D. Philips: the new Shakespeare

[FuManchu]

Dear Typewriter, we love you.

Your keys are old, but still prove true,

Your name which speaks of royalty,

Reminds us of antiquity.

We think of men who long ago

Gave us worlds we long for so,

By tapping on your metal letters

And with words free’d us from fetters.

Preachers, fathers, and mothers too,

Would come to you to peck and hew

A life of thoughts and hopes and dreams,

By ribbons inky, metal seams.

Glowing screens and digital books

Will not replace your steampunk looks.

Before your hefty, iron frame,

Our tired eyes extoll your fame.

So thank you for reminding all

That long before the iPad’s call:

Our fathers tapped upon your keys,

And brought down nations to their knees.

Leaving aside a few instances of dubious punctuation, he really needs someone to tell him when he can't write. To be honest, though, the most interesting thing about this is his positive use of the word "steampunk". Not what I expected from Dougie!

[apple1]

Wow.

Kind of 6th-grader-ish.

[ThisOlGirl]

Wake me up when he post some of his really good writing, like:

Deary Diary,

I like a boy! His name is Peter and he is sooooo dreamy!

And 'steampunk'? I'm not even sure my dorky ass has steampunk figured out, and I'm way cooler and more worldly than Dougie. Stop it, Dougie, just stop it!

[nimerha]

"steampunk looks"???

Sir, you used that word, but I don't think it means what you think it means...

Steampunk would make little Dougie shit his pants, were he ever exposed to it for realz. Geez, geekery and patriarchal fundamentalism: two worlds that should NEVER EVER collide.

Seriously though, that's some fourth-grade writing contest poetry right there. You know how the VF and SODRT folks always argue that whilst their natural sciences ed might be worth shit, they have a deep love for reading and creative writing and express themselves well, what with reading all these classics and what not?

...

Yeah, I didn't believe it either, but you would think there was at least ONE fucking intern that would recognize this shit for what it is.

[nimerha]

And also, if I may... is this where gay marriage will lead? If we allow man on man, will we inevitably end up with man on child, man on dog, man on typewriter, whatever the case may be?

[Nothing2CHere]

That long before the iPad’s call:

Our fathers tapped upon your keys,

And brought down nations to their knees.

Really? Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson had typewriters? I always assumed they used a quill pen and parchment. I'm trying to think of whom else might have brought a nation to their knees with their writing.

[finleeport]

Not really that creative, and kinda confusing.

What are other words to describe this 'poem' ?

[Guest Anonymous]

Not really that creative, and kinda confusing.

What are other words to describe this 'poem' ?

How about "inept", "amateurish" and "sophomoric" for openers?

[emmiedahl]

lol he thinks the founding fathers had typewriters! I smell SOTDRT.

I always have a nice chuckle at the irony that fundies rant about technology on the internet. :lol: Why not just send a lovely typewritten letter to everyone on the planet, Dougie? I mean, old ways are superior, right?

[terranova]

Really? Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson had typewriters? I always assumed they used a quill pen and parchment. I'm trying to think of whom else might have brought a nation to their knees with their writing.

This is totally what I imagine him imagining :D. Wasn't the constitution done on one?

[Olive Plant]

Maybe it's an Ode To Rushdoony. And faaaabulous antiques.

[Kitty]

What I thought of when I saw this thread. Still a bit new for talk about the Founding Fathers, and Lincoln didn't even exist at the time either.

[JesusFightClub]

Not really that creative, and kinda confusing.

What are other words to describe this 'poem' ?

Shite.

If you write a rhyming poem, it helps if the rhythm actually works.

[JesusFightClub]

What I thought of when I saw this thread. Still a bit new for talk about the Founding Fathers, and Lincoln didn't even exist at the time either.

And this.

And Dougie, read some China Mieville. Start with Perdido Street Station. I dare you to.

[Kitty]

Shite.

If you write a rhyming poem, it helps if the rhythm actually works.

The rhythm isn't all that bad, except for the "fetters" line. Really, rhythm is more important in poetry than rhyming.

But some of the words he uses... :? Just stick to words everyone knows. Decent writing (I wouldn't say it's horrible*) has been ruined many a time by flowery diction. Especially when that flowery diction is only used to save space and make a rhyme. Yech.

