Mormon Marriage Crisis

[dawn9476]

And apparently it is the fact that a lot of members are putting off marriage. Imagine the horror.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/1 ... 75524.html

[Witsec7]

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=12787

[Bethella]

There's already a thread

http://www.freejinger.org/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=12787

[Beeks]

I think they are worried about those members leaving the fold. Marriage is central in LDS doctrine and people are pushed to marry very young (relatively). How do you reconcile with the prospect of potentially not finding a spouse while your faith tells you it's the way to get higher up in the Celestial Kingdom? I'd be having a pretty big faith crisis personally and seriously considering leaving the organization completely.

According to Mormons, you aren't out of luck if you don't meet your spouse in this life. You can meet them in the after life and move up through the levels of heaven (just like a video game!!!!). My MIL is divorced and still very much a member of the church, and has said that she simply plans to meet a husband once she dies - ie, she's not interested in dating in this life. I get that a divorced 50yr old woman is a lot different from a virgin 30yr old dude, but still, I don't know that it would cause a crisis of faith on the part of the singleton.

[emesbe]

What they need is some very, um, enterprising young ladies who know how to put together a power point presentation!!!

efr

*like button*

[YPestis]

While I appreciate the high regard the Mormon church has for the family unit, I think they need to understand times are changing and they need to change or their flock will leave.

Women no longer find "marrying well" the pinnacle of success. Men no longer feel the requirement to find high paying jobs which can support large families. Couples no longer feel having five or six kids is right for them. This retro 50's model just isn't for everyone. If they church wants to expand and/or stay relevant, they need to acknowledge it's ok to stay single or have nontraditional families. In fact, it can be the *responsible* thing to do. Doesn't Utah have one of the highest bankruptcy rates in the country? If that's true, maybe it's this push for early marriage and large families. In today's economy, that can be a deadly combo.

[countressrascal]

Living in the bottom of the Jello Belt not being Mormon however working with them- the issue is that Women are now more educated and understand that they have choices and do not have to marry just to marry. Women are more likely to marry outside the faith than males because they are looking for someone that accepts them for who they are and that they are just baby factories. Another issue is that they are not looking to take on the huge student loans that these men have because they have spent their money on their mission. I have a 29 year old who works for me, she is marrying outside the faith because she wants someone who will respect her for who she is, her passion to her profession. I know this is not good grammer too many adult beverages. Someone who is not into playing dress up at the temple every month (her comment) plus someone who wants to encourage her to go on in her professional life not just have children.

[Maul the Koala]

According to Mormons, you aren't out of luck if you don't meet your spouse in this life. You can meet them in the after life and move up through the levels of heaven (just like a video game!!!!). My MIL is divorced and still very much a member of the church, and has said that she simply plans to meet a husband once she dies - ie, she's not interested in dating in this life. I get that a divorced 50yr old woman is a lot different from a virgin 30yr old dude, but still, I don't know that it would cause a crisis of faith on the part of the singleton.

I don't know. Marriage is so central to the doctrine. I think this flow chart describes it best

mollymuses.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/mormon-flow-chart-for-your-soul/

[Beeks]

I don't know. Marriage is so central to the doctrine. I think this flow chart describes it best

mollymuses.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/mormon-flow-chart-for-your-soul/

pure gold.

[ADoyle90815]

While I appreciate the high regard the Mormon church has for the family unit, I think they need to understand times are changing and they need to change or their flock will leave.

Women no longer find "marrying well" the pinnacle of success. Men no longer feel the requirement to find high paying jobs which can support large families. Couples no longer feel having five or six kids is right for them. This retro 50's model just isn't for everyone. If they church wants to expand and/or stay relevant, they need to acknowledge it's ok to stay single or have nontraditional families. In fact, it can be the *responsible* thing to do. Doesn't Utah have one of the highest bankruptcy rates in the country? If that's true, maybe it's this push for early marriage and large families. In today's economy, that can be a deadly combo.

