Carlin, Evan, and Layla Rae 7: Grifter in Utero

[Charliemae]

2 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

Sometimes cultural differences are so interesting. Here opening presents in front of guests is acceptable at Christmas and birthdays but I don’t think people do it on weddings/christenings/big birthday parties. We don’t have showers normally so it would kind of interrupt the main occasion and it’s definitely seen as coming across as being all about the gifts instead of your party/guests. I would hate to do it (but I can not make my facial expression fake anything to save me) and I imagine watching someone opening tons of gifts as a pretty boring thing.

On the other side, people who demand that their present is to be opened immediately in the front of others definitely get some raised eyebrows. It’s not about you darling and no one else is interested in what you got. Feels a lot like bragging. 

But, yeah it’s obviously depending on your background/cultural traditions if this things are the norm or not and how they are perceived.

(Same for the money versus thing gifts at weddings. Here most couples have lived together for years. They just don’t need or want things in most cases. So money it is. And people often get to know to what they contributed, honeymoon/vacation, activities, bigger purchases.)

Gift opening usually doesn't happen at weddings.  Posters are talking about "showers" where the idea is to "shower the mo to be in love". Gifts are traditionally a big part of showers.  In my experience, the people who care a lot about having their gifts open at the shower have usually put a lot of thought and love into it.   There are usually some gems, like homemade quilts or blankets and other thoughtful items.   I also think they used to be much more intimate with just the new families being involved and the bridal party for the wedding showers. 

[just_ordinary]

59 minutes ago, Charliemae said:

Gift opening usually doesn't happen at weddings.  Posters are talking about "showers" where the idea is to "shower the mo to be in love". Gifts are traditionally a big part of showers.  In my experience, the people who care a lot about having their gifts open at the shower have usually put a lot of thought and love into it.   There are usually some gems, like homemade quilts or blankets and other thoughtful items.   I also think they used to be much more intimate with just the new families being involved and the bridal party for the wedding showers. 

To the bolder: but isn’t that exactly it? Bragging/showing off/needing confirmation? Because the one who gets the present will be as happy as when it’s opened in private. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

I want to really really slap Carlin right now what an insensitive bitch as many know today is Joy Duggar Foryseths birthday and as many others know Joy recently suffered the loss of her daughter at 20 weeks a daughter who was literally due any day now.

 

Well dumb bitch Carlin just posted a picture of her and Joy from Carlins wedding where joy was clearly pregnant as a birthday post and my heart about broke imagining joy getting a notification that her "best friend" tagged her in a picture and opening it up for it to be this one where all she has listed is right in her face

 

[mstee]

This was posted under the pic 

 

[freethemall]

13 minutes ago, mstee said:

This was posted under the pic 

 

I wonder if she'd be allowed to Express any disagreement that went against a "keep sweet" countenance.  Carlin is a bitch for even asking because she could guess Joy might say yes to be polite.

[mstee]

4 minutes ago, freethemall said:

I wonder if she'd be allowed to Express any disagreement that went against a "keep sweet" countenance.  Carlin is a bitch for even asking because she could guess Joy might say yes to be polite.

Yeah, I’m sure she has plenty of other pics she could have used. Joy has continued to amaze me with her strength through this all- I hope it’s more than just her keeping sweet. 

[Johannah]

Don’t Joy and Carlin seem mismatched as friends? They’re so different. I don’t get the connection. 

[kmachete14]

Despite their difference in personalities, joy and Carlin were both tomboy-ish. 
 

Later, they both suffered from a crippling feeling of unworthiness and doubts about faith. Perhaps they bonded through that trauma. Both came out seemingly stronger in their faith than ever (and were rewarded with “perfect” husbands, weddings, babies.) Joy’s miscarriage served a model of faith for Carlin to follow. 
 

In the fundie world it seems so rarely you see true girl-girl friendships, due to giant family sizes and the number one devotion being to husband & kids once married. Personally I hope Joy and Carlin really are as close as they seem and have each other in tough times. I doubt they have to “keep sweet” with each other the same way they might have to with their mothers. 

