Lori Alexander- the Mindless Mentor: Part 8

[iheartchacos]

I'm still waiting for her to write a post telling me how to support myself at home as a single mother...

[EyeQueue]

19 minutes ago, iheartchacos said:

I'm still waiting for her to write a post telling me how to support myself at home as a single mother...

Clearly, if you have enough faith, you can open your mouth and God will rain some manna down into it.

Or raisans.

And if he doesn't, it's because you don't have enough faith. Or are a sinful, dirty whore.

Or something.

[kpmom]

3 hours ago, iheartchacos said:

I'm still waiting for her to write a post telling me how to support myself at home as a single mother...

Don't you have a church that can support you???  How about extended family??

I'm guessing that's what Lori would say.

[polecat]

3 hours ago, EyeQueue said:

Clearly, if you have enough faith, you can open your mouth and God will rain some manna down into it.

Or raisans.

And if he doesn't, it's because you don't have enough faith. Or are a sinful, dirty whore.

Or something.

1

 

3 hours ago, iheartchacos said:

 

I'm still waiting for her to write a post telling me how to support myself at home as a single mother...

 

 

I think EyeQueue might've hit on an idea ... 

[polandspring]

1 hour ago, kpmom said:

Don't you have a church that can support you???  How about extended family??

I'm guessing that's what Lori would say.

Wrong: she'd tell you it was your God ordained duty to find a husband. 

[smittykins]

Or that it was your God-ordained duty to stay with your husband(assuming you're divorced).

[kpmom]

1 hour ago, polandspring said:

Wrong: she'd tell you it was your God ordained duty to find a husband. 

Nope, not wrong at all.  I got the "let your church support you" stuff directly from her blog;

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/03/a-career-just-in-case.html

[Koala]

My favorite is, "Well, I know that God would have taken care of me and my children if Ken hadn't been there to care for us..."

Which is easy for her to say, since there is absolutely no possibility of that happening now.  It's also worth pointing out that by "God" Lori really means "my dad".

[iheartchacos]

She'd probably tell me it's a sin to adopt a child without a father to raise him. And I'd like to know what she's doing to support single mothers in the church? Sponsoring a family? Providing childcare? Paying utilities? Giving a family a place to stay. Do tell, Lori.

[Evangeline]

God took care of me when I was a single mom. And by "take care of" I mean he provided me with a JOB. I've found d that's how he generally goes about things, by providing ways of making a living and ways of getting help. Not buckets of money from the sky. If only...

Lori is a spoiled rotten bitch and doesn't have the first clue about real life.

[Pammy]

Today I think she's saying...

"I'm a harsh person and an intolerant parent. Apparently it was hard on my teenagers. My bad. The solution is to be super harsh when they are too little to understand it. If you do that, they will be less irritating, and you might be able to find it in your heart to be kind, cheerful, sympathetic and playful with them from time to time.  (That's because their behaviour will already be perfect, because of the ingrained fear of pain from infancy.) So, you see, it's the intolerance and child-hitting that makes the good times possible! Yay! I never tried it, because I'm inherently so mean that we didn't really work in any of the recommended warm fuzzy moments, but I'm sure it will work for the rest of you."

[polecat]

Quote

 

Unfortunately, I cut the strings with my oldest daughter when she was younger. As she was growing up and was going through the difficult teenage years of insecurity, instead of drawing her to me through affection and love, I pushed her away from me by being upset often with her.

"It's okay, Mom. It's not your fault. It was my problem."

How does a parent break those strings? By being harsh, mean, argumentative, distant, cold, aloof, upset, and/or  not affectionate with their children. 

 If you have not disciplined your children and you grow to almost despise your children because of their disrespect towards you ...

However, it is never too late to restore broken strings. Begin by showering love and warmth upon your children. 

 

 

I read this, and my heart drops through my stomach. I feel so sick for her oldest daughter. Even in this little "commentary" she blames her daughter for their "broken strings" by saying she despised her daughter not because she was a shitty mother but because her daughter was disrespectful.

