What's going on with Christopher & Anna Marie?

[Guest Anonymous]

This is Sara: http://s244.photobucketDOTcom/albums/gg ... 0138-1.jpg

Imagine her in a Maxwell group frumper shot.... :lol:

[Austin]

I think it is the height of disrespect that the Maxwell family feel like they have dibs on the names "Sarah" and "Anna", to the point that they just come right out and rename anyone who shares a name with them. I would absolutely refuse to acknowledge them if they insisted on calling me something other than my given name.

I have a name which I love and am proud to have, having been named after a wonderful woman who I could only aspire to emulate. But my proper name has a common derivative and people have occasionally assumed that I would be okay with that without asking me. I try to never make anyone feel bad or embarrassed, but I do correct them.

I also have extended family members who, when I was a child, thought they should add my middle name to my first name as a matter of course to differentiate me from the woman I was named after, but she quickly corrected them. She has been passed away for a long time, but when I occasionally hear from this segment of the family even now, they always address me (at least in writing) with my first name plus middle name. There are resentment issues on their end because they feel I got the better end of the stick than they did growing up and I assume that it is their way of showing that resentment. I don't have that much contact with them, though, so whatever. My point is that it does sometimes come from a place of disrespect sometimes (although I don't doubt that it's often just a mistake).

We had an intern work in our office and I was introduced to her as "Melissa", but then I heard other people call her "Missy", so I just asked her what she preferred and she said, "Oh, people call me both, so either one is fine". But I would never presume to call someone other than their name unless I had been invited to do so.

I think that people have a right to their own names and that to presume otherwise to try to change someone's name for the sake of "confusion" is presumptuous and perhaps disrespectful, particularly without their permission.

[clibbyjo]

It has been a few pages, but clibbyjo, can you share what your intuition is saying about this marriage? Something seems really off to me - not exactly abusive, just weird.

I'm also curious about how Anna's cousin found us.

I am not sure,just the feeling something is off. (other than C's aversion so vagina's). I can see him being cruel, just because he can never be himself he would be petty and make Anna suffer as well.. I also see no matter what he does(or doesn;t do) that Anna has to shut her mouth and take it, because that is what a "good Christian" does. I don't know, I have felt wary since the beginning of this marriage. I just hope I am wrong. :think:

[1004srs]

I have the same feelings clibbyjo. I think he is petty and abusive. Anna can't do anything about it and she's so far from her family.

[skankbiscuit]

I read Sara's blog entry. So, it sounds like she had the audacity to see an issue within their relationship, loved him enough to approach him and work on it, and he called off the wedding. I hate the fact that he told her when she left the "family meeting" Chris told her everything was ok, they were getting married...and by the time she arrived home Chris had already called her dad and called off the engagement?

What a chickenshit bastard! What a lying piece of crap he is! He spouts his "good person test" bullshit, and part of that test is being a liar. I hate this family, and I loathe Christopher Maxwell. Thankfully Sara dodged a bullet (I think she knows that now) but poor Anna! Being married to that closeted, lying piece of garbage!

[sparrow]

Thank you for the info Jessica! (As an aside, I've never seen a wedding kiss with less luster than that one. That's like, how I kiss my grandma. Especially after having waited 31 years for your first kiss -- or to be touched by a woman in any quasi-romantic way -- you would think you'd see more fire in him. :snooty:

And thanks for positing the links to Sarah Smith's blog. She seems like a really cool girl. I like her. :)

[MamaJunebug]

Was that the improbably (but delightfully) enthusiastic Sara who was suddenly called by ATI & offered a spiffy jobthat got her well out of town?

A woman named Barbara went to work in an office where a man had a daughter named Elizabeth. The man persisted incalling Barbara "Barbie." She said to him, "i know you never refer to your daughter as Liz or Beth or Liza or Betty. And my name's Barbara and I really appreciate when people callme that."

He replied with disdain, "'Barbara' sounds presumptuous."

