Do you think older, unmarried SAHD's see a gynocologist?

[PBrooke]

Oh boy. I never really talk about this with anyone, but I see that I should now, because I've been in the same place as so many of you.

As I mentioned in another thread, I have extremely bad periods, which necessitated my eventually going on birth control at 17. Now, just a few years before, I had been having some strange symptoms and they weren't sure or not whether they were connected to my reproductive system (turns out, nope). My mother took me to her long-time (male) obgyn who had also treated my older sisters and delivered my younger sister. He was leery about doing an "invasive" exam on a 15-year-old and ordered an ultrasound instead - so, not a bad guy by any means. But when it was time for me to go onto bc, I was just a few months shy of 18, so it was decided I'd go ahead and get my first pap smear out of the way.

I wasn't sexually active then, and I was probably nervous, but still that probably wasn't enough to produce the end result, which was: it HURT. I cried. My mother was there, the guy used plenty of gel, so it wasn't him. I wasn't sexually abused. I think we chalked it up to nerves, but it happened the next year. And the next. And in the meantime, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend, and THAT hurt too.

So, how did I eventually solve this problem? Well, I've never figured out exactly what caused it - I honestly don't believe I've ever been abused, and no one else in my family seemed to have this problem. As for sex, that took a lot of patience and practice and lube. As for the gynecologist, my original dude took a job in another state, and was replaced by another guy, who wasn't any better or worse. Then I had to move out of state myself, and chose a female doctor (even though my mother was always suspicious of female doctors, told me she thought males were more gentle because they don't 'expect' you to 'handle' pain).

I love, love, love my female doctor. I don't know that it's the fact that she's female, or just a better personality fit, but my days of crying are far behind me. When I first started going to her, I was still having problems with sex as well, and she gave me some good, practical advice. When you have the combo of the right doctor, and no strange problems like I had, a pap smear is about as uncomfortable as someone pushing on your stomach for a minute or two, with maybe a small pinch - you don't want to stand there all day and take it, but it's certainly bearable for the short amount of time. It's hard for me to reconcile being ok with sex, having had kids, and then being worried about a pap smear - but that's because my problems were all penetration related, no matter who it was.

Now, some people just feel more comfortable with either a male or female doctor, and there's no right answer. In fact, the WORST experience I ever had was with a female doctor. My bc pills had run out - I can't remember the details - but I was on summer break visiting my family out of state. Because of my horrible periods, I NEEDED to be on pills, so we went to the health clinic. They refused to give me a script without an exam. Now, I'd had a few exams then, and I'd teared up every time, but there had never been a problem getting THROUGH the exam - but there was something off about this (female) doctor right away, and it HURT like I'd never experienced. She got all frustrated and told me I had to relax, which of course didn't help, and eventually gave up. I walked out of there sore and crying and with no pills. And the entire time I was smirked at by the 20something female nurse. It was a terrible, terrible experience.

So yes, sometimes it's asshole doctors. Sometimes it's indicative of a physical or psychological problem that needs to be checked out or talked about. But I'm proof that with the right doctor it does NOT have to be a bad experience. I now travel over an hour to see the doc I love, and should I get pregnant I will go to whatever she's affiliated with, even if it's even further, because I TRUST my body with her, and that's most important.

[Caxpax]

To everyone here who has expressed fear/discomfort etc. about going for pap smears, etc. PLEASE GO. A dear friend died at age 21 from uterine cancer- she had ignored symptoms for 2-3 years because she was simply too afraid of going to the gynecologist to get a pelvic exam/pap smear.

I always tell women to consider going to a NP or nurse-midwife for well women care. My first pap smear was at 18 with a midwife and she was SOOOOOOO gentle- I was nervous, a virgin and she must have used the teeniest little speculum ever- didn't hurt at all. I've had many pelvic exams since then and had good and bad experiences, but fortunately I knew the bad experiences were not the norm and that I should not be seeing that doctor again. If your doctor is hurting you then they aren't doing it right and you need to see someone else- and even if you have a slightly different anatomy they should be TELLING you what is going on.

I've never had a bad experience with a NP or midwife. I've had not so great experiences with female&male gyns and GPs however.

But please don't let fear/shame/embarassment prevent you from getting care that could save your life.

[Olivia]

Wow, I'd never realized people had such bad experiences with pelvic/pap exams! I had my first at just before I turned 18, with a male doc with giant hands. If I'd know anything about it going in, I probably would have been nervous, but as it was I was just like, "Um, stirrups? Why? Wait, what's that thing? A spec-u-lum? Yeah, not helpful."

He even apologized for having giant manly man hands, but it wasn't bad. Certainly not painful! I sometimes get some cramps afterwards - like period cramps - the rest of the day, and there's a pinch when they swab, but that's it.

It really isn't that big a deal for most of us if there are no other issues, I don't think. Just lie back and think of England. I really do think it's worth going on your doctor-recommended schedule to make sure all is orderly and healthy...

[Guest Anonymous]

Blaaaaaah.

[bicyclecat]

Uh, no. Paps aren't cheap unless you're okay with going to Planned Parenthood and no fundie would EVER be caught dead going into a place like that.

