Duggar daughters

[tabitha2]

I can't imagine having horrible cramps,fatigue etc exacerbated by salty fatty food and no proper rest on that bus,having to walk in crowds and heat .That is torture.I am talking about poor Joy who is at that age now and why i think she looks miserable in so many photos.

[emmiedahl]

The first few years of having my period were agony. I got the worst cramps and PMS, and they were totally irregular. Ugh. I'd have an attitude also.

[xDreamerx]

I actually have thought about this some and it's made me wonder how starting your period is treated in fundie culture. Does it usually mean that the young lady has to adopt more feminine mannerisms? Is this when the purity ring wearing begins? Boob has said Joy is more tomboyish because of being born with boys above her and below her. I wonder if they try to encourage her to hang out with the older girls more.

Then there's bus. They're all crammed in, who knows how clean it is. Is there a shower? I can't imagine one would have much privacy to take of care of personal needs. And also, I can't imagine them being very understanding of her when they are on tour. If one of the girls wasn't feeling well (even for non -menstrual reasons) they would probably told to suck it up and get on with it. That attitude would be more difficult to cope with when you're going through puberty I would think.

[tabitha2]

Michelle says she takes girl when she turns 12 for lunch and they pick out 'personal Items'-pads,raisors,etc I would imagine-and she gets the 'talk' but what if you start at 9 like i did or start at 14-do they adjust? Maybe that is just the age all four older ones started at.Her and the older girls other than Jill have never seemed close at all-it is like Jessa and Jinger are BFF,Jana and JD have a twin bond and Jill got Joy-Anna by default because she was her big Buddy.Other than those groupings they are somewhat distant,IMO.

[emmiedahl]

I just told my daughter at 9. She probably has a couple of years, but I want for her to have time to get used to the idea. I gave her a short explanation of what was going to happen along with a couple of books that were recommended here and told her to ask me if she had any questions. Of course she had them! We bought pads last night to have just in case--they make special 'tween' ones with brightly colored wrappers and sparkly stars on the package.

Imagine finding out over lunch!!! Ew!

[BlackHawk]

Michelle says she takes girl when she turns 12 for lunch and they pick out 'personal Items'-pads,raisors,etc I would imagine-and she gets the 'talk' but what if you start at 9 like i did or start at 14-do they adjust? Maybe that is just the age all four older ones started at.

9? WOW! Is that typical? (sorry, gonna put on an "I don't know if this is an appropriate question face right now" :?: )

Okay, total male moment but I am SO glad I don't have to deal with this!

That said, I'd hope they'd adjust for each child. Perhaps if they haven't started by 12 they do this so the girl will be ready? I dunno.. how do families usually handle this?

[tabitha2]

I just told my daughter at 9. She probably has a couple of years, but I want for her to have time to get used to the idea. I gave her a short explanation of what was going to happen along with a couple of books that were recommended here and told her to ask me if she had any questions. Of course she had them! We bought pads last night to have just in case--they make special 'tween' ones with brightly colored wrappers and sparkly stars on the package.

I was told if I got raped now I would have a baby and a mans penis would take my virginity away.I knew this already-I already knew plenty about sex,she just did not know it-and wanted to get the hell out of that conversation,esp when she asked me where if i knew where i would start getting hair...

[O Latin]

Unfortunately, I think that part of being a woman is that you sometimes have to deal with having your period in less than ideal situations. Yes it sucks, but that's life. I can't tell you how many times my period has started and I've thought, "Seriously? Today of all possible days? Why, universe, why?" It happens and you learn to live with it.

[clibbyjo]

9? WOW! Is that typical? (sorry, gonna put on an "I don't know if this is an appropriate question face right now" :?: )

Okay, total male moment but I am SO glad I don't have to deal with this!

That said, I'd hope they'd adjust for each child. Perhaps if they haven't started by 12 they do this so the girl will be ready? I dunno.. how do families usually handle this?

