Dillards 93: Counting the Cost - Indeed

[Coconut Flan]

Michelle maintains at least some kind of relationship with all her kids except possibly Josh.  I'm guessing she's never threatened them with being cut off or has tried to have their siblings harrass them.  Michelle is seen in photos with the kids where Jim Bob only rarely is seen at parties outside the TTH.  I think the kids want to hold onto the relationship if they can.  Michelle is not following JB as much as she thinks she can.  

[Giraffe]

I wonder if Michelle and Anna have benefited from anti-anxiety meds at any point in the last few years. I have been able to discontinue mine but being on them was truly the only reason I was able to function during some difficult times in my life and I won’t hesitate to go back on them again in the future if it becomes necessary. I don’t see either of them ever admitting to taking anything for “emotional” reasons, but for their sake this is one time I really hope they’re hypocrites and are at least secretly taking something if needed. 
 

(That said, if they are taking a prescription medication for anxiety/depression I hope it causes them to rethink other things in their lives as well)

[Cam]

A question brought up in the ET interview that I also found very interesting was “would you consider doing more reality tv in your future?” The interviewer (Deidre Behar) adds, “what about on your terms, executive producing it….?” The Dillards basically replied, “not at this time. We are living in the present moment taking in and enjoying what life has in front of us now.”

-But- they did not rule it completely out. Jill said she wasn’t going to simply say, “Nope.” (or maybe ‘Knope’?); that she was still processing things and figuring out how she felt. She clarified that she wouldn’t do a kid-centered show. She said the problem arises when the kids have to supply the content. In my opinion, that’s a key part of the Duggar train wreck. The show became less about the “quirky” family as a whole when JB realized he could monetize all the personal and intimate details of his fundie female family members. He had to feed his greed and ego, while claiming he was doin’ it fer the ministry! Reachin all them people! 

Wouldn’t JB be beside himself if the Dillards ventured into their own show under their own control? His offer at one time of “take $20,000, sign an NDA and let’s call it a deal” sounds laughable right about now.

Edited September 27, 2023 by Cam

[fluffernutter]

2 hours ago, Cam said:

A question brought up in the ET interview that I also found very interesting was “would you consider doing more reality tv in your future?” The interviewer (Deidre Behar) adds, “what about on your terms, executive producing it….?” The Dillards basically replied, “not at this time. We are living in the present moment taking in and enjoying what life has in front of us now.”

-But- they did not rule it completely out. Jill said she wasn’t going to simply say, “Nope.” (or maybe ‘Knope’?); that she was still processing things and figuring out how she felt. She clarified that she wouldn’t do a kid-centered show. She said the problem arises when the kids have to supply the content. In my opinion, that’s a key part of the Duggar train wreck. The show became less about the “quirky” family as a whole when JB realized he could monetize all the personal and intimate details of his fundie female family members. He had to feed his greed and ego, while claiming he was doin’ it fer the ministry! Reachin all them people! 

Wouldn’t JB be beside himself if the Dillards ventured into their own show under their own control? His offer at one time of “take $20,000, sign an NDA and let’s call it a deal” sounds laughable right about now.

If Jill were to ever have a show of her own, which I really doubt she would ever do, but if she did- I bet old pops would suddenly be quite forgiving and welcoming to Jill and her family. 

[Brittany15]

I would love for her to make him appear on it for free so he could really show he’s in it for the ministry and not the money 

[Father Son Holy Goat]

Force him to sign a contract before a funeral or another very emotionally intense day.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Jinger said she hasn’t read Jill’s book yet. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Jinger definitely hasn’t disentangled as much as Jill. She still has a relationship with JB. Maybe she knows that if she reads it, she will have to actually think about and confront all the things JB did to control her as well. I’m sure his tactics with Jill were similar to the tactics with Jinger.

[karenb4729]

Interesting article in the LA times, here is a quote:

How are things with your family? Have you heard from them since the book came out?