It was a power thing, and I'm confident it's the same way on the Maxwell compound. Sarah is such a talented blogwriter, how difficult would it be to say, "Christophrr's wife Anna" or "Sarah, our little sister-in-love" ???

Especially with the second Sarah, who is rarely in the family's orbit?

Day-to-day communication is of no importance to me; it's how they model themselves on their blog, where fans go to learn how to be holy like they are, that interests me. Then again, maybe their followers don't see the re-naming as a negative.

[darkplumaged]

I read Sara's blog entry. So, it sounds like she had the audacity to see an issue within their relationship, loved him enough to approach him and work on it, and he called off the wedding. I hate the fact that he told her when she left the "family meeting" Chris told her everything was ok, they were getting married...and by the time she arrived home Chris had already called her dad and called off the engagement?

What a chickenshit bastard! What a lying piece of crap he is! He spouts his "good person test" bullshit, and part of that test is being a liar. I hate this family, and I loathe Christopher Maxwell. Thankfully Sara dodged a bullet (I think she knows that now) but poor Anna! Being married to that closeted, lying piece of garbage!

I'm not one to defend the Maxwells, but this was a *different* courtship. Sara was involved with someone else--the guy in the story above--after "breaking up" with Christopher. We talked about her blog a long time ago on the old board and determined that there is nothing (or very little) about Christopher still on her blog.

[skankbiscuit]

oops, sorry then. I missed something for sure! lol

Still pretty much hate all of them!

[fundiefan]

I'm not one to defend the Maxwells, but this was a *different* courtship. Sara was involved with someone else--the guy in the story above--after "breaking up" with Christopher. We talked about her blog a long time ago on the old board and determined that there is nothing (or very little) about Christopher still on her blog.

Yeah, the courtship discussed on Sara Nicole's blog (or, the most recent one, at least) was one with a man named Will Stewart. If you have her in Google reader you can go back to the courtship entries and there are pictures - one of her with a "future Mrs. Will Stewart" jacket at Christmas and several engagement pictures of the two of them.

[FlorenceHamilton]

I looked over the wedding pictures. It seems to me that Christopher is very light in the loafers and that "first kiss" was about as hot as a cool Autumn day. If Christopher is cruel, it is because he cannot fathom the idea that the reason he is not attrated to his wife is because he is not attracted to females. His upbringing requires that he conclude that Anna Marie has some fatal flaw that makes her unnatratctive to him.

The whole system is designed to assume that every trouble that humans encounter is due to the "fall of man" and that means it is the woman's fault. In her circomstance, I hope they eventually tolerate each other long enough to have a few blessings. That way, she will have some love and fullfillment in her life and he will not need to do anything but play the role. Thay can both be too busy to pay much attention to one another.

Sad, though.

[fundiefan]

I don't know that the first kiss can be any indication of anything. If they've never kissed before and the first time they do is in front of all the fundies in their life, it can't be anything other than awkward. I'm more than 30 years past my first kiss, have been married and still, the first kiss with someone new is awkward in and of itself. (Not that I have a lot of recent experience with that). But, the first man post-divorce - everything was awkward and weird for a while.

Firsts are a learning experience. I cannot imagine that first kiss being anything deep when it is public.

I also don't know that there is any basis for suggesting Christopher is cruel to Anna. His family is whacked out, but still, there is no evidence. I'm more inclined to believe they are simply living their own lives and finding their own way. They didn't know each other before marriage - all that getting to know each other is happening now, post marriage. They deserve to do it their own way. They should do it their own way. Hopefully, they'll learn to be themselves and not the robots their parents spent their lives trying to make them into. A little distance from the family, whether physical or emotional, cannot be a terribly bad thing for newlyweds.

There is a lot of talk here about 'hoping the kid in the family breaks away' - yet, when it's possible that is happening because there isn't evidence of anything they're doing - it becomes a discussion of abuse and neglect. Making it a no win situation, not for the couple, but for FJ'ers.

It can't be easy for Anna to enter the Maxwell world and it can't be easy for Christopher to leave it, to any degree, to make his own life.