From what I've heard, Utah does have one of the highest rates of bankruptcy in the country, and part of it is the push for early marriage and large families, including women settling for a Mrs degree as women are pressured to drop out to support the husband until he graduates college, then she's pressured to quit working so she could raise the future tithe-payers. Then, there's also the idea of keeping up with the Jonses, or for Mormons, the Smiths, so people often bought more house than they could afford so when the recession hit and the breadwinner got laid off, families lost their homes in foreclosure. One other reason is that they're indoctrinated with the idea that tithing is "fire insurance" for the afterlife, so they usually pay 10% of their income to the church, sometimes before paying the mortgage and other bills. All of these things made them more vulnerable to the effects of the recession, and it's possible that the recession is a reason that Mormon women are either delaying marriage, or marrying outsiders who value them for themselves, and not as a potential baby factory.

[YPestis]

From what I've heard, Utah does have one of the highest rates of bankruptcy in the country, and part of it is the push for early marriage and large families, including women settling for a Mrs degree as women are pressured to drop out to support the husband until he graduates college, then she's pressured to quit working so she could raise the future tithe-payers. Then, there's also the idea of keeping up with the Jonses, or for Mormons, the Smiths, so people often bought more house than they could afford so when the recession hit and the breadwinner got laid off, families lost their homes in foreclosure. One other reason is that they're indoctrinated with the idea that tithing is "fire insurance" for the afterlife, so they usually pay 10% of their income to the church, sometimes before paying the mortgage and other bills. All of these things made them more vulnerable to the effects of the recession, and it's possible that the recession is a reason that Mormon women are either delaying marriage, or marrying outsiders who value them for themselves, and not as a potential baby factory.

Are Mormons more prone to over extending themselves to keep up appearances of the perfect Mormon family? I always thought the "keeping up with the Jones" was a class thing (i.e professionals) and not a religious thing per se.

[gimlet]

I actually worked with a bunch of single Mormons aged 29 and up. (The high proportion of Mormons in the office was one of the main reasons why it was a miserable and dysfunctional place to work.) It was a very odd experience, and hard to relate to them because they were like children--they really lived in a churchy bubble. They were all 30+. The men gave off an asexual/gay vibe or were full of themselves and not really into being tied down. The women were various forms of crazy-- one was a total spinster, another thought that no man was good enough for her (and apparently liked to tell them at the end of the date how they didn't measure up to the level of good Mormon man that she deserved--she was actually famous in several wards for her behavior), another was crazy flirtatious, and another was super cheery and childish.

Seriously, a 30 year old woman whose boyfriend of 10 months breaks up with her should not be wailing in the office about how she thought he would marry her!

[xReems]

It's becoming a "crisis" to them because it lessens the chances for those single 30 year olds to get to the Celestial Kingdom. If a couple who are 19 or 20 years old get married, they're just that much closer to reaching the highest kingdom in the next life-next phase would be popping out children, which from some of the mormon friends I have, happened fairly early in their marriages. One of our neighbor's daughter got married at 19, 1 month later, she announced her pregnancy. On her husband's facebook status, he made a reference to the Celestial Kingdom. Some of those members are crazy about doing whatever they can to reach the highest kingdom in their next life, that they're willing to do whatever it takes to get there-Hell, they're willing to risk having financial problems just so they can live up to the Mormon expectations.

Good for those who choose to have a career instead of settling down just like everyone else in their early 20s. Hopefully more people, especially women, follow that same path. Lets face it, the Mormon church is big on image-if a handful of members decide to do something different from that they're taught, they'll scream "crisis" to the world when it's not a huge ordeal.

[DarkAnts]

I know two mormon women who live together. They have come to the realization that they may never marry and that marriage is just not for them. They are happy going to work each day and living the single life. Neither is gay, they are just good friends who live together. They do own a house together and live happy productive lives.

There is a push in SLC to get single people married. There is a lot of single ward activities. Most 30 somethings in Utah are worried that they will never marry. They think that they are getting old. Its sad to hear women talk about such things. They should be having fun while they can.

