The Right Kind of Christian

[libriatrix]

21 minutes ago, Gimme a Free RV said:

SERIOUSLY?  Someone thinks rape can't result in pregnancy?  Interesting, since I've heard interviews with children who were the products of rape and mothers who, in spite of getting pregnant from rape, decided to keep their babies.

Tell me I'm understanding this wrong.

Oh man, you missed hearing about that back when it happened? I'm almost jealous of you; it was one of the scariest news stories of 2012. One hopes that Todd Akin is alone in this belief or that there is some other way to understand him but he's refused to recant the claim that the trauma of rape causes women's bodies to shut down the processes that enable conception/implantation, or the inference that any woman who does conceive after what she said was a rape must not have been traumatized and therefore it must not have been a rape. It gives me the chills to think how many others might agree.

7 minutes ago, GenerationCedarchip said:

Having grown up uber-Reformed, I had to smile. Reformed won't try to convert you, but the good ones will pray for you. The unkind ones will just smirk.

 

I also grew up Reformed and maybe the difference here is our different groups, but I have to take some issue with "Reformed won't try to convert you". In my experience, there's not a lot of emphasis on evangelism but a lot of emphasis on witnessing to people in your lives, support of missionaries, and definitely the assumption that people can and should be converted. It's just not prioritized or taught as the job of every Christian to go door-to-door.

[DomWackTroll]

Just to make it clear, I was talking about Reformed extremists in my previous post. Hyper Calvinists. 

[libriatrix]

4 minutes ago, DomWackTroll said:

Just to make it clear, I was talking about Reformed extremists in my previous post. Hyper Calvinists. 

Ok, yeah, and I was talking about plain ol' Calvinists. GenerationCedarchip, were you talking about hyperCalvinists too? Sorry if I overreacted; it's a sore point of mine when people think every flavor of Calvinism thinks witnessing to people is a waste of time, because it's honestly not true. 

[DomWackTroll]

1 minute ago, libriatrix said:

Ok, yeah, and I was talking about plain ol' Calvinists. GenerationCedarchip, were you talking about hyperCalvinists too? Sorry if I overreacted; it's a sore point of mine when people think every flavor of Calvinism thinks witnessing to people is a waste of time, because it's honestly not true. 

No, no-- you didn't overreact. I should have been more clear in my post.  

[iweartanktops]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, everyone! I hope to read more thoughts on this (and share). I think about it a lot. I was raised conservative, non-denomination Christian. At this point I would classify myself as questioning at best. Probably closer to atheist. I really don't know. Anyway, I was never really interested in converting people, but I always liked discussing different beliefs and views. I think my open mind always made my extremely devout mother nervous. Anyway, carry on.   

 

[Black Aliss]

14 hours ago, OodOnTheLoo said:

I remember in the first special they were interviewing Jill about all the questions the family gets asked and she listed, "Are you Pentecostal?" as one of them.  I got the impression they weren't but I wonder what that is code for?

i think they are all thinking they are not just the right, but best kind of kind of Christians.  Actually, all religions do this, right?  Clothes, headwear, lingo, haircuts....using purpose as a verb.

 

Well! I was taught that if you can't speak in tongues you are not a Real Christian.

It is the very definition of fundamentalism, be it religious or dietary, that everyone who does it differently from your identified group is doing it wrong. So, assuming hell does exist:

• there exists more than one sect that says everyone else is going to hell
• one cannot belong to more than one sect

therefore everyone is going to hell. And that is how I will respond to a Maxwell, should I ever have the misfortune to be accosted by one. Unless it's Lolli, in which case I will just turn tail and run, stifling a scream. Clowns scare me.

[iweartanktops]

So, let's say you're approached by Derrick and Jill Dillard. They ask if you know Jesus or whatever. What do you think would be a sufficient answer to give them? I'm not convinced that telling them, "I'm a Christian." would be enough (assuming they give two shits). 

[19 cats and counting]

3 hours ago, Gimme a Free RV said:

 I can't imagine, for example, that God is at all pleased with people like John Shrader, PP and Zsu, and the like telling Christians that they are going to hell.

 

I can't imagine that God is pleased with a lot of people that call themselves Christians.  You think God would approve of the actions of sexual predators like Josh Duggar or Bill Gothard?

[Eternalbluepearl]

Why would christians such as Jill and Derek care if someone else was saved? It's not like a Tupperware party where the more people you get to sign up, the more free stuff you get. Can't you just live and let live? Believe what you want and trust others to do the same? 

