Fundies and The Facts of Life

[xDreamerx]

In one of the Duggar clips or episodes before Smuggar and ofSmuggar's wedding, she mentioned her and her mother sitting down for a talk about marriage shortly before her wedding. Do they really keep their children in the dark about sex until so late in life?

[forever ago]

I know of some crazy fundie families who don't teach their kids about sex at all, so they reach 17, kiss their gf/bf and worry that they're pregnant. No really, I know a girl who went through that.

As for the Duggars I think it's the very basics early on, puberty at the appropriate time (you know, when the girls are sprouting boobies, the boys' voices are cracking and everyone's finding hair in odd places, and not a minute before!)

And then it's "DON'T YOU DARE HAVE SEX EVER. Until you're married. And no kissing until then either. Yes, young lady, you're supposed to go from barely any physical contact and constant supervision to letting him stick his tallywhacker in you within a few short hours. Oh, and the whole sticking his tallywhacker in thing? That's gonna hurt."

Holy shit I'm very glad I was not raised by fundies.

[jesusfreak]

Remember the manuals Josh got the night before his wedding.

[forever ago]

Remember the manuals Josh got the night before his wedding.

uuuugggghhughghg manuals?!?!

Does being raised by fundies really fuck up your basic instinct to reproduce that much?! D:

[xDreamerx]

Remember the manuals Josh got the night before his wedding.

Yeah. I guess I just hoped that was exaggerated for TV.

[GeoBQn]

When I think of a fundie wedding night, I think of a true story I read about a Victorian poet who learned everything about women's bodies from looking at Greek statues. Then on his wedding night, he angrily stomped out of the room and demanded a divorce. Turns out the Greeks never included pubic hair on female statues . . .

But the fundies are somehow working with even less to go on than Greek statues.

[gloriamarilyn]

I didn't know what sex was until I was 18, and no longer a fundie. Up til then, I was terrified that I could get pregnant from a toilet seat. Really.

Ugh. :oops: :cry:

[liltwinstar]

I was really lucky for a fundie kid, because my parents believed in factual information. So I learned about the birds and the bees pretty early and knew the basics of sex (penis, vagina, sperm, egg, baby) by the time I was 6 or so. I had a childish understanding of the whole thing, but at least I knew where babies came from, unlike some of my friends who thought sperm crawled across beds and such.

That knowledge did not keep me from having some pretty big sexual issues, but those are a thing of the past, thank goodness. When you're told all your life that sex is wrong (in one way or another), it's hard to undo all those years of programming.

I think I remember reading on the yuku board that the "sex talk" the night before Josh and Anna's wedding was staged for the cameras. I hope so.

[forever ago]

I think I remember reading on the yuku board that the "sex talk" the night before Josh and Anna's wedding was staged for the cameras. I hope so.

I hope so too. I mean, no Talk until you're about to get married? Even if you're getting married young, that's unacceptable.

[O Latin]

Didn't Anna's brother-in-law or whoever it was that posted on TWOP after the wedding episode say that the scene where Jim Bob gives Josh "the talk" was staged?

[maybeizfundie]

I think factual information is important, even if only for the sake of safety. Unfortunately I know some gals who were kept in the dark and who weren't firmly able to say "This qualifies as Not Right, I need to say No!" when they were taken advantage of. :(

My mom told me at 12.

I then went to share this fascinating information with friends--we were in the cult at the time. Hoo-boy. I was already the Corrupt Outsider, since I hadn't been born and raised there. I lost those friends and got my parents in huuuuuuuge trouble with my Corrupting Behavior.

Rather than doing the whole "The Talk" thing at a certain age, we are doing incrementally and age-appropriate information, starting pretty early.

[debrand]

I think factual information is important, even if only for the sake of safety. Unfortunately I know some gals who were kept in the dark and who weren't firmly able to say "This qualifies as Not Right, I need to say No!" when they were taken advantage of. :(

My mom told me at 12.

I then went to share this fascinating information with friends--we were in the cult at the time. Hoo-boy. I was already the Corrupt Outsider, since I hadn't been born and raised there. I lost those friends and got my parents in huuuuuuuge trouble with my Corrupting Behavior.

Rather than doing the whole "The Talk" thing at a certain age, we are doing incrementally and age-appropriate information, starting pretty early.

Even 12 seems old to me. I never had a talk about sex with my kids. Like you are doing, I answered their question as they came up. By the time that they were eight or nine, they knew the mechanics of sex.

Perhaps because I attended the evil public school, I heard kids talking about sex in the sixth grade. So, I am guessing that most 12 year olds have some knowledge about what sex is.

There really is no reason hide age appropriate information from your kids. It doesn't hurt their innocence to know how babies are made. But I am VERY open with my kids.

[Avalondaughter]

I remember going to the eebil public library when I was 10 and finding a copy of "Did the Sun Shine Before You Were Born?"

A year later I read Judy Blume's "Forever" (and found it kind of gross really)

I sort of liked finding these things on my own. I would have gotten answers if I had asked, but I wasn't really wanting to ask.

[bananacat]

Sex is a dirty, horrible, shameful thing and you should save it for the one you love most. I think that's basically the talk that most of them get.

