The Right Kind of Christian

[JaChelle Sugar]

13 hours ago, DomWackTroll said:

As soon as the Reformed hear this phrase, they know you're a heretic at worst and "misguided" at best. The good news is that unlike Arminians, they won't even bother to try to convert you. You're already Elect or non-Elect, and they've got hipster beards to grow and artisanal beers to drink. Have fun rotting in hell. 

You beat me to it.

Or, they'll file you under 'professing Christian', which is to say 'they might be truly saved, and simple in their understanding, or they might not be truly saved'.

[iweartanktops]

6 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

I'd probably say something like, "Yes, I do. And, by the way, he pronounces it Hey-soose."

Fucking hilarious!  

5 hours ago, Evangeline said:

Jill and Derrick would want to hear that you repented of your sins and asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. That is literally it, and you're in. (Well, you can get into Heaven, but probably not into any church of theirs.) However, to be the "right" kind of Christian, you would mention that you've been baptized (not as a baby), that the KJV is the only acceptable version of the Bible, you only listen to hymns instead of contemporary Christian music, you believe modesty is the greatest virtue and you prove this with your long skirt and hair, you're trusting the Lord with the size of your family and are homeschooling them to avoid the bad influence of public school.

To the bolded, I don't for one second, believe this would be enough for them to think you're going to heaven or that you're a real Christian. I think for your average Christian, yes, this is absolutely fine. 

To the rest of it, those probably fit most of the criteria. But here's my issue: in a conversation, do people actually list these things? I guess I'm not communicating my question properly. What's their "code" for yes, wearefundies? I'm guessing part of it is in their appearance. The men are likely in long pants and a sleeved shirt, buttoned high. Women are likely wearing sleeves, too, with a high neck and long skirts, and long hair (unless God gave her a pass à la Erika Shupe). They may or may not be accompanied by eleventy children. But what's the catchphrase that tells them that their homeschooling, KJV reading, hymn listening, soul winners? 

[samira_catlover]

You guys know, the more I read about uber-SUPER-fundy people...the gladder I am to be a Deity-be-damned Goddess-worshipping Pagan who hangs out now and then with those terrible Unitarian Universalists.

How about: "Deity LUVVVVS all the kids--sinful, confused, exploring, awkward, TryingReallyHard, whatever--but your primary code is love and caring, for everything on the Deity's Earth." ?

If an all-powerful Being is gonna clock me into Eternal Heckfire because of my freaking clothing, instead of how I acted towards others, working for love, compassion, and justice...y'know, Hell is looking better and better every hour.

[Evangeline]

17 hours ago, iweartanktops6 said:

Fucking hilarious!  

To the bolded, I don't for one second, believe this would be enough for them to think you're going to heaven or that you're a real Christian. I think for your average Christian, yes, this is absolutely fine. 

To the rest of it, those probably fit most of the criteria. But here's my issue: in a conversation, do people actually list these things? I guess I'm not communicating my question properly. What's their "code" for yes, wearefundies? I'm guessing part of it is in their appearance. The men are likely in long pants and a sleeved shirt, buttoned high. Women are likely wearing sleeves, too, with a high neck and long skirts, and long hair (unless God gave her a pass à la Erika Shupe). They may or may not be accompanied by eleventy children. But what's the catchphrase that tells them that their homeschooling, KJV reading, hymn listening, soul winners? 

Those pretty much ARE the catch phrases. There are others. "Courting," "submission," etc. You could ask for advice on which homeschool curriculum is better, A Beka or BJU, or when is the best time to have your daily devotions. You could mention you covet their prayers.

As to your point, I know most people here think the Duggars think they and their ilk are the only ones going to heaven. As someone who grew up on the fringes of fundie-dom, I really don't think they do. I think they think they're the BEST Christians, and everyone else is either misguided or isn't privileged enough to have the same "convictions" they do. Oh! Convictions! That's another good catch phrase.

[FundieFarmer]

Gahhhh I will come back to this when I'm feeling better, but I love this topic- thanks for starting it!

[SledCat]

If you're an IFB style fundie, your approach is usually the "John 3:16" approach. The most important question is "Do you know Jesus as your personal savior"? God wants you to live forever, just believe in him and you'll be saved!

After we get past that point...bring on the rules and legalism!

eta: And, I agree with @Evangeline. I think people like the Duggars don't really believe they are the only true Christians. But, they might secretly think they will be getting a few more crowns in heaven. Maybe a bigger mansion.

[Cats B4 Quivers]

I'm too lazy to be a married fundie because I skimmed that long list of questions and I need a whiskey and a slab of cake for a recovery snack. My partner and I have been together a little over 20 years and I've never felt like having that much of an in depth conversation. Not even a thoroughly complimentary conversation all about my delightfulness. I would wander away in rather short order. I cannot imagine a pre-courtship questionnaire of that magnitude. I'd rather be a SAHD and see buttons for my brothers' shirts.