[browncoatslytherin]

Why would christians such as Jill and Derek care if someone else was saved? It's not like a Tupperware party where the more people you get to sign up, the more free stuff you get. Can't you just live and let live? Believe what you want and trust others to do the same? 

for evangelical fundies, converting others to their brand is super important, there is no just leaving people alone. people were going to hell, damnit, and true compassionate christians should care about those souls! smh.

when i was little, the amount of people you helped get saved were equated to jewels in a crown (so therefore wouldn't you want to have a pretty crown and not end up ashamed in heaven with a plain or sparse one?). very guilt-trippy. i wouldn't be a bit surprised if soul winning was presented to them like this when they were young.

[dianapavelovna]

This joke is funny because it's pretty close to reality...

Quote

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off. 

(I copied it from here because I can never remember the exact details )

[dpndetfarm]

1 hour ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Why would christians such as Jill and Derek care if someone else was saved? It's not like a Tupperware party where the more people you get to sign up, the more free stuff you get. Can't you just live and let live? Believe what you want and trust others to do the same? 

Actually you are wrong and, i might add, quite ignorant. If you save 100 people in your lifetime your wings get turbo boost. And of course EVERYONE KNOWS that if you save 1000 people in your lifetime your wings become pink.

[browncoatslytherin]

25 minutes ago, dpndetfarm said:

Actually you are wrong and, i might add, quite ignorant. If you save 100 people in your lifetime your wings get turbo boost. And of course EVERYONE KNOWS that if you save 1000 people in your lifetime your wings become pink.

5,000 souls and you get sparkles and can shoot rainbows out of your ass

[dpndetfarm]

1 minute ago, browncoatslytherin said:

5,000 souls and you get sparkles and can shoot rainbows out of your ass

10,000 and your halo glows in the dark!

[Fascinated]

4 hours ago, FundiesInParis said:

Wow, what a list. I don't even know the answers to all of these things for my fiance and we've been together for almost 4 years now.

I don't know my own answers and I've known me my whole life!

 

[Firiel]

2 hours ago, iweartanktops6 said:

So, let's say you're approached by Derrick and Jill Dillard. They ask if you know Jesus or whatever. What do you think would be a sufficient answer to give them? I'm not convinced that telling them, "I'm a Christian." would be enough (assuming they give two shits). 

With many fundamentalists, I think "Christian enough to get to heaven" and "the right kind of Christian" are two different categories.  So with Derrick and Jill, a gay Christian is probably not a Christian at all, nor is a straight Christian who is LGBT-friendly.  But a conservative Christian who isn't skirts only and is divorced is probably Christian enough to go to heaven, but still not the "right" kind of Christian (like, they wouldn't want one of "those" Christians marrying into their family).

[quiversR4hunting]

39 minutes ago, dpndetfarm said:

Actually you are wrong and, i might add, quite ignorant. If you save 100 people in your lifetime your wings get turbo boost. And of course EVERYONE KNOWS that if you save 1000 people in your lifetime your wings become pink.

13 minutes ago, browncoatslytherin said:

5,000 souls and you get sparkles and can shoot rainbows out of your ass

10 minutes ago, dpndetfarm said:

10,000 and your halo glows in the dark!

Man, I would have hated to be The Right kind of Christian (tm) back in the small town I grew up near back in the pioneer days! There was and still is only about 350 people in the town and it has 4 or 5 churches and I grew up 5 miles from town. I wouldn't have been able to get my turbo boosted wings. Back in the pioneer days (horse buggy) a 5 mile trek into town would have been an all day affair!

Think of the poor The Right kind of Christian (tm) in Dodge City back in the wild west days, they wouldn't have been able to even look at heaven because those people were just never going to be The Right kind of Christian (tm). They might have been lucky to save one poor soul. <tsk, tsk>

 

[dpndetfarm]

34 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Man, I would have hated to be The Right kind of Christian (tm) back in the small town I grew up near back in the pioneer days! There was and still is only about 350 people in the town and it has 4 or 5 churches and I grew up 5 miles from town. I wouldn't have been able to get my turbo boosted wings. Back in the pioneer days (horse buggy) a 5 mile trek into town would have been an all day affair!

