Christian Fundamentalists Don't Understand Sex And Marriage

[NerdyHil]

This is the last installment in the series

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriag ... o-you.aspx

Although it isn't true for all fundie women, I'm often surprised at their admissions of manipulating their men and that fundie men seem to think that husbands should be manipulated. It is a very strange, childish dynamic.

Or, instead of prancing about all super-gussied up to get your husband's attention after a disagreement they could FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT LIKE GROWN-UPS! :angry-steamingears: Wait, here I go using logic in regards to fundies. Or expecting women to behave like adults, not little girls in a fairy tale.

[NjoyingNsanity]

I'm not a prude or anything but my sex drive and my husbands are miles apart he has the sex drive of a rabbit on viagra while mine has completely tanked since the birth of our daughter 8 months ago. I know being sleep deprived is part of the problem, but it's getting to a point where I dread dragging myself to bed at 2:30 in the morning after being up half the night with a cranky teething baby, only to have him wake up in the mood. I've had moments where I fantasize about cutting his dick off, especially when he wakes me back up at 4:30 wanting a quickie before he goes into work.

[desertvixen]

The men are also taught that women can't get pleasure from sex, so they're not going to be focusing on making it a good experience for their partners. Sex with someone who doesn't even make an attempt to make it enjoyable for you can't be very fun.

That people are living out those sentences is just sad.

NjoyingNsanity,it does get better over time.

[ElphabaGalinda]

That people are living out those sentences is just sad.

NjoyingNsanity,it does get better over time.

I know, it makes it worse that these people barely know each other when they're supposed to start the baby making and women are taught never to deny their husbands ever.

NjoyingNsanity, tell him to take care of his urges himself, and not to wake you up. It's what single people have to do all the time, and it's not hard. If I was with someone with a significantly lower sex drive than me I'd only want to have sex with her if she was in the mood, and if she wasn't I'm perfectly capable of creating my own sexual release. Hopefully it gets better when your child gets a little older.

Can you tell him you don't want to be woken up when you're sleeping?

[CynicMom]

Agreed with ElphabaGalinda. Tell your husband that you want to be woken up by the baby not by him because you're not getting enough sleep as it is. Let him take care of his own needs so you can take care of yours. Once the baby starts sleeping through the night (12 hours plus) the world will look VERY different. It's part of life when you have a new baby and IT WILL GET BETTER. [spoken as someone whose firstborne didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time until he was half a year old]

[musicalbookworm]

Really. Women don't like sex? If that is true among fundy women, it is only because they are trained to feel that way. Unless a human being is genuinely asexual, they feel sexual desire. Does it occur to the clod-headed males that their wives may not like sex because they do not show any interest in her needs. Fundies don't seem to believe women have a right to sexual satisfaction.

[doggie]

The men are also taught that women can't get pleasure from sex, so they're not going to be focusing on making it a good experience for their partners. Sex with someone who doesn't even make an attempt to make it enjoyable for you can't be very fun.

this happens when you try to rely on a 2000 year old book as your sex manual. Plus unskilled power hungry foolish fundy men.

[Feel For Joy]

Although the average wife acknowledges that her husband's sex drive is stronger than hers, she still tends to underestimate the impact this one aspect has on their relationship. According to a poll of 150 Christian married men, 83 percent stated that they don't believe that women understand a man's sex drive.1 Husbands feel alone with their secrets and desires; they are at a loss about how to communicate this to their wives.

I too have a strong sex drive, but I also have a man who gets turned on by my pleasure, and goes out of his way to make me feel good.

It doesn't surprise me that Christian married men feel this way about sex. They have probably been taught their whole lives that any woman who enjoys sex is a slut. They probably have never even heard of a g-spot, it's no wonder their wives don't wanna do it, it probably hurts.

[FlorenceHamilton]

I am 52 years old. Have always had a high sex drive. Visual stimuli clearly do arouse me. All of my senses are very sensitive to people's feelings, including sexual feelings. These fundies have totally twisted relationships and sexuality into somethng very sick and unhealthy.

If two people enter into a sexual relationship with a clear sense of themselves and what gives them pleasure and an open heart to be sensitive to the needs of their partner, then a healthy sexual relationship will naturally follow.