[Grace]

I knew when I was little that "sex" was naked people together that was how you got a baby if you were a grownup. But I thought it was just sort of squishing your bits up against each other :lol: So when my cousin told me it was more of a key/lock situation I was like "That doesn't make any sense how does that work?" That's when I learned about erections. Then I was like :o

Then when I was 8 or so I found a book on the bookshelf that had been my big sister's (except she never would read it) called "What's happening to my body" and I hid it under my pillow and obsessed over it, showing it to my friends everytime they came over like, "you're not going to believe what happens in the next chapter" or checking to see which development level we were at on the "this is how you grow boobs" chart.

[clarinetpower]

Just this morning, my 4 year old daughter found panty liners in my drawer and started asking questions. So she already knows about periods, though she hasn't asked how the baby gets in there yet.

As I was telling her, I was thinking, "this is probably more knowledge about a woman's body than Smuggar knows NOW, after two children. And she's 4."

[emmiedahl]

My under ten children do not know about the mechanics of sex. I answer questions honestly, but I wait until they ask... until they reach a certain age. My 9 year old daughter will know very soon because I bought a few of the books that you all recommended and the Amazon package came yesterday. They are sitting on her bed right now and I expect that they will be read in a few days, then the barrage of questions will come.

(that's why I bought them, though. And thanks for the recommendations, all of the books look amazing)

[VodouDoll]

I knew when I was little that "sex" was naked people together that was how you got a baby if you were a grownup. But I thought it was just sort of squishing your bits up against each other :lol: So when my cousin told me it was more of a key/lock situation I was like "That doesn't make any sense how does that work?"

Hee. When I was 6 my parents bought me an illustrated book explaining how all of the body's systems work and told me to ask if I had any questions about anything. I was merrily reading away, learning all about the circulatory system and the digestive system and the nervous system when - BAM - there was the reproductive system with all sorts of drawings of naked people and stages of pregnancy and sperm and ovaries and who knows what else, complete with cheerful, thorough, age-appropriate explanations. I went running into the living room and both of them looked up nervously and asked if I had a question. "Yeah," I said, "so you have to take off your underwear to make a baby?" They said yes, you do, and I said, "Gross!" and left the room. That was the beginning and ending of my sex talk.

It's still better than what my brother got, though. One day when he was around nine my dad was dropping him off at elementary school. As he was getting his backpack and lunchbox together my dad said, "Hey, buddy, by the way, don't have sex. Okay?" My brother went, "Um...okay," and they never spoke of it again.

[EllyPDQ]

When I think of a fundie wedding night, I think of a true story I read about a Victorian poet who learned everything about women's bodies from looking at Greek statues. Then on his wedding night, he angrily stomped out of the room and demanded a divorce. Turns out the Greeks never included pubic hair on female statues . . .

But the fundies are somehow working with even less to go on than Greek statues.

That was John Ruskin, who married Effie Gray. He claimed that Effie was so repulsive that he couldn't get it up. For reals. The marriage was annulled, and she went on to marry Preraphaelite painter John Everett Millais.

[dawn]

Someone I knew was the oldest of about 10 kids in a very conservative, homeschooling Catholic family - When she got a male roommate, her mom freaked out and ordered her to move out and never tell her brothers & sisters.

Turns out, the rest of the brood (some of them in their late teens) didn't know about sex and mom didn't want them to know – meaning, mom couldn't explain why it was alright for big sister to live with a man & what was the difference that made it not a sin.

I sort of thought it was an isolated case of the crazies. Turns out it's not, and I am now very sad. :cry:

You know what doesn't make any sense to me? If daughters are supposed to guard their virginity until marriage, wouldn't they be able to do a better job if they actually knew what their virginity was? :shhh:

[Jessica]

I thought you could get pregnant from French kissing in addition to sex, and didn't know that the guy has to thrust around a bit to ejaculate. I thought it was just in, release, out, you're done. I was raised with no religion and that's how vague the videos we watched in school were. The way they described everything left more confusion tan before. Heck, regarding periods, the way they made it sound was that your uterus is already full of blood and every month it has to release a little bit to make room for the baby so it wouldn't be floating in blood.

[emeraldskull]

LOL @ all these stories... :-D Unfortunately, I don't remember ever being super confused about sex or anything... One day when I was 6 or 7 I was over at a friend's house watching a movie and two of the characters had sex. It wasn't explicit, mostly focusing on their faces... (or maybe that's all I remember?) but after that I knew what sex was.

I don't ever remember getting a period talk either, but one day I got it and wasn't confused or weirded out... I think my mom might have talked to me about it, but I don't remember that either. :-P

[ChunkyBarbie]

Sex is a dirty, horrible, shameful thing and you should save it for the one you love most. I think that's basically the talk that most of them get.

And only to produce precious blessings from God that you can stack like cordwood in the closet.

[xReems]

This reminds me of Duggar wedding special when Josh and Anna are in the car and they're listening to that tape about sex. Funny how these fundies need a how to guide with sex.

Step 1, remove clothes

Step 2, lay down on top of her

....etc, etc.

Speaking of that, I wonder if Josh cares about whether or not Anna feels satisfied or he does his thing and passes out, disregarding his wife's needs. Nevermind, I just answered my own question.

[anniebgood]

My mom was an OB/GYN nurse so I knew how babies were born quite early, she had lots of medical journals that she subscribed to. We were at my grandmas and a bull was mounting a cow and of course being overly inquisitive I asked my mom what was going on. That lead to talking about people and how babies were made.

The very first erection I ever saw was when I was a candy striper and there was a comatose man in a room with a full blown one. Answered a few questions for me.