I think 12 is average,but I do know one girl that started at 9.5.:( My daughter is 12 and hasn;t started yet. Some of her friends have and they were 12. My friend and I are having a "goddess ceremony" when our girls start. We have this crazy hippy kit we bought 3 years ago in preparation. http://www.womanwisdom.com/w_coa-menarchekit.shtml

[xDreamerx]

I think 12 is average,but I do know one girl that started at 9.5.:( My daughter is 12 and hasn;t started yet. Some of her friends have and they were 12. My friend and I are having a "goddess ceremony" when our girls start. We have this crazy hippy kit we bought 3 years ago in preparation. http://www.womanwisdom.com/w_coa-menarchekit.shtml

That's so cool! I always wanted one but my mother was lame and just too mainstream to consider it. I figure, why not make it seem like something natural and a rite of passage? Make it positive instead of shameful or scary. If I have a girl and she wants something special I would do it for her.

Technically, 11-13 is probably the average range but anything between 9-18 is considered medically normal.

[lilwriter85]

I think Michelle should be teaching the girls about menstruation when they are or were at least 10. 12 is sort of too old because some girls get their periods earlier than that. I got my period when I was 11 and a half and in the sixth grade. My mom told me about menstruation when I was 9 and then when in the 4th grade, my school had menstruation/puberty workshops for the girls. I knew quite a bit about how to handle things once they started. I can't imagine a girl who is between 9-11 getting their period without being somewhat educated on it.

[doggie]

Plus they have to be joyful the whole time with a smile on your face.

[liltwinstar]

I can't speak for all fundie families, of course, but puberty was right about the time that my mom started pushing more "ladylike" behavior. In fact, she stopped referring to my twin and I as "the girls" and started referring to us as "the ladies" which drove me bonkers. My sister and I begged her to go back to calling us "girls" but she wouldn't. Keep in mind we were about 10 at the time.

Anyway, that's when we were told we had to start shaving and wearing pantyhose (rather than tights or the little-girls socks with the lace). Also, my body was developing at the time - I think technically I would fall into the "precocious puberty" category, but I don't think doctors were quite aware of that then, nor did we go to the doctor that often. So, I had this grown-up body at about 10, and along with the pantyhose we wore clothes that were suitable for middle aged women - like long floral dresses with big collars and such. So we looked really strange. And my mom used to get mad because grown men would check us out - while that *is* creepy, we were dressed like adult women, and we were expected to behave as adult women, so I'm not sure why mom was surprised. We were not allowed to wear "younger" clothes; all of our chuch dresses came from the same dept stores our mom shopped in. So we just looked really weird.

And, that was also when the behavior expectations kicked in too. If we wanted to play after church, we had to bring a change of clothes. So that was fun - go to church in fussy old-lady dress, pantyhose, and dress shoes and then change so you can play on the swings for 20 mins. Woo. One whole unit of school was dedicated to teaching us housewife stuff - how to cook, clean a bathroom, and sew. Mom also put us through the ridiculous "Christian Charm Course" (you can see it and read reviews here: http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Charm-C ... 628&sr=8-2)

There's nothing wrong with learning how to run a household, but I thought it was stupid to dedicate a whole bunch of school time to that stuff, since I knew most of it already anyway! My sister got it the worst - mom used to get on her case about how she walked. According to mom, she "walked like an elephant" and mom spent hours trying to make her walk "properly" - until we went to the doc and he told my mom that my sister's feet were flat and were "the worst he'd ever seen." To mom's credit, she stopped criticizing the walking after that.

To top it all off, it was about this time that my parents started pushing headcoverings too. I hated that as well (think I've written about that on another thread).

Anyway, I can't imagine going through all that with a bunch of brothers in the house! It would be beyond humiliating.

[Sola]

I just told my daughter at 9. She probably has a couple of years, but I want for her to have time to get used to the idea. I gave her a short explanation of what was going to happen along with a couple of books that were recommended here and told her to ask me if she had any questions. Of course she had them! We bought pads last night to have just in case--they make special 'tween' ones with brightly colored wrappers and sparkly stars on the package.

Imagine finding out over lunch!!! Ew!