It really is not all that complicated. These religionists have attached so much baggage onto a beautiful gift. I just fail to understand.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I'm not a prude or anything but my sex drive and my husbands are miles apart he has the sex drive of a rabbit on viagra while mine has completely tanked since the birth of our daughter 8 months ago. I know being sleep deprived is part of the problem, but it's getting to a point where I dread dragging myself to bed at 2:30 in the morning after being up half the night with a cranky teething baby, only to have him wake up in the mood. I've had moments where I fantasize about cutting his dick off, especially when he wakes me back up at 4:30 wanting a quickie before he goes into work.

Seriously, if he wants the sex, let him stay up all night with the baby.

[desertvixen]

Agreed with ElphabaGalinda. Tell your husband that you want to be woken up by the baby not by him because you're not getting enough sleep as it is. Let him take care of his own needs so you can take care of yours. Once the baby starts sleeping through the night (12 hours plus) the world will look VERY different. It's part of life when you have a new baby and IT WILL GET BETTER. [spoken as someone whose firstborne didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time until he was half a year old]

Yes, this would also be an idea. The nine months that I was nursing, my sex drive was almost negative. Not just from tired, but I assume hormones as well.

[doggie]

The men are also taught that women can't get pleasure from sex, so they're not going to be focusing on making it a good experience for their partners. Sex with someone who doesn't even make an attempt to make it enjoyable for you can't be very fun.

this happens when you try to rely on a 2000 year old book as your sex manual. Plus unskilled power hungry foolish fundy men.

[wtfrenchtoast]

Although we have a pretty good marriage, sex feels like another chore on my list. I hate that my husband thinks about it so much and that he always wants it. I dread going to bed, fearing that he'll ask me for sex. Sometimes I find things to do around the house, hoping that he'll fall asleep before I'm ready for bed. I just wish I could shut him off somehow.

....OMFSM.

Clearly, you are doing it wrong. Sex should not feel like a chore, for goodness' sake.

[Olive Plant]

I too have a strong sex drive, but I also have a man who gets turned on by my pleasure, and goes out of his way to make me feel good.

It doesn't surprise me that Christian married men feel this way about sex. They have probably been taught their whole lives that any woman who enjoys sex is a slut. They probably have never even heard of a g-spot, it's no wonder their wives don't wanna do it, it probably hurts.

That and if you marry for the right fundie reasons, as a woman, you're not supposed to care if your husband turns you on or not. Just that he's godly. The fact that he looks like a roll of dried-up flour paste with his shirt off the first time you see him naked won't help. You won't even think this is weird if you've been told 1,000 times that men and women have different sex drives. You'll just be like, oh, so it's normal that I find him physically repulsive. Cool. Just grin and bear it and do my duty, and then he'll put his shirt back on and I'll be able to stand the sight of him.

Then when you actually do see a hot guy with his shirt off, and you can't stop staring, you'll think, SIN SIN SIN, and shut the thought out. Any suggestion that your hubby get in shape and learn to be attractive for you is the sin of discontentment. Even though we all know WOMEN are supposed to be attractive for their men.

[ElphabaGalinda]

....OMFSM.

Clearly, you are doing it wrong. Sex should not feel like a chore, for goodness' sake.

She needs to learn that when her husband asks her for sex, no is a perfectly valid answer. Teaching a woman she can't say no only leads to bad things.

[Anise]

I'd venture that their experience of sex is very different. They grow up learning that sex is evil and gross and never do it or think it. I imagine that most women cannot go from one view to the complete opposite after the wedding vows, so sex for them is just a gross chore to keep the husband happy. And that bit about the men getting off on sex- yes, orgasms for women are like unicorns- for them. :(

[Closed Womb]

Seriously? We are this shallow? The first time my husband saw me made up was the night before our wedding; our relationship is based in something deeper than what I wear. Yet, somehow, he can still achieve and maintain an erection. Amazing. Fundies are the shallowest people on the face of the earth; no lie, when I was a church goer I decided that I wasn't going to date, much less marry, a church goer and I didn't.

FWIW, I've known fundies who had good sex lives (people I believe; people I have been engaging in "girl talk" with far before they were fundie), fundies that thought sex was an obligation, and everything in between. Mind you, I have known people who had no religious leanings at all who fell into all categories of sex drives, so I don't think this is a fundie issue so much as it is an issue of an idiot who is projecting her personal experience onto others.

[Bookworm]

I like what Stephen Fry said about the Catholic church: "The only people who are obsessed with food are anorexics and the morbidly obese, and that in erotic terms is the Catholic church in a nutshell." And yeah, when you're told that even flirting is really, really bad, it is extremely hard to learn how to be comfortable talking about sex. No lie, I still have to plan out flirty things to say ahead of time - like, really MILD flirty things like I like his hair - because otherwise my brain stalls out when I try to say anything playful to my boyfriend. It's getting much better, but the mental block made everything VERY difficult, not just with this relationship but a lot of other potential ones in my past.