*By horrible, I mean, well, objectively it's not really that shitty. It's cliched and trite, sure, and it's clear that Dougie isn't much of a poet or really even all that creative. Any middle-schooler could have written this. Writing isn't really something you do once or twice when the fancy strikes you, it is a skill that takes years to hone. you can't just shit out a poem and expect to be the next Shakespeare.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

This is a great example of why I've never been able to shake the suspicion that VF is a big, elaborate parody. I mean, how can someone be THIS ridiculous? HOW, I ask you? OY.

[apple1]

*By horrible, I mean, well, objectively it's not really that shitty. Yes, it is IMNSVHO. It's cliched and trite, sure, and it's clear that Dougie isn't much of a poet or really even all that creative. Any middle-schooler could have written this.Maybe 4th grader.

;)

[GeoBQn]

Steampunk looks? I have friends who are into steampunk, and I don't think Dougie would really fit in with their crowd.

[Kitty]

;)

I was in middle school in 5th grade, so maybe you're not that far off. But I don't think most fourth or fifth graders would know those words.

They'd probably know enough about history as to not imply that the Founders used typewriters, though.

At any rate, I've seen cheesier poetry. seriously, I've read high-school and middle-school level poetry, this is above average.

[apple1]

I was in middle school in 5th grade, so maybe you're not that far off. But I don't think most fourth or fifth graders would know those words.

They'd probably know enough about history as to not imply that the Founders used typewriters, though.

At any rate, I've seen cheesier poetry. seriously, I've read high-school and middle-school level poetry, this is above average.

Yeah, not so far apart. ;)

[thoughtful]

Oh, my.

Doug, really?

That poem is . . . I need a new adjective for something this cheesy . . . something typewriter-related . . . I've got it!

That poem is qwerty!

:D

[JesusFightClub]

Kitty I have written a poem about Doug, tell me what you think!

The Song of Doug

I am the Vision Forum dude

With patriarchal attitude

My anaconda, it may rise

When thinkin' 'bout those Army guys

My interns set the world to rights

Then we have manly pillow fights

I write all day upon my blog

But strangely, rarely mention God

To finish, I would like to say

If you are female and/or gay

The world is made for hetero men

Let's face it. You're not one of them.

[Kitty]

:lol: nice, JFC.

But seriously, aa- bb rhyming schemes are irritating as fuck. There's still cheesier out there, but most people writing poetry for the first time tend to go with that. And some kind of iambic shit. I'm totally forgetting everything I learnsd about poetry in school, but TL;dr its cheesy and silly not to mentioned cliched but its not the worst.

[JesusFightClub]

:lol: nice, JFC.

But seriously, aa- bb rhyming schemes are irritating as fuck. There's still cheesier out there, but most people writing poetry for the first time tend to go with that. And some kind of iambic shit. I'm totally forgetting everything I learnsd about poetry in school, but TL;dr its cheesy and silly not to mentioned cliched but its not the worst.

Er yeah, I don't think they'll be making me Poet Laureate any time soon ;)

But then they won't be honouring Doug with whatever the American equivalent is either, and this is what I find strange about his poem. While it would be sweet from a bright primary school kid, it's pretty dire from a man who goes on about the glories of Western Christian civilisation and professes expertise in nearly everything, as mentioned upthread.

(To be fair to Doug (aargh!) however, I think he means "fathers" in the sense of predecessors, not your Founding Fathers. Also, I read the poem in my head in my accent not his, which may be why it sounds off to me.)

[Aurora]

Kitty I have written a poem about Doug, tell me what you think!

The Song of Doug

I am the Vision Forum dude

With patriarchal attitude

My anaconda, it may rise

When thinkin' 'bout those Army guys

My interns set the world to rights

Then we have manly pillow fights

I write all day upon my blog

But strangely, rarely mention God

To finish, I would like to say

If you are female and/or gay

The world is made for hetero men

Let's face it. You're not one of them.

- Yes, the rhythm in Dougie's poem sucks ass

- I like JFC's much better - better rhythm and also much more inspired

LOL, JFC. :clap: