Another "saving the first kiss" manifesto

[anniebgood]

I remember when my oldest niece was about 13 or so, being homeschooled because of the ebil public schools, said to me, the only boy I'm ever gonna kiss is gonna be my husband. Her daddy thought the public schools taught communism in OK. Her Pentecostal aunt and uncle just beamed at that. Fast forward 4 years, graduated from homeschool high school, runs away and marries a speed using bull rider, has 2 kids and is now divorced. Has she changed her tune? Yep and now all of her younger brothers and sisters go to public school because daddy had a stroke and mommy has to support them. I asked her if she would have changed anything growing up and she said she would have liked to have been able to meet boys in a social setting so they wouldn't seem so mysterious to her.

You live and you learn don't you?

[kb2]

formergothardite: Why do you think she's 18 or 19? I wish she'd post her exact age on her blog, but she hasn't that I've found.

[fundiefan]

Her comment near the end, "Can’t you picture yourself thinking: ‘I wonder if he thinks my kisses are as good as hers were?’ or ‘When he kisses me, does he think of the times he kissed her?'"

Who really thinks this? I certainly didn't. My husband obviously chose me, as well as me choosing him. If he or I actually thought "another's" kisses were better, we probably wouldn't be with each other. She is most definitely an immature twit! :roll:

This.

I've never thought of past relationships when with someone and I don't think that is common thinking for anyone. Of course I don't know everyone in the world, but most people I would think are thinking about kissing the person they are kissing.

There is also something to be said for experience. 'Out of all those other girls he kissed/dated/whatever, he chose me.'

The dreams of young girls are just that, dreams and seldom have any basis in reality.

[formergothardite]

formergothardite: Why do you think she's 18 or 19? I wish she'd post her exact age on her blog, but she hasn't that I've found.

I swear at one point she did and she talked about graduating and then there as the not real college that she started attending to take some sort of novel writing class and hip-hop. She doesn't have a search engine and she blogs too dang much! It makes it hard to find the posts, but I'm searching for it.

[Shirley MacLaine]

I do think of past relationships when I'm with someone - but it's not negative? I mean, when I see a new penis I do kind of cycle through all the penises in my head and think about it. I think 'that's interesting, so-and-so never did that in bed' or whatever. But I don't think that's bad. When I'm with a person, I'm with them. Full stop. It doesn't matter if I occasionally think of what went before.

[formergothardite]

She teaches at this "college" and one of the requirements to attend is to be 18 unless you are especially gifted. I would assume that they would require their teachers to be 18.

msoaonline.com/collegeinfo.htm

[GolightlyGrrl]

She teaches at this "college" and one of the requirements to attend is to be 18 unless you are especially gifted. I would assume that they would require their teachers to be 18.

msoaonline.com/collegeinfo.htm

For an "art" college this school has one poorly designed website. I mean Comic Sans MS on the home page?

[erunerune]

I do think of past relationships when I'm with someone - but it's not negative? I mean, when I see a new penis I do kind of cycle through all the penises in my head and think about it. I think 'that's interesting, so-and-so never did that in bed' or whatever. But I don't think that's bad. When I'm with a person, I'm with them. Full stop. It doesn't matter if I occasionally think of what went before.

And this? Is why I positively adore Shirley. Because no one else could describe the healthy mental exercise of penis-cycling more aptly than the way she sums it up. :banana-blonde: :banana-blonde: :banana-blonde: :banana-blonde: :banana-blonde:

[Gizmola]

I agree with Shirley. I compare and contrast. And I love, love, love to tell someone new about this "cool new trick" I heard about/saw in porn, etc. which was really something awesome a former lover had done. I figure that I'll rack up enough really awesome moves to pass on that one day I can just create the perfect lover.

I am weird. I like learning new things. I am excited about the experience my lover brings to the table. I figure that he's worn out all the old routines on someone else and he's up for something exciting. Further, I worship the women that came before me that took the time to teach him how to please a woman right - I get to reap the benefits.