Think of the poor The Right kind of Christian (tm) in Dodge City back in the wild west days, they wouldn't have been able to even look at heaven because those people were just never going to be The Right kind of Christian (tm). They might have been lucky to save one poor soul. <tsk, tsk>

 

I'm pretty sure there is a handicapping system in place for folks living in an area with less than 50,000 people in a forty mile radius. Think of it as a golfing for god type deal.

[FormerlyFundyLite]

Quote

 

Our family subscribes to the Westminster Confession of Faith and the Shorter and Larger Catechisms as our statement of faith. To what creed or confession do you subscribe? Do you take issue with any part of the Westminster Standards? If so, what?

We are members of the CPC – a reformed Presbyterian denomination. Please read through the Constitution and Form of Church Government I sent earlier and let me know if you disagree with any part of these documents.

 

Oh boy. What if someone answers that they don't follow the traditions of men, but instead follow Jesus?

Quote

 

What is your father’s understanding of Christianity? How would you describe your father’s personal character?

What is your mother’s understanding of Christianity? How would you describe your mother’s personal character?

 

Who cares?! What if they're not believers, and I meet every single one of your criteria to the letter? Do I get rejected because of my parents? Oh man, I just realized that the answer might very well be "yes", and that's not outside the realm of reasonable for them.

Quote

How do you relate to authority in your life? If so, what adjectives would your employers use to describe you?

The second question literally makes no sense if the first question isn't a yes/no question.

Quote

Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should protect a wife and children? How do you feel about guns?

What?! Do guns have no other use? Hunting? Sport shooting? Why is this tied to the protection question, and not a stand-alone. There are other ways to protect a wife and children (from false teaching, for example...)

Quote

What has been your prior experience with dating and romance? Have you ever kissed or been physically intimate in any way with a girl/woman? If so, explain the circumstances.

Does it matter if they've been physically intimate with a boy/man?

Quote

If “your” daughter were marrying “you,” what cautions would you have?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I know what they are getting at, but REALLY?!

Also, I find it amusing that these are only questions that they used for their daughters' suitors. They didn't encourage their son to use them with the woman he pursued?!

 

[Black Aliss]

3 hours ago, iweartanktops6 said:

So, let's say you're approached by Derrick and Jill Dillard. They ask if you know Jesus or whatever. What do you think would be a sufficient answer to give them? 

I'd probably say something like, "Yes, I do. And, by the way, he pronounces it Hey-soose."

[Evangeline]

Jill and Derrick would want to hear that you repented of your sins and asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. That is literally it, and you're in. (Well, you can get into Heaven, but probably not into any church of theirs.) However, to be the "right" kind of Christian, you would mention that you've been baptized (not as a baby), that the KJV is the only acceptable version of the Bible, you only listen to hymns instead of contemporary Christian music, you believe modesty is the greatest virtue and you prove this with your long skirt and hair, you're trusting the Lord with the size of your family and are homeschooling them to avoid the bad influence of public school.

[PennySycamore]

1 hour ago, Black Aliss said:

I'd probably say something like, "Yes, I do. And, by the way, he pronounces it Hey-soose."

@Black Aliss, that is brilliant!  I'll have to remember that in case I ever need it.

[GenerationCedarchip]

6 hours ago, libriatrix said:

Ok, yeah, and I was talking about plain ol' Calvinists. GenerationCedarchip, were you talking about hyperCalvinists too? Sorry if I overreacted; it's a sore point of mine when people think every flavor of Calvinism thinks witnessing to people is a waste of time, because it's honestly not true. 

@libriatrix I was talking about my time in fundiedom, which would be hyperCalvinist. I don't consider all Calvinists/Reformed folk legalistic or fundie by any stretch of the imagination. I'm actually still in a reformed church; just not one that went down the VF rabbithole. And it was very eye-opening for me to see mainstream Calvinists talking about missions and evangelism - that could be a whole post!

[CyborgKin]

Heh, the (rather small) church fellowship I and my family are involved in contains a fair mixture of views on all sorts of topic, including the trinity, age of the earth, and whether Christians should observe the feasts of Israel.  And we all get along alright

[FloraKitty35]

7 hours ago, iweartanktops6 said:

So, let's say you're approached by Derrick and Jill Dillard. They ask if you know Jesus or whatever. What do you think would be a sufficient answer to give them? I'm not convinced that telling them, "I'm a Christian." would be enough (assuming they give two shits). 

Sure, I know Jesus.  I also know Antonio, Alejandro, & Juan.  Oh, thanks for the literature, I was all out of toilet paper.