Do You Ever Feel Sad?

[theologygeek]

I haven't been posting lately. Yesterday I signed in but couldn't find the words to respond to any threads. Lately, I have been feeling very sad about the whole fundie thing. My kids are thriving and they have such a spark in their eyes. Big smiles, spunky spirits, traveling and visiting new places. In college, out of college and working, will be going to college, one is a parent. They never stop eating, they drive me crazy, and they are loud and boisterous except for the quiet one. These fundies pop out one kid after another and the kids have dead eyes. They can't have hopes and dreams because those are dashed early on in life. It wouldn't matter anyway with their sub par homeschooling that forces kids to never amount to anything in life. The Maxwells especially put me over the edge. Mary is so adorable and my heart breaks for her. And Sarah. Geez, I just want to cry when I read what she writes. Her eyes are dead and her spirit is broken. I can't even stalk the Andersons any more. Everything fundie is depressing me. Sweet and innocent babies are born into lives of mental and physical abuse at the hands of crazy parents who are extremists. Does the fundie stuff depress anyone else, or is it just me?

[LostSamurai]

It does depress me some. Especially people like the Maxwells where they won't let ANYTHING get into their lives that's not religon. I feel like getting some of these people together and screaming that God is probaly laughing their ass off at them and facepalming over why did he make nutters like these?

I mean, as much as they deserved to be mocked, at least even the Duggars go to different countries...though all they do is piss on the culture.

This site makes me feel grateful that I have the opportunities I have.

[clibbyjo]

Its more personal for me because my sister's family is fundie. I feel sad my nieces are in their 20's.all living at home and just waiting for some uneducated,fundie man to marry them and start having babies. I feel sad my 17 year old nephew is not allowed to even consider college and he was told he can cut trees or some similar job because college isn't needed. They make me the saddest of all because my kids have choices and my nieces and nephews do not.

With FJ though , I am not sad. I feel it is our duty to expose the fundie lifestyle for what it really is. We have helped fundies escape and that means we really are making a difference, Yes, there are the Maxwells and others who will never change, but there are more who thanks to us read about the Maxwells and get out before it too late for them.We can't rescue them all, but we can plant doubt in their fundie beliefs and that is enough to get them started.

[Arete]

Right there with you theologygeek. If I couldn't snark, I'm afraid I would start crying. The abuse of human beings whose only mistakes were being born to the wrong families.........And I want their leadership to pay, in this life and the next.

[Jessica]

Yes, it makes me very sad. This morning I was reading "The Wind in the Willows" to my son. Then I sat down and read "The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life". The Maxwells would probably never read the Wind in the Willows because it is too FUN. My current book will never be read by anyone in the Duggar/Maxwell/fundie crowd because it deals with different worldviews, written by a Catholic who was a monk for 12 years, talks about feeling a connection to the earth and finding wisdom and peace while in the presence of nature. They'll never drive around with their children blasting Oasis, Led Zeppelin, Pearl Jam, or Janis Joplin because that music is "evil". They'll never have the artwork I have in my room in their house because it's too colorful and depicts things other than Bible scenes (which are fine, I'd love a nice picture of Jesus for my room, but I have this poster http://www.northernsun.com/Zimbabwe-Poster-(4033).html , amongst others... again, too "FUN", plus I didn't notice till after I received the poster in the mail that the money made from it supports some socialist group in Africa... lol!). All these little things bring joy to my life and all these fundies we talk about will never know of them. Or if they do, they'll be too scared of them. Because with billions of people starving to death or dying from horrible diseases, God really cares whether I'm listening to Christian hymns or Jimi Hendrix? I don't think He is that petty. Anyway, the world is a rainbow and these fundies want to stick to beige. Then there's all the abuse...

[ADoyle90815]

I also feel sad about how those children are raised, with the strict gender roles and isolation from the outside world. After all, one tactic of abusers is to completely isolate their victims from outsiders, whether it's family or by convincing them that everyone not connected with their church is a pervert. Hate and fear also age someone faster than normal, as seen with that Picasa album from the PP's church where Zsu is almost unrecognizable in 2009. The Duggars do get to travel thanks to TLC, but those children are raised by such ethnocentric parents that they will never appreciate experiencing other cultures.

If I couldn't snark, I would probably start crying about the way fundie children are raised.