[deborahlynn1979]

I don't think God's daughter is 18 or 19. She's still in high school from what I've read. Maybe 15 or 16 at the most. Or maybe you were talking about someone else?

[formergothardite]

I don't think God's daughter is 18 or 19. She's still in high school from what I've read. Maybe 15 or 16 at the most. Or maybe you were talking about someone else?

Her picture is on that art college's web page as being one of their teachers and you have to be over 18 to attend so I kind of doubt they would allow an under 18 year old to teach there. Could be wrong, though.

ETA: I couldn't find anything about her birthday, so it must of been some other maiden's 18 birthday blog post I read. She could be 16. If she is I kind of feel bad snarking on her fictionals. I always thought she was older.

[deborahlynn1979]

She's listed as an intern along with her brother, so I don't think they are actual instructors. But who knows? You could be right! I do know that I've read her discussing college and how she isn't sure if she wants to attend or not and I believe she mentioned finishing up some home school assignments recently so I've always assumed she was in the 11th grade or so. But I'm not exactly sure either.

[kb2]

ETA: I couldn't find anything about her birthday, so it must of been some other maiden's 18 birthday blog post I read. She could be 16. If she is I kind of feel bad snarking on her fictionals. I always thought she was older.

Oh, I dunno, I think the very fact that she calls them fictionals is snarkworthy, regardless of her age.

[slh12280]

I am 21 and haven't kissed anyone, or much less dated. I will partially it is a religious thing, partly a lack of interest in anyone and apprehension/shyness. Obviously, I don't think this girl's stance is weird in the least lol, but as I said before it is not for everyone.

[DistantStar]

Something like this being a personal choice is fine by me slh12280. It gets silly when somebody who is far too young to have much in the way of real life experience proclaims that they know what is Right For Everybody, and it is Their Way. I am 35 and am not about to take the advice of a sheltered teenage fundie girl about much except housework. She knows nothing about these issues, which would be fine if she realized it. But she doesn't.

[liltwinstar]

Well, and when people say that "saving your first kiss/hymen for your husband guarantees a happy marriage" that's crap. No person and no one bit of behavior can guarantee a happy marriage - it just doesn't work that way.

I think that people should be free to make their own choices regarding their sexuality, depending on what works for them. I was not a virgin when I got married, and I would not change that for anything. It was the right decision for me, just as waiting until marriage might be the right choice for someone else. I don't think that's a decision that can be dictated to anyone.

[Shirley MacLaine]

I am weird. I like learning new things. I am excited about the experience my lover brings to the table. I figure that he's worn out all the old routines on someone else and he's up for something exciting. Further, I worship the women that came before me that took the time to teach him how to please a woman right - I get to reap the benefits.

Exactly! I'm stoked we get to teach each other things. It's exciting!

[alphaeta08]

Just wanted to say that I love the term "penis-cycling." Both the term itself and the practice. :lol:

[formergothardite]

She's listed as an intern along with her brother, so I don't think they are actual instructors. But who knows? You could be right! I do know that I've read her discussing college and how she isn't sure if she wants to attend or not and I believe she mentioned finishing up some home school assignments recently so I've always assumed she was in the 11th grade or so. But I'm not exactly sure either.

She is just always posting about constantly doing things and going places and there seems to be a lack of even time for education. So I hope she is graduated. But this is person who wrote about skipping Literature since she read books on her own, so education is probably not a big priority. If she really is that young, her parents need to warn her about posting info that will very easily lead to her full name and general location. There are some crazy people out there and, judging by her fictional, she seems to believe that guys who drive up and are dressed nice are all safe, Christian, and wonderful.

But the plus side of her being 15 or so is that she has plenty of time to grow out of all this.

[MrsKay]

I really hope she's not 18 or over - her blog posts make me smile a bit, because they read almost exactly like the emails I get from my daughter, who just turned 14 (only DD is Unitarian Universalist, so no Jesus stuff in there, and her fiction writing has swear words). If she's supposed to be in 8th grade, she'd only be 14 at most, I would think - DD is going into Grade 9 in September. I'd cringe to think that this girl could be old enough to be transferred to a husband, but if she's around my daughter's age, her blog makes more sense.

