Safe at Home 2: The Continuing Adventures of The Arndts

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Really think it comes down to Rick is so unstable and unpredictable the man -boys are terrified of what he might do if they leave.  I believe them being there -- keeping a close watch -- is what keeps him from going full on nuts.

By staying they are protecting Cathy and the other kids.

I've long suspected Rick is a family annihilator waiting to happen. Losing any control at all (one or more man-boys leaving) could set him off.

[Teaistheway]

I also think it is to do with Rick, much more so than Cathy who I think could be pretty normal if she wasn't married to him.  I do sometimes think that the whole family must be humouring him (esp with Vine Valley) to keep him stable.

It's such a shame as I think the guys would make good partners, they seem capable, good humoured and kind and are able to earn a living.  I'd be ridiculously pleased and excited if just one of them broke free!

[Jana814]

I have always thought the men would make good husbands and fathers. I honestly thought by now a few would be married. 

[Palimpsest]

4 hours ago, Lurky said:

Plus, Class Gene Kelly trouser tailoring:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

I always love Kelly for insisting actors/writers work on his films, like Betty Garrett, who were seen as communists.

Gorgeous tailoring.  And the contents are swoon-worthy too.  And, yes.  He defied the black list for Betty (lovely dancer) and others.

Mind you, if you would turn for Gene Kelly, so would I for Cyd Charisse in that last clip.

Back to the Arndts:  

Are we sure that Rick is still in the land of the living.  It just struck me that his taxidermied corpse could be kept in the basement and only brought out for photoshoots.  As for all those Dad's Diary entries - I doubt anyone would notice if they just recycled old entries, podcasts,  and ancient video footage for eternity.

I think the Arndt manboys stunted development is caused by the deadly combination of Rick and Cathy.  I always squirm at photos of her snuggled up to her manboys with her predatory claw on the bellies.

[JenniferJuniper]

I know some have opined that maybe their lives are so easy or so much fun, they see no reason to leave.

Sure softball can be fun, but every night?  Often two games a night, from April to as late as November.  That's fine for Rick and maybe a couple of them but I find it hard to believe they all love this arrangement. 

I wasn't sure until Luke recently broke his leg and was unable to play for weeks.  Rick said something like "Luke has been curiously more relaxed since breaking his leg....."

Yes, very curious, Dad.

[Lurky]

@Palimpsest Oh, Cyd!  I love her dancing in the Broadway Melody/Gotta Dance sequence, where she's trying to reduce her height to make sure she wasn't taller than Gene - and oh! her legs!

Spoiler

 

 

[MarblesMom]

8 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

It just struck me that his taxidermied corpse could be kept in the basement and only brought out for photoshoots.

This seriously made me LOL.... and then I thought, you know, this could really happen. 

The Arndt Motel.  

[anachronistic]

Query. Do we have any evidence that that Arndts are, in fact, aging, or able to die? Because maybe the reason they all stay at home is because they are immortal, like the family in Tuck Everlasting, and so don't want to form attachments when they will just have to see their loved ones die, again and again? Or maybe they are stuck in  time loop and can't get out? And the loop resets every time they all return home?

its just that the whole family is begging for a sci if movie to be made out of them. Begging.

[MarblesMom]

You might be onto something, @anachronistic!

[nokidsmom]

On 8/10/2017 at 2:03 PM, Palimpsest said:

I think the Arndt manboys stunted development is caused by the deadly combination of Rick and Cathy.  I always squirm at photos of her snuggled up to her manboys with her predatory claw on the bellies.

ITA on this.     I always thought the Arndtian weirdness was a combination of both of them.  Whatever Rick's issues may be, Cathy also has gone along with what he has wanted.  Rick might rule the roost but Cathy has been an enabler and I suspect she's the family enforcer. I never got the feeling that she was unhappy with her life and stuck with a husband who went down the crazy rabbithole like Teri Maxwell.  No, I think she's been completely and happily onboard with keeping her kids "safe at home", she benefits from that arrangement both materially and emotionally, nor does she think what they have done to their kids is in any way wrong or unhealthy.  Quite the contrary.