[Wandering]

Its more personal for me because my sister's family is fundie. I feel sad my nieces are in their 20's.all living at home and just waiting for some uneducated,fundie man to marry them and start having babies. I feel sad my 17 year old nephew is not allowed to even consider college and he was told he can cut trees or some similar job because college isn't needed. They make me the saddest of all because my kids have choices and my nieces and nephews do not.

With FJ though , I am not sad. I feel it is our duty to expose the fundie lifestyle for what it really is. We have helped fundies escape and that means we really are making a difference, Yes, there are the Maxwells and others who will never change, but there are more who thanks to us read about the Maxwells and get out before it too late for them.We can't rescue them all, but we can plant doubt in their fundie beliefs and that is enough to get them started.

This. All this. I won't delve into the boring details but Free Jinger and Nolongerquivering were instrumental in helping me to break free from the life I would have gone on to live. You very kind ladies (and gentlemen!) helped to open my eyes and see that extremism is a scary and terrible thing. I have options now. I'm away at college studying my passion. I get to read, listen, and watch whatever I want. I'm going to become the person I've always, at heart, wanted to be. Thank you very very much :)

[Maude]

Absolutely. Sometimes I just sit back and watch threads because I just can't seem to form a coherent post. My heart breaks for the children in these families, even the adult ones stuck at home due to parental pressures and brainwashing.

[YPestis]

Well, it's a waste that these kids are forced into this lifestyle. I sometimes wonder about the fundie kids. I feel bad about the fun stuff they are missing, but sometimes envious of the stressful things they will never encounter. The Maxwell kids will never have to worry about struggling through a difficult class, or doing the dating dance, or facing a job rejection. However, the goods definitely outweigh the bad. We should be grateful that these fundie families are live in a free society so their only constraint is themselves. They are free to leave their families and that lifestyle behind and there are resources to help them.

[bananacat]

Honestly, I laugh so I don't cry. It's sad and even worse because I am so powerless to help. I do tend to feel anger more than sadness though.

ETA: Also, hope helps me a lot. I think that's why speculation about kids escaping is popular here. Even Sarah Maxwell could hypothetically escape some day, especially after Steve dies. This high turnover rate gives me some hope that kids and grandkids will get freedom after the patriarchs start dying off.

[thoughtful]

Honestly, I laugh so I don't cry.

I say that all the time about reading FJ. What they do to children rips me apart.

But I like to think that our pointing out their filthy ways may, in the long run, do some good.

[Witsec7]

I feel sad when posters squee over newborns who have no future.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Honestly, I laugh so I don't cry. It's sad and even worse because I am so powerless to help. I do tend to feel anger more than sadness though.

ETA: Also, hope helps me a lot. I think that's why speculation about kids escaping is popular here. Even Sarah Maxwell could hypothetically escape some day, especially after Steve dies. This high turnover rate gives me some hope that kids and grandkids will get freedom after the patriarchs start dying off.

This is where i'm at. I get really angry, especially for the J'slaves because even though my upbringing was strict and completely over protected, their life is a thousand times worse. And people I know say shit like "so what they're happy", but I don't think they are. Esp Joy. Poor girl, seriously she's the one I'd cry over.

[SealFan1963]

I had to take a step back from here for a while for this exact reason. If I am in one of my depressive cycles, reading about how these fundies treat their children certainly doesn't help, so I stay away and stop reading the few fundie blogs I read too.

[GeoBQn]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. The other day, I was showing Singin' In The Rain to my husband, who had never seen it. I suddenly became very sad at the thought that the Duggar children will never see this movie as long as they are living in their parents homes. They would consider all of the movie's joyful, creative, energetic, and all around life-affirming dancing to be evil.

[Deleted01]

I am still "friends" with several people from my fundie days. It makes me sad that most of them grew up that way and don't know any different.

[theologygeek]

I feel sad my 17 year old nephew is not allowed to even consider college and he was told he can cut trees or some similar job because college isn't needed. They make me the saddest of all because my kids have choices and my nieces and nephews do not.