I told my daughter at 9 too, she's 10 now and pretty 'well developed' iyswim, so I am expecting menstruation any time. It's a bit hard really for her as she has cerebral palsy, autism, learning difficulties and is partially sighted. I got a booklet from MENCAP here in the UK for her; it has space for photos of who it is intended for and spaces to put names in. It's pretty good. My daughter, like I did, has washable pads - not that she has needed them yet. She is very tactile over-sensitive so I made her pads out of soft flannel. They also have Dora the Explorer on which is her absolute favourite! I have a feeling she might have issues with wearing pads and the whole wetness feeling so wanted to find something she would want to wear, therefore Dora was the way to go! If only I could find some Doctor Who flannel too and she'd bet set!

[clibbyjo]

I can't speak for all fundie families, of course, but puberty was right about the time that my mom started pushing more "ladylike" behavior. In fact, she stopped referring to my twin and I as "the girls" and started referring to us as "the ladies" which drove me bonkers. My sister and I begged her to go back to calling us "girls" but she wouldn't. Keep in mind we were about 10 at the time.

Anyway, that's when we were told we had to start shaving and wearing pantyhose (rather than tights or the little-girls socks with the lace). Also, my body was developing at the time - I think technically I would fall into the "precocious puberty" category, but I don't think doctors were quite aware of that then, nor did we go to the doctor that often. So, I had this grown-up body at about 10, and along with the pantyhose we wore clothes that were suitable for middle aged women - like long floral dresses with big collars and such. So we looked really strange. And my mom used to get mad because grown men would check us out - while that *is* creepy, we were dressed like adult women, and we were expected to behave as adult women, so I'm not sure why mom was surprised. We were not allowed to wear "younger" clothes; all of our chuch dresses came from the same dept stores our mom shopped in. So we just looked really weird.

And, that was also when the behavior expectations kicked in too. If we wanted to play after church, we had to bring a change of clothes. So that was fun - go to church in fussy old-lady dress, pantyhose, and dress shoes and then change so you can play on the swings for 20 mins. Woo. One whole unit of school was dedicated to teaching us housewife stuff - how to cook, clean a bathroom, and sew. Mom also put us through the ridiculous "Christian Charm Course" (you can see it and read reviews here: http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Charm-C ... 628&sr=8-2)

There's nothing wrong with learning how to run a household, but I thought it was stupid to dedicate a whole bunch of school time to that stuff, since I knew most of it already anyway! My sister got it the worst - mom used to get on her case about how she walked. According to mom, she "walked like an elephant" and mom spent hours trying to make her walk "properly" - until we went to the doc and he told my mom that my sister's feet were flat and were "the worst he'd ever seen." To mom's credit, she stopped criticizing the walking after that.

To top it all off, it was about this time that my parents started pushing headcoverings too. I hated that as well (think I've written about that on another thread).

Anyway, I can't imagine going through all that with a bunch of brothers in the house! It would be beyond humiliating.

Wow that is terrible and sad! I am sorry your mother felt 10 years old was time to become a woman. I don;'t understand why she would want you dressing like a middle aged woman at 10,when most fundies keep their adult daughters in frumpers a 2 year old should be wearing.

My daughter has teenage boys checking her out when we got to the mall and I do NOT like that. If I saw a man checking her out, I would say something loud enough to embarrass the hell out of him for checking out a 12 year old.

[clibbyjo]

I told my daughter at 9 too, she's 10 now and pretty 'well developed' iyswim, so I am expecting menstruation any time. It's a bit hard really for her as she has cerebral palsy, autism, learning difficulties and is partially sighted. I got a booklet from MENCAP here in the UK for her; it has space for photos of who it is intended for and spaces to put names in. It's pretty good. My daughter, like I did, has washable pads - not that she has needed them yet. She is very tactile over-sensitive so I made her pads out of soft flannel. They also have Dora the Explorer on which is her absolute favourite! I have a feeling she might have issues with wearing pads and the whole wetness feeling so wanted to find something she would want to wear, therefore Dora was the way to go! If only I could find some Doctor Who flannel too and she'd bet set!

I told my daughter at 11, I knew she wasn't starting early, she is very slender and had no development at that time. My friends with older girls say usually when the development starts, expect the period within the year.She has been PMS'ing for 6 months straight, so I am hoping she will start soon just for my own sanity!

[debrand]

When my kids were small, they followed me in the bathroom. They saw tampons and pads and asked questions so I answered. My kids knew about periods at a very early age. As my children got older, I gave them better explanations.

