Duggar daughters

[xDreamerx]

I was terrified to get mine after hearing horror stories from older female relatives. I got it when I was 11. Somehow I got the idea it was something to be ashamed of.

I remember my grandma getting off the phone with my aunt and telling my mother that, "Cousin is a young lady now!" I was mortified and when I got mine, I begged my mom not to tell my grandma, which she respected (thank goodness! Way to go Mom!). I said something about it when I was 17 and my grandma said, "I didn't know you go that yet." Um, yeah Grandma, that's because I didn't want you to know. Ha! (Although I lived with her when I was 16...you'd think she would have noticed something).

ETA: And I also had the sort of awful experience that involved not being able to get out of bed some days. When I was visiting my dad in the summer, my grandma had to run interference for me because my dad couldn't understand why I wouldn't get up and "do something."

Haha. "Becoming a woman" was the language my mother used as well. It was very weird. I think nearly everyone still feels mentally and emotionally a child, even if you're not a fundie (though how fundies handle it is ridiculous by the looks of this thread. I can't imagine. You have my sympathies that's for sure). I had the difficulty getting out of bed thing too. I've talked to some of my friends about it and some of them had the same problem with pain and never discussed it. Even though it is a natural process, there are probably more difficulties around it then we would assume because people don't talk about it (though it is getting a lot better, from what I've observed over my life). The pill helped me a lot. It occurred to me that fundies wouldn't have that option, poor girls. I mean regardless of the whole "the pill causes miscarriages" thing (which I don't believe), if you're not having sex there's no danger of that. I don't see why they couldn't have it to manage their periods. But they probably believe going on the pill would lead to casual sex or something else ridiculous.

[PBrooke]

Slowly backs out of thread...

Eh, man up. ;)

When I was in school it was common to deal with menstruation for girls only in 4th grade (9 year olds), including some info on boys in 5th grade (though the sexes are segregated during this) and in 6th and 7th grade going over it all AGAIN, only in mixed company. I would be amazed if a girl got through public school and hadn't heard it multiple times before by the time she's 12.

I was an early bloomer. I needed a bra at 9, probably, but did my best not to wear it regularly til midway through 5th grade (didn't want to be different from my friends, I suppose). I started my period when I was 11, so, sixth grade. Even though I have many sisters and had been waiting for this since 4th grade, it still caught me by surprise - the first time just wasn't... like I'd pictured.

EDIT I got distracted from my main point, which is... I had terrible, painful periods from about 13 years old onward. It only got worse through my teens - I suppose I had PMDD. Finally when I was 17 my mother noticed it really was unusually horrible and I got put on birth control pills. It was the greatest thing ever - I didn't feel like I was dying every month. I can only imagine what an uproar it would cause if a Duggar girl were recommended birth control.

[Feberin]

Isn't part of what age related to genetics along with weight? If the Duggar girls typically get their periods later then 12 might not be horrible. They probably already know the basics especially for Joy with all of those older sisters. I was almost 15 before I got mine.

[emmiedahl]

I looked at the hippie Goddess kit, but I think my daughter would be either mortified or bored. :) I told her when her period starts, it'll be time for a professional manicure and that dye job she has been begging for. She is already planning the nature and color of her highlights.

[Deleted03]

I was terrified to get mine after hearing horror stories from older female relatives. I got it when I was 11. Somehow I got the idea it was something to be ashamed of.

I remember my grandma getting off the phone with my aunt and telling my mother that, "Cousin is a young lady now!" I was mortified and when I got mine, I begged my mom not to tell my grandma, which she respected (thank goodness! Way to go Mom!). I said something about it when I was 17 and my grandma said, "I didn't know you go that yet." Um, yeah Grandma, that's because I didn't want you to know. Ha! (Although I lived with her when I was 16...you'd think she would have noticed something).

ETA: And I also had the sort of awful experience that involved not being able to get out of bed some days. When I was visiting my dad in the summer, my grandma had to run interference for me because my dad couldn't understand why I wouldn't get up and "do something."

