Erika Shupe *glower pout* Large Families on Purpose Part 5

[Granwych]

8 hours ago, Jingerbread said:

What is her plan for when her sons are heads of households themselves and don't know what to do when they encounter stuff she considers questionable.

 

And I would LOOOOOOOVE to see her march into a college and tell a professor to give her adult-kid something else to read.  

A friend of my kid's was a student advisor at their college.  He used to tell us about parents who would call and demand a later in the day class for their kids who were just not "morning people."  And "who does their laundry?"  It was a really good, then sobering,  laugh.

58 minutes ago, pnwgypsy said:

2 things. I work in higher ed. More than once a parent has contacted us about their kid....trying to find a summer job & trying to get faculty recommendation letters for grad school. Our receptionist tells the parent the student must do that themselves. Lol.

Second, I'm tempted to ask if the Shupe kids will be going to college or if this worry is for naught.

Oh, please do!!  And tell us what the answer is!!

[iweartanktops]

Thanks for the stories, guys! I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am! I'm trying to imagine asking my parents to contact a professor for me when I was in college. I just can't do it. They didn't raise me to go around asking to be treated like a Speshul Snowflake! 

The story about not being a morning person is particularly troubling! I blame the parents. 

[Granwych]

Just now, iweartanktops6 said:

Thanks for the stories, guys! I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am! I'm trying to imagine asking my parents to contact a professor for me when I was in college. I just can't do it. They didn't raise me to go around asking to be treated like a Speshul Snowflake! 

The story about not being a morning person is particularly troubling! I blame the parents. 

Absolutely for sure.  It's even more troubling if you know the kids didn't actually ask the parents to intervene, but the parents did so on their own.  My kid would have been mortified if I even asked a parking attendant where the kid could park on campus.

[refugee]

1 hour ago, pnwgypsy said:

2 things. I work in higher ed. More than once a parent has contacted us about their kid....trying to find a summer job & trying to get faculty recommendation letters for grad school. Our receptionist tells the parent the student must do that themselves. Lol.

Second, I'm tempted to ask if the Shupe kids will be going to college or if this worry is for naught.

I read an article (Huffpost, maybe?) when one of the teens was writing a research paper on helicopter parenting, that talked about the growing problem of helicopter parents of college kids. I knew a guy teaching a college IT class once, who talked about the mom who came in with her son, demanding that the unmotivated (as in late to turn in assignments, doing a half-assed job) son's grade be changed to an A or better yet, an A+, and threatening to have the instructor fired if the grade wasn't changed.

[Granwych]

4 minutes ago, refugee said:

I read an article (Huffpost, maybe?) when one of the teens was writing a research paper on helicopter parenting, that talked about the growing problem of helicopter parents of college kids. I knew a guy teaching a college IT class once, who talked about the mom who came in with her son, demanding that the unmotivated (as in late to turn in assignments, doing a half-assed job) son's grade be changed to an A or better yet, an A+, and threatening to have the instructor fired if the grade wasn't changed.

I am not at all surprised, just saddened. 

[refugee]

As to the high school reading list... I must admit, I did not include Animal Farm, 1984, The Jungle (which was actually junior high reading, as I recall, not high school), or Lord of the Flies on our reading list. Those books traumatized me as a teen. I did, however, tell the kids briefly about them in our homeschool days, told them that they might want to read them later, on their own, for the sake of... whatever. 

It was for my own mental health. Yeah, I'm selfish. But each of them has a library card, and free access to Wikipedia, too, among all the other wonders of the Web. If they *really* wanted to read those books, they could. (And one did, along with a few of the other books I hated, like The Great Gatsby, after seeing the movie, and The Grapes of Wrath.)

I don't care a whole lot for "improving" books (though I really liked Catcher in the Rye in school, for some reason, I don't remember why. I remember it as a bright spot in a depressing series of required reading). My literary taste leans more towards escaping reality, actually.

I also told one kid (the one with the worst struggle against depression) that if those books were assigned in a high school class, it was negotiable. (As in, it might be allowable in my eyes to read the SparkNotes version on that one, if needed, to get by in class. So, yeah, IOW, I told the kid I thought it might be okay to cheat in such an instance, though I offered to talk to the teacher about it, first, if the kid wanted me. Funny thing, though -- I never *did* talk to the teachers, except at the parent conference night. The kid handled all interactions, including asking for letters of recommendation when job-hunting.)

 

 

[Gimme a Free RV]

I also work in higher education and at our public institution, parents are not allowed to speak on behalf of their college-aged adult child.  (This may vary for students who receive assistance from disability services.  I don't know.)  But, yes.  We'd get calls all the time:  "Our son is taking a class in your department and ...."  We have to stop the parents and inform them that we must speak with the student personally.  One dad called me and the conversation started out this way.  Then he says,  "OK.  Let's say I have a friend whose son is attending your university..."

