Littlest Pecan Thief: Priscilla & David Waller's Baby

[MorbidAwe]

Someone is chopping onions near me, that is why my eyes are watery.

My heart is broken for your little girl too. What the heck is wrong with people?

Thank you, Marilla. My daughter will end up stronger and even more wonderful because of it in the long run, but it tears me up, too. I would (and DO!) love any child in my life. Regardless. Don't really see how anyone could feel any other way, but they do.

[quaterofaquiver]

Thank you, Marilla. My daughter will end up stronger and even more wonderful because of it in the long run, but it tears me up, too. I would (and DO!) love any child in my life. Regardless. Don't really see how anyone could feel any other way, but they do.

My approach to my in laws, grandparenting is a privilege not a right.

[WonderingInWA]

I was married to the least favorite child of my inlaws (there were only two and the other was a girl). She had children in her 20s and so THOSE were my inlaws' grandchildren. My husband and I didn't have kids until we were in our mid-30s, and the favored one told me we had waited too long and that my inlaws just weren't interested in our kids (yes, she told me that -- nice!). And their behavior and interest in them was so obvious. It was super painful to watch and still is.

[NurseNell]

My DH was an only child so our kids were the only grandchildren for the MIL from hell. Two of our three children are minorities, one is blond and blue eyed (all are adopted). In the MIL eyes only one grandchild counted, you can guess which one.

[WonderingInWA]

Through my divorce, I was finally able to feel free to tell my MIL exactly what I thought about how she had treated my children. I actually saved most of my wrath for my SIL who was the one that told me my MIL would never love my children as much as she loved hers because I had them too late and "Nana" was just too old to want more grandchildren. I wish I were kidding. So I let them both have it in a letter I copied them both on. There was never any response, but I called them both to the carpet to let them know what I had been told (by my SIL) and what I had observed (with my MIL's behavior). I'm sure none of it went unread. And my ex was mortified I would let that all out, but if he'd been more assertive with his family, I would never have had to know that my kids were considered second-class citizens in their family.

[already hungover]

I'm my dad's parents' first grandkid. My dad's dad was a great guy, but his mother is notoriously...chilly. I was a preemie and things were touch and go for a while. When I finally came home, my grandparents came over to see me since I wasn't allowed to leave the house. My mother, trying hard to be pleasant to my grandma, asked, "Would you like to hold her first?" My dad's mom replied, "No. I'll go wait in the car." And she did.

I think this is pretty amusing but I wasn't sentient enough to be offended at the time.

[WonderingInWA]

I'm my dad's parents' first grandkid. My dad's dad was a great guy, but his mother is notoriously...chilly. I was a preemie and things were touch and go for a while. When I finally came home, my grandparents came over to see me since I wasn't allowed to leave the house. My mother, trying hard to be pleasant to my grandma, asked, "Would you like to hold her first?" My dad's mom replied, "No. I'll go wait in the car." And she did.

I think this is pretty amusing but I wasn't sentient enough to be offended at the time.

OMG, that so resonates with my own experience. My first son was born 9 days before Christmas (and a week early). My inlaws live 90 minutes away and they were planning to come up for Christmas and even though the baby was born early, they didn't change their plans. And then when they arrived to see their new grandson, my MIL didn't want to hold him because she was wearing a boiled wool holiday sweater and didn't want to risk getting it messy should my baby spit up on her. So we have photos of her gazing at him on that day, but not ever holding him. Nice job, Nana.

[Mama Mia]

We have a blended family and it irks me no end when people make a difference between their "real" kids and their step-kids, step-grandkids, etc...

We avoid even using the word "step" except when absolutely necessary.

[GodsKnickers]

We have a blended family and it irks me no end when people make a difference between their "real" kids and their step-kids, step-grandkids, etc...

We avoid even using the word "step" except when absolutely necessary.

One of my uncles always introduced and/or referred to my brother and I as our parent's adopted kids. There are 4 of us - me and 3 younger brothers - myself and the oldest of the 3 younger are adopted, the two youngest are the biological children.

Pissed me off when I was younger. I let fly at him when I was in my teens when he introduced me to someone that way yet again. "Um no, Uncle Asshole, I'm their CHILD. Not their adopted child, their CHILD." He didn't like it but I didn't care. :lol:

[Flossie]

My former MIL treated my kids like crap because of her two children, her daughter was the hands down favorite. Even though my oldest was her first grandchild, she used to upset me by offering to change a diaper or something and then announce "I have to get used to doing it again so when --her daughter-- has her first child I'll be all ready to go!" Every time my daughter cried as an infant MIL would announce "So spoiled!" Hey, if I were two months old and woke up with a wet diaper and was hungry, I'd cry too. She got mad at her husband because he once bought my daughter a cute dress when she was about a month old. He saw it and thought my daughter would look cute in it, so he bought it. It only cost $7 and all she could do was bitch that he was wasting money buying a gift for a child when it wasn't her birthday or Christmas. I made sure my daughter wore that dress every time we visited until she outgrew it. MIL was like that with all my kids.

