Baby sleeping in the bathroom

[lovefromgirl]

I feel sad to hear that American social workers have this strictly limited definition of child abuse and neglect. It should definitely be wider and not only include physical abuse. Emotional neglect and emotional abuse (withholding affection in this case) should not be taken lightly. Just like other types of abuse and neglect, emotional neglect/abuse can be detrimental to a child's well-being.

Social work in America, as the husband of a frustrated caseworker put it, is more about keeping the general public satisfied than actually helping children. CPS would be on ThatWife's ass if she were a minority. Because she's affluent and white, most likely nothing will happen. Meanwhile, I have friends who are afraid to look for help for their problems because they're sure their kids would get snatched. Sickening.

[treemom]

I'm pretty sure you can find contact info online. she's posted so much of her life, that the info is out there if anyone looks for it.

Personally, I don't think this case warrants a call to CPS. I have a close coworker who has interacted with thatwife and T1 on a farm tour of the grandparent's farm, and while the mom may have some issues and clearly her parenting raises some questions, it was also clear that the boy is loved and cared for. I have a strong feeling that she will get some sense talked into her about early interventions and that the grandparents will help her to understand the importance of helping him NOW.

I will say this, if someone is concerned that warrants a call. Most of us are not social workers and if any of us seriously think she needs help and believe CPS may provide it they should call. Perhaps there is more there...and this is jut the tip we are saying.

I am not calling...but I think it is ok to call. It is CPS's job to handle concerns, they are the experts in figuring out if people are safe or not...not me.

[kb2]

OK, I have to add in my anecdote.

I know someone who went through a nasty divorce, in which the father called CPS on the mother multiple times, to try to build a custody case. The first time, CPS looked around, declared the people/environment safe, and left. The second time, baby mama was building furniture from scratch in the living room, and had left some saws around. The room wasn't being used as the living room, it was the temporary desk-making room, and was closed, but not locked. CPS pointed out that actually, leaving sharp objects where kids could reach them (behind unlocked doors) is a potential hazard, and did a follow-up visit to make sure the saws were put away properly. The person I know is white and middle-class.

Money/time/services may be different in different parts of the country, but I have seen CPS care about a house being child-proofed in a situation in which no major abuse is occurring. I don't think reporting someone for not baby-proofing their home, but not inflicting major abuse, has a 100% chance of being disregarded.

Although it would probably go over better if someone she knew/trusted/respected told her to baby proof her home, instead of CPS.

[Love]

I will say this, if someone is concerned that warrants a call. Most of us are not social workers and if any of us seriously think she needs help and believe CPS may provide it they should call. Perhaps there is more there...and this is jut the tip we are saying.

I am not calling...but I think it is ok to call. It is CPS's job to handle concerns, they are the experts in figuring out if people are safe or not...not me.

I do not question if others want to call. I am no expert, and like you said - they are. If someone else feels its important, than they should follow their heart. I was just giving my opinion on it, but would never ask anyone to agree with me. I don't feel its appropriate to give away personal information about the extended family of a blogger, and that's what I was asked to do. I hope people can understand why I wouldn't want to do that.

[treemom]

Sorry love...it was more a general statement :) I quotes you because you made me think of it...but this discussion comes up here a lot and I was just commenting on that area again.

And no, I dont believe you should do that either.

[Love]

Thanks Treemom. I think we are coming from a similar viewpoint.

[whynotshesaid]

I grew up LDS. I left when I was eighteen because the future I saw for myself as a woman in the LDS church terrified me with its narrowness. The majority of the women I knew seemed so sad, even though they tried to hide it. Tired all the time, looking like they were in their 50s when really they were in their early 30s. I loved my youth leaders but I did not want to grow up to be like them.

Ironically now, I'm very much looking forward to having kids and I enjoy making food and keeping a clean house, but I came to those things on my own terms and not because they were forced upon me by a bunch of old guys making pronouncements from a building in Salt Lake City.

TW's blog is like a glimpse into an alternate reality, like seeing how I could have become if I'd taken the blue pill and not the red one. I really want to believe I'd at least be a less-crappier version of her, but I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if I had followed the prescribed path for LDS women.

Is that TMI for a delurking post? If so, I apologize. My standards must have been diminished by being exposed to so much of TW's epic TMI.

[NurseNell]

Oh, Gawd, no I haven't gotten asked about his talents but he's only 2, so I'm sure if he gets diagnosed that's coming. I have gotten a lot of "He seems so SMART though." And I'm like, yeah, he is really smart. That's not what we're worried about! People can be so dumb.