Duggar: I have heard from some of them. Not a whole lot of feedback, which I didn't anticipate. I sent my siblings a big long email and just reached out to touch base — at the encouragement of my sister, Jinger, actually. It’s helpful that she just wrote her book in January. Some of [my siblings] were like, “Yeah, I would love to read your book, can you send me a copy?” So I'm getting those to them. And then other ones I haven't heard from, and I'm fine with that. Because everybody's in a different place.

Any guesses who she is sending copies to?

[HeartsAFundie]

17 minutes ago, karenb4729 said:

Interesting article in the LA times, here is a quote:

How are things with your family? Have you heard from them since the book came out?

Duggar: I have heard from some of them. Not a whole lot of feedback, which I didn't anticipate. I sent my siblings a big long email and just reached out to touch base — at the encouragement of my sister, Jinger, actually. It’s helpful that she just wrote her book in January. Some of [my siblings] were like, “Yeah, I would love to read your book, can you send me a copy?” So I'm getting those to them. And then other ones I haven't heard from, and I'm fine with that. Because everybody's in a different place.

Any guesses who she is sending copies to?

Josiah and John-David immediately sprung to mind. Maybe because they are more under the radar than the other adult children.  I also suspect it was one of them that asked Jill for advice on how to get to know a girl without Pops jumping in and running the show.  Or were keeping Jill informed as to what was happening at the Big House.     

Based on his cryptic social media messages as of late, Jason is another one I wouldn't rule out either.  He seems like a wild card.    

We already know Joy plans on reading the book by her own admission.     

Edited September 28, 2023 by HeartsAFundie

[JDuggs]

25 minutes ago, karenb4729 said:

Some of [my siblings] were like, “Yeah, I would love to read your book, can you send me a copy?” So I'm getting those to them. 

Those cheap ass Duggar kids. They learned from the best.

[karenb4729]

Here is some more from the article:

Do you have thoughts about how the industry can operate more ethically, particularly when it comes to children? Should kids really even be on TV?

Duggar: Having grown up on reality TV, I feel like kids should have more protections in place. I don't know exactly what that would look like. But I do know that it's a constant struggle for parents our age, even just trying to figure out what degree to involve your kids on social media. The problem can grow out of hand very quickly when you rely on your children for the show to continue and without them there is no content.

Dillard: There's [nothing] to make sure kids are protected as far as their education goes. If a family sees an opportunity to make money, they can justify taking away their kids' time [in school] because, well, they don't need education, they can just have this money to support them. Jill can attest to this, but from what we can tell, none of her siblings really had much education past the seventh grade. A lot of that was due to the show taking over. It was like, “Well, if the show requires most of the filming hours during the weekday, then school is not really that important.”

I appreciate Derek's comments on the lack of education, I'm glad that he voiced it. 

[Giraffe]

Wow! I’m impressed with how strong his homeschooling stance is. It gives me hope that their kids will always be taught by certified teachers!

[BensAllergies]

On 9/27/2023 at 12:59 AM, Father Son Holy Goat said:

Personally I hope the Dillards watch Ted Lasso next. A feel good show about fatherhood and mental health might also sit well with them. They’d have to be able to stomach the swearing and sex references. 

If my Mormon dad can recommend it, then I can see the Dillards watching it.

He said (jokingly), “Watch out, it’s got a lot of F bombs in it, but don’t worry, they’re said with a British accent so that makes it ok.”

He’s still very much Mormon but his standards have relaxed quite a bit since I lived in the household when I wasn’t allowed to watch DVDs unless they were run through ClearPlay.

[Hasunah2]

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but I really can't stand Derick , to me he comes across like he'd still be happily drinking the kool aid if Jim Bob had financed him and his missonary dream. 

[Giraffe]

55 minutes ago, Hasunah2 said:

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but I really can't stand Derick , to me he comes across like he'd still be happily drinking the kool aid if Jim Bob had financed him and his missonary dream. 