When the sainted daughter finally produced her daughter, that child was the most badly behaved brat I'd ever seen until she got around the age of 8. She ran their household like a tyrant and Grandma thought it was adorable. Grandma was forever buying her toys. Sometimes we'd visit and she'd have company over. Sometimes the company didn't know her very well, usually when one of her husbands friends from work would visit and brought his wife. We'd show up and they'd be surprised that our kids existed, she'd been talking nonstop about her daughters child, and had forgotten to mention mine.

She died several years ago, and sometimes one of my kids will say "I feel bad for saying it, but I didn't like Grandma very much."

[tabitha2]

why did you grandpa condone this?

[nokidsmom]

I just want to say how sorry I am sorry to hear of the stories with grandparents playing favorites between adopted kids, step kids, or ''children of the Golden child" as I like to call it. I know it happens but I still can't imagine the hurt the parents and kids experience over having a grandparent do this. I guess I don't just dont think like that.

My uncle refuses to acknowledge his granddaughter because she is the daughter of his son and long term gf. He keeps saying how he is waiting for grandchildren (his daughters from his second marriage are the ones that count) and other relatives can't get through to him that he already has a grandchild. The poor girl is now old enough to understand that she is being rejected by her grandpa and it's hard to watch. However, his former wife acknowledges not only this child but also her half siblings which are the mom's children from prior relationships.

Mr. nokidsmom and I have no kids, but we are pretty convinced that if we did, we would also be dealing with grandchild favoritism. His sister is the "golden child" and only what goes on in her life counts. We wouldn't have stood for this kind of thing, so it's probably lucky that we didn't give his folks any more grandchildren because we proably wouldn't be talking by now.

[Flossie]

why did you grandpa condone this?

I'm sorry, I'm not sure you are asking me this, but I will respond anyway.

When I talked about 'Grandpa', I was referring to my MIL's husband. He was my kids Grandpa, and my FIL. He was a basically a good man, but he also believed that the only person who was allowed to criticize his wife was him. He and she were both raised SDA, and while he didn't go to church as an adult, he still held to the patriarchal beliefs. He and my MIL married late in life, considering the times they lived in. They were both in their late 30's. I always got the impression that they married mainly because they were both in the same situation. They felt compelled to get married and have children, and time was running out. Their families had known each other for many years, there had already been a couple of intermarriages between the two families, so this worked out for them.

From what I've been told, my FIL thought he married a woman who he thought also thought along the same lines as he did. But my MIL turned out to be a very devious person. She would follow the 'Man is in Charge' doctrine when it suited her, and surreptitiously work against him at other times. If she didn't want to do something she would say that her husband wouldn't allow it, even if it was something he didnt know anything about. Her own family would verify this with many stories about how she would manipulate people, most of them tried to stay away from her even though they liked my FIL.

As time went on, she grew to be the stronger person in the marriage and he was just trying to keep up. By the time I came along and started having kids with her son, my FIL was just a figurehead.

My FIL never condoned my MIL's behavior, but he couldn't stop it either. He never apologized for it, but after seeing things up close and talking to other family members, I don't blame him too much for my MIL's behavior. He tried to make up for her behavior by being the best grandpa he could be, and he did it well.

[PennySycamore]

My husband and I both grew up in the Bible Belt and went to the same schools. Before we even met, we both got suspended in middle school for having "unnatural and distracting hair." Mine was pink (on accident! I tried to dye my almost-white hair red) and Mr Burps had done his green for the summer because his mom let him. We both missed days of school trying to get the stupid "temporary" dye out. All either of us wondered during the suspension was, "How is this a punishment?" "Non-human colored hair" is still a no-no in that school district, though. Our moms weren't as cool as you ;)

My youngest daughter got suspended from high school for "unnatural hair" when she dyed it red. It was not an unnatural shade of red; it was some shade that L'Oreal or Clairol made that she bought from Target. She could have used something from Hot Topic, but she didn't. Suspension from school wasn't much of a punishment for her either.

[GeoBQn]

While waiting for a meeting at the university, I overheard an office assistant talking about why she hates Christmas. Growing up, her grandmother ignored her while simultaneously lavishing attention and praise on her sister. When she was around 10 years old, she discovered that all of the Christmas and birthday presents she ever received "from Grandma" were actually from her parents--her grandmother never bought her a single present. (She was, however, giving presents to the sister.) As a result, the woman developed an intense dislike for any "gift-giving" holiday or birthdays.

[Marilla-Cuthbert2013]

While waiting for a meeting at the university, I overheard an office assistant talking about why she hates Christmas. Growing up, her grandmother ignored her while simultaneously lavishing attention and praise on her sister. When she was around 10 years old, she discovered that all of the Christmas and birthday presents she ever received "from Grandma" were actually from her parents--her grandmother never bought her a single present. (She was, however, giving presents to the sister.) As a result, the woman developed an intense dislike for any "gift-giving" holiday or birthdays.

I feel really sorry for all of the children who have had to deal with such meaness. When my Dad's mother passed away and he was giving the eulogy, he mentioned that if you asked her grandchildren who was her favorite: All of us responded "I was". I kid you not.

That is the way it should be, I try to remember that now. Because I have both a daughter and a stepdaughter, and it would kill me if my stepdaughter ever thought for a moment that I favored my own child over her. Even when she tells me that she hates me.

