. legitimately and an "upgrade" wouldn't be legit. Besides, he's Doctorate is in Sociology. I do not know how long his dissertation was, but I do know I spent a year in purgatory as his research assistant dictating interview notes and coding response questionnaires without ever getting PAID for that position.

I'm positive that a REAL doctorate requires way more work than 10 pages.

I am highly amused that your Monster-in-law is so derogatory about failed marriages and you reference that she's been married five times and cheated on four spouses.

I honestly only have two questions for insiders. 1. Is Rachel emotionally and physically safe? 2. Does Sara know how precious and loved she is, or does Laurel keep her isolated from the world just as she has stolen her biological brother and sister from her so that Sara has no understanding of the world without Laurel's filter?

1. Rachel is a survivor. She survived (from what i've heard) a very traumatic growing up in Africa. The "big kids" that I've talked to about this say that she seems happy at the care facility. They are pretty upset that there is no therapy or counseling going on for her, but are not surprised that Laurel and Jim won't pay for those type of things. It would seem that they have NO ability to sacrifice financially for the needs of their kids, much less their own marriage... (soap box)... Is she physically safe, I don't know. The "big kids" don't know. They are only "allowed" to contact Rachel via Laurel... so it makes it pretty hard for them to have the real facts. I guess it's safe to say we are all holding our breath and hoping that no more damage is done to her sweet self.

2. Sarah is really open and honest about her feelings and how Laurel treats her (and the other kids). I know she has had some great conversations with her older siblings about how it all affects her. She misses Rachel and thinks it's not right that she doesn't get to see her or talk to her. From what I've witnessed Sarah is NOT blind to how Laurel acts and behaves. She is really SMART, has a great sense or humor and seems to love everything a normal 14 year old girl would love! She is not near as "stunted" as Laurel has portrayed on the blog. She does keep her head low and try to not make waves because she is "scared of Laurel when she's mad" . That's what i know!

[littlemommy]

Poor Sarah! Sounds like she's just trying to tread water till she can get out of dodge. Maybe one of her older siblings can help her out when that time comes!!

[Morton Fan]

1. Rachel is a survivor. She survived (from what i've heard) a very traumatic growing up in Africa. The "big kids" that I've talked to about this say that she seems happy at the care facility. They are pretty upset that there is no therapy or counseling going on for her, but are not surprised that Laurel and Jim won't pay for those type of things. It would seem that they have NO ability to sacrifice financially for the needs of their kids, much less their own marriage... (soap box)... Is she physically safe, I don't know. The "big kids" don't know. They are only "allowed" to contact Rachel via Laurel... so it makes it pretty hard for them to have the real facts. I guess it's safe to say we are all holding our breath and hoping that no more damage is done to her sweet self.

2. Sarah is really open and honest about her feelings and how Laurel treats her (and the other kids). I know she has had some great conversations with her older siblings about how it all affects her. She misses Rachel and thinks it's not right that she doesn't get to see her or talk to her. From what I've witnessed Sarah is NOT blind to how Laurel acts and behaves. She is really SMART, has a great sense or humor and seems to love everything a normal 14 year old girl would love! She is not near as "stunted" as Laurel has portrayed on the blog. She does keep her head low and try to not make waves because she is "scared of Laurel when she's mad" . That's what i know!

Free Sarah.

[DarkAnts]

I wonder if Rachel is doing well at the facility because she feels safe there. When I was a kid, I acted out at school because I did not feel safe. I was bullied and taunted every day. I fought back once and got in trouble. I even ran home before school was out on day in 4th grade because I was so sick of it. My behavior changed when I got moved to a different school. The school was strict and did not tolerate bullying. I will always have emotional scars from my experiences. But, I know that a change of location can do a lot for children that are acting out in fear.

I would not feel safe at home if i was molested. I would probably act out too in that situation. I dont think Rachel is in the best place, but if she feels safe there then that has to count for something.

[Morton Fan]

I wonder if Rachel is doing well at the facility because she feels safe there. When I was a kid, I acted out at school because I did not feel safe. I was bullied and taunted every day. I fought back once and got in trouble. I even ran home before school was out on day in 4th grade because I was so sick of it. My behavior changed when I got moved to a different school. The school was strict and did not tolerate bullying. I will always have emotional scars from my experiences. But, I know that a change of location can do a lot for children that are acting out in fear.

I would not feel safe at home if i was molested. I would probably act out too in that situation. I dont think Rachel is in the best place, but if she feels safe there then that has to count for something.

True, and the consistency may be a good thing for her, if nothing else. While it sounds it was a rough experience in the orphanage in Liberia, that kind of structure and group atmosphere may feel familiar and somewhat comforting. I certainly hope so.

