Ingrained sexism in nonfundie women?

[shesinsane]

I notice a lot of women who want to be stay at home moms aren't mothers yet. :roll:

I wonder if the women who believe a woman's place is in the home think this: We must make staying at home a female thing, or else all the men will want to do it and we'll have to support them; I don't want to work while my husband gets to lay around the house all day.

I also think women (and men) don't always pay attention about what they are saying. A year ago some people got laid off at my office, including a guy notorious for being an awful worker who also has 4 kids at home. More than one person said "Did they have to let him go? He's got all those kids to take care of." and my response would be to ask who should've been fired instead, perhaps childless me? Perhaps the person asking the question? That always shuts them up.

I try to fully appreciate the country and time I live in that allows me to live as a single, childless women without threats or persecution. Believe it or not, in 2012 there are still countries where single woman are looked at with suspcion, if they are considered women at all (e.g. she has no children, she's not really a woman).

[Rosa]

I mentioned this on another forum and a poster said from her experience most women who don't have children regret it later in life! What rubbish!

I just have to say, in passing, most women I know who have children regret it at some point, and it doesn't wait until "later in life". Most of us end up glad we did it, in the end (or at least most of the women I've known) but it's by no means 100% of the time. Plus there are all those studies about how, on a day to day basis, parents are less happy than nonparents.

[apple1]

I just have to say, in passing, most women I know who have children regret it at some point, and it doesn't wait until "later in life". Most of us end up glad we did it, in the end (or at least most of the women I've known) but it's by no means 100% of the time. Plus there are all those studies about how, on a day to day basis, parents are less happy than nonparents.

I never - not even once - regretted that I had children. Not once. (BTW - took me 3 years of trying to conceive #1). Not even when they were both projectile vomiting at the same time. Not even when I was paying college bills for 2 at the same time. Not even when both in their early 20s still lived at home while wishing they were on their own.

Note that I had TWO. We (very wisely) knew what was right for us. Maybe that is part of the key. Knowing what is right for oneself (and yes, for some, what is right is zero).

[apple1]

The patriarchal system that we all exist within doesn't help, but women do not help themselves when they do not support other women's choices, no matter what they are. The "mommy wars", for instance, are a symptom of this problem.

Feminism, beyond putting forth the truth that woman are human beings, too, is about choice and defines no specific choice as ideal or "right". When women tear each other down for their choices, we hurt our own cause.

I agree with Austin's statement here. (And mostly off topic, I HATE HATE HATE the Mommy wars).

However, I do not really agree with the OP in this thread (or maybe with my reading of it). To me, it smacks of "blame the victim". I guess I have the thought that the women who SEEM to be "anti-women" are victims themselves, in a system where that is what they do to survive mentally and emotionally. For those women who are deep in that system, I suspect that to admit otherwise causes too much cognitive dissonance.

[margiebargie]

You've all got me thinking again, as usual.

I'm very driven and ambitious. I could never be a SAHM. I don't have the temperment for it. I'd probably be one of those pageant moms or something. Ick.

I've found that for most of my career I've had to fight very quiet battles continuously. There are just certain assumptions made at work...one of the "girls" will stay behind and watch the phones...chicks don't play golf so don't even ask them to play in the tournament...etc. There are certain assumptions made at home...she will make breakfast, walk the dog, tidy the beds before work...she will make dinner, do the laundry, and vacuum the floor after work.

It's hard to say no. I think for some people it's so hard to say no, they won't even try. It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to demand that someone you love do their fair share when you know they don't want to. Especially when you've been programmed to think that stuff is your job anyway.

I think things have gotten better in general. But it is always disheartening to see women downing other women.