Another "saving the first kiss" manifesto

[kb2]

God's Daughter is my favorite fundie, I think, because she's young and I imagine her being less fundie as she gets older. (Somewhere on her blog, she says that by "public school standards, I should be in 8th grade, but I'm in 9th!" in 2009. So I think she's only 15-16ish.)

But unfortunately, she has some relationship advice.

http://god-sdaughter.DOTblogspot.DOTcom ... issed.html

I would encourage you to remember – and I guarantee this! – that your husband will delight in your kiss even more, knowing that no other man has touched your lips.

I really don't see how she can guarantee this.

If I was part of the ‘dating scene’ – always having a new boyfriend, not having my parents involved in my relationship(s) and letting my boyfriend have too much freedom in touching me – what would happen to the sweetness of keeping myself for my husband?

I'm pretty sure you can date and have your parents involved in your relationships. You can also date and demand respect from your partner. And few are so lucky as to "always" have a new boyfriend--plenty of dating people remain single for periods of time due to a lack of prospects, not to mention all the long term relationships that go on.

[Freyacat]

I would encourage you to remember – and I guarantee this! – that your husband will delight in your kiss even more, knowing that no other man has touched your lips.

I always find this idea creepy. I wouldn't want to be married to a man so possessive he actually cared whether I'd kissed someone before. The idea of a husband thinking "Ooh, no one else has ever touched her lips! Mine all mine!" makes me shudder.

[emmiedahl]

Well, he could delight in the knowledge that I have never kissed anyone... or delight in the dirty little sex tricks I learned from past partners. My husband got the latter and he hasn't complained yet. To each his own!

[gibbsgirls]

Her comment near the end, "Can’t you picture yourself thinking: ‘I wonder if he thinks my kisses are as good as hers were?’ or ‘When he kisses me, does he think of the times he kissed her?'"

Who really thinks this? I certainly didn't. My husband obviously chose me, as well as me choosing him. If he or I actually thought "another's" kisses were better, we probably wouldn't be with each other. She is most definitely an immature twit! :roll:

[slh12280]

I think this is a nice idea but people certainly shouldn't beat themselves up over not meeting this standard. I mean it's not a direct commandment or anything.

[kb2]

I did worry a lot that I would be a bad kisser, when I was a young teenager and had never kissed anyone before.

But I didn't write essays on How To Live Your Love Life.

[Someonetocall]

When I'm looking for advice, I prefer something more the speed of Don Danbury (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNDWW5Y4cBc), not a never-been-kissed young girl who hasn't yet come to terms with her lack of control in life and understanding that everything can't always be perfect.

I'm lucky. My husband knew I was :twisted: "experienced" :twisted: going into our relationship. Frankly, it's what's kept us together as it's given me the knowledge and confidence to address our problems and issues head on. :)

[xDreamerx]

I've been in relationships with people who were more experienced than I was and relationships with people who were less experienced than I was. Never did I or any of the people I've dated obsess over who did what, when and with whom. I think if you're truly committed to a person and have real feelings for them, you don't care about those things. You're just focused on the relationship as it is.

[lisespieces]

I hate when people preach about this. I'm 19 and never been kissed but it's not because of my religious beliefs. It's because I never felt like it was the right time or right guy. Do I go around ranting to people about how your life and marriage will be perfect if you wait? No. If anything I use it was a way to shock people who wouldn't have guessed. (namely my German friends haha!) I dated a guy for two years and never kissed him but it wasn't for being prude, it was just me being me. That's just my two cents.

[tehgoobster]

If people want to save their first kiss for their wedding day, then more power to them. If it's their decision, that's cool, and I respect that. What I don't like is how self-righteous and superior some people can be about it, though. I honestly don't care if the guy I marry has kissed a girl (or girls) in the past. I mean, who cares? His feelings and commitment towards me going forward are what is important.

And also, why draw the line with kissing? Why not draw the line at, say, eye contact? Wouldn't it be special if your first eye contact with a non-related male was with your husband? ZOMG!

[Lillian]

I hate when people preach about this. I'm 19 and never been kissed but it's not because of my religious beliefs. It's because I never felt like it was the right time or right guy. Do I go around ranting to people about how your life and marriage will be perfect if you wait? No. If anything I use it was a way to shock people who wouldn't have guessed. (namely my German friends haha!) I dated a guy for two years and never kissed him but it wasn't for being prude, it was just me being me. That's just my two cents.

Did I write this?!! I'm also 19, never been kissed, even though I dated a guy for 2 years, and not because of my religious beliefs! :shock: Weird!

In regards to not kissing before marriage, to each his own! Just don't preach about it!

[deborahlynn1979]

Oh, I love God's Daughter, too, especially her series of interviews with young fundie men!

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/03/from-guys-viewpointcollin-mizell.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/05/from-guys-viewpointforrest-blackman.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/02/from-guys-viewpointisaac-harris.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT).blogspot.com/2011/05/from-guys-viewpointjoshua-p.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/06/from-guys-viewpointnathan-j.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/03/from-guys-viewpointsolomon-rexius.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/03/from-guys-viewpointtaylor-reavely.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/03/from-guys-viewpointtyler-w.html

http://god-sdaughter(DOT)blogspot.com/2011/02/from-guys-viewpointwhat-its-all-about.html

[acheronbeach]

I thought this was interesting (from one of the young Christian gentlemen):

8) How do you feel about dating?

I think there are two extremes: there is casual dating, and there is courting. Neither is healthy, and I, personally, will participate in neither. Clearly with casual dating, there is no expectation of any commitment. This is not good. And with the courting game, from day 1, there is the expectation of marriage. I have seen courtships broken off, and lives devastated more severely than even a casual dating breakup. So I believe and am aiming for a middle ground. There are things to take from both extremes: for example, I think it is important to have your family’s support and to know the lady’s family; I think it’s important to spend time with her alone, because that will be more “real life†than in group stimulated activities, but it’s also important to see how she interacts with her family; I think it’s important to have some expectation but not to heap up expectation as in a courting relationship.

http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/2011/ ... avely.html

[Nothing2CHere]

You know, if I HADN'T been in all my previous relationships before I met my husband, I wouldn't be the person I am now, and we wouldn't have the wonderful relationship we have. I learned so much about myself from my past relationships. Even though my heart was broken a few times along the way, those experiences also helped shape me into who I am today. I've told my husband several times, I truly believe that we belong together, and I also truly believe that if we had met when I was 19 instead of 29, it never would have worked out for us. It was worth sacrificing a few "pieces of my heart" to be at the place I am today.

OT aside: Woo hoo! I'm now "Born to be Plaid"!

[fundies_like_zombies]

I always find this idea creepy. I wouldn't want to be married to a man so possessive he actually cared whether I'd kissed someone before. The idea of a husband thinking "Ooh, no one else has ever touched her lips! Mine all mine!" makes me shudder.

i think it is kinda hot in a way!

[slickcat79]

I thought this was interesting (from one of the young Christian gentlemen):

http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/2011/ ... avely.html

That's actually remarkably rational considering the source. Maybe a little more stilted or formal than I would want, but none of this ridiculous 6-inch-rule, no-time-alone business.

[Kaylee]

And also, why draw the line with kissing? Why not draw the line at, say, eye contact? Wouldn't it be special if your first eye contact with a non-related male was with your husband? ZOMG!

Don't give them any ideas. There is one "Christian" author who makes a big deal about how a wife should never make eye contact with another man in the same way as her husband, and uses eye contact as a way top partially blame Sarah in the Old Testament for her husband Abraham offering her up to the kings to be part of their harem in order to save his own ass, because the king in the 2nd instance made some comment about her husband being a "veil for her eyes".

[lilwriter85]

That girl is a joke. Seriously I can't stand these young fundies who basically think they are experts on relationships.

[Shirley MacLaine]

"If I was part of the ‘dating scene’ – always having a new boyfriend, not having my parents involved in my relationship(s) and letting my boyfriend have too much freedom in touching me – what would happen to the sweetness of keeping myself for my husband?"

Hah! Nothing. But you might have some good sex.

[Austin]

I see something more insidious in this kind of thinking than just making a choice to avoid all physical contact. The notion that a person, particularly a woman, can be "ruined" or "damaged" in some way by prior physical contact is really rather disgusting. There's nothing cool or cute about that belief.

I don't have any problem with anyone making any choice they'd like in relation to their own situations, but to preach this to other young women and say things like, "I guarantee. . ." blah-blah-blah - is disturbing. (And no, you dumb twit, you can't guarantee anything!) If a man has issues with a woman because she's lived her life before him and has been "sullied" by the touch or kiss of someone else, then he is a disgusting individual and the woman should move on from him as quickly as possible and consider herself as having dodged a bullet. Women (and people in general) are not just the sum total of what has or has not taken place with their physical bodies. This thinking just elevates the physical above the enduring qualities that the person has, such her intellect, her personality, and everything else she brings to the table.

I don't accept that that's all we're worth.

[ladypuglover]

When I met my husband, I already had 2 infant sons from my first marriage so he kind of assumed that I had been kissed. I can remember talking with him if he would have been happier with me if I had been a virgin and he said no. He wanted me just as I was because that is the woman he feel in love with and it didn't matter if I was a virgin or the state slut, he loved me as is. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17, so I don't think my lack of virginty or kissing other guys has effected our relationship at all.

[Kitten]

I just hope she has equally high ideals for her future husband and automatically rejects any man who has kissed another woman. Otherwise she will likely spend her entire life wondering if she measures up to that other woman. She's already a basket case - that would probably send her over the edge.

Seriously, she's a young, immature, brain-washed girl with no real life experience. Yes, she's being a bit silly to think her "advice" could be worth anything to anybody, but that's the beauty of a blog - everyone's an instant expert.

Wonder if she ever ponders the "pride" that goes into presuming to offer advice on a subject you know nothing about?

[formergothardite]

She is actually 18 or 19. And I just love her and her awesome fictionals and the "Look at me! I'm so modest! I post a gazillion pictures of myself showing how totally modest I am!" thing she does. She has the expectations of marriage and love that a 13 or 14 year old would. She is in for a major let down when it isn't all dancing in the rain and magical kisses.

[3 is enough]

I just don't get the whole no kissing/no touching/stay 6 inches apart thing. I can respect the desire for virginity until marriage as long as BOTH husband and wife are virgins, but it is rare today outside of these insular groups, and I don't think it makes you superior in any way.

The thing that really puzzles me is that these people are essentially marrying strangers. They are never left alone, and aren't able to have any private conversations. Their interaction seems to be mainly in a heavily chaperoned family setting, studying Scripture together, and even text messages are read by the whole family. They are adults, and yet are treated like children.

Then they get married, and go from not touching to having sex in a few hours, but they are still essentially strangers. It's just mind-boggling.

For the record, I married young, a month shy of my 21st birthday. My husband and I were together for 3 years. We didn't live together, but we didn't wait for marriage to have sex. He was the first and only man I ever had sex with, but I did have boyfriends before him, and I did kiss them. We've been married for 31 years.

[keen23]

My first kiss-when I was 13, playing truth or dare- was so awkward that I wouldn't have wanted it to be on my wedding day. That would have been such a let-down. Of course, it might have been that the guy who gave me my first kiss did come out when he turned 18, so who knows? I suspect I had kissed at least a hundred different people before I met my husband, and I don't regret it in the least. Now he's the only one I kiss on the lips (casual cheek kisses are the normal greeting amongst my friends, male and female).