I still don’t like him but I’ve reached a point of being able to appreciate the good he’s brought to Jill. I still think he’s a douchebag and he’s just learned to keep silent on socials. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think even if JB wouldn’t have screwed him over money wise, there would be a rift. Because of how Josh was handled. 

[Baba O'Riley]

4 hours ago, karenb4729 said:

 

I appreciate Derek's comments on the lack of education, I'm glad that he voiced it. 

I wish Jill would have addressed this in the book.  I don't remember her ever mentioning her lack of formal education, which, to me, is one of the most egregious abuses -- if not THE most egregious abuse -- she and her siblings suffered.  They put schooling on the back burner because of the show?? Where is the oversight for this?  Shouldn't someone in authority from, say, the state education department been involved in making sure the kids weren't deprived? And shouldn't TLC made sure they weren't been deprived of their schooling?  I mean, it is called The Learning Channel!

Edited September 29, 2023 by Baba O'Riley
clarity

[Cam]

Derick is the only one in the family I can recall who’s dissed the Duggars’ education. And he puts it out there: ‘7th grade education’. And to me it seemed more like the sister moms—Duggar daughters—did the teaching, testing and grade recording. I bet Meech did very little.

I wonder what kind of discussions Derick and Jill had about schooling their own kids. Did Jill recognize the gaps in her education? Did she and Derrick compare their school experiences and she realized how short changed she was?  What made them decide public school was best for the kids? 

 

[HeartsAFundie]

53 minutes ago, Cam said:

Derick is the only one in the family I can recall who’s dissed the Duggars’ education. And he puts it out there: ‘7th grade education’. And to me it seemed more like the sister moms—Duggar daughters—did the teaching, testing and grade recording. I bet Meech did very little.

I wonder what kind of discussions Derick and Jill had about schooling their own kids. Did Jill recognize the gaps in her education? Did she and Derrick compare their school experiences and she realized how short changed she was?  What made them decide public school was best for the kids? 

 

Jill did say in her book that she realized that you can be godly and go to public school based on Derick's example:

"I'd been brought up to view the public school system as dangerous and ungodly, and to view anyone who didn't choose to homeschool their kids as an uninformed or risky parent".  

"Our decision to enroll Israel in public school represented a significant step on my own journey out from IBLP-an organization that I was finally able to see clearly.  It was a cult, thriving on a culture of fear and manipulation.  Derick-who was a perfect example of how a godly man can thrive in public school-helped challenge my thinking.  The more we had talked and prayed about sending Israel to public school, the clearer the issue became for me:  IBLP had put a lot more energy into teaching me to fear the world beyond its doors than it had put into teaching me to trust God and discern for myself how to reach a good and wise decision on any given issue".

She certainly has come a very long way.  I commend her wholeheartedly.  

   

[Melissa1977]

Aren't they homeschooling? Israel went to a school for a while, but I think he's been homeschooled since they moved.

[marmalade]

20 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

Aren't they homeschooling? Israel went to a school for a while, but I think he's been homeschooled since they moved.

We don't know for sure. We thought we saw Izzy out during the week, but it could have been after school. It could have been latergrams from weekends. We just don't know for sure.

[Tdoc72]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

Aren't they homeschooling? Israel went to a school for a while, but I think he's been homeschooled since they moved.

She said in the recent People article that they are in school. 

[Giraffe]

2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Aren't they homeschooling? Israel went to a school for a while, but I think he's been homeschooled since they moved.

No, they made it clear in the book their children will go to public school. Jill (& Derick) understands her homeschooling was abysmal. 

[Father Son Holy Goat]

On 9/27/2023 at 7:32 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think it’s pretty common to vilify one parent and see the other as a saint. I think it’s likely a coping mechanism. I will say there’s probably some truth to the fact that JB did most of the horrible shit. But Michelle is part of it just by allowing it. It’s much harder to realize both of your parents failed you miserably. The Hales act like their mother is a saint even though their father abused them all horribly and she did nothing to stop it. They would rather vilify their oldest sister who was raped constantly than blame their mother for anything. The Willises still love and seem to be close with their mother even though she did nothing to stop their father. I think that since these families are patriarchal it’s easier for the children to forgive their mother for not stopping the abuse. Because the father was in charge. I’m not saying what Michelle is doing is ok. I can just understand the thought process. 