Not going to say much more beyond this:

Acting out/incident phase --> honeymoon/reconciliation phase --> calm --> tension building --> incident/acting out --> honeymoon/reconciliation phase --> calm --> tension building ... and so on.

I wish I could tell her daughter: It. Wasn't. Your. Fault. It was never your fault.

[Hisey]

Lori's post today confused me. I have a teenage daughter I struggle with. She is a wonderful girl, I love her so much, and I try so hard to be kind (even before Lori advised this). But my daughter responds with rudeness, disrespect, impatience and true meanness. To me, mostly, but to other family members as well.

I've actually tried Lori's method and my teen seems to get worse, taking advantage of whatever kind thing I am doing, or brushing off any caring on my part. Still, kindness and affection. . . how can that be bad? 

We didn't use Lori's "break'em-with-a-strap" method when she was little. In fact, we never hit her at all. Lori would say that was the problem.

[polecat]

1 minute ago, Hisey said:

Lori's post today confused me. I have a teenage daughter I struggle with. She is a wonderful girl, I love her so much, and I try so hard to be kind (even before Lori advised this). But my daughter responds with rudeness, disrespect, impatience and true meanness. To me, mostly, but to other family members as well.

I've actually tried Lori's method and my teen seems to get worse, taking advantage of whatever kind thing I am doing, or brushing off any caring on my part. Still, kindness and affection. . . how can that be bad? 

We didn't use Lori's "break'em-with-a-strap" method when she was little. In fact, we never hit her at all. Lori would say that was the problem.

1

off-topic and bbm -- Well, I think this is something of a teen thing to a degree -- but I also think that people, in general, take whatever bad moods out on the people with whom they feel safest. In your daughter's case, that's mom. My oldest son is, most of the time, a joy, but he's having teen-y moments now where he's just utterly obnoxious, and yes, I take the brunt of his obnoxiousness. I don't respond in kind and certainly don't despise him (the way Lori seems to've despised her daughter). I just keep on loving him patiently. It's not easy being a teen. That doesn't mean I tolerate bad behavior, but I do understand his moodiness and try to give him a bit more space when he needs it. 

[2xx1xy1JD]

15 minutes ago, Hisey said:

Lori's post today confused me. I have a teenage daughter I struggle with. She is a wonderful girl, I love her so much, and I try so hard to be kind (even before Lori advised this). But my daughter responds with rudeness, disrespect, impatience and true meanness. To me, mostly, but to other family members as well.

I've actually tried Lori's method and my teen seems to get worse, taking advantage of whatever kind thing I am doing, or brushing off any caring on my part. Still, kindness and affection. . . how can that be bad? 

We didn't use Lori's "break'em-with-a-strap" method when she was little. In fact, we never hit her at all. Lori would say that was the problem.

I've got 2 teens and tween, and feel your pain.

So far, my approach is to clarify what respectful behavior looks like, while not taking any moods personally and trying to connect where possible.  I know, easier said than done.

So, imagine the kitchen is messy.  We have the following conversation:

- MOOOOOM!!  Get down here!  The place is a total pigsty!  Why are you so lazy?  I can't cope with all this mess!

- Girl 1, please lower your voice.  Yes, there are dishes in the sink and some stuff on the counter.  I notice that there are 5 people living in this house, and nobody other than me seems to know where the dishwasher is.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that some of these dishes are yours.

-  IT'S EXAM TIME!  I'M TOO BUSY TO CLEAN UP!

- I appreciate that you are studying hard, and we are proud of you.  I'm also busy at work and have things to do, but if all of us work together, it won't take long to keep things cleaner.  By the way, I know you want to go away to university, and you will be living with roommates and there won't be any magic cleaning fairies to take care of the mess, even during exams.

It's a work in progress, but I'm trying not to use words like "spoiled" or "entitled", and to use words like "grateful" and "helpful" instead, and to also focus some attention on the stuff she does right (she really does study and work hard).

At the same time, I'm not doing her any favors if she grows up thinking that it's okay to speak like that to the people around you, because any future roommate or partner won't tolerate it.