As the parent of a college-aged child, I do not have access to my child's schedule, grades, account balance, or financial aid status unless my child signs a waiver form.  Don't get me wrong.  The university will GLADLY take my money any day, any time, but I'm not allowed to know anything about my child's status as a student.

[feministxtian]

I had to read 1984, Brave New World, Catcher in the Rye, A Separate Peace, Lord of the Flies, and so on in high school. My kids didn't stay in high school long enough to have to read any of them (they all dropped out between 9th and 10th grade). However, there were copies at home, I'd make reference to them, and they'd read them. 

My brats dropped out because they had had enough of "education" and the pandering to the lowest common denominator. They all have GEDs and 2 of the 3 are now college grads. 

[Hane]

4 hours ago, Gimme a Free RV said:

 

As the parent of a college-aged child, I do not have access to my child's schedule, grades, account balance, or financial aid status unless my child signs a waiver form.  Don't get me wrong.  The university will GLADLY take my money any day, any time, but I'm not allowed to know anything about my child's status as a student.

Being a Bitch Mother from Hell, I simply told my daughter I wouldn't be mailing in any checks unless she signed the form giving me access to her grades. I was making a sizable financial investment, so I felt I had a stake in the status of her progress.

[Jingerbread]

8 minutes ago, Hane said:

Being a Bitch Mother from Hell, I simply told my daughter I wouldn't be mailing in any checks unless she signed the form giving me access to her grades. I was making a sizable financial investment, so I felt I had a stake in the status of her progress.

This is fair.  It's also very different than parents who go helicoptering and demand special assignments and unearned grades.  If you're paying, I think you have every single right to make sure your kid isn't slacking off and wasting your money.

[lawlifelgbt]

13 minutes ago, Jingerbread said:

This is fair.  It's also very different than parents who go helicoptering and demand special assignments and unearned grades.  If you're paying, I think you have every single right to make sure your kid isn't slacking off and wasting your money.

I think from my perspective- having had a perfectionist mother but also hating people who use college to party- that's fair as long as you aren't watching every assignment. That puts a lot of pressure on a kid to never have an off day, and to be great at everything,

Final grades though? Or mid-term and final? Totally okay. I wouldn't want college kids to slack either. But don't metaphorically stand over their shoulder and pressure them by looking at every assignment. That is helicoptering.

[QuiverDance]

On 2/9/2016 at 1:51 PM, Crocoduck said:

Do pickles count as a vegetable?

Yes.  That is my story, and I am sticking to it.  

[THERetroGamerNY]

I hate that picture of her kid reading in that office chair. It just looks uncomfortable. :/

[Letgo]

6 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I had to read 1984, Brave New World, Catcher in the Rye, A Separate Peace, Lord of the Flies, and so on in high school.

I read all those books, too. A Separate Peace remains one of my favorite books of all time. I reread it every couple of years. So many good books Erica's kids will never even know about, let alone read and discuss.

[Hane]

2 hours ago, lawlifelgbt said:

I think from my perspective- having had a perfectionist mother but also hating people who use college to party- that's fair as long as you aren't watching every assignment. That puts a lot of pressure on a kid to never have an off day, and to be great at everything,

Final grades though? Or mid-term and final? Totally okay. I wouldn't want college kids to slack either. But don't metaphorically stand over their shoulder and pressure them by looking at every assignment. That is helicoptering.

In our case, it was just final grades. She had a partial scholarship, and needed to stay on the dean's list to keep it. Without the scholarship, we couldn't afford to keep her there.

[Jingerbread]

3 hours ago, lawlifelgbt said:

I think from my perspective- having had a perfectionist mother but also hating people who use college to party- that's fair as long as you aren't watching every assignment. That puts a lot of pressure on a kid to never have an off day, and to be great at everything,

Final grades though? Or mid-term and final? Totally okay. I wouldn't want college kids to slack either. But don't metaphorically stand over their shoulder and pressure them by looking at every assignment. That is helicoptering.

Right.  Students shouldn't worry about the occasional weak assignment, or getting in trouble if they did the bare minimum the week of an illness, but at least a passing overall grade.  People who want to know the grade of individual assignments need to get lives.  Grades were very important to my dad (nothing under a B was acceptable, and even with that, no more than one B per report card), but I'm very grateful that major test, midterms, and final grades were what ended up mattering.

[lawlifelgbt]

59 minutes ago, Jingerbread said:

 Right.  Students shouldn't worry about the occasional weak assignment, or getting in trouble if they did the bare minimum the week of an illness, but at least a passing overall grade.  People who want to know the grade of individual assignments need to get lives.  Grades were very important to my dad (nothing under a B was acceptable, and even with that, no more than one B per report card), but I'm very grateful that major test, midterms, and final grades were what ended up mattering.