Autism can only be diagnosed by a medical professional licensed to make the diagnosis, and it's never made without evaluating the child in person, and often over a time span. Lots of testing is involved. It's a spectrum disorder so one child with the diagnosis may be very different from another child with the disorder. Some children diagnosed very young may be incorrectly diagnosed and the diagnosis is changed to something else down the road. T1 is 18 months old. He has been evaluated in real life by qualified, licensed people. He has delayed speech. It's a common diagnosis at this age. With early intervention he may be totally on track by kindergarten time, as lots of kids are. Children who get these services are assessed and evaluated as time goes on, so if something else is going on it will be picked up. Early intervention will certainly help him, as will a summer at his grandparents' farm.

[JesusFightClub]

I just wanted to say, for social workers/CPS/budding social workers on this thread...THANK YOU GUYS! YOU ARE AWESOME.

Part of my job used to be working with social workers and to say I was impressed with their dedication would be a huge understatement. Small relative was on the "at risk" register due to something that happened to her. The social work came for a chat, helped, all was sorted. They're definitely not after swooping down and removing kids. In fact I have seen them burst into tears after having to do that. They try everything else first.

FJists like Malisa who are mandated reporters, and those they report to, you have my deepest respect. I could not be half as brave in some of these cases, thank you for doing the job you do.

[Feberin]

I wasn't feel well today so I was pretty lazy. My 1 1/2 year old son and I laid in my bed reading books together pretty much all morning then later in the day we watched a bit of the Sound of Music dancing and singing (OK I was singing) along. And this is my version of a lazy day! I feel so bad for T1.

[ChunkyBarbie]

I grew up LDS. I left when I was eighteen because the future I saw for myself as a woman in the LDS church terrified me with its narrowness. The majority of the women I knew seemed so sad, even though they tried to hide it. Tired all the time, looking like they were in their 50s when really they were in their early 30s. I loved my youth leaders but I did not want to grow up to be like them.

Ironically now, I'm very much looking forward to having kids and I enjoy making food and keeping a clean house, but I came to those things on my own terms and not because they were forced upon me by a bunch of old guys making pronouncements from a building in Salt Lake City.

TW's blog is like a glimpse into an alternate reality, like seeing how I could have become if I'd taken the blue pill and not the red one. I really want to believe I'd at least be a less-crappier version of her, but I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if I had followed the prescribed path for LDS women.

Is that TMI for a delurking post? If so, I apologize. My standards must have been diminished by being exposed to so much of TW's epic TMI.

I feel ya sister! I come from a big LDS family, pioneer stock and all that. I knew very, very early on that I didn't want to be forced into the Molly Mormon mold. I read a lot of Mormon Mommy blogs, there for the grace of God... Whew! It isn't easy swallowing the red pill with all the family pressure and expectations is it? I am so glad I did though.

Welcome!

[ilovetchotchkes]

I wasn't feel well today so I was pretty lazy. My 1 1/2 year old son and I laid in my bed reading books together pretty much all morning then later in the day we watched a bit of the Sound of Music dancing and singing (OK I was singing) along. And this is my version of a lazy day! I feel so bad for T1.

So do I. My son is about T1's age.

[Beeks]

Autism can only be diagnosed by a medical professional licensed to make the diagnosis, and it's never made without evaluating the child in person, and often over a time span. Lots of testing is involved. It's a spectrum disorder so one child with the diagnosis may be very different from another child with the disorder. Some children diagnosed very young may be incorrectly diagnosed and the diagnosis is changed to something else down the road. T1 is 18 months old. He has been evaluated in real life by qualified, licensed people. He has delayed speech. It's a common diagnosis at this age. With early intervention he may be totally on track by kindergarten time, as lots of kids are. Children who get these services are assessed and evaluated as time goes on, so if something else is going on it will be picked up. Early intervention will certainly help him, as will a summer at his grandparents' farm.

Not sure why you quoted me on this but....speech was not his only delay. Also the mother describes things about him that do ring an Autism bell - entertaining himself for hours, not knowing who she is, etc. EI does not do Autism screenings so the fact that they diagnosed "only" delays and not Autism doesn't mean much.