[DarkAnts]

It's becoming a "crisis" to them because it lessens the chances for those single 30 year olds to get to the Celestial Kingdom. If a couple who are 19 or 20 years old get married, they're just that much closer to reaching the highest kingdom in the next life-next phase would be popping out children, which from some of the mormon friends I have, happened fairly early in their marriages. One of our neighbor's daughter got married at 19, 1 month later, she announced her pregnancy. On her husband's facebook status, he made a reference to the Celestial Kingdom. Some of those members are crazy about doing whatever they can to reach the highest kingdom in their next life, that they're willing to do whatever it takes to get there-Hell, they're willing to risk having financial problems just so they can live up to the Mormon expectations.

Good for those who choose to have a career instead of settling down just like everyone else in their early 20s. Hopefully more people, especially women, follow that same path. Lets face it, the Mormon church is big on image-if a handful of members decide to do something different from that they're taught, they'll scream "crisis" to the world when it's not a huge ordeal.

There is a problem with mormon 20 somethings maturity. They do act like teenagers in many ways. They are treated like children by their parents up until they marry. Then, they magically are expected to become adults. Its a lot like the Duggars. Josh was still treated like a child up until the wedding. Now he is expected to act like an adult and we can all see how well that is going.

[lilwriter85]

Are Mormons more prone to over extending themselves to keep up appearances of the perfect Mormon family? I always thought the "keeping up with the Jones" was a class thing (i.e professionals) and not a religious thing per se.

I think it depends. There are some Mormon families that are a bit materialistic and like keeping up with the Jones for class reasons. Stephanie Nielson(well known Mormon mommy blogger and burn victim) and some of her family members are examples of that. They like having families with 5 kids or more, but they are pretty materialistic and a bit snotty. There are some Mormon families were the idea of a perfect family is basically a father provider and mom who stays at home, those types of families are ok with living on less. There is one Mormon blogger that I follow that seems to have disliked her one income Mormon upbringing. She will occasionally post about her family didn't have money for certain things when she was growing up. She also shows resentment towards smaller families because she mentioned something about kids in smaller families always having more, which is true in some smaller families. She posted a few days back about how when was 3 or 4 she only had a pair of tennis shoes and that she used to see girls at church with dress shoes.

I've read and heard that materialism competitions do go in some Mormon communities. There are families in which the breadwinner dad is making close to six figures or a six figure salary. Then they are families in which the breadwinner dad doesn't make a lot of money. Cliques within Mormon communities form. I think with the blogger I mentioned above, she probably was often involved in competition with Mormon girls whose families had more money.

[mirele]

I know two mormon women who live together. They have come to the realization that they may never marry and that marriage is just not for them. They are happy going to work each day and living the single life. Neither is gay, they are just good friends who live together. They do own a house together and live happy productive lives.

There is a push in SLC to get single people married. There is a lot of single ward activities. Most 30 somethings in Utah are worried that they will never marry. They think that they are getting old. Its sad to hear women talk about such things. They should be having fun while they can.

Singles wards activities suck. Young Special Interests activities suck. Special Interests activities suck. Seriously, there's a reason why men and women over the age of 25 or so, who aren't married, are bailing on the church. It's because the world, you know, that evil, awful, nasty-ass WORLD, treats us better than the church does. We hold down responsible jobs, or are getting advanced degrees, and then taking responsible jobs, yet, because we're not married, or, hell, unmarried if you're a woman and have a kid out of wedlock, we're treated as no better than middle teenagers. We aren't allowed any serious responsibilities in church and it is annoying.

ETA: I've seen teenage girls with children out of wedlock treated as "responsible adults," but I have a freaking job and a house, and I'm still a child. PFFFTH.

While Prop 8 was the final straw for me, I can also say that treating single adult women and men as if we're just stupid children isn't going to cut it. The church just assumes that everyone should get married. Thing is, I grew up with a schizophrenic mom, and made the decision in my early 30s (when I found out I had chronic depression) that inflicting myself on children would not be a smart thing to do. Since then I've also learned I have high-functioning autism and jeez, depression and autism would have been a horrible combination for a Mormon mommy. So the only children I have are furry and meow.

Yes, church lurkers, the church does a crap job of dealing with people who don't fit into the mold. And it only takes one thing (in my case, Prop 8) to get us to say, "screw this, sending in my letter, have a nice day."