And, no baby yet - they haven't even been married a year. We're kind of used to honeymoon babies popping up in fundie land, but it isn't a given. For lots of young couples it takes time. Hell, especially if there is pressure on them. It's known that stress affects fertility.

I don't mean to admonish or contradict or lecture - I just don't see any evidence to support any of the speculation. And I really would like to give them the benefit of the doubt and imagine them making their own decisions and living their own life - however real that may be as an option for them or not, I still like to imagine it. Nothing would make me happier to have daddy M lose his footing with one of his adult offspring.

[LynnKaboom]

And, no baby yet - they haven't even been married a year. We're kind of used to honeymoon babies popping up in fundie land, but it isn't a given. For lots of young couples it takes time. Hell, especially if there is pressure on them. It's known that stress affects fertility.

Yeah, just because you don't have a baby immediately doesn't mean anything is wrong- it took my parents six years to have me, and five years after that to conceive my brother. Not everyone is a bunny rabbit when it comes to reproducing.

[Becca]

marmalade, did you get the impression they institutionalized little Sarah?

I assumed Becca meant they adopted her from an orphanage.

Yes, they adopted her.

[Becca]

Becca, can I ask how you found this forum? I always find it ineresting how people stumble across us.

I have been concerned for Anna ever since we were kids, and was trying to see if Christopher had a blog and the old forum popped up. I found the threads about the wedding and engagement and wished I had known about this site months ago. I shared the links with family and many of us enjoy lurking on here. I've been lurking here since the new site was created and I finally decided to post.

[Becca]

Another question, sorry...

By just looking at pictures, especially ones from the courtship and wedding, Anna would appear to have a meek, doormat type of personality. She actually didn't look like she had ANY personality looking at her expressions in the pictures. Is this they way she is? Or does she have a funny streak, or is she talkative? Or are the pictures just a reflection of her being completely overwhelmed?

It would be nice if she found a friend in Melanie, who actually seems like a really nice person from what I can tell...they certainly live close enough to visit daily.

Anna is a very sweet girl, and she always has been a little quiet and shy. When we were young she seemed to have a bit more spark..she was funny and talkative. She is extremely proper and reserved now days, and at family gatherings, she and her family are the first to start cleaning up and taking care of things. They are really good people, but it all seems to be hiding a seedy dark underbelly to me.

[Becca]

Becca, you may not know this answer to this but...how exactly does Christopher make a living?

He doesn't seem to be into computers as much as Nathan, nor into construction or mechanically inclined like his younger brothers.

It's funny, when he was single and still traveling with the family, there was never a picture of him helping fix the bus, or even much of him loading and unloading. I get the feeling he doesn't like to get his hands dirty.

I can't imagine his photography brings in much $. I guess he maintains some web sites for some companies. But are those things enough to support a wife, and future kids?

According to Anna, business-wise, he is a website developer, financial consultant, photographer (http://www.christophermaxwell.com/), and works in his family's business, Communication Concepts (http://www.we-communicate.com/).

[Pearl]

Yeah, just because you don't have a baby immediately doesn't mean anything is wrong- it took my parents six years to have me, and five years after that to conceive my brother. Not everyone is a bunny rabbit when it comes to reproducing.

Lord, I'd hate to be a fundie and have it take me 5 or 6 years to get pregnant! Can you imagine? Every time another fundie lady gets pregnant the "when is it going to be your turn?" questions - the guilt - the pressure. :(

[library_youth]

It's so fascinating to hear from someone who actually knows Anna and Christopher!

I've been following the Maxwells for about a year and a half, and I've been wondering about extended family. I've never seen much mention of anyone besides "Grandad and Gigi." Do either Steve or Teri have any siblings? I'm curious about whether the Maxwell kids have any cousins that they grew up with, and also if any extended family they have is as hardcore fundie as they are.

[twin2]

It's so fascinating to hear from someone who actually knows Anna and Christopher!