I'm the posterchild for getting a pap. I had cervical cancer at the tender age of 20, with no HPV and no family history. I was one of those low risk, don't bother to get a pap until you need one people, but it was good that my mother was so adament about getting them done.

Get them. They might be a little uncomfortable. I don't mind the speculum, but there is a pinch when they actually take the sample and it's not the most fun experience in the world. However, it's a lot better than biopsies, cryocauteries and LEEP proceedures.

[deborahlynn1979]

To everyone here who has not gone to the gyno for fear of a pap: JUST GO. Do it. It's 15 seconds (if THAT!) of discomfort that could potentially save your life!! It's really not that bad. It's not exactly painful; more of a pressure-type feeling. And honestly, it lasts mere SECONDS. The last time I went, my gyno was talking to me the whole time about something else, and before I knew it, she was done. The most important thing is to be able to relax your pelvic area if you can and to not be embarrassed about anything. It's so important for women to take control of their own health and I would urge everyone to schedule regular check-ups with a gyno you can talk with and who understands you.

[Ralar]

My problem is my insurance pays for you to go one place and changing places is a major hassle. And now that the exam is done and I was found to have no cancer or any other problems, I think I'll just switch medical centers later (maybe when the next gyno-exam is due). So--thank goodness--at least I was found to not have any health problems in that area. IF I ever have another pap-smear, I'll switch places--to be sure!

The Affordable Healthcare Act contains a provision that requires most plans to allow women to see a gynocologist without a referral from her primary care provider, without any additional costs to the patient. No need for your PCP's approval once the provision becomes effective.

(Personal opinion only, not legal advice, even though I'm an attorney specializing in this area)

[Chrystal-J]

When will this act be effective? Up until my last appointment, I hadn't had a pap-smear in years. My insurance company started calling, asking me to have the exam. Since it would of been complicated to have a gyn do the exam, I just went to my general practitioner. Maybe next time I can go to a gyn.

(Thanks everyone for your support.)

[luckylibrarian]

Chrystal-J, your experience sounds horrible and scary. If you don't feel comfortable reporting it to the state medical board, then at least talk to a nurse not affiliated with the practice and see what he or she says. What the doctor did sounds abusive.

And I'll just add my voice to the chorus of people saying, "Just go!" Don't be afraid to shop around for a doctor and find someone you are comfortable with. I'd also recommend going with a nurse practitioner. If you are embarrassed about the doctor seeing you like that, don't be. The CNP (from my university's health center) told me that so many women come in for their first pap smear, and they're embarrassed and scared. She then said, "I just tell them that vaginas are like noses: Everyone has them, and I see so many every day that I don't remember one from the next." To the doctor or nurse who does the exam, it's just another body part.

And, because it can't be said enough, please do breast checks. A girl from my high school class died of breast cancer at 21. No one caught it until it was too late. The exams help you know what is normal for your breasts so that when something feels different, you'll know.

[Ralar]

When will this act be effective? Up until my last appointment, I hadn't had a pap-smear in years. My insurance company started calling, asking me to have the exam. Since it would of been complicated to have a gyn do the exam, I just went to my general practitioner. Maybe next time I can go to a gyn.

(Thanks everyone for your support.)

The provision is effective now, although it is unknown whether it is being enforced yet. Enforcement actions were held up as regulations were/are being issued. I believe the government will begin enforcing the provisions of the ACA very soon.

[raineymott]

I don't know about other families, but I never went to a gyno until I was pregnant, yeah. I just didn't think of it before, and didn't know before that. I felt pretty awkward too...first time seeing the dr, first pap smear, first breast exam, etc. It wasn't as bad as I thought...though my cervix hates being touched. lol

[moreorlessnu]

Chrystal-J, your experience sounds horrible and scary. If you don't feel comfortable reporting it to the state medical board, then at least talk to a nurse not affiliated with the practice and see what he or she says. What the doctor did sounds abusive.

Do you have insurance? I would call the insurance company, explain what happened, and ask them if they can recommend another office. A nurse at the insurance company would be able to decipher the difference between a bad doctor/patient fit, and crossing an ethical line.

[Buzzard]

I've had exams since I was 16. My mother had a friend who's daughter died of ovarian cancer and another that had a ruptured cyst that rendered her infertile. I've never had any problems during my exams other than the general skeeve about having someone going down below with a light on their head.

I find that I'm more open with my Dr during those exams about how I'm feeling. Random conversations at my annual have revealed a vitamin d deficiency that they wouldnt have tested for otherwise. I'm a firm believer that you can never have too much preventative medicine... that, and my insurance PAYS ME $50 for doing it!

[Chrystal-J]

Do you have insurance? I would call the insurance company, explain what happened, and ask them if they can recommend another office. A nurse at the insurance company would be able to decipher the difference between a bad doctor/patient fit, and crossing an ethical line.

I do have insurance and can change medical centers, but it's a hassle. The other problem is transportation. My truck is running a little rough at the moment. The medical center I go to now is down the street from my house. I can walk there (even if I'm feeling sick). If I change sites, I'd either have to borrow my neighbor's car or take the bus (which can double or triple your travel time). But, once I get my transportation situation straightened out I can change sites.