I made a mistake in my parenting when my daughter was young. I always told the kids that they could be anything they wanted to be, and to listen to that voice that will guide them to where they should be. When my daughter was young, she used to say how she wanted to be a dancer like in the Rockettes. I dashed those dreams out of concern because I didn't want her to have pressure to always have to be very thin and feel like her body always had to be perfectly sculpted. I gave her dancing lessons for years but I did not want her to be a dancer. Looking back now, I should have told her that if she wanted to be a dancer then she should go for it. She is happy with her life but every once in a while she brings up that I dashed her dreams of being a dancer. She does not hold back and says what she thinks. It makes me wonder how these fundie kids feel deep down about their dreams being dashed. If it bothered my daughter, I'm sure it bothers them too. But they just keep their feelings to themselves which makes it worse because it's not healthy to keep that bottled up.

[theologygeek]

I had to take a step back from here for a while for this exact reason. If I am in one of my depressive cycles, reading about how these fundies treat their children certainly doesn't help, so I stay away and stop reading the few fundie blogs I read too.

I'm very upbeat in my nature and am good at letting things roll off me. I do not know why this has gotten to me so much. I see more depressing things in rl and it doesn't stay with me like this does.

[theologygeek]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. The other day, I was showing Singin' In The Rain to my husband, who had never seen it. I suddenly became very sad at the thought that the Duggar children will never see this movie as long as they are living in their parents homes. They would consider all of the movie's joyful, creative, energetic, and all around life-affirming dancing to be evil.

This just started happening to me! Something normal and random will happen during the day, fundie kids pop into my head, and I feel sadness. I can't believe you brought this up because it is the exact same thing that just started happening.

[luckystone]

I can't say I really feel sad for them - the teenagers and up could probably leave if they wanted to, it wouldn't be easy but we know it's happened and people who are determined can get out and start to form their own life. I'm a little sad, I'm mostly upset these people teach so much hate and breed so fast, people who don't teach hate but teach tolerance unfortunately are tolerant of fundies too.

[theologygeek]

This. All this. I won't delve into the boring details but Free Jinger and Nolongerquivering were instrumental in helping me to break free from the life I would have gone on to live. You very kind ladies (and gentlemen!) helped to open my eyes and see that extremism is a scary and terrible thing. I have options now. I'm away at college studying my passion. I get to read, listen, and watch whatever I want. I'm going to become the person I've always, at heart, wanted to be. Thank you very very much :)

That is so awesome!

[theologygeek]

Thank you everyone. I feel better expressing my feelings and knowing that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Deleted05]

In my church there's a little girl (maybe 2) who always runs out of the aisle and grabs the deaconess' hand when she's walking to the back of the church during the recession. It's absolutely adorable. One day I watched her and realized that infraction would probably cost dearly in plumbing supply line in another church and another life. The kids in my church are all whip-smart, polite, talented, energetic, helpful and vivacious, and it breaks my heart to look at them and think all these people see is a big red and white target; they're all I think about when I read some tirade on child beating. Michael Pearl, or anyone wielding plumbing supply line, will touch those children over my dead body.

[Loveday]

Absolutely. Sometimes I just sit back and watch threads because I just can't seem to form a coherent post. My heart breaks for the children in these families, even the adult ones stuck at home due to parental pressures and brainwashing.

This is me, too.

I think of my own two kids, now in college and working and spending way more time out with their friends than they do at home with their parents--which is exactly as it should be!--and it makes me so sad and angry to think of all these kids we know of in fundie families who will never, ever be able to do any of that.

Hell, they won't ever even be able to read Harry Potter. As someone who only got through childhood intact because I read incessantly, I think that upsets and saddens me the most. Not that they're missing out just on Harry Potter, but on the entire canon of children's literature, and literature in general. What kind of parent DOES that to their kids? *fumes*

[twin2]

As someone else said, I snark so I don't cry, or punch my computer screen.

I tend to see life like Pandora's box, amongst all the gloom, there is always hope. Even though I know the chance of things changing in the Maxwell's, Zsu's, and Kendal's houses is next to none, there is always hope. Hope that I"ll open up a blog one day and find a post from a distraught Steve that Sarah has gone to live with Aunt Tammie. An angry post from Zsu that DCF has come in and demanded changes. A post from Kendal where she realizes she can not home school and sends the kids to private school. Will at ever happen, probably not, but maybe. After all I did open up the Maxwell blog one day to see the breakup of a courtship that would have crushed the spirit of a young girl (yeah she is still fundie, but at least she escaped the hell that is the Steve). I also hope that by snarking on the fundies, maybe a wanna-be leghumper reading these blogs and thinking about going down this path, stumbles on here by the accident of a google search. Hopefully pointing out the crazy may change their mind.