[Angelface]

7 hours ago, mstee said:

This was posted under the pic 

 

I think FJ could be over reacting here. I can understand Joy’s desire not to want to airbrush her pregnancy with Annabell from her life. This is a beautiful photo of Joy and Carlin showing their happiness and perhaps Joy derives some comfort from seeing that even though Annabell was stillborn a month or so after that picture. She doesn’t have her daughter but can remember when she was so happily pregnant with her. I think that Carlin checked with Joy first. 

[HermioneSparrow]

The one thing that seems truly genuine about the Duggars and the Bates is that friendship (at least to me). I bet Carlin did checked with Joy that it was okay to post that picture.

[Charliemae]

 

 

 

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14 hours ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

I want to really really slap Carlin right now what an insensitive bitch as many know today is Joy Duggar Foryseths birthday and as many others know Joy recently suffered the loss of her daughter at 20 weeks a daughter who was literally due any day now.

 

Well dumb bitch Carlin just posted a picture of her and Joy from Carlins wedding where joy was clearly pregnant as a birthday post and my heart about broke imagining joy getting a notification that her "best friend" tagged her in a picture and opening it up for it to be this one where all she has listed is right in her face

 

You are projecting a lot onto Joy here that we have no reason to believe is there.  I have read many perspectives from loss parents and treating their babies as if they shouldn't be mentioned is incredibly hurtful.  I'm in several groups that wont "trigger warning" loss because those babies are not triggers.   You might think this is supportive of Joy but it absolutely is the opposite. She went through that pregnancy and loss, and is constantly reminded of it.  She doesn't need to pretend it didn't happen because those pictures make some people uncomfortable.  And she doesn't need strangers on the internet protecting her from her best friend. 

Similarly, we have no reason to doubt the Joy and Carlin are genuine friends.  Carlin was there for her, in person, while Joy was going through the immediate effects of losing her baby. I have every reason to think that they talked at length about the pictures from Carlin's wedding.  They have probably also talked about Calin's pregnancy and who knows what else... It's none of my business.  

The picture Carlin posted is a beautiful reminder. 

[Charliemae]

22 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

To the bolder: but isn’t that exactly it? Bragging/showing off/needing confirmation? Because the one who gets the present will be as happy as when it’s opened in private. 

"Bragging" is such a negative way to look at grandma wanting to show off the quilt she made for her grandbaby.  Or the new parents in law wanting to show off the custom sign they had made for the newlyweds.  What I was trying to convey is that traditionally the gift opening at the showers was a fun, anticipated, social event.  That would be when showers consisted of 10-20 close family members.  Where everyone was excited for the person of honor and shared in their joy at receiving those gifts.  

On the other hand From my facebook due date group it seems like most showers these days are just straight-up gift grabs.  Constant complaints about people not buying off the registry or "I invited 100 people to my shower and only 10 came".  I don't get that mindset at all.   You don't know 100 people that are going to be in that baby's life to begin with, don't try and tell me you do.    /rant 

[nausicaa]

On 10/28/2019 at 9:15 AM, just_ordinary said:

 We don’t have showers normally so it would kind of interrupt the main occasion and it’s definitely seen as coming across as being all about the gifts instead of your party/guests. I would hate to do it (but I can not make my facial expression fake anything to save me) and I imagine watching someone opening tons of gifts as a pretty boring thing.

On the other side, people who demand that their present is to be opened immediately in the front of others definitely get some raised eyebrows. It’s not about you darling and no one else is interested in what you got. Feels a lot like bragging. 

Yeah I think this is definitely a cultural difference thing. American bridal and baby showers have gift opening as the main event, unlike weddings or christenings (there are even several shower games like gift bingo and pass the prize built around it). Also, showers tend to be much smaller than weddings so that it's not as time-consuming to open everyone's gift, and it's acceptable to eat and chat during it.

