How vocal are you about your beliefs (or lack thereof)?

[Austin]

I've lived in this particular suburb for 23 years, so I know many of the people from my fundie-lite days and so I can't exactly do anything other than acknowledge that my ability to identify with evangelicals and their belief system has completely diminished to nothing. Most people probably consider me "lapsed" or "backslidden". The first could be loosely true; the second is completely untrue since it implies that I've started living a "sinful life", and actually my life is no different than before I left the organized evangelical faith. In fact, I think in many ways I'm a better, more compassionate person who serves others more than I did before my "fall from grace". lol

The sticky wicket is that the place I know my boss (and his wife) from is church! So I tread lightly at work a bit, but actually it rarely comes up. The church (it was actually a homechurch) that we attended with them disbanded shortly after we stopped going, and he and his wife have moved on to a new mega-church type situation. He yammers on sometimes about all the fabulous good works he's doing for his new church, to which my attitude is generally, "that's great - good for you". And not even with sarcasm. I'm glad he's happy at his new church.

The hard part is that his wife used to be a very dear friend of mine. She is also the younger sister of my BFF. The wife and I used to exercise regularly together and got together 3-4 times per week. When we stopped going to their homechurch, she cut off all of that. We saw each other at work (she is the accountant), and she was pleasant and polite when she saw me, but it was just weird. I asked her to meet me for coffee once to talk about it and she did meet me, but she was just very glib and surface-y, and it was just very clear that she didn't want to get into a deep discussion and had "moved on" to her new church friends. Now the only thing we ever talk about in passing is our children.

This is one of the things I don't understand about many evangelical Christians, and it's very hurtful. The wife and I had shared a lot and the truth is, IRL, I don't open up very easily to others. To me, friendship should transcend religion, and that's how I've always lived, but I guess that's not so with others. I will keep her confidences, however, no matter what and I hope she does the same (not that I have many interesting secrets).

Of course, my BFF and I have talked about it, and she has taken her sister to task about it (not at my urging!) and she didn't get much farther with her than I did. My BFF just thinks that the husband has her so wrapped up doing so many church things that her priorities have to, by necessity, become his priorities. They claim to have an egalitarian marriage, but it is complementarian in practice. So whatever. To my BFF's credit, our friendship has only grown deeper and deeper and I am very vigilant about never saying anything negative about her sister.

And I really have very little reason to complain about my boss, btw. I am grateful to be so well-employed these days and he has been very fair and reasonable with me. Even generous.

To people I don't know and do not travel in circles with all of my former church acquaintances, I just respond to any question about religion with, "I'm not very interested in religion". I have found that people will usually just leave it there, even if they look at me a bit askance.

[Beeks]

When we lived in Los Angeles it felt really natural to talk about Judaism because everyone around us was Jewish and the ones who weren't at least knew a ton of Jews and knew a little about the culture. It was just a normal part of life there and I never felt strange about it.

Now that we live in an area where there are "only" 5 synagogues, I always feel strange and don't really know what to say when it comes up. I don't feel qualified to explain things when people ask about them, and I always feel weird having to remind the same people over and over why I don't eat pork, shellfish, etc. It just makes me feel like an outsider here. Not that people aren't cool and totally accepting - it's just a shock to be the "different" one now when I used to just be the norm, if that makes sense.

All that to say: I avoid talking about religion to anyone but my husband and my therapist. Ha!

[LilMissMetaphor]

When receiving ESL teacher-training, I was instructed not to get into politics or religion discussions with my adult students. I find that this advice serves me just as well in my home country. I also don't talk about money or sex. I don't really want to know about anyone else's religious, political, financial or sexual views, so I figure they don't want to know about mine either.

[Deleted02]

I don't dare tell my grandma but my immediate family know about my beliefs. Most of my friends know where I stand.

[Sweetpea1]

I tend to not discuss it much unless someone is asking questions about something. There is a saying attributed to St Frances "Preach the Gospel daily, use words if necessary." That's a good explanation of my philosophy. In other words, my actions are going to speak much louder than anything I can say.

[Lainey]

I don't talk about it with my friends that I know are religious, except to say that I'm not religious. One of my fundie-lite friends basically attacked me for beliefs she ASSUMED I had, so that turned me off of discussing it.

Now if anyone here should ever wonder why atheists are angry, this thread has lots of examples of the reasons.

[browngrl]

I don't really talk about my beliefs with anyone other than my husband. On one hand I don't wish to hurt/offend anyone (especially my parents who are deeply religious) and on the other hand I don't like it at all when people try to foist their beliefs on me so I don't try and foist my beliefs on them.

[oolong]

I generally don't talk about my religion unless I'm staying up late into the evening discussing with friends. It's a very private matter, and mostly I can't give an accurate impression just through a description.

[O Latin]

My brother made the mistake in middle school in Georgia of telling people he was an atheist. Oops. Poor kid. :(

I'm pretty quiet about it. I can't figure out what I believe right now anyway. I still can't get over "What church do you go to?" being considered a perfectly polite thing to ask a total stranger at first introduction. I'm far away from that part of the country now, but it still seems weird.

That kind of thing just completely baffles me. I can't imagine asking that of someone I just met unless they mentioned going to church first. I don't know. Aside from the possibility of offending them, I also don't really consider that to be an important piece of information to know about my new acquaintance.

I've never had a "real job" so I don't really know how coworker dynamics work, but I also understand how someone could let another person's religion (or lack of religion) get in the way of their ability to work with that person. I'm going to guess that religion has no bearing on one's ability to do most jobs. It just seems like the kind of thing people should shut up about at work.

[Guest Anonymous]

I'm fairly vocal about my Lutheranism but I don't trumpet my beliefs to the world at large. If someone asks me a question about my beliefs I will answer and explain myself. But I don't volunteer as only God knows if my beliefs are more worthy of respect than anyone else's. I also don't feel I have the right to bulldoze others into agreeing with me. Enough of the people we snark on do that already!

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I'm extremely open about being an atheist. I don't force it into conversations or anything, but neither do I hide it. I was very closeted as a kid/teen because the school I attended was small and rural, and everyone identified as xtians. I kept it to myself into my mid-twenties out of habit. Only my parents, husband, and a couple of friends knew. It's very freeing to be able to be me. I feel the need to be a bit more vocal to show that it's okay and to encourage others to come out of hiding, or at least that they're not alone. I've had some very nasty, hateful, hurtful things said to me via the interwebs but if anything, that makes me want to be more vocal.

I don't mention it much at work, but that's because I work from home on a parenting site/message board, and I stay completely out of religious discussions by my own choice, just as I stay away from most of the controversial topics. The dynamic with co-workers tends to be a bit different since we communicate by phone, IM, email, etc. Religion doesn't tend to come up, which is totally fine with me!

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I usually don't bring up my beliefs, unless I'm in a conversation about religion.

However, if I'm asked, I'll tell. I also correct certain things which give away some of my political beliefs (ie- if I hear "murder unborn babies", I will correct to "you mean fetuses" and if I hear a spiel about gay marriage being evil, I'll correct that as well)

That's probably where I am, I guess. If someone is respectful to me, I'll be respectful to them, and that includes not preaching to them. However, I will *NOT* pretend to be a member of their religion, so if I'm asked about my beliefs directly, I will be honest - I will not pretend to believe in the asker's religion. Similarly, if invited I'll attend religious events and do my best to not offend as a respectful OUTSIDER, but I make it clear that I am an outsider.

If someone makes blithely normative statements of the "but of course everyone even secular people believes/does $whatever" I'm likely to make a quiet pleasant statement that actually, the world is a large place and that statement is very much not universal, but.

The one place it can get tricky (in a conversation already about religion) is when someone with a controversial view will evade responsibility for that view by saying "well, God demands it of us, I too find (my view) harsh, but who can question God? I have to hold that view, so you should not consider me to be *-ist" or similar. At that point, I have to say, to me (and likely other secular people from very different backgrounds) religious views are something personally imposed, our worldview is already on very different footing, so you have to take responsibility for those religious views. If you believe X (or act in accordance with a belief in X regardless of how you feel inside) because you think God demands it, and someone else believes X just because that's how they feel, I don't think the former guy should get an automatic pass.

Had some discussion of that sort this weekend so it was on my mind.

[tehfanglyfish]

I am a silent atheist. I haven't had anyone directly ask me my religious beliefs in decades. (In fact, I think the last time I got really harassed about it was when I was in elementary school - a mom who showed up to help at lunch wouldn't leave me alone about what church my family attended. My mom and her husband were in a new age religion at the time and I had the good sense to lie about this to get left alone.)

Interestingly, I've found that if you're silent about political and religious beliefs but friendly, a lot of people simply assume you hold the same beliefs that they do (or at least this has been my personal experience.)

[doggie]

here is my opinion on it

RELIGION IS LIKE A PENIS.

It’s fine to have one.

It’s fine to be proud of it.

But please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around,

And PLEASE don’t try to shove it down my children’s throats.

[Sola]

My brother made the mistake in middle school in Georgia of telling people he was an atheist. Oops. Poor kid. :(

I'm pretty quiet about it. I can't figure out what I believe right now anyway. I still can't get over "What church do you go to?" being considered a perfectly polite thing to ask a total stranger at first introduction. I'm far away from that part of the country now, but it still seems weird.

I can't even imagine what it must be like. Here in the UK nobody cares if you go to church or not. Nobody here would automatically presume that you do.

[JesusFightClub]

Pretty much entirely what Sola said. Also from the UK, and I can't imagine an environment offline which I'd be in in the first place where people asked on first acquaintance about my religious views.

Another thing is that someone looking like how I really do offline (shaven head, wearing men's clothes, etc) would never get read as being conventionally religious. So I don't imagine anyone would waste breath asking. :lol:

Online, on the rare occasions I am mistaken for a theist, it's usually that I am mistaken for a Muslim!

[keeperrox]

I'm not, it's really nobody's business.