[dormouse]

I always find this idea creepy. I wouldn't want to be married to a man so possessive he actually cared whether I'd kissed someone before. The idea of a husband thinking "Ooh, no one else has ever touched her lips! Mine all mine!" makes me shudder.

My husband grew up Anglican and, in his youth group, they did the "Coke bottle" test (when one person drinks from a Coke bottle and then they ask you if you'd like to drink from it, and of course everyone says 'ew, no!' and then they compare it to saving your virginity for marriage). Yet, when we met, I had been in two long-term relationship, the first one abusive, the second one involving hard-drug use. Well, guess what, he didn't mind. Because to him, what was important was our present and our future, not the past - and that goes for him too, I was not the one he broke his 'purity pledge' with LOL. He didn't see me as 'damaged goods'. Of course, before moving in together, we got tested for STDs so we could stop using condoms. What bothers him is the scars that my past relationships have left on me, such as my big trust issues, not the fact that I had sex with other men in the past.

[keeks21]

This sheltered view point builds dysfunctional adult relationships. I was similar when I was younger, never kissed a boy, always taught to remain pure for jesus and it was very, very bad to kiss a guy or anything else if you weren't married, as a result I was 16yrs old and had absolutely no idea on how to react around guys. I'd left the church and the religion but still couldn't shake that "boys are icky" and when all my peers were dating and in relationships I was bat shit scared of guys so instead I'd need to get drunk to act normal around guys which lead to me doing really stupid things I now regret. It took a few years of confusion, thinking I could have been gay instead and counselling for me to be able to realise what was going on and work on changing my subconscious view of men.

[Shirley MacLaine]

This sheltered view point builds dysfunctional adult relationships. I was similar when I was younger, never kissed a boy, always taught to remain pure for jesus and it was very, very bad to kiss a guy or anything else if you weren't married, as a result I was 16yrs old and had absolutely no idea on how to react around guys. I'd left the church and the religion but still couldn't shake that "boys are icky" and when all my peers were dating and in relationships I was bat shit scared of guys so instead I'd need to get drunk to act normal around guys which lead to me doing really stupid things I now regret. It took a few years of confusion, thinking I could have been gay instead and counselling for me to be able to realise what was going on and work on changing my subconscious view of men.

I've seen a lot of similar situations and ugh. It's just so poisonous.

My best friend was very devout and married quite young - she had kissed a boy (or several, haha) but she felt... deeply guilty and conflicted about it. She saved her veej for marriage and then everything went to hell basically - I think that was the beginning of her losing her faith, too, when she realized that all the purity stuff was bullshit? So, I dunno, it backfires a lot. When you're raised having it drilled into you PURITY PURITY PURITY - DAMMIT BE PURE and that's the most important thing ever if it doesn't work out for you you kind of... lose your way entirely. What else is a lie? Etc. etc.

[Angri-la]

My first husband was my first everything. I knew it sucked, even if I had nothing else to compare it to. No trashy romance novels or copies of Cosmo for me. The Bible has some really salacious stuff, but that is about as hot as I got.

I haven't slept with a lot of people, but I can say, yep, I do compare, and the father of my child, soon to be husband? Best. Ever. Do I care that he had been with a couple of women before me? No. I already experienced a virgin, and much prefer a non Minute Man without sex guilt and major Mommy Issues.

To each his/her own. Fabulous if an intact hymen and unkissed lips is your whole life's goal, granted, I feel really sorry for you if your "purity" is your whole being, but I personally prefer the company of well traveled ladies: Their advice is ever so much better on fellatio.

[Effie]

My ex told me that he felt special that I had not yet been with a guy before him. He said that made me decent and pure. This made me furious. I asked him why I would have been any less decent if I had been with anyone before. It was just circumstances that I had not.

I mean, our worth doesn't lie in something as trivial as if we have kissed a guy before or not... People who feel bothered with this really can't have much on their mind. I would say they are quite dumb.

Also, the first kiss with your special someone will be special irrespective of if you have kissed anyone before or not.