I think, that Cathy is very vested in her role as a mom and as the no. 1 woman in her sons' lives.  She's not going to give up that no. 1 spot to a wife easily.   I think any manboy's future wife (if there are any) is going to have a real problem with her.  I can't help but wonder if one of the reasons for the manboys' single status (especially the older ones) is that the Princess Charmings out there are seeing they will have to compete with an unhealthy attachment to parents and want no part of it.   

I have always found the hand on the abdomen in the birthday pics very strange.  It wouldn't be so weird if Cathy was photographed just once or twice like that but that it's in every birthday picture and I think it says something, even if unconsciously.

Just as it's been mentioned upthread if the manboys ever look at each other and wonder why they are still there, year after year, I would be curious about the thoughts of people around them: their family, their neighbors, even the staff at local places who see this large family with adult kids still at home come in every time there's a birthday, year after year after year.  

 

ETA: the shame of it is that the guys would be good husbands and dads: decent, faithful, hardworking and probably good with their kids.  But unfortunately all that is going to support their own parents rather than build their own lives.  Agree @Jana814 some of them should be married by now.

[gustava]

15 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

the guys would be good husbands

I'm no longer sure that they will be good husbands, as they don't seem to have interacted with "real" women as boys growing up, and now as men, should do.  Moreover, look at their role model for marriage:  Rick and Cathy. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

On 8/14/2017 at 5:18 PM, nokidsmom said:

Cathy is very vested in her role as a mom and as the no. 1 woman in her sons' lives.  She's not going to give up that no. 1 spot to a wife easily.

I would say not just the no. 1 woman, but Cathy has made sure she is the only woman in her sons' lives.  I'm sure it has been pointed out to them over and over for all their lives that no one will ever love them, take care of them and protect their best interests like their mother.  I'm sure in all kinds of subtle ways she points out how much she needs them to take care of the family since Rick in living in lala never-ending movie autuer land.

She probably also says that women "out there" are not to be trusted, They are fickle and only after their money.

In other words, for all their looking like normal adult men, they are probably big mama's boys.

[MamaJunebug]

6 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I would say not just the no. 1 woman, but Cathy has made sure she is the only woman in her sons' lives.  

Only woman -- including her daughter. The weirdest thing I've seen Cathy do (and that's saying something) is when she grabbed the drone-delivered plush penguin out of Mary-Elizabeth's arms and hugged it to her chest, looking at her boys so proudly.

Woman! Yer 50-something years old and have everything you've ever wanted -- let your daughter enjoy the baby-toy that your sons bought for, and creatively brought to, their only sister!!!!

[nokidsmom]

21 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I would say not just the no. 1 woman, but Cathy has made sure she is the only woman in her sons' lives.  I'm sure it has been pointed out to them over and over for all their lives that no one will ever love them, take care of them and protect their best interests like their mother.  I'm sure in all kinds of subtle ways she points out how much she needs them to take care of the family since Rick in living in lala never-ending movie autuer land.

ITA.   Given the whole "safe at home" label the family promotes for themselves, I am sure that this idea has been wholly ingrained into the sons and daughter from day one, and no one, absolutely no one will be as good to them as their family.  When the manboys go on and on  about being born into the best family in the whole world, that right there tells me how much they have bought into this idea hook, line and sinker.  Because as nice as it sounds, the phrase just reeks of unhealthy enmeshment coming from adult men.  One can expect this statement from a child or even a teenager (could be rare though) but adult men squeeing like this?   That

Also, seeing that Rick is absolutely useless these days and has early retired, I believe Cathy needs her children to keep it all together.   She needs the sons to bring in income, do whatever home maintenance/repairs are needed while she and Wizzy do the household chores.  Because Rick has checked out.  However, as much as Cathy and Rick may really need them around to keep things going (big house, big family, big expenses), it's still wrong to keep their adult children chained to the homestead at the expense of their own lives and goals.    

 

On 8/15/2017 at 8:16 AM, gustava said:

I'm no longer sure that they will be good husbands, as they don't seem to have interacted with "real" women as boys growing up, and now as men, should do. 

I think you have a point here.   I was thinking in terms of the manboys' being able and responsible enough to earn a living and doing a lot of work at home.  Plus they all seem like nice decent guys.  But you point out something that I overlooked: no experience relating to women outside of their mother and sister, nor any idea of how to navigate relationships with women in a romantic context.