And confession: I like to see people open the gifts I get them because I put a lot of thought into and want to talk about them with the recipient. I never thought of it as bragging? I don't care if anyone else is around or even knows about the gift. 

(Also, before Free Jinger, I didn't realize most Europeans don't do showers and am still tickled by how bizarre non-North Americans find them, since they are such a fact of life in my social circle. I want to introduce you all to the glory of diaper and dishtowel cakes but am afraid of scaring you. ?)

 

53 minutes ago, Charliemae said:

That would be when showers consisted of 10-20 close family members.  Where everyone was excited for the person of honor and shared in their joy at receiving those gifts.  

Yeah, I do think the 60, 80 person showers are a bit out of hand, especially bridal showers, cause it just feels like The Wedding, Part One. However, I wonder if sometimes those guest lists get out of control because mom/MIL/aunts start saying you "have to invite so and so or their feelings will be hurt." I also know of some social circles where weddings aren't very big, so elaborate baby showers have become a normalized event. 

I've warned several friends making up shower guest lists to think of how long it will take to open gifts. In a sash. With everyone looking at you and taking your photo. So far it's been an effective way to keep the list pared down. ?

Edited October 29, 2019 by nausicaa

[theotherelise]

I would much rather watch someone open gifts at a shower than play any ridiculous games. Bring on the presents and let's take our time with it lol!

Carlin and Joy's friendship seems strong and genuine. It is admirable that Carlin seems to be truly supporting Joy through this time by showing up at the hospital and apparently asking Joy what she wants and how she feels about things like these photos. It is great that they've been able to continue a strong relationship despite the potential discomfort or pain associated with their different pregnancy experiences this summer. I can't snark genuine friendship.

[JermajestyDuggar]

31 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

I would much rather watch someone open gifts at a shower than play any ridiculous games. Bring on the presents and let's take our time with it lol!

Carlin and Joy's friendship seems strong and genuine. It is admirable that Carlin seems to be truly supporting Joy through this time by showing up at the hospital and apparently asking Joy what she wants and how she feels about things like these photos. It is great that they've been able to continue a strong relationship despite the potential discomfort or pain associated with their different pregnancy experiences this summer. I can't snark genuine friendship.

I hate games too! I said no games at my shower. 

[dharmapunk]

Where I am from (Austria), it is even considered bad luck to give baby related gifts before the baby is born - sort of not wanting to "jinx" the pregnancy.  Some younger people imitate american baby showers because of American TV shows, but it is really not common at all. We normally bring gifts after mum and baby come home from the hospital, but it is not a big party. That usually happens after the christening, when the baby is a few months old. It is not uncommon to have 50 people or more at the christening.

[just_ordinary]

2 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Yeah I think this is definitely a cultural difference thing. American bridal and baby showers have gift opening as the main event, unlike weddings or christenings (there are even several shower games like gift bingo and pass the prize built around it). Also, showers tend to be much smaller than weddings so that it's not as time-consuming to open everyone's gift, and it's acceptable to eat and chat during it.

And confession: I like to see people open the gifts I get them because I put a lot of thought into and want to talk about them with the recipient. I never thought of it as bragging? I don't care if anyone else is around or even knows about the gift. 

(Also, before Free Jinger, I didn't realize most Europeans don't do showers and am still tickled by how bizarre non-North Americans find them, since they are such a fact of life in my social circle. I want to introduce you all to the glory of diaper and dishtowel cakes but am afraid of scaring you. ?)

 

Yeah, I do think the 60, 80 person showers are a bit out of hand, especially bridal showers, cause it just feels like The Wedding, Part One. However, I wonder if sometimes those guest lists get out of control because mom/MIL/aunts start saying you "have to invite so and so or their feelings will be hurt." I also know of some social circles where weddings aren't very big, so elaborate baby showers have become a normalized event. 

I've warned several friends making up shower guest lists to think of how long it will take to open gifts. In a sash. With everyone looking at you and taking your photo. So far it's been an effective way to keep the list pared down. ?