You're lucky. My parents looked at every assignment till college and my mom's friend (who had a son at my undergrad), demanded his login info to check every assignment grade. And before college, I wasn't allowed to get a B+. Maybe an A- in math, my worst subject, but otherwise only As or extreme ire.

[ViolaSebastian]

3 hours ago, THERetroGamerNY said:

I hate that picture of her kid reading in that office chair. It just looks uncomfortable. :/

Why isn't he sprawled out on the sofa behind him?! Did Erika turn her children into masochists?! So many questions...

ETA my story of helicopter parenting: I have a good friend who is a sociology professor at a university in the south. Several parents (not just one...) have called him to complain about the fact that he was teaching about Karl Marx and Marxism in his classes. Not endorsing Maxism or handing out little red books, just teaching the kids about his influence on sociological thought. He now gives a disclaimer that you don't have to buy what Marx is selling when he comes up in classes. That got a big old 'WTF' from me.

[THERetroGamerNY]

Yeah, that sofa is right there!

Also, what is a partial scholarship?

[Granwych]

7 minutes ago, lawlifelgbt said:

You're lucky. My parents looked at every assignment till college and my mom's friend (who had a son at my undergrad), demanded his login info to check every assignment grade. And before college, I wasn't allowed to get a B+. Maybe an A- in math, my worst subject, but otherwise only As or extreme ire.

I told dd that I knew she was intelligent and could get good grades.  Being on the honor roll and dean's list were more of a pride thing for me than her,  but I was content with her making the effort to understand her subjects and to keep up with her classes. 

[Jingerbread]

4 hours ago, lawlifelgbt said:

You're lucky. My parents looked at every assignment till college and my mom's friend (who had a son at my undergrad), demanded his login info to check every assignment grade. And before college, I wasn't allowed to get a B+. Maybe an A- in math, my worst subject, but otherwise only As or extreme ire.

That one-B-at-most rule only came about because I was in all AP classes from freshman year, and then one week happened where all of my classes were having a big test on the same day.  We usually found out on Mondays about tests, unless they were midterms.  I ended up sick from all the coffee I was drinking to stay up all night.  After that, I could get a B, and that was enough of a relief to make it so much easier.  

I also learned to hate how our valedictorian system didn't take into consideration the difficulty of classes.

[KylieJenner]

Wow reading these stories make me grateful for my parents. They were okay with my Cs and Ds. Anytime I got an A or B, it was a big deal at my house. I always had a really hard time at school because I have a chronic illness. Before anything was diagnosed, I spent a lot of time at the doctor/hospital.  So I think they were just relieved I never had to be held back a year.

My big brother, on the other hand, was an A+ student. I remember when he had a B on his report card when he was in junior high and he thought it was the end of the world. 

[imokit]

If my parents linked grades to money I wouldn'the have finished my degree.  

I failed first year and had to resit my exams a few weeks later. Then passed the following five, gradually getting further above the passmark each time. 

This wasn't because I was slacking, but because the course was hard and it took a long term to work out how to pass the tests. 

When people link funding to grades, I feel awful as had that happened to me,  I wouldn't be working my professional job using my degree. 

Yes it's your money and if your kid is doing nothing but partying that's one thing.  Otherwise support them, grades aren't the most important thing to come out of a degree. For me going into the exam rooms were hard enough with the aim of passing, having to get a certain grade on top may have tipped me over the edge!

[KylieJenner]

2 hours ago, imokit said:

Yes it's your money and if your kid is doing nothing but partying that's one thing.  Otherwise support them, grades aren't the most important thing to come out of a degree. For me going into the exam rooms were hard enough with the aim of passing, having to get a certain grade on top may have tipped me over the edge!

True that! I think the saying goes: C's get degrees.

I actually went to cosmetology school instead of college, and I loved it. Passing the state cosmetology exam on the first try was a great confidence booster for me given the fact that I barely got by in HS, and half of my class had failed it.

I never actually got a job in a salon, but I'm happy where I am. I found a job that pays well and I only work 3-4 days a week, so I can't complain.

[wotdancer]

I also work at a college, and recently our resident FERPA expert told us that there's a loophole where (as long as the student is a dependent on his/her parents' taxes) the parents have the right to view the student's academic info. Granted, the impetus to prove the student's dependency on tax forms is on the parents, but once they give that proof to the school it doesn't matter if the student refused to allow parental access to grades, because the school has to give it. I'm hoping we get some federal guidance on the issue soon, because I can see this becoming a very sticky issue!