Church signs that make you scratch your head (Buzzfeed)

[FeministShrew]

OMG! That used to piss me off so bad when I was churchy and suffering from depression! Funny thing, I'm no longer churchy and I no longer suffer depression.

Same here! I was always told "Go to a nursing home or the hospital & visit. That will make you see how blessed you are." No, it would only depress me more.

At a SB church I pass every day : "Waiting for your sign from God to get back to church? This is it!" Because everyone knows they speak for god.

[AtroposHeart]

I wonder if some of them are jokes....some are so....obvsiously sexual.

[B5SnowDog]

You should have. It's a rather arrogant statement. God frowns upon arrogance.

Plus there's no telling how many members suffer from depression.

[DistantStar]

Well, they provide food for purple martins. I''d like to know the ecological niche of yellow jackets myself. Where exactly do they fit in?

Don't ask me. Mean little fuckers, aren't they? I am well away from serious mosquito country now, but when there is a truck coming down the street spraying poison and you are thrilled to see it, there are too many mosquitos around! Parts of the South need way way more mozzie-eating birds. Like, by the millions! I am that unfortunate person who gets a dozen bites when everybody else gets a couple. I must be tasty.

I would happy go to New Orleans for a few days just for the food, but I don't want to live anywhere that winter doesn't kill all kinds of horrid bugs ever again.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I swear to the flying spaghetti monster that a local church used to have a sign that read, "Now serving children" Every time we passed that sign my husband said, "With BBQ sauce?"

Heh. That reminds me of the dustup around the (now revoked) Virginia license plate, "EATTHE". What, you say? Well, Virginia has various specialty license plate designs, and one of them is to support funding for children's services or whatever, so it says "Kids First" on the bottom with graphics of kids handprints. Combine that with "EAT THE" and... yeah.

You can see a photo of the thing (and get enough information to google around as you like) here:

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/weird ... 07534.html

[Soldier of the One]

Thanks, OP, for providing me with 5 minutes of laughs on a Sunday morning :lol:

[meda]

I drive past an IFB church everyday, and they always have stupid phrases on their sign. Usually they are either offensive or clueless, but this weeks was a stumper: "prayer should be both a padlock and a key" um....what? Anyone want to translate?

[merrily]

Is it something about giving your hearts away?

[skythetowel]

That church with the blatantly political sign needs to lose their tax exempt status pronto.

This.

[clarinetpower]

It's real: you can like it on Facebook.

[quincygal]

I've taken my snake to get blessed a couple of times (Episcopal churches do this annually in the fall). Last time I went, I took my cat too. Priest blessed them both & added that she hoped that they got along:) I guess after that round of pet blessings, someone's hamster (or other small critter) got heatstroke & died!:(

Hey if you're eating corn & you choke on the cob, you're doing something wrong. FYI

[FJismyheadship]

God wants full custody not weekend visits

[infooverload]

I wonder if some of them are jokes....some are so....obvsiously sexual.

The one from the Catholic church stating "Lying in bed screaming oh God is not the same as going to chuch" made me chuckle.

[CommonSense]

A church near my home is famous for quirky boards. Several years ago, I actually pulled into their parking lot and walked over to take a picture of the best one I'd ever seen at the time.

It said "God's favorite word is come"

That was my phone wallpaper for quite a while.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I live one block from Main Street where there are 5 churches within walking distance (yes, I live in the South.) The church on the corner got a new electronic sign about a year ago and the person who is in charge can't spell and has no use for punctuation. The first 10 days it was just a blinking cursor. Then they finally figured out how to operate the thing and the first message was "Have a Bless Day."

"Hang out with Jesus because He hung out for you" is the kind of gotcha Christian humor that really gets up my nose. I see this a lot on bumper stickers and on Tee shirts. I have this image of Christians who come up with this sort of childish wordplay patting themselves on the back for clever arguments that will surely convert atheists and back sliders, when to me they mock the very foundation of their faith. There is one I can't quite remember that says something like: 1 cross plus 3 nails = 4 giveness; it's the equivalent of high school yearbook scribblings by people who think they are so clever.