As to your bolded part, this is not really always true. My son has been in EI for a year now and has never had another formal assessment done through them. They suggested in the beginning that I get him tested for Autism, and we are, but again, WE have to get it done. I could see ThatWife just totally blowing off that suggestion. EI is really just a starting point - it takes a lot of involvement from the parents to help a child with delays (of any kind - not just Autism) and what I'm worried about is that TW won't put in the effort.

[ChunkyBarbie]

jesusFightClub,

I just saw your post. Thank you.

Malisa

[ChickeyMonkey]

I wasn't feel well today so I was pretty lazy. My 1 1/2 year old son and I laid in my bed reading books together pretty much all morning then later in the day we watched a bit of the Sound of Music dancing and singing (OK I was singing) along. And this is my version of a lazy day! I feel so bad for T1.

Did you get to the part where Mother Superior says, "What is it, you cunt face?"

How do you embed a video??

[Lillian]

Did you get to the part where Mother Superior says, "What is it, you cunt face?"

How do you embed a video??

Only put the bit after v= into the brackets. eg. rqXue8TI3E8 (no spaces)

rqXue8TI3E8

Edit: Lol at the video :lol:

[ChickeyMonkey]

Thanks, Lillian. I'll get the hang of this one day!

I love Caroline Rhea. She's hilarious! I'm glad you liked the vid. :)

[Feberin]

Did you get to the part where Mother Superior says, "What is it, you cunt face?"

How do you embed a video??

We didn't get that far in but that's amazing!

[Kitty]

I grew up LDS. I left when I was eighteen because the future I saw for myself as a woman in the LDS church terrified me with its narrowness. The majority of the women I knew seemed so sad, even though they tried to hide it. Tired all the time, looking like they were in their 50s when really they were in their early 30s. I loved my youth leaders but I did not want to grow up to be like them.

Ironically now, I'm very much looking forward to having kids and I enjoy making food and keeping a clean house, but I came to those things on my own terms and not because they were forced upon me by a bunch of old guys making pronouncements from a building in Salt Lake City.

TW's blog is like a glimpse into an alternate reality, like seeing how I could have become if I'd taken the blue pill and not the red one. I really want to believe I'd at least be a less-crappier version of her, but I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if I had followed the prescribed path for LDS women.

Is that TMI for a delurking post? If so, I apologize. My standards must have been diminished by being exposed to so much of TW's epic TMI.

That's not TMI. That's part of why I left Southern Baptism when I was 13. All the women at my church, with the only two exceptions being my mother (a government contractor) and a chaperone at camp (a nurse), were all SAHMs. If they did work, it was for the church. One friend who went there dropped out of university (the same one I'm going to now) after a year; she got married. I am afraid the same thing will happen to her younger sister, who like me is a sophomore. My mother has been the breadwinner for years since my dad is a senior citizen and is thus apparently too old to work (he's 64 and quite healthy for a man who's been smoking 54 years). I didn't want to go to college for a year or two just to drop out and get married and start popping out kids. Or, at most, be a Sunday school teacher.

[Aurora]

So, TW has not posted in a whole week. What do you think that is about? She commented this:

We miss you! Are you taking a blogging break?

Jenna Reply:

November 4th, 2011 at 12:14 pm

An unintended one. I decided to cut back to 30 minutes a day devoted to That Wife and I’ve been holding firm. I don’t think I realized how time consuming this site was for me!

[Kitty]

Someone realized she had incurred the wrath of the Free Jingers.

[BravaAmica]

So, TW has not posted in a whole week. What do you think that is about? She commented this:

I wonder if someone from her church contacted her and addressed the concerns about what a crap mom she is.

[Beeks]

I wonder if someone from her church contacted her and addressed the concerns about what a crap mom she is.

I hope that for whatever reason she's spending all that extra time with her baby.

[BravaAmica]

I hope that for whatever reason she's spending all that extra time with her baby.

I hope so but I'm not holding my breath.

[Linnea]

GOMI has been talking about this too. This is what she said on Twitter:

@andrewdepew: Are you taking a blogging break?

@jennacole: I’m holding firm to my 30 mins of That Wife time per day, and so far emails and #TWLC haven’t eaten up all my time

@jennacole: and I’m working on unplugging at night so husband and I can spend time together

And on Formspring:

“Honestly I think I’ve been a better wife as well since I decided to cutting back. Now when husband comes home I sit and talk with him instead of telling him I need to be on the computer!â€

(The quotes are copied from GOMI, because honestly, I don't feel like clicking on her stuff any more.)

So, apparently, That Jerk's needs take priority over That Poor Baby's.