20/20 tonight segment on not kissing before marriage

[tinuviel]

I've noticed that a lot of fundies really lean into the magical thinking when it comes to sex and relationships as well. Some might notice that they don't have much chemistry, but they chalk it up to having to stay "pure" and then assume that getting engaged or married will instantly change the dynamic because they'll be allowed to expand their physical affection options.

Add this to a tendency to WAY over-commit at the beginning of a dating relationship and you've got a hot mess.

[eohiken]

Maybe I just have trust (HA! I know I have trust issues), but it's not just 'try before you buy'. It's about knowing if Mr Wouldbe-Spouse won't just plow through a woman on the blessed night, yk TAKE his marital right? I need to know my sexual partner can read non-verbal signals to be up on what's not comfortable, before at having to scream OUCHYOUAREHURTINGME. Or Cod forbid having the latter not even respected.

[mirele]

I suspect there are quitea few fundy couples who do not consumate their marriage for a few months. No evidence, just a feeling ...

I used to hear stories about some Mormon married couples who are having trouble getting pregnant and go to the doctor for advice. Turns out they were still virgins and needed some, ahem, instruction.

And if you think I'm nuts, let me just share this article with you from 1995:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/4292 ... tml?pg=all

A man who posed as a woman during a 3 1/2-year marriage to an unsuspecting husband admits he claimed to be pregnant before the wedding.

In court documents filed this week, Felix Urioste urged a judge to grant his former partner an annulment of the 1991 marriage in Wyoming.However, Urioste, 34, disputed the claim that he duped Bruce Jensen into marrying him or that he illegally ran up thousands of dollars in credit card debts in Jensen's name.

A friend of mine went to high school with the "husband" and said it was possible the guy was duped because, well, he was that ignorant.

[laura oz]

Maurice.......Maurice was the MAN. :(

I'd still get nekkid for Barry.

[gravelmonkey]

I saw the segment. They seemed like somewhat normal people. (she wore a strapless dress @ their wedding). I wish them a good life together.

Eh, to me, not so normal. Courtship, first kiss at wedding, expecting a baby 3 months after wedding. I'd say at least fundy-lite.

[Minerva]

Ya know, I could do no kissing until marriage (if I ever wanted to get married, that is). I've been there, done that, and never enjoyed kissing that much. It's just not my thing. Couldn't do no sex, though. That has to be good for me to stick around.

[GiggleOfGirls]

I suspect there are quitea few fundy couples who do not consumate their marriage for a few months. No evidence, just a feeling ...

I know at least one couple that was true of (not someone who blogs - IRL).

[Rosa]

I liked her saying the benefit of never kissing was that now her husband is the best she could get.

YAY for low bars. Mine is the best, even with comparisons. And even though he is, I can still value his other qualities.

He's actually the second dude I dated who believed in "waiting" - first had an arbitrary # of dates, I think it was 7? Anyway, it made the chemistry SO INTENSE OMG like sparks every time our hands touched. And then he was disappointing in bed (it got better, though over time.) Such a letdown!

Second was raised super Catholic boy that I first bought a house with, then had a baby with, and finally married last year - he needed to know I loved him, first. Isn't that sweet? Luckily he was not disappointing.

[Joan of Snarc]

I used to hear stories about some Mormon married couples who are having trouble getting pregnant and go to the doctor for advice. Turns out they were still virgins and needed some, ahem, instruction.

And if you think I'm nuts, let me just share this article with you from 1995:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/4292 ... tml?pg=all

A friend of mine went to high school with the "husband" and said it was possible the guy was duped because, well, he was that ignorant.

If only all fundies were too ignorant to breed ! :evil: !

[CallmeChaCha]

Hmmm, I just watched this and I don't know if I'd call them "normal". Waiting until the wedding to kiss, no tight front hugs and actually knowing how many times they'd front-hugged, courting, saying the rest of us miss a lot by having physical intimacy be the first priority. If not fundie-lite, definitely wannabe fundie-lite. Also, they did NOT, NOT, NOT need to show that clip from the Virgin Diaries!!!

[Bethella]

http://www.facebook.com/NotSeeingEachOt ... ts&fref=ts

Does anyone remember the episode from Say Yes to the Dress-Atlanta where the bride was dress shopping and had never met her fiance? They had a long distance relationship and literally met for the first time at the altar. I've always wondered how that worked out for them.

[Bloo]

I get so pissed when fundies assume that everyone else prizes physical intimacy most of all in their relationships. In the interest of full disclosure, my husband and I kissed, fooled around, and lived together prior to marriage, but we didn't have intercourse. Our decision to do so was a personal one, and our love reaches far beyond our genitalia.

It's a particularly sore spot now, though, because the accident that happened a week before our first anniversary this past December has (temporarily) robbed us of the ability to have a lot of physical intimacy. Sure, I miss it, and being uninjured myself, I still have needs. But to insist that my love for my husband is somehow less now because you fundies out there insist I must be obsessed with sex? Go shove lit dynamite up your asses.

[desertvixen]

Bloo, I'm sorry to hear that! I hope temporary is relatively short.

No kidding! I'm not marrying someone I've never fucked. What if he's no good at it?! I don't think I should have to teach a grown man who's allegedly ready to marry where the little man in the boat is.

This. Besides the whole "being good at it" thing, I want to see how he treats me when I'm naked and vulnerable, because I don't want to find out that's a problem after we're hitched.

However, most of the people we talk about wouldn't have any idea what your sentence means, and that is a problem as well.

[RosyDaisy]

Lacking intimacy before tying yourself to someone is ridiculous.

I agree, what's that saying about having to kiss a few frogs? :lol:

[Cannelle]

My love for my husband goes far beyond physical, sexual stuff, but I would not want to marry someone who ended up being an awful kisser. I dated a guy whose idea of kissing was literally shoving his tongue so far down my throat that I gagged (I'm not exaggerating. This happened several times). Being stuck with that all the rest of my days? I would've been completely pissed.

[Koala]

My love for my husband goes far beyond physical, sexual stuff, but I would not want to marry someone who ended up being an awful kisser. I dated a guy whose idea of kissing was literally shoving his tongue so far down my throat that I gagged (I'm not exaggerating. This happened several times). Being stuck with that all the rest of my days? I would've been completely pissed.

Let's not leave out the ones who slobber all over you. You shouldn't have to take a towel to your face after a kiss.

[veron1que]

Let's not leave out the ones who slobber all over you. You shouldn't have to take a towel to your face after a kiss.

My favorite are the ones who are bad in the sack because their past girlfriends were faking orgasms.....thanks ladies, you're not really doing anyone a favor.

[wild little fox]

I am not the marrying kind, but there is no way I would marry someone with out knowing as much about them as I could. That includes sex. Not just sex, but does he like to cuddle, how does he treat me afterwards, etc.

These couples marrying when they do not know ANYTHING about each other really is abusive.

[debrand]

My favorite are the ones who are bad in the sack because their past girlfriends were faking orgasms.....thanks ladies, you're not really doing anyone a favor.

Warning! I'm about to be overly graphic

Some people get offended if you ask them to do something different. For example, I've had a couple lovers who just couldn't find my sweet spot. When I tried to move their fingers or tongue, they got embarrassed and upset. Every single lover is different so there is nothing wrong about not automatically knowing what the other person wants. However, a man or woman who gets offended that their lover wants them to move their touch just a few millimeters to one side is probably not going to like it if anyone contradicts them.