[houseworksucks]

The best baffling church sign I've ever seen was this:

If Jesus was a Jew, why did he celebrate Christmas?

Just........... what.

[EmiGirl]

At a SB church I pass every day : "Waiting for your sign from God to get back to church? This is it!" Because everyone knows they speak for god.

A Church of God that I pass by daily has this on their sign.

[JesusFightClub]

I live one block from Main Street where there are 5 churches within walking distance (yes, I live in the South.) The church on the corner got a new electronic sign about a year ago and the person who is in charge can't spell and has no use for punctuation. The first 10 days it was just a blinking cursor. Then they finally figured out how to operate the thing and the first message was "Have a Bless Day."

"Hang out with Jesus because He hung out for you" is the kind of gotcha Christian humor that really gets up my nose. I see this a lot on bumper stickers and on Tee shirts. I have this image of Christians who come up with this sort of childish wordplay patting themselves on the back for clever arguments that will surely convert atheists and back sliders, when to me they mock the very foundation of their faith. There is one I can't quite remember that says something like: 1 cross plus 3 nails = 4 giveness; it's the equivalent of high school yearbook scribblings by people who think they are so clever.

Yeah. This confuses the shit out of me.

I'm a communist *shock* I bet you would never have guessed, right ;) But commies, although we aren't religious, kind of honour and respect people who died. Like the Spanish Civil War dead, or people who died as revolutionary socialists. We recall our history and we have total respect for people who died before us for the ideals we hold dear. We don't forget it and we don't joke about it.

That seems a bit weird - 1 cross plus 3 nails etc. It sounds to me that someone who can make that joke is detached from the belief which Jesus adhered to. Of course, I'm not religious and could be very wrong. I can laugh and make wry jokes about my politics generally, but I find some of these jokes kind of strange.

[Alice_Fraggle]

The best baffling church sign I've ever seen was this:

If Jesus was a Jew, why did he celebrate Christmas?

Just........... what.

I just... Well... It's... The fuck? I just can't even. Logic - fails them. Didn't you just want to go into the office and explain it?

[church_of_dog]

The best baffling church sign I've ever seen was this:

If Jesus was a Jew, why did he celebrate Christmas?

Just........... what.

Well, he didn't call it 'Christmas', he called it 'my birthday' :whistle:

[church_of_dog]

I know this is derailing the thread, but my favorite marquis sign was not on a church but on a bar:

"If You Drive Your Man To Drink, Drive Him Here"

:lol:

[FeministShrew]

The 3 nails thing is a song, too. I used to have to hear it every. single. Sunday. because a guy at my old church would pout if he didn't get to sing, & that was the only song he knew.

I'm just going to leave this here.

[FJismyheadship]

I'm trying ti figure that out... one for each arm and two for his legs? I cab see a big enough nail going through an arm... but not really one going through two ankles.

[dilannsmom]

those were great. I like the one "open your mouth and I will fill it". It has to be a joke or do these people not understand what they are putting up?

They really might not get it. I was watching Dr. Phil with my fundy mom and a 13 year old girl's email address was suzy69 @ yahoo.com. While the live studio audience ooohhhh'd at the inappropriate nature of 69 my mom asked my why they were so upset with the number 69. That has been a huge joke with my friends. We figure my parents for straight missionary, under the covers, lights off.

And, in terms of funny church signs, I saw one on Facebook that said, "I wish Noah had swatted those 2 mosquitoes."

Edit to remove live e-mail address--don't want fill suzy69's (in) box....

[Miggy]

Dear Atheist friends,

I can't speak for US churches but here, most church signs are aimed at our own membership or at other Christians. We know you don't get our sad sense of humour but we get a little giggle out of it each day as we pass our own church on the way to work.

Those of us who have thought about it know a sign is unlikely to get people into church and instead, we are working on the streets, in soup kitchens, drug centres and other places of need to try and show, through example rather than force, what Christ is about.

Love,

Your Christian friend.

*My school and most others around here also have those signs and they bug me far more than the church ones. The church signs are just sad jokes. The school signs usually just give sport results which as a musician married to an academic, drive me crazy. Sport is not important!!! (Not in a K-6 school anyway.)