+1

[teddybear]

I won't discuss it with anyone. If I am pressed, I reply that it is something personal and no one's business. But then even when I was in active ministry I didn't shove religion in people's faces. Back then I'd discuss it if someone had questions, but if they wanted to argue, even then I'd just change the subject or leave.

[Pearl]

I'll talk about my beliefs because spirituality and religion interest me. I love to hear what people believe and enjoy everybody's point of view. I suppose this is weird because I'm a Christian - but I really do love hearing what people believe and the reasons why people believe it. Oddly I have had people who are not Christian ask me what my belief system is (I don't usually ask) and then we'll have a nice conversation.

[zcccrv]

I'll talk about my beliefs because spirituality and religion interest me. I love to hear what people believe and enjoy everybody's point of view. I suppose this is weird because I'm a Christian - but I really do love hearing what people believe and the reasons why people believe it. Oddly I have had people who are not Christian ask me what my belief system is (I don't usually ask) and then we'll have a nice conversation.

I find it a bit surprising that so many of you say: it's no one's business and I don't want to shove or get shoved. I know it can be a very controversial subject but it's so interesting to talk about that it's worth the risk IMO.

[Kathryn31]

I was kinda the odd man out growing up in OK where there is a baptist church on every corner. Mormons, Jews and Catholics were few to say the least. I don't wear it on my sleeve (and I don't wear BYU shirts either) but everyone who knows me is aware of my religion. My BFF is Catholic and I have never, ever tried to get her to convert. The missionaries want us to talk to people about it but my view is anyone who has questions knows they can ask at any time and I am not going to make things awkward by putting it on the table.

My sisters are both agnostic and my dad leans towards Eastern faiths. I also decline to bring it up with them because if they are happy with their life then who am I to decide something is missing?

[O Latin]

Kathryn, did you grow up Mormon? I only ask because your mentioning OK made me think of a funny story. I am from Idaho, where we have a Mormon church on every corner and one time I was on a choir trip in OK and we drove past a Mormon church. One of the other girls in the choir said, "Wow, they have Mormons here, too." She meant it tongue-in-cheek. She obviously knew that there were Mormons in other places besides Utah and Idaho, but it was still kind of funny.

[Kathryn31]

Yes I grew up Momon and I can understand someone from ID or UT saying that...funny. There is now a temple there as well but back in the day we were few in number.

[aelar]

I've lived in CA all my life, and all of my adult life in the Bay Area, so I'm in an environment that is not only very liberal, but incredibly multi-cultural. The idea of assuming that someone went to church, or even asking about their religious faith early in an acquaintance, would seem utterly strange in most circumstances. Because of the way I dress, though, I do often get asked if I am religious by random strangers. Sometimes people assume that I am one religion or another, but usually they just ask generally what religion I am. I think I'm a special case just because my clothes look so odd, that people think it must be a religious requirement. My clothes don't have anything to do with my religious beliefs, though, and I always say so. Usually the conversation stops there, but I've been known to get into random conversations about religion on the bus. Bus riders have a higher percentage of uber-religious than the local population, so if I get proselytized at, I'm pretty firm about defending the truth and beauty of my personal beliefs.

I am very open about being an atheist, and also a person with a lot of spirituality and my own religion. I don't ever worry about being judged, and I think it's important for the acceptance of atheism to be just as matter of fact about not believing in God as other people are about believing in Him. I don't go out of my way to bring it up, but if religion happens to come up in conversation, I'll mention it, and happily talk about my philosophy of religion with anyone who seems interested. Count me among those that find religion fascinating, and it's one of my major interests, though I do think that most people 'do it wrong'. :)

Around family, I'll mention being atheist on the rare occasions that a relative makes an assumption about me believing something I don't, but it doesn't come up much. Some of my relatives are religious and worry a bit about my atheism, but it's not a source of conflict. I was probably far more worried and upset about my cousin who converted to Mormonism for her husband.

My work has a mix of religious faiths, and religion gets brought up casually, mostly people wishing each other happy X holiday, and we keep track of who is celebrating what so we can have coverage when people will be gone at times that aren't the normal secular/Christian holidays. Folks take time off for Hindu or Jewish holy days, and many of my coworkers know that I have a strange religion because I also request and get time off for my big ritual days. Some coworkers think I'm a little weird, but my beliefs aren't any weirder than my clothes.

[SunnyAndrsn]

I'll talk about my faith when people want to know about it, but I'd rather live it through kindness and caring for my fellow man.

I do identify as a christian, and we attend a liberal mainstream denomination. We don't feel the need to attend church every week, or go to a regular bible study, pray before meals (or publicly), or any of the fundie trappings. We don't speak in tongue or any of that crap either.

We have friends of all varieties, and we've gotten into some fun discussions with these friends--Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Mormon, atheist, and agnostic. In our experience, the most hostility has come from our atheist friends, who see us as somehow handicapped because of a belief in a higher power. *Shrugs*

Nothing in our dress would indicate anything about our beliefs, other than we are not 'fundie' of any brand. We try and have a sense of humor about religion and the trappings associated with it.