[chaotic life]

Alfred, I had a mother eerily like Laurel. As the younger adoptees have come of age, they have found a tremendous support system of healthy, happy and loving siblings to help them find their way in this world. One by one, they have ALL gotten free, safe and healthy. I don't know if they knew we were there to catch them while they were still under her control, but I do know that by their teen years, they were all aware we were present and as they are coming into adulthood, they have looked to us to be what they never had in such a narcissistic mother that they needed within their family. While they may feel isolated, those olders will be vital for both Rachel and Sara in the coming years. The sibling bond really and truly is the strongest bond and it's not biology that makes it so.

Thank you. Those were the answers I expected but I am grateful to know versus worse that could exist at this point in time.

[Morton Fan]

True, and the consistency may be a good thing for her, if nothing else. While it sounds it was a rough experience in the orphanage in Liberia, that kind of structure and group atmosphere may feel familiar and somewhat comforting. I certainly hope so.

Um. I meant in Ghana (how could I forget Laurel's kitschy blog title??!). :doh:

[Morton Fan]

Alfred, I had a mother eerily like Laurel. As the younger adoptees have come of age, they have found a tremendous support system of healthy, happy and loving siblings to help them find their way in this world. One by one, they have ALL gotten free, safe and healthy. I don't know if they knew we were there to catch them while they were still under her control, but I do know that by their teen years, they were all aware we were present and as they are coming into adulthood, they have looked to us to be what they never had in such a narcissistic mother that they needed within their family. While they may feel isolated, those olders will be vital for both Rachel and Sara in the coming years. The sibling bond really and truly is the strongest bond and it's not biology that makes it so.

Thank you. Those were the answers I expected but I am grateful to know versus worse that could exist at this point in time.

I so hope this is the case for Sarah and Rachel.

[Morton Fan]

So, looks like Laurel also took down her Musings of a Mentor Mom blog as well.

I didn't even realize she had that. It seems like it's basically just regurgitated posts from her other blog?

webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:hrg52qGxIoIJ:musingsofamentormom.blogspot.com/+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

[unholy_moses]

Yeah, that's what it seems like. I think she was also posting some stuff from her old magazine articles.

[littlemommy]

Any Laurel news or sightings? She was on my favorites list and I used to check her blog daily. Feels weird without my daily (smile).

[Cheetah]

Any Laurel news or sightings? She was on my favorites list and I used to check her blog daily. Feels weird without my daily (smile).

Same here.

I was wondering yesterday if she had any thoughts about/reaction to the Hana Williams sentencing. Probably not... I doubt she would have any insight that some of her treatment of her adopted kids could be seen in a similar light (not that Laurel was physically abusive, but treating the adopted kids as less a part of the family as the bio kids..).

[patsymae]

I so hope this is the case for Sarah and Rachel.

I also have an NPD mother--so like Laurel. Unfortunately, a major tactic (one my mother has used very adroitly) is pitting people, especially her children, against one another ("triangulation" in psych speak). Every interaction has to be filtered through her--very threatening if the children develop independent bonds. And there is always at least one, sometimes more, Golden Child--the one who can do no wrong (and hence has a HUGE stake in taking the mother's side against the other kids)--and at least one, sometimes more or sometimes interchangeable, scapegoats--the kid who can do no right. That's the one who doesn't feed the mother's ego, and everything is seen as a direct challenge (in their minds, horrible threat) to her. For example, two of my brothers drank themselves to death, one ran a bicycle theft ring, etc., etc. I was in the National Honor Society, worked since I was 16, and was the first person on either side of the extended family to graduate from college--but guess who's the bad guy? Back when I was a teenager and none of us had heard about NPD one brother told me I was just handling her wrong--"you just have to keep telling her how great she is."

Longwinded way of saying I think it's great that your siblings have older ones to look up to, but that's the exception with children of NPD mothers, and I'm afraid I can't summon up a lot of optimism about the future relationship of Sarah and Rachel. A strong bond that isn't controlled by Laurel will be way to threatening to her, and she will find a way to destroy it.

Really hope I'm wrong.

[TBK]

Thanks for approving my membership.

I had been following Laurel's blog for a number of years (right before she and her husband adopted their children from Ghana).

I actually know Laurel from LLL (the homeschool co-op - now called Lynden Academy) when my children attended classes.

This co-op was an umbrella program under the school district and parents would receive a stipend of money for their educational books and field trips. The rest of the money would go to the school district as the students were still considered enrolled in the district.

Laurel considered herself the founder of this program having copied it from a similar program in another county in WA. State.

Jim was considered the principal and Laurel called herself the administrator.

The co-op met in a church for a couple of years (utilizing Sunday School classrooms as their classes) and the parents would 'hang out' in the lunch room (which was the church fellowship hall) while their children were in school. We were required to be there, we couldn't just drop the kids off and leave.

A couple of years into the program they moved to a former nursing home (smaller classroom space, but more rooms and it was semi-permanent).

