Stalking? - What Would Fundies Do?

[FJismyheadship]

Since I am wierd and think of strange things, I had this thought cross my mind.

The scenerio: Fundie Boy meets Fundie Girl. FB goes through the motions to court FG. Something goes wrong and FB calls off the engagement. FG is a bit obsessive, and starts stalking FB.

What would happen? Would they call the police? Would the girls father lock her in the prayer closet until her heartache was over?

Just curious.

[Guest Anonymous]

I think this happened with Chris Maxwell's ex-courtee, Sara Smith.

She courted someone else after Chris, and after that courtship broke down, she wrote about having been asked by the family to leave him alone and stop trying to contact him.

We have surmised that her stalkee was possibly Fundie Royalty, because she was soon after offered an overseas position with the Gothard ministries, to get her out of the way, it would seem.

simplysanctified.wordpress.com/2009/03/07/jesus-what-a-friend-and-lover/

[bea]

Oh, MAN. I read that entry and just wanted to cry. That girl just wants SO BADLY to be married. I'd never heard of her - she courted Chris Maxwell? How many abandoned courtships does she have, at 28?

[bananacat]

They'd probably accuse her of enticing him by showing her ankles or something.

[ChunkyBarbie]

Her story certainly shatters the fundie belief courtship protects you from giving away pieces of your heart. Oh wait, no it doesn't because God broke this girl's heart on purpose to teach her a lesson about idolatry and godly love. I'm not snarking on the girl. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to walk in her shoes and grow up fundie.

[Chrystal-J]

The ex-fiance was smart to break that off. When they tried to have a meeting about postponing the wedding, it got very "emotional" (ie she probably flew into a rage). Then when the ex called the dad later to break it off, she became "filled with rage" because he was her WHOLE life. Yes, he was wise to cut his ties and run like crazy from that situation.

[Alecto]

The ex-fiance was smart to break that off. When they tried to have a meeting about postponing the wedding, it got very "emotional" (ie she probably flew into a rage). Then when the ex called the dad later to break it off, she became "filled with rage" because he was her WHOLE life. Yes, he was wise to cut his ties and run like crazy from that situation.

See, I think that just makes her a product of her culture. The only real value a woman has in that culture is to be a helpmeet and to get married. It's entirely possible that she wasn't even allowed to be involved in the conversation, that her headship and her fiance made the decision.

[bicyclecat]

If there was a failed courtship and one side wouldn't give up, I think that pastors, fathers and all of that would be brought into it, rather than the police, unless there was some serious batshit crazy involved. Fundies typically want to project this image that their lives are perfect and police reports, that may be easily found in some areas, would shatter than image quickly.

I really do feel horribly for the girl in that blog. She's been raised to view marriage and motherhood as the end all, be all of her earthly existence. It also sounds like she was willing to overlook some potentially serious problems, in order to fulfill her "God ordained duty" I can't imagine that it's easy for her to watch her loved ones "leaving and cleaving," while she's had at least two failed courtships. And with that many, I'm sure the possibility of another is pretty bleak.

I'm not sure this guy was much of a peach either: "Eventually, a few very important issues rose up in our relationship that needed to be addressed. I brought them to my fiancé’s attention and because of this, he was hurt and disillusioned instead of feeling honored and respected." While it's not obvious what these "important issues" were, it's sad that these "manly men" can't discuss the feelings of their future spouse, without getting their delicate little fee fee's hurt.

This really shows me that most children raised in this kind of fundie environment are infantalized, to the point that they can't have a successful adult relationship, without parental supervision. Regardless of age, many of them are still children, mentally and emotionally.

[Chrystal-J]

See, I think that just makes her a product of her culture. The only real value a woman has in that culture is to be a helpmeet and to get married. It's entirely possible that she wasn't even allowed to be involved in the conversation, that her headship and her fiance made the decision.

Yes, it was weird that the guy called the DAD to break off the engagement--although, that's a courtship thing. I just think she's not the typical fundie in that she expressed rage over the break-up instead of having a "meek and mild heart" and going off somewhere to cry over it. In general, I get nervous when someone expresses rage in a relationship. I find that ends up being targeted at the partner at some point.

[gingernut]

Yes, it was weird that the guy called the DAD to break off the engagement--although, that's a courtship thing. I just think she's not the typical fundie in that she expressed rage over the break-up instead of having a "meek and mild heart" and going off somewhere to cry over it. In general, I get nervous when someone expresses rage in a relationship. I find that ends up being targeted at the partner at some point.

Knowing a little bit about this girl's situation (my daughter knew her at the time) you are judging her quite harshly. She expressed rage not because she was or is an unbalanced person. The guy acted in person like "don't worry, we will work it out" and then took the chicken shit route of calling her dad to break if off, not Sarah herself. This girl is in a very strict home and doesn't have any control of her own life. All the people around her make the decisions, her parents, the guy she is courting, or his parents. It is never Sarah. Even the new life she has at IBLP is only what they approve of and allow her to do. She has never struck me or my daughter as an unbalanced person. She was just FOR ONCE allowing normal human emotion to scream against the unfairness of her situation. Sure, she was an adult and could leave...but these kids have what amounts to Stockholm Syndrome after a lifetime of this. Besides, we know what happens to the adult children who leave. They are cut off and lose contact with parents, siblings, and everyone often without the necessary skills and education to make it own their own.

[Chrystal-J]

Knowing a little bit about this girl's situation (my daughter knew her at the time) you are judging her quite harshly. She expressed rage not because she was or is an unbalanced person. The guy acted in person like "don't worry, we will work it out" and then took the chicken shit route of calling her dad to break if off, not Sarah herself. This girl is in a very strict home and doesn't have any control of her own life. All the people around her make the decisions, her parents, the guy she is courting, or his parents. It is never Sarah. Even the new life she has at IBLP is only what they approve of and allow her to do. She has never struck me or my daughter as an unbalanced person. She was just FOR ONCE allowing normal human emotion to scream against the unfairness of her situation. Sure, she was an adult and could leave...but these kids have what amounts to Stockholm Syndrome after a lifetime of this. Besides, we know what happens to the adult children who leave. They are cut off and lose contact with parents, siblings, and everyone often without the necessary skills and education to make it own their own.

I wasn't judging her and I never said she was unbalanced--just making a statement based on her blog. I came from a controlling home life and basically lost most contact with everyone I knew when I decided I couldn't live that way anymore. So, it's not like I don't know what that's like.

[fundifugee]

I don't know, but the dress she is wearing in the photo at the top of her blog is pretty defrauding. Fuschia form-fitting bodice over her size Cs silhouetted against a black sweater. Maybe she is still trolling.