[Stephers831]

I had one grandmother who was a saint, she's been gone 3 years and I miss her like crazy. My other grandmother is just an evil little hag. She was married 3 times, managed to have 2 hubbies fall over dead, played favorite kid, favorite step kid, etc. My dad tried to make me visit after my mom passed away but the last conversation we had was awful. She told me I could be pretty if I wasn't so fat and I told her she could be a great grandmother if she wasn't such a bitch. It's been 5 years and I haven't seen or spoken to the old bat. She wasn't invitied to any wedding activities this past year and wasn't mentioned in the family tree my step mom put together for my wedding. Some women are just incapable of loving anyone other than themselves and this one fits that bill.

[MorbidAwe]

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your stories of evil MIL's playing favorites. I don't feel as alone, now, and understand that my daughter will live through all of it. I really do appreciate it! Here's an example for all those "favorite players" out there:

My first husband's former step-father's ex-wife (did you get all that?) is Grandma Elli. The ex hubby and I split up twenty years ago. Since then she has never forgotten a birthday, holiday or other special event; she's known the whole time that my first daughter was not the biological daughter of her ex's step son (it was never a secret) and even includes my youngest daughter in her group of grandkids. She's a beautiful Christian woman who has her beliefs, yet respects the beliefs of others.

See, they're not all bad!

[Marilla-Cuthbert2013]

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your stories of evil MIL's playing favorites. I don't feel as alone, now, and understand that my daughter will live through all of it. I really do appreciate it! Here's an example for all those "favorite players" out there:

My first husband's former step-father's ex-wife (did you get all that?) is Grandma Elli. The ex hubby and I split up twenty years ago. Since then she has never forgotten a birthday, holiday or other special event; she's known the whole time that my first daughter was not the biological daughter of her ex's step son (it was never a secret) and even includes my youngest daughter in her group of grandkids. She's a beautiful Christian woman who has her beliefs, yet respects the beliefs of others.

See, they're not all bad!

That seriously made me cry. Why? Because she is not even your ex-husband's former stepmother, but rather the ex-wife of your husband's former stepfather, no one in the world would have thought twice if she did not pay any mind to your daughters, but instead she has loved them unconditionally, I think the world would be a much better place, if more people were like her.

@Stephers831...I don't blame you one bit. I would have done the exact thing.

[Dinger]

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your stories of evil MIL's playing favorites. I don't feel as alone, now, and understand that my daughter will live through all of it. I really do appreciate it! Here's an example for all those "favorite players" out there:

My first husband's former step-father's ex-wife (did you get all that?) is Grandma Elli. The ex hubby and I split up twenty years ago. Since then she has never forgotten a birthday, holiday or other special event; she's known the whole time that my first daughter was not the biological daughter of her ex's step son (it was never a secret) and even includes my youngest daughter in her group of grandkids. She's a beautiful Christian woman who has her beliefs, yet respects the beliefs of others.

See, they're not all bad!

What a lovely, lovely lady :clap:

[love2scrap]

What a lovely, lovely lady :clap:

ITA! a woman who is the former wife of a man who divorced your former husband's mother (did i get that right?lol) and she can still show that much love. wow!! #inspired

[louisa05]

MorbidAwe--your daughter will survive it. Maybe even be able to laugh at it all someday. My brother, who was the favorite, ate it up for years. But when he got older, he realized how wrong it really was. He would get bigger and better presents than I did on MY birthday. I remember in my mid teens when I got $10 from her and he got $40. On my birthday. He was early 20s by then and felt bad and bought me something with the money she sent him. Our maternal grandmother was wonderful and my brother actually developed a whole stand up style bit about how we had a grandma and an "anti-grandma". Paternal grandma not only played favorites with her kids and grandkids, she also didn't cook or bake. That is not a failing on the surface, but the fact was that you could lose weight from spending two days at her house because there was simply not enough food for everyone. She once served a single can of tomato soup as lunch for six including a teenage boy. It was not a money issue; it was just an issue of her not caring. And if we brought in food to make, she would scream and yell at us. We grew up going for visits for four or five days at a time as we were 950 miles away from her, and it became an art form to sneak the whole family out to get food without her knowing. We have a lot of family stories about those adventures.

Your daughter may also have some really awkward times. When my maternal grandfather died, I actually said out loud, without thinking, that I no longer had any grandparents--and anti-grandma was still alive. My father was a bit taken aback, but kind of understood. And her funeral two years ago was very awkward feeling to me. The favorites among my cousins were very upset and I felt nothing but sympathy for my father. I had not even seen the woman for seven and a half years and explaining why was also awkward. On the other hand, one cousin and I had a rather sarcastic and humorous argument in the corner alone over which one of us owned the "coveted" number 14 ranking among the 14 grandchildren.

[Guest LilaFowler]

I don't know what it is, but I can't help but to like Priscilla. She seems like a super nice person.

[NurseNell]

I don't know what it is, but I can't help but to like Priscilla. She seems like a super nice person.

I like her too.

[Buzzard]

I like her too.

I dont know that I "like" her, but I feel bad for her.