[Palimpsest]

15 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

let your daughter enjoy the baby-toy that your sons bought for, and creatively brought to, their only sister!!!!

Yes, but I must point out their only sister is old enough to be cuddling boyfriends and not stuffed penguins herself these days.  She's all grown up!

[Suz8710]

I regularly check their famteam fb and it seems like now the account is totally run by dad, with the exception of the softball games James sets up. The older ones seem so checked out - they almost never show up on camera (I admit I try to skim through the games ) or appear to comment/run any part of the "famteam" media. Mark and John are usually MIA.

I think especially now the older guys do the bare minimum to keep Rick happy (sane?). In addition to softball a few nights a week (which I think runs a good chunk of the year) and their regular YMCA gym sessions and classes, some also are in a volleyball league. Combined with their work ventures, most of those older guys probably have little to no down time. I'm sure whatever they get must be spent with the family.  I almost feel worse for the mid to younger kids, who unless they get to tag along at an older bro's work gig, appear to be stuck doing yard work or vine valley. 

The last couple of softball games have been narrated by some girl cousins which has made it a bit more interesting. They informed us some of the guys have instagram accounts and discussed a few of the guys' nicknames. Poor Jude is stuck with Pooter. 

ETA - how could I forget? The girls announced the Softball Classic is Sun October 8th. Mark your calendars FJers  

[Eternalbluepearl]

On 8/13/2017 at 8:12 PM, anachronistic said:

Query. Do we have any evidence that that Arndts are, in fact, aging, or able to die?

its just that the whole family is begging for a sci if movie to be made out of them. Begging.

I cannot stop laughing out loud at this post. Whoo boy. It really brings up great points. I would so love to see a movie based on the Arndts or even an updated TLC special. The Arndts: Where are they now? They're safe at home. I am so baffled by this family but that's like saying the sky is blue. 

[socalrules]

Honestly, I think the Ardnt men would need years of living on their own before they are ready to be a husband. I am not sure what woman, who has her s*** together would be able to deal with one of the manboys. A goofy guy is great some of the time but there are times you need a man to be a man and stand up carry the emotional load in tough times. Also, can they put their wife ahead of their mother? In a best case scenario, wife and mother are secure in their positions that they don't have to fight to be top dog. Here, I am not sure they would be able to put the needs/wants/feelings of a wife before their mother. Plus, a wife isn't going to stand for backyard baseball everyday for months and the never ending vine valley filming. Manboys are cute at 19, not at 35. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

9 hours ago, socalrules said:

Plus, a wife isn't going to stand for backyard baseball everyday for months and the never ending vine valley filming. Manboys are cute at 19, not at 35. 

Do you think Rick and Kathy are afraid of being alone? Maybe they *need* this gaggle of "kids" around them everyday so they feel a sense of purpose? It's like they want that family life stage of going to the park together and playing sports to never end. So it hasn't. It's selfish. Don't they realize they could playing with their grandkids by now? Some fundies do strike me as trying to make their kids' childhood years and their own parenting years last forever.

[nokidsmom]

4 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Do you think Rick and Kathy are afraid of being alone? Maybe they *need* this gaggle of "kids" around them everyday so they feel a sense of purpose? It's like they want that family life stage of going to the park together and playing sports to never end. 

I think so.   Rick and Cathy remind me of my own parents who tried very hard to keep their 3 girls at home and wanted to carry on as if we were still kids and not adults.  Not willing to let their parenting relationship evolve from adult parent / minor child to adult parent / adult child.   While I think the reasons were a bit more complex than this, at the heart of things was that 1) they didn't want to be alone (what were they going to do with themselves) and 2) loss of control (meaning letting their children make choices that maybe they weren't going to agree with and OMG what would people think if we did)

I think no. 1 is big with Rick and Cathy.  They have been parents for so long, they had practically no couple time before they started having kids.   They are vested not only in being parents but parents of a big family.  They are in a place where they are dependent on their children, not just materially and financially but also emotionally.  They probably married with the focus on having a large family which is fine, however that focus turned into an insular and enmeshed family dynamic that is very entrenched by now.   It's been mentioned that maybe once one manboy leaves, others will follow but at this point I am not sure that any manboy will get the gumption to leave.  