I've been following the Maxwells for about a year and a half, and I've been wondering about extended family. I've never seen much mention of anyone besides "Grandad and Gigi." Do either Steve or Teri have any siblings? I'm curious about whether the Maxwell kids have any cousins that they grew up with, and also if any extended family they have is as hardcore fundie as they are.

I don't know if they have extended family they are very close to outside of grandad and gigi, I've never seen any of them mentioned in the blog, but if they do it wouldn't suprise me if they had little contact. See the following quote from part 5 of the "Worldly Friends" series for Steve's "Dads Handbook of Manipulation Corner":

Since last month's Corner I have received a few e-mails that asked how what I have shared in this series is applied when the worldly "friend" is actually a worldly relative. The danger is just as real with extended family as it is with other friends. As a matter of fact, the more your child enjoys the worldly relatives, the greater the potential harm. What do you do when you don't want to hurt or offend your relatives, but you feel the need to set boundaries? Ask yourself, "Am I willing to sacrifice my child for the sake of relationships with my extended family?" Considering we are commanded to bring our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we must choose to do what we should to follow the Lord Jesus. Therefore it will require some courage to take the stands with relatives that we might be forced to make if we want to keep our children's hearts.

I don't care what his followers think, Steve is a manipulative, conniving, controlling, jackass. The damage to those kids can never be undone.

[marmalade]

Yes, they adopted her.

My bad; it was late when I read the post. I wonder how she's treated at home? We obviously know what the Maxwells thought of her; I can't imagine being that poor girl's experience being trained about comportment, Maxwell style. Ugh...

[MamaJunebug]

According to Anna, business-wise, he is a website developer, financial consultant, photographer (http://www.christophermaxwell.com/), and works in his family's business, Communication Concepts (http://www.we-communicate.com/).

I just noticed that the title of Sarah's children's books have a glaring punctuation error. Unless I'm mis-understanding and she isn't talking about Autumn with the Moodys, a family, but Autumn with something owned by something called "the Moody." Thus, for instance, the title, "Autumn with the Moody's [cat]"

The Maxwell men say they are choosy in who they elect to accept as clients. Well, that's good. That would explain if they don't have a huge client list.

:whistle:

Miss Becca? How long has Sarah Hamilton been part of that family? I'm still a bit agape at the idea that young women are giving Mrs. Hamilton tips on how to deal with her behavior.

And thank you from this keyboard for your visits here, and answers.

[Becca]

I just noticed that the title of Sarah's children's books have a glaring punctuation error. Unless I'm mis-understanding and she isn't talking about Autumn with the Moodys, a family, but Autumn with something owned by something called "the Moody." Thus, for instance, the title, "Autumn with the Moody's [cat]"

The Maxwell men say they are choosy in who they elect to accept as clients. Well, that's good. That would explain if they don't have a huge client list.

:whistle:

Miss Becca? How long has Sarah Hamilton been part of that family? I'm still a bit agape at the idea that young women are giving Mrs. Hamilton tips on how to deal with her behavior.

And thank you from this keyboard for your visits here, and answers.

I was a teenager when they adopted her, so forgive me if I'm a year or two off, but I believe it's been right around 10 or 11 years.

[library_youth]

I don't know if they have extended family they are very close to outside of grandad and gigi, I've never seen any of them mentioned in the blog, but if they do it wouldn't suprise me if they had little contact. See the following quote from part 5 of the "Worldly Friends" series for Steve's "Dads Handbook of Manipulation Corner":

I don't care what his followers think, Steve is a manipulative, conniving, controlling, jackass. The damage to those kids can never be undone.

So not only can they not have friends, they can't have meaningful relationships with any family members outside of the immediate family. That's so depressing. :( Some of my fondest memories are of hanging out with my cousins, laughing and playing. It would have been terrible to not even have that in my life growing up.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

It happens. You can similarly read any number of angsty posts on BT (newly gone observant Jewish) advice columns where people wring their hands over how to keep their "pious from birth" kids from too much interaction with their secular (or even just "lesser religious") cousins, particularly after the cousins are teenagers and into girls.