D. Philips: the new Shakespeare

[FuManchu]

I was wondering about trying the metre of Poe's The Raven. So I did, because I'm not one to let an idea go. Three verses is probably the most I can get away with at work!

As the head of Vision Forum, holier than Rick Santorum,

Patriarch, and paragon of Christendom's most noble traits,

I spend time on Darwin-hating, more yet on pontificating,

Even more opposing dating, most of all on rights for states.

This is what I spend my time on - dating, Darwin, rights for states -

With the Duggars and the Bates.

Yet from time to time I weary of opposing Darwin's theory,

Sometimes I must seek a respite from the endless hateful slog.

Then it is I like to crow it: "I could be a proper poet -

Soon enough you all shall know it, when you read it in my blog."

Then I saw my old typewriter, and I praised it in my blog -

Which I call my Captain's Log.

Captain, yes - for old Titanic, site of so much woe and panic,

Would have never sunk at all if it had boasted Doug on deck.

Therefore yearly my addresses all deny that time progresses:

Only women in white dresses merit saving from a wreck.

And their children (if they beat them) merit saving from a wreck -

All the rest can go to... heck.

[ThisOlGirl]

This thread needs a limerick about Dougie which, sadly, I am not able to provide. I can't get past "There once was a man named Dougie".

[acheronbeach]

I must have the mind of a twelve year old. Heh heh. Dougie's "flowery diction".

[Guest Anonymous]

This thread needs a limerick about Dougie which, sadly, I am not able to provide. I can't get past "There once was a man named Dougie".

There once was a tool named Dougie

Who'd never be caught wearing a snuggie

Period military dress

Made his heart ker-thump in his chest

And helped him get on with his buggery

[Kitty]

There once was a tool named Dougie

Who'd never be caught wearing a snuggie

Period military dress

Made his heart ker-thump in his chest

And helped him get on with his buggery

:clap: :lol: Now that's more like it.

[Aurora]

I was wondering about trying the metre of Poe's The Raven. So I did, because I'm not one to let an idea go. Three verses is probably the most I can get away with at work!

As the head of Vision Forum, holier than Rick Santorum,

Patriarch, and paragon of Christendom's most noble traits,

I spend time on Darwin-hating, more yet on pontificating,

Even more opposing dating, most of all on rights for states.

This is what I spend my time on - dating, Darwin, rights for states -

With the Duggars and the Bates.

Yet from time to time I weary of opposing Darwin's theory,

Sometimes I must seek a respite from the endless hateful slog.

Then it is I like to crow it: "I could be a proper poet -

Soon enough you all shall know it, when you read it in my blog."

Then I saw my old typewriter, and I praised it in my blog -

Which I call my Captain's Log.

Captain, yes - for old Titanic, site of so much woe and panic,

Would have never sunk at all if it had boasted Doug on deck.

Therefore yearly my addresses all deny that time progresses:

Only women in white dresses merit saving from a wreck.

And their children (if they beat them) merit saving from a wreck -

All the rest can go to... heck.

That's AMAZING, FuManchu!!

Triple points for including the word "crow" :lol:

[FuManchu]

I'm reminded of an old Whose Line Is It Anyway episode where they had to make up a song about typewriters.

I'm a bit of a lover, not a fighter

That's why I love my old typewriter

I'm a messy eater, I get food, and when I do I get it all down myself, so when I'm eating I need to put a bib on

And my favourite part of the typewriter is the ribbon!

[JesusFightClub]

This thread is far too poetical and smart now we have proper clever poetry (FuManchu and Lissar, I applaud you!) So in order to bring the tone down I have a limerick.

(US readers, note that "fanny" means "vagina" in the UK...)

There was a young lady from Kew

Who filled up her fanny with glue

Says she with a grin

"If they'll pay to get in

They'll pay to get out again too."

[thoughtful]

I'm reminded of an old Whose Line Is It Anyway episode where they had to make up a song about typewriters.

I'm a bit of a lover, not a fighter

That's why I love my old typewriter

I'm a messy eater, I get food, and when I do I get it all down myself, so when I'm eating I need to put a bib on

And my favourite part of the typewriter is the ribbon!

Must have been Colin Mochrie. :D

And, to all of the poets on this thread, but especially to Fu, whose parody is just perfection:

[thoughtful]

More limericks:

There once was a fellow named Doug,

A tool who was horribly smug.

Can you guess what grew

When he sat in a pew

And gave a young intern a hug?

Now Dougie set quite the example,

His macho supply, it was ample,

He claimed to be manly

An intern named Stanley*

Was soon treated to a free sample.

Some think that Dougie is weird,

Some think that he should be feared,

But Doug doesn't whine

He knows he'll be fine

As long as Beall stays as his beard.

A Knight came to Dougie's defense,

He thought he could make us feel tense.

But we soon found far more -

A chink in his armor; **

He just didn't make any sense.

Doug is too butch for a Honda,

Or watching a film with Jane Fonda,

I needn't say more,

I'm just fishing for

Some rhyming words for anaconda.

*I know of no such intern – name chosen for rhyme only!

** Lame rhyme, I know -- sorry. Just couldn't resist. It was either that or "He was gotten by karma." :lol:

[Guest Anonymous]

thoughtful, FuManchu, JFC, I big puffy heart you all.

This is well on its way to becoming one of my favorite threads.

[JesusFightClub]

Thoughtful, those are fantastic! :D You have a skill there!

my one

My name is Doug, I may be gay

The new interns just willnae say

But one thing is certain

Behind the curtain

The anaconda really gives it away

[thoughtful]

I think more "Dougie does the classics" are in order. I only have time for one before going to work:

Dougie does Emily Dickinson:

I'm VF! Who are you?

Are you VF too?

Then there’s a pair of us -- don’t tell!

They’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be non-VF!

Just Christian, and so good.

To help folks out the livelong day

Like Jesus said we should!

[thoughtful]

Doug does Joyce Kilmer:

I think that I have never had,

A woman lovely as a lad.

Those lads in kilts and fancy vests,

Without those icky, squishy breasts.

A lad to gaze at all the day,

A lad to think of as I pray.

A lad that may in summer wear

Fake soldier's caps upon his hair.

Upon whose bosom I have lain,

Who likes a little kinky pain.

Women are fine for making tea,

But only lads can make me "squeeeeee!"

[thoughtful]

Thoughtful, those are fantastic! :D You have a skill there!

my one

My name is Doug, I may be gay

The new interns just willnae say

But one thing is certain

Behind the curtain

The anaconda really gives it away

Ah, the "willnae" adds such a lovely touch!

OK, now Dougie (er, dougie) does e.e. cummings:

dominic has

a doll bought

from the girls' part of the

ZOOM DOOM

visionforumsite a

wistful little

clown

who should have been bought

for a girl so

of course dougie

took him

back

and did not give

a refund