Trying to go instantaneously from doing NOTHING to doing EVERYTHING, and with gusto, is so incredibly bizarre.

[debrand]

Seriously? We are this shallow? The first time my husband saw me made up was the night before our wedding; our relationship is based in something deeper than what I wear. Yet, somehow, he can still achieve and maintain an erection. Amazing. Fundies are the shallowest people on the face of the earth; no lie, when I was a church goer I decided that I wasn't going to date, much less marry, a church goer and I didn't.

FWIW, I've known fundies who had good sex lives (people I believe; people I have been engaging in "girl talk" with far before they were fundie), fundies that thought sex was an obligation, and everything in between. Mind you, I have known people who had no religious leanings at all who fell into all categories of sex drives, so I don't think this is a fundie issue so much as it is an issue of an idiot who is projecting her personal experience onto others.

When my husband met me I didn't have on make up either. Worse, I had unwillingly gone to a nightclub with a group of friends. It was a spur of the moment decision on my friends' part but they went to one of their homes and dressed up. I didn't really want to go but, at that time, I wasn't forciful enough to say, "Take me home." I felt guilty about ruining their spontaneous fun. So, I went along, not wearing makeup, in a pair of faded jeans and a baggy sweater. There were lots of attractive women there but my husband still found me attractive enough to try and convince me to kiss him.

Fundies talk about respecting their husbands but they don't really respect their husbands. I respect both my husband and myself too much to manipulate him.

And I agree that she believes that her own feelings are felt by everyone.

[Austin]

What? What the hell?

I am also having a WTF? moment with that assertion. Really? As someone who has experienced painful engorgement during nursing, I doubt very seriously that men's experience is anything like that.

Plus there are many otherwise very-happy marriages where sex is not a central issue. There are sometimes physical reasons that take sex off the table for awhile and people remain committed and in love and the men survive just fine. And frankly, over a long marriage, sexual desire tends to wax and wane for both partners.

[AddieBelle]

There was one blogger who said she thought they were doing it wrong when she hadnt gotten pregnant after 6 months. I can't imagine trying to get pregnant when I don't even have a basic understanding of how sex works.

[GiGi_41]

I too have a strong sex drive, but I also have a man who gets turned on by my pleasure, and goes out of his way to make me feel good

I had a boyfriend whose greatest pleasure was pleasing me. I was always the focus before, during and after sex. Sometimes he would just please me then say..."time to go to bed" the cuddle me till I fell asleep. First time it happened I got really upset and it was difficult to accept because I'd been conditioned that the man's orgasm was the most important aspect of sex.

Until that point in my life I always thought that I had a low sex drive, that is what my ex-husband would say too. But amazingly when I was the focus, when my pleasure was the absolute most important thing...guess what? I wanted sex ALL the time. Unfortunately the boyfriend was an alcoholic and I eventually had to let him go...he has spoiled me and it is difficult for others to live up too. Damn alcohol!

[Sola]

So basically when her husband has the face on, she fucks him to get him out of his mood.

[JesusFightClub]

So basically when her husband has the face on, she fucks him to get him out of his mood.

Nicely put :lol:

I bet he goes around with petted lip the whole time to get himself some of that...

[bellicosebroad]

I'd venture that their experience of sex is very different. They grow up learning that sex is evil and gross and never do it or think it. I imagine that most women cannot go from one view to the complete opposite after the wedding vows, so sex for them is just a gross chore to keep the husband happy. And that bit about the men getting off on sex- yes, orgasms for women are like unicorns- for them. :(

Yep. I have or had near-fundy relatives like this (and the disapproving and sometimes pointed looks I've gotten from them over the years with my past boyfriends and now DH are priceless and pretty funny, actually). I will never understand it (and I will never understand waiting for sex until marriage. To me, that's something very important and you need to know whether you're a "match" to the other person *before* you decide to spend the rest of your life with him/her). Sex is supposed to be lovely, fun, and an incredible bonding experience between two people who love each other very much. Why wouldn't you want to make your partner happy and satisfied, and vice versa?

Sometimes I think fundies must be jealous (especially fundy women) of people who have no guilt about this. They've got to have had urges at some point, no matter how suppressed they may be. Oh, for the freedom to actually be able to explore them fully and without guilt.