THere is a theory that early periods are linked weight. Heavier girls start earlier than slender girls. Both my daughters are very thin, even a little underweight for their height. Yet they started at 11 and 10

[antifundie]

Haha, I forgot the walking issue. And LTS, it wasn't "walking like an elephant" it was "walking like a gorilla"

Anyway, yeah, I don't think I've ever noticed how somebody else walked, unless it was a posture issue or something. In any case, the type of dresses we wore were like this:

http://www.rustyzipper.com/pics/181829.jpg

I hope that link works.

And yeah, it's one thing that my mom noticed the pervy dude, but WHY would you tell us? We really didn't notice.

But I think the floral frump (either infant or middle-aged) was to make sure that girls never ever saw themselves as sexual beings.

And WRT the period, I really really wish somebody had just told me it was biological, like pooping. Not the greatest thing ever, but it certainly (IMO) doesn't have anything to do with emotional maturity. I didn't like it because A) I thought it was gross and B) I was embarrassed about my body in general, so that made it worse and C) I felt like there was more pressure to be mature, even though I was 10. Yeah.

Also, I got what I now not-so-fondly call "death cramps"--and guess what? They almost completely went away when I went on the pill in my 20s! I'm pretty sure a doctor visit might have been helpful as a young teenager--I don't know that the pill would have been the answer, but I'm guessing they could have done something.

When I say "death cramps" I mean that I couldn't move, or do anything other than lay in bed and cry for a 1/2 a day or so. I'd get pale and nauseous, and all I could do was take something and lie down. I know some women have it worse, but if I had a kid that went through that every month, we'd be at the Gyno ASAP.

ETA: an n't

[Lainey]

I was terrified to get mine after hearing horror stories from older female relatives. I got it when I was 11. Somehow I got the idea it was something to be ashamed of.

I remember my grandma getting off the phone with my aunt and telling my mother that, "Cousin is a young lady now!" I was mortified and when I got mine, I begged my mom not to tell my grandma, which she respected (thank goodness! Way to go Mom!). I said something about it when I was 17 and my grandma said, "I didn't know you go that yet." Um, yeah Grandma, that's because I didn't want you to know. Ha! (Although I lived with her when I was 16...you'd think she would have noticed something).

ETA: And I also had the sort of awful experience that involved not being able to get out of bed some days. When I was visiting my dad in the summer, my grandma had to run interference for me because my dad couldn't understand why I wouldn't get up and "do something."

[clibbyjo]

When my kids were small, they followed me in the bathroom. They saw tampons and pads and asked questions so I answered. My kids knew about periods at a very early age. As my children got older, I gave them better explanations.

Same here. I just gave her a more detailed explaination,and also the book"The Care and Keeping of You" to read at 11.

[GoJiRa]

Slowly backs out of thread...

[ladypuglover]

I think 12 is average,but I do know one girl that started at 9.5.:( My daughter is 12 and hasn;t started yet. Some of her friends have and they were 12. My friend and I are having a "goddess ceremony" when our girls start. We have this crazy hippy kit we bought 3 years ago in preparation. http://www.womanwisdom.com/w_coa-menarchekit.shtml

Awww man! I only have sons and won't get to do that. :cry:

[ladypuglover]

I did too but mine being boys.... well my sons are very understanding of friends and girlfriends getting periods and still think nothing of it when I yell that I need someone to fetch the new box of pads from the kitchen where I dropped them running to the bathroom and please hurry. I am a bad mom. :shhh:

[JenniferJuniper]

Speaking of J boys, the middle ones will all be in their teens in a few years.

Joy gonna have to wash all those bedsheets? :o

[lilah]

I think 12 is average,but I do know one girl that started at 9.5.:( My daughter is 12 and hasn;t started yet. Some of her friends have and they were 12. My friend and I are having a "goddess ceremony" when our girls start. We have this crazy hippy kit we bought 3 years ago in preparation. http://www.womanwisdom.com/w_coa-menarchekit.shtml

Wow that is hippie tastic!

My mom took me out for lunch and bought me a birthstone ring to celebrate.