I can completely understand that, to face what both your parents have done leaves you feeling a bit emotionally orphaned. It’s not a fun feeling.

 

14 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Jinger said she hasn’t read Jill’s book yet. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Jinger definitely hasn’t disentangled as much as Jill. She still has a relationship with JB. Maybe she knows that if she reads it, she will have to actually think about and confront all the things JB did to control her as well. I’m sure his tactics with Jill were similar to the tactics with Jinger.

I cut Jinger slack here, as another of Josh’s victims she may know what she can handle and right now the book might not be within her abilities. That’s okay.

 

12 hours ago, karenb4729 said:

Interesting article in the LA times, here is a quote:

How are things with your family? Have you heard from them since the book came out?

Duggar: I have heard from some of them. Not a whole lot of feedback, which I didn't anticipate. I sent my siblings a big long email and just reached out to touch base — at the encouragement of my sister, Jinger, actually. It’s helpful that she just wrote her book in January. Some of [my siblings] were like, “Yeah, I would love to read your book, can you send me a copy?” So I'm getting those to them. And then other ones I haven't heard from, and I'm fine with that. Because everybody's in a different place.

Any guesses who she is sending copies to?

I actually think Jessa will be reading it, she seems to play both sides of the fence. 
 

11 hours ago, karenb4729 said:

Here is some more from the article:

Do you have thoughts about how the industry can operate more ethically, particularly when it comes to children? Should kids really even be on TV?

Duggar: Having grown up on reality TV, I feel like kids should have more protections in place. I don't know exactly what that would look like. But I do know that it's a constant struggle for parents our age, even just trying to figure out what degree to involve your kids on social media. The problem can grow out of hand very quickly when you rely on your children for the show to continue and without them there is no content.

Dillard: There's [nothing] to make sure kids are protected as far as their education goes. If a family sees an opportunity to make money, they can justify taking away their kids' time [in school] because, well, they don't need education, they can just have this money to support them. Jill can attest to this, but from what we can tell, none of her siblings really had much education past the seventh grade. A lot of that was due to the show taking over. It was like, “Well, if the show requires most of the filming hours during the weekday, then school is not really that important.”

I appreciate Derek's comments on the lack of education, I'm glad that he voiced it. 

That 7th grade education comment is just sad. I can imagine any Duggars with learning disabilities got even less.

 

4 hours ago, HeartsAFundie said:

Jill did say in her book that she realized that you can be godly and go to public school based on Derick's example:

"I'd been brought up to view the public school system as dangerous and ungodly, and to view anyone who didn't choose to homeschool their kids as an uninformed or risky parent".  

"Our decision to enroll Israel in public school represented a significant step on my own journey out from IBLP-an organization that I was finally able to see clearly.  It was a cult, thriving on a culture of fear and manipulation.  Derick-who was a perfect example of how a godly man can thrive in public school-helped challenge my thinking.  The more we had talked and prayed about sending Israel to public school, the clearer the issue became for me:  IBLP had put a lot more energy into teaching me to fear the world beyond its doors than it had put into teaching me to trust God and discern for myself how to reach a good and wise decision on any given issue".

She certainly has come a very long way.  I commend her wholeheartedly.  

   

I hope some of the money she gets from this book will be set aside for her continuing education when she feels ready to do so. I’d love to see Jill become an ob-gyn nurse practitioner if she’s still interested in that. 

[Giraffe]

1 hour ago, Father Son Holy Goat said:

I hope some of the money she gets from this book will be set aside for her continuing education when she feels ready to do so. I’d love to see Jill become an ob-gyn nurse practitioner if she’s still interested in that. 

I hope she’ll go back to school, too. It’ll be interesting if she goes for legitimate midwifery or if that was just the IBLP approved “education.”