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Explain This to Me - Mother of Multiples on Marriage


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This is an old blog post, but the author claims that having closely-spaced children will make a woman love her husband more. Is she sure she doesn't mean it the other way around? :P Here: ccostello.blogspot.com/2009/05/blessings-of-closely-spaced-children.html

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Mother of multiples weighing in:

1) those children will likely have a very close relationship

Yeah, but it won't be all a bed of roses. Being farther apart in age, there's one kid who can understand sharing and be more patient with the younger one; when they're close in age, they go straight to fistfights and screaming. It takes a lot more patience to work through problem solving skills.

2) they will both grow into your helpers nearly at the same time

Your kids aren't your helpers, asshat.

3) their training will be fairly similar, not exact of course, but very similar due to their closeness in age

Wrong. They are two totally different people so they'll need different discipline approaches. Assuming that you're actually going to discipline them and not just beat them. Then, yeah, it's similar.

4) your organizing skills will be honed

Only after you realize that you're nearly loosing your mind because you bit off more than you could chew.

5) many times the training that you would have waited to start will be started in the first child out of necessity, thereby teaching that child to work (and we are to work 6 days!!). Many times children are capable of doing muchmore than we parents think they are able to!

I believe there are laws against this kind of thing.

6) you & your husband will be put to the test in training obedience from #1 sooner than many parents think that training should be started, resulting in a well trained, obedient child who will be a blessing to her mother and father. I liken it to getting to the essentials EARLY!

You're assuming a bit much there. And am I reading the subtext correctly, you are blaming #2 for "testing" #1? Warped, man.

7) your creative skills will be stratched and honed in finding ways to keep #1 creatively busy while you are unavailable with #2

You're doing it wrong.

One of the reasons why people space out (single) births is so there is no uneeded stress on the older child(ren). What you see as "creative business" she very well may see as abandonment.

8) your trust in the Lord will increase as you rely on His provision for your time, sleep, health, etc.

No. My disbelief in him increases. If he were any sort of a rational, loving, god, humans would emerge from the womb and then, just, pupate until they were 18 or so and able to offer something to society. :lol: (sarcastic of course.)

9) your love for your husband will increase, just as it did when little Shira was born

If by "love" you mean "Resentment."

10) (for levity) just think of how much good use you will actually get out of all those nearly new newborn things!!"

Or you could, you know, pass it on to someone else who needs them. Christian charity and all.

Edit to fix quotes.

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...and 2 years later we get this post:


2 closely-spaced kids = Anna T on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

As for the commenter - when I hear the words "well-trained, obedient", I think of dogs, not children.

Having my youngest 2 21 mos. apart was plenty close enough for me. I will say, though, that once my youngest was out of the stroller and toilet trained and able to get into the car and do up his own seatbelt, it felt like I was on vacation.

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You know, I had my first 2 less than a year apart and those 2 couldn't be more different if they tried to. Even the way to discipline had to be different. The oldest you could spank til the cows came home and he would laugh at you, which is when I realized spanking was wrong, and the only way to discipline him was to send him to his room alone for a time out. If you were to lightly tap #2 son it was beyond cruel and an effeective way to discipline him was to give him a stern no and a slightly dirty look. Even that was a little harsh but it worked with him. Then when #3 came along you had to redirect him because any form of discipline would turn him into a very vengeful baby who would destroy things afterwards.

Each of my 5 sons have been very different even if some are more alike than others, but we always have treated each one as his little own self and not as his brother.

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Yeah, kid #1 was a super-attached human climbing vine, while #2 was a super-independent kid who seemed pissed off that she couldn't just move out on her own and care for herself while she was still in diapers. Needless to say, dealing with #1's clingy nature in no way, shape or form prepared me for #2 and her tendency to run off and climb things - and her desire to do so peeked late in my pregnancy with her brother, when I could barely walk, and just after his birth via c-section with complications.

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And a reality check from one of her readers.

I want your list to be true. And maybe in a few years, I can look back and say, yes, those things did happen. But I'm in the thick of it right now with a 4.5, and 3 and 9 mo twins. My husband works 2 jobs and we are broke, I know for a fact that I am putting too much pressure on my oldest to grow up and be responsible. He has pretty much missed his chance to be a child. My middle child is a total mess. I would love to educate them at the same time, but I don't have the time that I know my middle child needs to learn simple tasks and grammar. I am all too often finding things to occupy my twins instead of loving and cuddling on them like I'd like, because I have to tend to the house, or the older kids. My organization skills should theorhetically be better, but instead, my whold life is chaos because I've been in survial mode for 9 months, and can barely manage to get the dishes washed and the floor mopped everyday, and with piles and piles of laundry to tackle, ther is not and "spare" time to organize anything. I didn't mind so much the first two being close (18) months, but the 3rd (and 4th) really destroyed my confidence and made me feel like a totally incompetant mother. I am constantly feeling guilty for no having the energy, patience or resources to devote to each child. And as for marriage, we've been stretched, yes, not to a breaking point, but definately close to the edge. We've no time for each other and we seem to walk around resenting each other because he gets to get out of the house and I am trapped here, and then , working 2 jobs, he feels like he never gets to be home and "I've got it easy." Sounds good in theory, but living it is different.

May 27, 2009

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