Oh no worries. Nappy/musslin  cakes are available here as well.

I think I find the tradition bizarre because my only contact with it is through shows or hearsay and in this cases it’s 99,9% of the time some over the top gift grab. We obviously bring gifts as well, there isn’t just a special occasion about the gifts themselves.

[JordynDarby5]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I hate games too! I said no games at my shower. 

I hate the games too. When I threw my sister-in-law a baby shower I stole the painting onesie idea from Gilmore Girls. It was so much fun and really cool seeing what everyone painted on the onesie. Some wrote sayings on them. My friend did a yellow submarine from the Beatles and I put a few Star Wars sayings on the one I did. My mom did one of her favorite sports team colors.

[Bethella]

21 hours ago, JordynDarby5 said:

I hate the games too. When I threw my sister-in-law a baby shower I stole the painting onesie idea from Gilmore Girls. It was so much fun and really cool seeing what everyone painted on the onesie. Some wrote sayings on them. My friend did a yellow submarine from the Beatles and I put a few Star Wars sayings on the one I did. My mom did one of her favorite sports team colors.

The last baby shower I hosted, we did an ABC book. Each guest got a letter/page to illustrate, then we bound them together after the shower. 

[JordynDarby5]

1 hour ago, Bethella said:

The last baby shower I hosted, we did an ABC book. Each guest got a letter/page to illustrate, then we bound them together after the shower. 

That's a great idea. 

[theotherelise]

@Bethella I did that at the last shower I hosted too! Only difference was we took pics of the pages and uploaded them to order a book on Shutterfly with it. 

[CanadianMamam]

On 10/29/2019 at 11:07 AM, Charliemae said:

 

You are projecting a lot onto Joy here that we have no reason to believe is there.  I have read many perspectives from loss parents and treating their babies as if they shouldn't be mentioned is incredibly hurtful.  I'm in several groups that wont "trigger warning" loss because those babies are not triggers.   You might think this is supportive of Joy but it absolutely is the opposite. She went through that pregnancy and loss, and is constantly reminded of it.  She doesn't need to pretend it didn't happen because those pictures make some people uncomfortable.  And she doesn't need strangers on the internet protecting her from her best friend. 

Similarly, we have no reason to doubt the Joy and Carlin are genuine friends.  Carlin was there for her, in person, while Joy was going through the immediate effects of losing her baby. I have every reason to think that they talked at length about the pictures from Carlin's wedding.  They have probably also talked about Calin's pregnancy and who knows what else... It's none of my business.  

The picture Carlin posted is a beautiful reminder. 

This. I have friends who have suffered late losses and they have stresssed how important it is to have that loss acknowledged instead of  treating it like it never happened.

It is a beautiful picture from a happy day in Carlin’s life that was also a time before Joy had experienced tragedy and while I am sure it is bittersweet, Joy May also like looking at the photo and remembering how happy she was then.

 

[mysweetetc]

Did anyone else catch CarVan caterwauling their "wedding song" on IG live? This was a couple of days ago. Carlin enthused over them "laying down some tracks." Dear god. IMHO, Carlin cannot sing. I didn't really listen to Evan; she was so shrill. Are they going to have a recording career now?

[HeartsAFundie]

3 hours ago, mysweetetc said:

Did anyone else catch CarVan caterwauling their "wedding song" on IG live? This was a couple of days ago. Carlin enthused over them "laying down some tracks." Dear god. IMHO, Carlin cannot sing. I didn't really listen to Evan; she was so shrill. Are they going to have a recording career now?

Carlin is actually an excellent yodeler.  That's more her forte than singing.  

[nelliebelle1197]

On 10/28/2019 at 11:39 PM, Johannah said:

Don’t Joy and Carlin seem mismatched as friends? They’re so different. I don’t get the connection. 

Well, none of us actually know anything about these people IRL so I find that sort of thing hard to measure.