[Koala]

The comment section is embarrassingly empty lately.  I bet Lori is fit to be tied.  Prepare for an influx of rants about those "popular" women preachers/teachers/ministers.  2 comments in the last 2 days and 1 of them belongs to Lori.

[Hisey]

4 hours ago, 2xx1xy1JD said:

I've got 2 teens and tween, and feel your pain.

So far, my approach is to clarify what respectful behavior looks like, while not taking any moods personally and trying to connect where possible.  I know, easier said than done.

So, imagine the kitchen is messy.  We have the following conversation:

- MOOOOOM!!  Get down here!  The place is a total pigsty!  Why are you so lazy?  I can't cope with all this mess!

- Girl 1, please lower your voice.  Yes, there are dishes in the sink and some stuff on the counter.  I notice that there are 5 people living in this house, and nobody other than me seems to know where the dishwasher is.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that some of these dishes are yours.

-  IT'S EXAM TIME!  I'M TOO BUSY TO CLEAN UP!

- I appreciate that you are studying hard, and we are proud of you.  I'm also busy at work and have things to do, but if all of us work together, it won't take long to keep things cleaner.  By the way, I know you want to go away to university, and you will be living with roommates and there won't be any magic cleaning fairies to take care of the mess, even during exams.

It's a work in progress, but I'm trying not to use words like "spoiled" or "entitled", and to use words like "grateful" and "helpful" instead, and to also focus some attention on the stuff she does right (she really does study and work hard).

At the same time, I'm not doing her any favors if she grows up thinking that it's okay to speak like that to the people around you, because any future roommate or partner won't tolerate it.

Thanks, and thanks Polecat, too, for your advice.  It does help to hear from other parents!

I try not to use words like "entitled" and "spoiled", too, but they certainly come into my mind. Right now, she is being super-nice to me, but it's because she wants something. Do other teens do that, too? Somehow, they don't know how transparent they are.

Anyhow, sorry to derail the thread. Back to Alyssa. I always felt she was scapegoated in that family. The others, Cassi and Ryan and Steven, seem so beaten down, while she seemed very strong-willed. She seems the happiest now, too (though she does seem to take a lot of photos of herself, and I really don't dig that fake blond hair). I think she had trouble in Lori's house for multiple reasons:

1. She was a girl, not a boy. Enough said there.

2. She was the oldest. Parents are often hardest on the oldest; they haven't learned yet that a lot of stuff doesn't matter.

3. she was strong-willed. Not a positive in the Alexander household

4. She was homeschooled through most of high school. Gave her a chance to bump up against Lori a lot.

5. I don't think she is particularly religious (just a hunch, based on Ken's comments about his kids)

 

2 hours ago, Koala said:

The comment section is embarrassingly empty lately.  I bet Lori is fit to be tied.  Prepare for an influx of rants about those "popular" women preachers/teachers/ministers.  2 comments in the last 2 days and 1 of them belongs to Lori.

I think she gets the most comments when she focuses on trashing women. Then all her readers suddenly have plenty to say.

It's like Sunshine Mary. When she writes a post that criticizes women, this allows her basement-dwelling followers to write comments that call women "skanks." I call it the Skank Score. Her latest post, about her ducklings' first swim, has a very low Skank Score. In fact, she is so into gardening and non-misygnistic topics lately that I think her basement-dwellers are growing restless. She needs to write a high Skank Score post, like one about "the carousel" or whether young girls should live in college dorms.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I feel genuinely sorry for Alyssa right now.  They've mentioned that she's struggling with infertility, and the idea of her being expected to smile at a double baby shower, with 3 niblings running around, has to be torture for her.

Let's remember that Lori is the sensitive mom who responded to Alyssa's instagram of her cute new puppy by saying that babies were even better.  Way to rub salt in that wound.

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, 2xx1xy1JD said:

I feel genuinely sorry for Alyssa right now.  They've mentioned that she's struggling with infertility, and the idea of her being expected to smile at a double baby shower, with 3 niblings running around, has to be torture for her.

Let's remember that Lori is the sensitive mom who responded to Alyssa's instagram of her cute new puppy by saying that babies were even better.  Way to rub salt in that wound.