I too asked my mom not to tell my grandma and my friends' mom. Although I got my period 12 days after the first time, while I was at my cousins' and was sick so I ended up having to tell her and she was hurt. But I was putting all my teen rebellion in my relationship with my grandma so I really did not care at the time.

My mom was unhappy and cussed when I told her I think I got my period. She had discovered my first pubic hair the year before (I had not even spotted it) which by the way I don't understand why your mom would tell you where you're going to have hair?

Afterwards she told me that I should not scratch my breasts as they were groing and I was itchy which also ended up in not scratching anywhere even in the pubic area and I don't know if it was intended by totally made me not explore myself until years later and I had changed continents... Supposedly her mom never told her she should not scratch her breasts and it was bad so I should not. Never got any explanation why and I think it was just BS... anyone to back me up?

[Jessica]

I was so embarrassed I had to rip a tampon ad from a magazine and put it in my mom's drawer because "period" was too hard and taboo to say. Her response was "What's with this shoe ad? These are for--OHHHH... I'm going to the store!!!" then when she came back she stuffed "the goods" into my underwear drawer and said "DO NOOOOTTTT tell your FATHER!!!!" :?

[luckylibrarian]

This is kind of embarrassing. I got mine a few weeks after my 12th birthday, and I only had a vague idea what was going on. My mother never talked about anything, and even though I have older sisters, they never told me anything either. All I knew about puberty came from one of those health videos that the school nurse showed the fifth grade girls. It was very inspecific, and I think all I got out of it was that bras and deodorant were involved, and maybe a tampon.

So when it happened, I was kind of confused. No one bothered to mention that it only lasted a week, so I thought it was a permanent thing and that I would never be able to go swimming again. I also thought all of my friends would dump me when I stopped going swimming. I started crying, and instead of asking what was wrong, my mother yelled at me - probably because she was embarrassed about the whole thing. The whole experience was clouded with shame and guilt, like it was something dirty.

If I had a daughter, I would get one of those goddess ceremony kits and turn it into something fun and happy instead of something miserable. To this day, I still resent my mother for the way she reacted.

[Extricated]

Mom also put us through the ridiculous "Christian Charm Course" (you can see it and read reviews here: http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Charm-C ... 628&sr=8-2)

I hated that book.

I was taught about periods and other development when I was 8 in a very impersonal medically factual way and started menstruating at 13. There was no special treatment at all. I remember begging to stay home from an all day swim party one summer. I had been throwing up all morning from hormone shifts. My parents said that I was making it up and made me go. I sat in the house doubled over with cramps and nausea while everyone else swam. My mother told me to stop being antisocial and to go sit by the pool. I wasn't allowed to swim and I didn't know what to tell my friends who asked why I wasn't swimming. It was a nightmare. After that I never asked for a change in family plans because I knew I'd have to go along with it. I feel awful for the Duggar girls having to travel and be put on display through it.

[xDreamerx]

I hated that book.

I was taught about periods and other development when I was 8 and started menstruating at 13 in a very impersonal medically factual way. There was no special treatment at all. I remember begging to stay home from an all day swim party one summer. I had been throwing up all morning from hormone shifts. My parents said that I was making it up and made me go. I sat in the house doubled over with cramps and nausea while everyone else swam. My mother told me to stop being antisocial and to go sit by the pool. I wasn't allowed to swim and I didn't know what to tell my friends who asked why I wasn't swimming. It was a nightmare. After that I never asked for a change in family plans because I knew I'd have to go along with it. I feel awful for the Duggar girls having to travel and be put on display through it.

My mother did something similar to me. She told me I "shouldn't let femininity get in the way of my life". Let it?! I'm pretty sure it got in the way without my consent. Luckily, I lived my dad and he was sympathetic towards me. There was a girl guide camping trip I didn't want to go on because of my period and so he just asked why and I told him. There were no showers at this camp. It was tenting and roughing it for a whole weekend. He told me he understood why I wouldn't want to do that (especially with my mobility issues) called up my mother and bitched at her for pressuring me.

[luckylassie]

I got my period at eleven and it was not a fun experience. I didn't get lunch, I just got pads. If Joy is having to deal with hormones, periods, and all of the like then I feel ultra sympathetic. That was also the age when I got horrible pimples too :( I would have been perfectly content to fast-forward that part of life.