The co-op school office was located across the street from Laurel and Jim's house. This was very convenient for them as Laurel could spend HOURS in the office on the internet. Her children would access the computers in the office (they had around 5 'student' computers there) on the 3 days a week the co-op school was not in session and do their school work with computer programs.

Once the school moved to its new place, Laurel started making more demands. She wanted the school administration to pay her as much as Jim was making (If I recall, his salary was between 50-65k). Laurel made around 40k for doing nothing and requested to make as much as Jim was. There was a staff of 3 in the office with her. Two secretaries and a person who did the website work where they families would sign up for classes, etc. In addition there was another mother who helped out. From what I saw, they did a lot of the office work with Laurel just 'overseeing' everything. Mostly she was on the computer perusing the internet. She did not appreciate when the staff did for her especially when she was out 'running errands'. I overheard a lot of grumbling.

The parents were teachers at the co-op, but I would say 8 out of 10 of them actually had teaching degrees. They made $25/hour and worked around 12 hours a week each. It was a nice program and my home schooled kids had a good time and I was able to meet with other moms while my kids were in class. I would say there were around 80 kids in the program at any given time.

Once Laurel started getting a big head and becoming more and more demanding it started going downhill. She was spending money on getting her hair and nails done, she showed up with a new 2 carat diamond ring and a new car (I think she blogged about her cars at one point). She rarely showed up at the school and when she did it was always uncomfortable.

Laurel's financial demands didn't meet the expectations that the school district had on the program and many changes were made, including Laurel and Jim being removed from the program. The co-op is now completely under the school district and employees are considered employees of the school district as well, meaning teaching degrees are necessary.

I will say that Jim was much better to talk with and deal with than Laurel. However, you could tell who wore the pants in that family. I can't say I wasn't disappointed when they were removed from the program as she was quite the pariah and it made it awkward when she would show up.

I read her blog over the past few years hoping I would see some change in her behavior but she just seemed even more into herself and in a place where she thought she could 'do no wrong' at all times. This is the Laurel we saw ... all the time.

I don't plan to be posting here much, but I wanted to fill you all in on my experience. Too bad Laurel closed her blog, I never would have found this website if she hadn't done that. Most of your opinions are spot on. The older kids (who I knew more of as they were in the school when my kids were there) are great. They had their own quirky and fun behavior and I'm glad to see that they have broken away from such a toxic place.

It's sad to see how Laurel has destroyed her family, both in the relationships with her bio children and the way she discarded her adoptive children. It's sadly pathetic that she still tried to get all this sympathy on her blog for something that SHE did.

okay...that's it from me. I will probably be back to check in but I'm not sure I'll be around much to answer questions, but I'll try.

[Cheetah]

Thanks for the insider info, TBK.

[Morton Fan]

Thanks for the insider info, TBK.

That was really informative and interesting to read; thanks so much for the insights. I know you said you might not be around to answer questions, but IF you do, I would be interested to hear more about how Laurel made it awkward when she came into the school - would she make passive aggressive comments? Or was it awkward because the other staff were irritated by her behavior? Something else altogether??

[TBK]

How did Laurel make it awkward?

You always could tell when she was upset at something. While she wasn't demonstrative in her behavior (throwing things, etc) she had this attitude.

Also, there were definitely people that she did not like that were part of the program. A couple of them were teachers and staff members. I can only tell you from the scuttlebutt of parents talking, but there was one staff member (teacher I think) that she locked out of the system (removed the password she had) which meant she couldn't do her job. This ended up going all the way to the superintendent. No warning. We never saw the family continue after they finished the first semester. They just ended up pulling their child out of the classes. Apparently, Laurel was ticked off because this teacher sent an email to the parents regarding an update on the class schedule, and Laurel insisted that every email had to come from her (supposedly to make it look like she was actually doing something). So let's say a teacher wanted to make sure that the students remembered to bring in their assignment, Laurel would make the teacher send an email notification to her, then Laurel would 'rewrite' the email/notification from her account and send it to the parents. It was redundant, unnecessary, etc.

She would go out of her way to avoid the person she was angry at and work very hard at trying to get people 'on her side'. When she wanted to increase her pay and was going to the school board for the request she wanted the staff to join her and say that she 'deserved' this. It was pretty pathetic. A lot of families ended up leaving and joining another homeschool co-op due to her behavior.

So, that's why it felt awkward. When Jim was there without Laurel (he not only was considered the principal, but he taught the Math classes) it was pretty relaxed and enjoyable, but when she walked in we never knew what mood she would be in.

[littlemommy]

I've worked for some passive aggressive people, but Administrator Laurel sounds like she took the cake! Imagine all that negative energy now directed at her kids. /shudder

[Morton Fan]

I kind of miss the old girl.

[littlemommy]

Me too! (Sadface)

[bionicmlle]

Found some preaching by Cassie -- she's pretty good! And mentions, briefly, family disconnection, at the beginning.

She sue does love her God.