The guys are completely mindf*cked with the idea that they are "safe at home" and that's the best place to be.  Even if one might get a sliver of an idea that maybe, just maybe, "safe at home" isn't all that it's cracked up to be, he has been trained to have no boundaries with his parents and will talk about it.  At which point Rick will swoop in with a long drive and a soda to bring the errant manboy into line.   And with (likely) no boundaries between any of the family members, anything that goes on with one manboy will not be private, it will be become family business, thereby putting pressure on the "rebelling" manboy from his siblings as well as his parents.    

Rick and Cathy have nailed down how to squelch any sign of leaving or wanting to, ensuring that their big flock never leaves. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I guess it has never occurred to Rick and Cathy that if the man-boys were married with children, they would have an even larger family.  And there would still be children at home.

It seems as if R &C  only want to be parents, not grandparents -- and I think that goes right back to control as @nokidsmom said.  You can't control a grown married child who has children and doesn't live at home. Generally you can't control your grandchildren.

Then there is this.  The man-boys with families might be raising their children differently than the kids still "safe at home" are being raised. Thus leading to some resentment that the young nieces/ nephews have more freedom than the older "kids" at the home place.

Dissention in the ranks is not something R & C have ever tolerated.

[nokidsmom]

45 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

It seems as if R &C  only want to be parents, not grandparents

That's the feeling I get from them as well.   R & C may have some vague idea of being grandparents in the future but the steps necessary to getting there, namely letting your children go and relinquishing control so they can forge their own lives, is something they cannot do. They are too vested in their parental roles and I wouldn't be surprised if there's some magical thinking going on, that somehow they will become grandparents in spite of their hanging onto their adult children so tightly and thoroughly.  They will chalk up lack of grandchildren (and daughters/son in law) to the fact that the Lord did not see fit to land a Princess/Prince Charming on their doorstep for each of their children rather than the way they have raised and controlled them.

ETA: I also said son in law as I think Wizzy will be stuck with the lot of them too.  Cathy will hang on her for the household help and when she and Rick need care when older.  

[Eternalbluepearl]

56 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

ETA: I also said son in law as I think Wizzy will be stuck with the lot of them too.  Cathy will hang on her for the household help and when she and Rick need care when older.  

 I do agree with you but Wizzy could still love her parents and even help them when they are older but still have her own life outside of Arndt-ville.

Warning. I'm going to generalize hugely: sometimes I think fundies make themselves gods to their children by isolating them from others, not allowing teachers, coaches, or community leaders to have their children's hearts and later on, possibly not even allowing them to find a mate. It's all about the parent and because fundies drag their parenting years out for so long, they make sure they are praised for as long as possible for having a large family and "doing it all!" It seems self-serving but at the same time "look at what a sacrifice we have made for our kids."

2 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

I think no. 1 is big with Rick and Cathy.  They have been parents for so long, they had practically no couple time before they started having kids.   They are vested not only in being parents but parents of a big family.  They are in a place where they are dependent on their children, not just materially and financially but also emotionally.  They probably married with the focus on having a large family which is fine, however that focus turned into an insular and enmeshed family dynamic that is very entrenched by now.   

Thank you for this very well-written explanation. It helped me to understand Rick and Cathy! Wow!

[church_of_dog]

3 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

At which point Rick will swoop in with a long drive and a soda to bring the errant manboy into line.

I just nominated "Swooping in with a long drive and a soda" to be a post count title.  

[nausicaa]

On 8/14/2017 at 5:18 PM, nokidsmom said:

 I would be curious about the thoughts of people around them: their family, their neighbors, even the staff at local places who see this large family with adult kids still at home come in every time there's a birthday, year after year after year.  

Yes, I've always been fascinated by this as well and have always hoped someone who worked with them would come on here and dish. 

I also wonder what happens when someone who only knows two or three of them and doesn't know the extent of the crazy finds out they're single and tries to set them up with some similarly aged female friend who loves softball. Do they accept? Do they hide behind the rules of "courtship"? Are they just really scared and freaked out? It has to have happened.