[emeraldskull]

I got my period at 11 1/2 ish or maybe 12... what's weird is I can't remember any talks or anything about it beforehand, and I also don't remember being confused at all. Like I knew what it was and everything... but I don't know how I knew. :-P So I luckily managed to escape the shame factor that a lot of girls grow up with. It WAS super embarrassing to ask for a pad though, just because of the personal nature of it... No embarrassment now though. :-D

Either way, yes, I think girls should be told at like age 9-11 ish, since those are normally the earliest ages to get one's period. Also, it should be treated as something natural and normal. It's not anything to be ashamed of.

[bananacat]

Not everyone has horrible periods. Plenty of girls aren't that bothered by it, so maybe it's not a big deal for her.

What would really horrify me about getting a period in a fundie house is that some of them track all the girls' cycles on the family calendar, right along with Mom's. They just have no concept of privacy.

I'm another early bloomer here so if Michelle were my mom and gave ma talk at age 12, I would have been bleeding for 2 years already. My mom just told me about it from an early age when I saw her dealing with it. I got yearly check-ups like clockwork, and my pediatrician predicted that I would start within the next year during one of the visits. He was right and it wasn't really a big deal when it happened. The only real change is that my mom let me change to her female doctor because I was suddenly self-conscious about my body and my pediatrician was a man.

I was one of the first in my class to start menstruating, and it happened during the summer. Then during the 6th grade school year, some of the popular girls started and suddenly it was a cool status symbol. And because I never made a big deal about my period some people didn't believe that I was actually getting it.

[Lainey]

My mom was just sad that I was growing up, as far as I can remember. I don't think she yelled at me or anything (for that, anyway). I don't remember much about it; I got it at school and I can't remember if I knew what it was or not. I guess I must have figured it out, though (or my friend might have--she was in the bathroom at the same time). She went and got our teacher and she gave me a pad.

[Guest LilaFowler]

nevermind...

[Vex]

I got mine at 12, and although that's average I was only the second girl in my year to get it. I knew what it was, it didn't bother me. I'd been reading books for teenagers since I was 6 and I always knew what a period was, plus my parents opted in for 'reproductive education night' at my school. I told my mother, it was no big deal. There was no 'you're turning into a woman' talk, which I'm now very appreciative of.

It was big gossip when someone got their period at my school. Not in a bad way, it was more of a thing to be admired. It was a very small school. There was only one bathroom stall with a sanitary disposal unit, so if people saw you going in there they knew you had your period. I'll never forget how a male friend of mine came up to me with a look of such earnest empathy and said "I heard about your crimson wave." It was all I could do not to crack up right then and there - he was trying to be a good friend, after all - but every time I think about it I always laugh.

[debrand]

Slowly backs out of thread...

Hey, you wanted to hang with the big girls. :lol:

[Annette]

I got mine a month before turning 12. I had a sister 6 years older, and my mom would have us run upstairs to grab her a tampon sometimes, so I had already picked up on the fact of periods. Sometime when I was 11, I think my mom told me I would be starting soon. When I started, I took one of my sister's pantyliners, and I think she saw the wrapper in the trashcan the next day and asked me about it (my memory is fuzzy). I was a bit embarrassed about the whole thing, and so she helped me tell our mom. My mom hugged me and said "I'm sorry" and that was pretty much her only commentary on the event. We had a short talk about the basics, like the length of your cycle, counting days and keeping track on the calendar (my own personal calendar!), how long bleeding lasts, etc. I don't remember any references to "becoming a woman," but somehow I felt like I was growing up against my will, and for about a year I remember being deeply upset every time I started my period.

For a few years after, until my sister went to college, I had a system for obtaining supplies without having to ask for them. My sister and I used the same pads, so after I had mine and before she started her period, I would take pads from the pack and hide them so that she would not have enough, and she would have to be the one to shop for/ask for them. I was terribly shy about it.