Yeah, I thought the same thing. My husband is sterile, and baby showers used to be hard on me, too. I hold out the hope that Alyssa really doesn't want kids, and she just tells her mom they are infertile in order to shut her up.

That's what I'd do, if Lori were my mom. I can't see Lori understanding that Alyssa would prefer to be chldfree.

Of course, I have no way of knowing this is true, I just hoped it so Alyssa wouldn't have any pain at those showers.

[iheartchacos]

Evidently, her book is a go. The person working on Stephen Curry's book will be working on hers....and isn't it sweet?!!! The Currys are just so Christian and cute.

[Free Jana Duggar]

On 6/4/2016 at 7:18 PM, kpmom said:

Don't you have a church that can support you???  How about extended family??

 

Of course. We all know churches and extended family members have unlimited resources.

Lori preaches about churches supporting widows. Does she tithe 10% so her chururh will have the funds?

When James 1:27 speaks of caring for widows and orphans, I don't believe he meant able bodied adults. He meant the elderly 80 year old lady who is unable to mow her lawn or clean her house. Take her some food. Drive her to her Dr. appt.   Wonder when Lori last scrubbed a widow's toilet or paid her light bill.

[docmom]

On ‎6‎/‎4‎/‎2016 at 0:34 PM, desertvixen said:

Lori:

His own words have betrayed him, Rebecca. I have watched the debates and his interviews. He is not a kind man. He is a bully and mean. It is tragic that we have no decent men running for the highest position in our land. I pray weekly for our country. I know prayer is powerful and I trust the Lord.

And He has sent you an Oompah Loompah and a strong woman...

[lilwriter85]

10 hours ago, Hisey said:

Yeah, I thought the same thing. My husband is sterile, and baby showers used to be hard on me, too. I hold out the hope that Alyssa really doesn't want kids, and she just tells her mom they are infertile in order to shut her up.

That's what I'd do, if Lori were my mom. I can't see Lori understanding that Alyssa would prefer to be chldfree.

Of course, I have no way of knowing this is true, I just hoped it so Alyssa wouldn't have any pain at those showers.

A part of me has suspected that something like this may be happening. Whether Alyssa is actually struggling with infertility or desires to be child-free, I wonder if Lori would push Alyssa and Jon onto the topic of adopting.

9 hours ago, iheartchacos said:

Evidently, her book is a go. The person working on Stephen Curry's book will be working on hers....and isn't it sweet?!!! The Currys are just so Christian and cute.

Ugh it pisses me off that her book is a go. She is so fucking awful. I hope she somehow shoots herself in the foot when it comes to doing promo/publicity for her book.

[EyeQueue]

8 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Lori preaches about churches supporting widows. Does she tithe 10% so her chururh will have the funds?

I thought she has straight-up admitted she and Ken do not tithe to their church (?).

If that is the case, then that's one more check-mark in the "Hypocritical ass" column that is already getting ridiculously crowded.

[lilwriter85]

6 hours ago, EyeQueue said:

I thought she has straight-up admitted she and Ken do not tithe to their church (?).

If that is the case, then that's one more check-mark in the "Hypocritical ass" column that is already getting ridiculously crowded.

Yup, they admitted that they don't tithe. I can't remember their reasoning. I doubt that they would donate money or goods to any private charities that might assist widows and their families. I've said it before, but I don't think Ken or Lori are very giving people. Let's not forget that Ken has stated that he wouldn't help one of his adult children if they were struggling financially.

Lori and her fangirls have tried to push the whole "churches should support widows" stuff before. Many churches will people who are going through rough times for several months. But I can't see many of those same churches supporting widows and families for years. My aunt worked for Catholic Charities for several years and they would get referrals from different pastors to help out people attending their churches. There is only so much churches can do and many widowed women with kids wouldn't want to be dependent on churches for years.  At one point, Lori also pushed for widows to remarry as soon as possible. Of course, she doesn't consider the possible issues associated with that or the fact that it takes some widowed women several years to feel comfortable being in relationships again.