[ladypuglover]

Isn't part of what age related to genetics along with weight? If the Duggar girls typically get their periods later then 12 might not be horrible. They probably already know the basics especially for Joy with all of those older sisters. I was almost 15 before I got mine.

My older sisters got theirs closer to 15-16 and my next sister up got her's around 13 and I around 12. Then again my oldest sister and I are 14 years apart in age.

[Guest Anonymous]

My mother never spoke to me nor did she prepare me. I started at school when I was 11. My best friend told me what was happening when I told her I thought I was dying. Of course I just couldn't believe it was 'normal'. Riding home on the muni bus my mother gets on, and my best friend shouts 'Hey Mrs. Z Youhoo got her period today'. Once home my mother shoved me in the bathroom with a box of Modess and a used belt of hers. I later talked to my favorite Aunt and elder cousin who gave me the real scoop. My mother never had any talk with me, ever, even the night before my wedding.

So yea, like the OP said, my girl and I shared the bathroom and I answered her questions age appropriately. Oh and she got the hippy kit and a coming of age womens quest night, that included,adventure, ritual and honor to her as a young woman. She still uses the box turtle ceremonial pouch I gave her. When asked what it is she says, 'my period pouch'.

[Olivia]

My mom told me about periods when I was 11 or so, but refused to tell me about sex -- she kept putting it off until I was FOURTEEN and told her I already knew. lol. It was not a big deal in our house, though. I don't think I'd make it a big deal with a daughter one way or another, just tell them it's a part of life (though I do like the idea of a manicure or highlights to celebrate if that's something my daughter wants!).

I totally had that charm school course we picked up at one homeschooling conference. it was good for some laughs, anyway.

[homeschoolmomma1]

Oh no nothing beat my story- I got my period at 10. Here's the kicker- it was the day of the 'video' (Growing up on broadway with the braodway annie and cast)

The teacher asked- Did anyone ever have their period? I was sooo shy- like one of the girls would have said- really

Heck in the 5th grade we had the boys and girls in the same room and we each watched each other videos to learn.

I went to public school haha

[mirele]

My older sisters got theirs closer to 15-16 and my next sister up got her's around 13 and I around 12. Then again my oldest sister and I are 14 years apart in age.

I got mine when I was 14. My mother was in the middle of having a slow-motion breakdown the first month, culminating in a suicide attempt that landed her in the hospital for seven weeks. Her response was, "Oh." (Hands me pads and a belt.) The next month, I was mortified about even mentioning it to my poor father, who was going berserk anyway trying to deal with all the drama, and so I stole tampons out of mom's bathroom. I never wore pads until I was in my late 40s and my periods became dramatically heavy. Now I'm waiting for the menstruation fairy to come along and tell me I'm all dried up....

Thing is, now I know my dad would have understood. Wish I had known that then.

[bekkah]

Got it in 8th grade during swim season. That was an experience. I was 13 and embarrasssed about it. Told my sister and it was an awkward exchange with my mother. My mom gave me some kinda of beginner's kit and that was the end of it. I just remember one time in swimming, a girl got her 1st period and an older one gave her a tampon. She went into the stall and the girl yelled just shove it up there. it cracks me up to this day.

[Daisy4]

I got mine at 14. I think my Mom told me about periods when I was 10, she gave me a book about development and sex and told me I shouldn't read it yet b/c I was too young. (Catholic guilt anyone?)

When I got my period my Mom was pretty good about it, she gave me pads and was sympathetic when I had cramps. The main problem I had was my teachers in middle school. When I wore pads, I constantly felt like I was going to leak and so I wanted to change pads often. My teachers were such a PITA about letting us go to the bathroom. We were supposed to go between classes, even though we barely had enough time to get to our next class. Seriously, you would think that middle school teachers would be a little understanding!!

[theologygeek]

My friend and I are having a "goddess ceremony" when our girls start.

I made a tampon shaped cake that ended up looking like a deformed penis according to my sister. The female members of my family turned it into a girls gone wild party with the pornographic cake with white frosting (the white frosting only added fuel to the fire). The period party I had planned was anything but how I envisioned it. Oh, and my daughter went to bed and said we were all crazy.